FSPilot747 From United States of America, joined Oct 1999, 3599 posts, RR: 12 Posted (7 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 2840 times:
Recently, I've noticed a lot of my peers at my university are either getting engaged or married. One of my friends from high school who must be now 21 just got married some months back. 3 friends of mine just got married from here. And we're talking about people in the 20-23 age bracket. Even the future JDs and MDs are getting married before their graduate education (or at least engaged).
Personally, I find this a bit too young (but what do I know?).
Is the marriage age steadily lowering? Or am I simply experiencing isolated incidents of blithe indifference to the reality of marriage? (excuse the tone).
I think marriage is great. Just don't understand how someone who is 21 years old is emotionally and financially secure enough to support somebody else in those very two ways. Unless mom and pop agree to support the both of ya's. Which is kind of degrading. For everyone... IMO.
AirframeAS From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 14150 posts, RR: 24
Reply 1, posted (7 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 2833 times:
No, I have had friends married right out of high school at 18. Back in colonial times, it used to be 16 to be married, but that has changed since the civil war, I think....to what it is now: 18 years old.
A Safe Flight Begins With Quality Maintenance On The Ground.
So do I, so you are not alone. I have always thought that getting married before age 30 isn't a good idea. I mean, the twenties (I feel) should be about separating from the parents, establishing your own identity, getting an education (college or the school of hard knocks, or both), and just generally finding out what you want to do with your life. Then you can find that special someone that fits into all that.
That said, each person is different. I know some people in their early to mid thirties that still act like children. We don't all mature at the same rate.
NeilYYZ From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 3, posted (7 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 14 hours ago) and read 2821 times:
I personally wouldn't do it, but I'm destined to be a lifelong bachelor, so who knows.
I have only one example, my friend has been going out with a girl for going on 6 years now, he's 22, and currently in med school. We were out at the bar a week ago and I asked him when he was going to pop the question, he said that there was no doubt that he would, but only after he finished school and got a job. I think he's taking the right approach.
I agree, although my personal limit is 26. Once I'm 26 or older, then I'll be in a position to consider whether to pop the question or not.
Instead of settling down so early, try to see the world or at least to do a few nice and perhaps extraordinary things. I've seen cousins who are about my age and get pregnant early. Getting married and/or getting pregnant early is not really the way to go. Like I said, do something or see the world before settling down.
TZ757300 From United States of America, joined Aug 2005, 2875 posts, RR: 6
Reply 5, posted (7 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 14 hours ago) and read 2814 times:
Well, in my class at my high school, there are already people engaged with each other and weddings are being planned. Too young? I think so. Shit, I can't keep reigns on a girlfriend for more than a month.
HPLASOps From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 6, posted (7 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 14 hours ago) and read 2804 times:
I've got a mixture of friends who fall into the "already married" and "will probably not get married at all" categories. 5 cousins who are married (4 already have had children), and 1 who is on her 2nd marriage. They are all about 5 years older than me on average. Of course, my brother is two years older than me, and I don't see marriage happening for either one of us for the next few years.
CF188A From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 7, posted (7 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 2777 times:
when i was at th joint services open house in Maryland this past May, my aunt asked the Chinook pilot how old he was ... he said 20 and was already a father etc.... and had already served in Iraq apparently so, young indeed. This story always comes to mind when this topic arises.
BA From United States of America, joined May 2000, 11153 posts, RR: 59
Reply 9, posted (7 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 2757 times:
Quoting FSPilot747 (Thread starter): Or am I simply experiencing isolated incidents of blithe indifference to the reality of marriage? (excuse the tone).
No, I don't think you are experiencing isolated incidents. I've been experiencing the same thing.
Infact, a good friend of mine who is 23 years old (2 years older than me) just got engaged last week. I know several people from my high school who have already gotten married as well.
Maybe there is a growing trend to get married at a younger age again or maybe just a growing minority? I don't know. It would be something interesting to research.
I'm 21-years old and lately the issue of marriage has been brought up a lot by my family members (my mom in particular) and even some relatives. They're not asking me to get married right now or if I want to get married now, but they're just wondering if I have anyone particular in mind that would be a potential candidate to get married to.
Infact, even my friends brought it up today which I thought was a bit strange.
I think my mom feels that I could get married right after college, which is in less than two years, though I think that is too soon for me.
It's not something I have really thought of, but for me, I think I have to be at least 24 or 25 before I even really consider marriage, and even that is young when I think about it. I just don't know, I guess when the time comes, it comes...
Quoting FSPilot747 (Thread starter): Just don't understand how someone who is 21 years old is emotionally and financially secure enough to support somebody else in those very two ways.
Emotionally, I think it is there for many (but not all) 21-year olds. But financially, I definitely agree with you.
Infact, I think people who get married at these young ages should not have children until they are a bit older and have become more mature and have a more steady income to be able to sustain themselves and their children comfortably.
"Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need." - Khalil Gibran
UH60FtRucker From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 10, posted (7 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 2741 times:
Quoting FSPilot747 (Thread starter): Just don't understand how someone who is 21 years old is emotionally and financially secure enough to support somebody else in those very two ways. Unless mom and pop agree to support the both of ya's. Which is kind of degrading. For everyone... IMO.
I'm 23... and I'm married. And I don't regret one bit of it.
I own my own house, I own two vehicles, my wife and I have a combined income that is higher than that of some people who've been married for 20yrs, we have a retirement investment plan, we talk to each other multiple times a week, and our emotional support of each other is VERY strong... even with 8,000 miles between us.
And I love married life. I don't miss my wild days, in the slightest. I went to college, partied hard, "sewed my oats" and made it through without every catching something. And married life is the best thing to happen to me. It gives me purpose. It gives me stability. And it gