Sponsor Message:
Non Aviation Forum
My Starred Topics | Profile | New Topic | Forum Index | Help | Search 
Getting Back Together With The Ex...?  
User currently offlineBlackbird07 From United States of America, joined Oct 2006, 77 posts, RR: 4
Posted (7 years 8 months 5 days 3 hours ago) and read 2324 times:

This is sort of an advice thread I guess, just a bit of reaching out to my new-found community for a few brain jogs...To those who have noticed I've been on hiatus for a bit since first joining, trying to fix a few things in my personal life and busy with work and such. But with the personal life, that's where the below comes in...

Anyway, for the first time I actually want to get back together with an Ex. We dated about a year and a half before things, well, didn't get bad, they just got stagnant. And taking the easy road out, we split instead of trying to make things better and more exciting. Just being together in any form or fashion whether shopping or talking or what have you got old, I guess. Or it seemed to. Perhaps we were both lazy? Not sure. But we ended it in July.

I've gone out with a few men here in the city since that for dinner or a Broadway show, but I found myself missing the bloke in question more and more. And I've never gotten back together with someone. Once its over its over...So I thought. That was my mentality. But I've honestly been quite miserable since we split.

So I guess I'm just reaching out to anyone who has given eachother a second chance, and has it really worked? Are you still together? Did it end just as badly for a second time? I don't want to be setting myself up for heartache again, but I've spent alot of time with him over Thanksgiving holiday to see how things sit on a friendship level, and it just felt so good to be back and not arguing or pointing fingers. I don't think I have Holiday fever and want someone for the impending Christmas lovey dovey season, I think I actually just want to go back and try to make it work...But I suppose I'm afraid.


"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward..."
36 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineL410Turbolet From Czech Republic, joined May 2004, 5680 posts, RR: 19
Reply 1, posted (7 years 8 months 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 2303 times:

Quoting Blackbird07 (Thread starter):
So I guess I'm just reaching out to anyone who has given eachother a second chance, and has it really worked?

No.  no 

Quoting Blackbird07 (Thread starter):
Are you still together?

No.  no 

Quoting Blackbird07 (Thread starter):
Did it end just as badly for a second time?

Yes.  yes 

Quoting Blackbird07 (Thread starter):
I don't want to be setting myself up for heartache again

Then move on, because you're just asking for it.


User currently offlineJakeOrion From United States of America, joined Oct 2005, 1253 posts, RR: 2
Reply 2, posted (7 years 8 months 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 2299 times:

First, here you go:

http://www.handbag.com/relationships/couples/secondtimearound/

My opinion:

Don't do it. I've known many people do this and 99% of them said it actually never works out. Your feeling insecure and going through "I really miss him/her." stage. It takes time to heal. When I read this:

Quoting Blackbird07 (Thread starter):
We dated about a year and a half before things, well, didn't get bad, they just got stagnant.

that normally sends a clear signal to me that the romance is gone. Unless you both try to keep the romance in the relationship, it will end in disaster. To me, it sounds like neither of you tried to keep the romance up, therefore, IMHO, its over. Either way, best wishes and good luck.



Every problem has a simple solution; finding the simple solution is the difficult problem.
User currently offlineIFEMaster From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 3, posted (7 years 8 months 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 2277 times:

No, you shouldn't get back with your ex.

Hey, how about an a.net mini-meet at my place?

Signed,

All the guys on a.net who added you to their RU lists. They added you because you're hot.


User currently offlineBoeing Nut From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 4, posted (7 years 8 months 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 2254 times:

Do what's in your heart, but here's some more evidence that it's probably not a good idea....

Pam and Kid Rock divorcing

Best of luck to you.


User currently offlineBlackbird07 From United States of America, joined Oct 2006, 77 posts, RR: 4
Reply 5, posted (7 years 8 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 2239 times:

Quoting IFEMaster (Reply 3):
Signed,

All the guys on a.net who added you to their RU lists. They added you because you're hot.

Har har.  banghead 



"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward..."
User currently offlineBMIFlyer From UK - England, joined Feb 2004, 8810 posts, RR: 58
Reply 6, posted (7 years 8 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 2234 times:

Heather, I'm not good with advice on issues like this, hell I had to ask for my own advice on here about something similar, quite a long time back.

I'd say "No", because well, I don't see how a 2nd time round can be any better than the first. I mean, why split in the first place in that case?

In the end, it's your choice what you do  Smile

Quoting IFEMaster (Reply 3):
No, you shouldn't get back with your ex.

Hey, how about an a.net mini-meet at my place?

Signed,

All the guys on a.net who added you to their RU lists. They added you because you're hot

 Yeah sure



Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own
User currently offlineEasternSon From United States of America, joined Jun 2006, 667 posts, RR: 1
Reply 7, posted (7 years 8 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 2231 times:

There's an expression I once learned the hard way:

"You can't put spoiled milk back in the fridge..."

See what I'm saying?



"The only people for me are the mad ones...." Jack Kerouac
User currently offlineTRVYYZ From Canada, joined Oct 2004, 1369 posts, RR: 10
Reply 8, posted (7 years 8 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 2221 times:

Quoting Blackbird07 (Thread starter):

You know the guy and if you feel that there is still something in it. Go for it.

There is no general rule on these topics. All you have is statistics and things do work out for those lucky people who don't form a part of the majority.

All the best!!!


User currently offlineTrekster From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 9, posted (7 years 8 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 2215 times:

DONT

I tried that myself, and boy it turned out to be the wrong thing to do, and now will be a while till i can fully trust someone again.


User currently offlineSlamClick From United States of America, joined Nov 2003, 10062 posts, RR: 68
Reply 10, posted (7 years 8 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 2214 times:

Quoting Blackbird07 (Thread starter):
has it really worked?

Hard to say, we've only been back together 21 years. Hell, anything could happen.

Quoting Blackbird07 (Thread starter):
Are you still together?

Yes.

Wife and I, married 14 years, split up. She remarried. I very nearly did. She divorced, I had to step in to help her with issues relating to our kids. We ended up back together. Second marriage is now (to our mutual astonishment) longer by half than the first one.

It was not always easy. Frankly you do carry baggage from the first into the second. You try not to, you intellectually get it that you can't do that, but you do. On the other hand, some things were easier than making the needed adjustments into a new relationship with someone else.

What made it work was the abiding friendship that we both treasured, and which had survived the divorce, and our realistic view that we were probably the best choice for each other. Without those things I think it would have been extremely painful and difficult.

Good luck either way.



Happiness is not seeing another trite Ste. Maarten photo all week long.
User currently offlineA332 From Canada, joined Feb 2005, 1644 posts, RR: 2
Reply 11, posted (7 years 8 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 2206 times:

Not generally a good idea... typically the only thing you will find rewarding is the sexual encounters... but the relationship will still have the same concerns it had when it was called off... I speak from experience.

In fact, I still see an ex occassionally for the 'goods'... but that is it. I can never see the two of us together again.



Bad spellers of the world... UNTIE!
User currently offlineAndesSMF From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 12, posted (7 years 8 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 2197 times:

OK, let me see if I can put my thoughts into good words of explanation.

Your profile says you are 25 or less. I am now 35 and can tell you that you are at an age where you might not be completely sure that this guy is long-term material and vice-versa. I don't know how much experience you have had to know whether you can literally deal with this guy for a long time.

At 25, I was fortunate to have experience that my now wife was what I wanted, and I could deal with her quirks and personality for a long time. I removed all romantic thoughts from my head and tried to see if I could handle the responsibilities.

A marriage (10 years next May) is like a business, you need constant work to keep it all together. You also have to learn to compromise and not worry too much about the little things. Romance is very nice, but it doesn't necessarily help out for a long term.

One other important, and often embarrassing, issue to discuss is the sexual part. Are you comfortable with him? Is the the best you ever had? Are there some things that bother about that now? Those pesky little sexual issues now could become something that is bigger in the future.

As you have noticed, I have not told you what to do, I merely gave you an abbreviated suggestion list to help you determine what you want.


User currently offlineGQfluffy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 13, posted (7 years 8 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 2197 times:

Quoting Blackbird07 (Thread starter):
So I guess I'm just reaching out to anyone who has given eachother a second chance, and has it really worked?

In the two times I've gotten back together with exes, no...

Quoting Blackbird07 (Thread starter):
Are you still together?

Again...no

Quoting Blackbird07 (Thread starter):
Did it end just as badly for a second time?

Actually, No.

LoL, first girl I got back together with, I was still in high school, so this may be a bit more filled with drama then it should be, but here goes... She was away and university; I was still in my last year in high school. We got into a huge fight over the phone, to this day I don't remember what started it, but I am more then sure it was over something extremely childish. She wanted to break up, I didn't want to, so we went on a month or two of a very rocky relationship, and then we finally had it out and everything got better again, for maybe a year or so, with both of us just being together for two reasons (companionship from time to time, and sex...not for love).

With the second girl, I met her online, actually moved across the country to go to school with her (she lives in North Carolina). This was probably stupid...this I know. I was down there about 6 months when my father got shipped overseas to Bahrain. We decided it was best I move back to Montana to be with my mom and sister. We kept it together for almost a year of one-week plane trips, and long phone calls. I go down there the summer of 2004 to spend a couple of weeks with her, and got treated like shat, and got dumped on the curbs of RDU. Fun Fun. I was heart broken, and it took me 2...almost 3 months to get back on my feet emotionally. A few months later we started talking again, and I was stupid enough to think maybe there was still something still there. Flew down there in May of 2005, and while we had fun...in more ways then one Big grin....I came to realize that it was over for a reason...and when I flew out of RDU this time...I was sad...but...content with everything we had talked about and with how we had left things. I still talk to this girl from time to time on messenger, and remain friends with her.

Ok...I guess the point of those two paragraphs is this- You may still have feelings for them, I know I think about my exes all the time. Your memories make you who you are, you will always remember those you love, or have once loved, but as someone once told me...Your exes are exes for a reason...and that reason probably hasn't gone away. If you feel you need him right now in your life, I guess go for it. Shylo here hopes it works for you...cuz it hasn't for him...


User currently offlineYWG From Canada, joined Feb 2001, 1146 posts, RR: 2
Reply 14, posted (7 years 8 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 2190 times:

Quoting Blackbird07 (Thread starter):
Just being together in any form or fashion whether shopping or talking or what have you got old, I guess. Or it seemed to. Perhaps we were both lazy? Not sure.

It sounds like what you needed was a break and some time apart to realize how much you both meant to one another. From what you've said, it sounds like you love the guy. When you can help but wonder what they're doing or who they're seeing you know it's time to give it a second shot. Besides, what's the worst that could happen? It's worth a try, and think about it, you'll be second guessing yourself for a while with "what if" and "had we...".
Go for it, tell him your feelings. I bet he'll feel the same way.

Quoting IFEMaster (Reply 3):
All the guys on a.net who added you to their RU lists. They added you because you're hot.

I'm semi-guilty here. She got my respect a while ago for having the guts to join a male infested internet community.

Best of luck,
Blair



Contact Winnipeg center now on 134.4, good day.
User currently offlineTrekster From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 15, posted (7 years 8 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 2184 times:

Kinda the same for me. I was blindly in love.

I got dumped by txt, no explanation. And still i went back for more. Went out again for a little bit. Then split, and he never called. THEN i find out after we were to meet again to talk and see what would happen next due to the fact him saying he still had feelings for me, i find out the whole relationship was a lie. Dont do it, or u may get stung VERY badly


User currently offlineBlackbird07 From United States of America, joined Oct 2006, 77 posts, RR: 4
Reply 16, posted (7 years 8 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 2158 times:

For those wondering, he does know my feelings, and he's excited about the prospect of trying again. There are no silly promises of forever, or it being better than ever. Just expectations that if we were to do this again, it would be taken slow and we are to TRY.

I feel responsible in part for getting "bored" of him. I know that happens in every relationship and you have to work through it. I instead, at the first inkling, seemingly tossed him aside like a child bored with a toy. That's NOT how I saw it back THEN, but looking back, that's how he saw it and I know how much that hurts. It was a horrid thing on my part. There were mistakes he made too, but I admit I was wrong, and I've admitted to him the same.

When we were together, everything fit as if it were made for he or I. We rarely argued. When we did, it was over something dorky and stupid. I wanted the Star Wars framed print from Bed Bath & Beyond, he wanted the Jaws print. We bought both and I'll be damned if that damn shark didn't grow on me.

Anyway, I don't want to drone on, but each of you speaks from experience or heart and it definitely will make me reflect a bit before taking a step, one way or another. Thanks  

[Edited 2006-11-27 23:15:01]


"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward..."
User currently offlineMadairdrie From United Kingdom, joined Jan 2006, 119 posts, RR: 0
Reply 17, posted (7 years 8 months 5 days ago) and read 2147 times:

I would ignore most of the advice given above, because you cannot compare 2 relationships. So for all those who say it did not work for me - it means nothing about your relationship with this guy. Often it doesnt work getting back with someone but sometimes it does.

Glad to see you are talking it through with him which is the only way to make a relationship work - conversation, and to deal with everything together openly and honestly.

Life is an adventure and sometimes on that adventure we need to take a leap of faith if we are going to move on, and with all leaps we might fall and get hurt (if we do we dust ourselves down and get on with life) or else we make the jump and have a better life. The only other option is to stay staionary and that never works.

I would suggest also the fact you are asking the question probably means you want to go and have a go - so I would go with your feelings

Even if you end up going with him, noone knows what lies in the future and it might not work out in a few months or even a few years. But then it might be the best relationship and you might live happily ever after - there is only one way to find out and that is: - go for it girl!

Kenneth

PS Let us know what you decide!

[Edited 2006-11-27 23:28:58]

User currently offlineBoeing nut From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 18, posted (7 years 8 months 4 days 23 hours ago) and read 2105 times:

Quoting Blackbird07 (Reply 16):

After reading your last post Blackbird, I think I now have to agree with Madairdrie. This sounds like it's just more than a mutual interest, or just wanting to do the "horizontal mombo" again. I now say you guys should try ... but be very open and talk. (which you should do anyways...) Take it slow and voice concerns, but at the same time try to keep the flame lit - so to speak.

I wish I had more advice for you, but you know this situation better that any of us. Best wishes.

B-nut


User currently offlineHalls120 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 19, posted (7 years 8 months 4 days 23 hours ago) and read 2101 times:

Quoting Blackbird07 (Thread starter):
So I guess I'm just reaching out to anyone who has given eachother a second chance, and has it really worked?

Not just no. H*ll no! Perhaps you have a fleeting chance at success since the previous go round didn't end badly, but unless one or both of you have gone thru a significant transformation, the end result is likely going to be the same.

Yes, Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward married, broke up, remarried and have lived happily since. I suspect that is the exception, not the rule.


User currently offlineMiCorazonAzul From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 20, posted (7 years 8 months 4 days 23 hours ago) and read 2097 times:

not even gonna bother reading the whole explanation or details in the opening thread.......simple answer is NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


clear enough?


User currently offlineMiamiair From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 21, posted (7 years 8 months 4 days 23 hours ago) and read 2083 times:

You drive bl looking foreward, through the windshield. You do not drive by looking in the rearview mirror.

Slam has got to be the exception to the rule, in my experience, you just crash and burn.


User currently offlineDavid L From United Kingdom, joined May 1999, 9523 posts, RR: 42
Reply 22, posted (7 years 8 months 4 days 22 hours ago) and read 2071 times:

Nooooo... Choose me!

Signed,
The few straight, male A.netters.

Seriously, I don't see why it should be ruled out, as long as you keep your eyes open (metaphorically, anyway).

Quoting SlamClick (Reply 10):

Wow! Good one  Smile but two anniversaries to remember/forget  Sad .


User currently offlineKmh1956 From Bermuda, joined Jun 2005, 3324 posts, RR: 7
Reply 23, posted (7 years 8 months 4 days 22 hours ago) and read 2070 times:

Quoting AndesSMF (Reply 12):
A marriage (10 years next May) is like a business, you need constant work to keep it all together. You also have to learn to compromise and not worry too much about the little things. Romance is very nice, but it doesn't necessarily help out for a long term.

One other important, and often embarrassing, issue to discuss is the sexual part. Are you comfortable with him? Is the the best you ever had? Are there some things that bother about that now? Those pesky little sexual issues now could become something that is bigger in the future.

Some of the best and most sensible advice I've ever seen.



'Somebody tell me why I'm on my own if there's a soulmate for everyone' :Natasha Bedingfield
User currently offlineDragogoalie From Australia, joined Oct 2001, 1220 posts, RR: 6
Reply 24, posted (7 years 8 months 4 days 22 hours ago) and read 2063 times:

Everyone is being overly negative  Smile

If it feels right, do it. It works for some. But since you're asking here, my advice would be no. Asking here means you have some sort of doubt. And unless you know with 100% certainty that you want to get back together with him and you have a feeling that it WILL work out (though a healthy perspective is always good), don't do it.

"follow your heart" is always a good advice, and I think it fits into this situation perfectly  Smile



Formerly known as Jap. Srsly. AUSTRALIA: 2 days!
25 Post contains images Mir : It's funny because it's true. -Mir
26 Post contains images UH60FtRucker : Why would you want to get back with an Ex... when you have Lee (aka: BMIFlyer). All his ex's say he's hung like a horse. (But I don't know if that's t
27 AndesSMF : I see you were 'busy' in the last few days. Hopefully you used your time well. Riiiight?? That's an interesting story you have, somewhat similar to m
28 Post contains images Blackbird07 : Thanks for all the stories, whether cautionary or heartwarming I appreciate you all sharing them with me. I just feel so stupid for letting him go and
29 Post contains images UH60FtRucker : wtf? -UH60
30 AndesSMF : Matters not. What does YOUR heart and mind say? Now, if you can get bored now, what happens 10 to 20 years in the future? He also has a responsibilit
31 Speedbird747BA : Heather, really, this is just begging for trouble if you think youre in it for love or what ever. this guy sounds like he can be a great friend for a
32 Blackbird07 : Basically...Blind and stupid :p
33 MUWarriors : There is no magic bullet here. Both my attempts have ended either poorly, or hideously, depending on which time, and both times my friends knew (as di
34 Post contains images BMIFlyer : Thanks for the erm, comments. Certainly cheered me up for today Heather is rather cute tho Lee
35 Post contains images Mir : Chopper pilots...... -Mir
36 CHRISBA777ER : LOL!!!
Top Of Page
Forum Index

This topic is archived and can not be replied to any more.

Printer friendly format

Similar topics:More similar topics...
See, This Is My Beef With The US Government posted Mon Nov 13 2006 05:04:39 by Derico
Liberalism: A Love-hate Relationship With The U.S. posted Fri Nov 3 2006 18:18:20 by AerospaceFan
Enough With The Constant Election BS! posted Tue Oct 31 2006 01:41:31 by JetsGo
Peter MacKay Has Some Issues With His Ex posted Fri Oct 20 2006 16:22:16 by YYZAeroEng
If The UK Doesn't Go With The Euro posted Fri Oct 13 2006 21:02:14 by 53Sqdn
Rollout Of The Civic With The New Paint *yayers* posted Fri Oct 6 2006 08:58:58 by UTA_flyinghigh
What's Going On With The Weather? posted Tue Oct 3 2006 22:51:44 by KaiGywer
America Is Not What's Wrong With The World posted Tue Sep 26 2006 08:44:30 by UH60FtRucker
Getting A Fridge Quickly In The UK posted Fri Sep 22 2006 15:22:33 by Runway23
Rock Groups You'd Like To See Get Back Together posted Tue Sep 19 2006 09:46:03 by Superfly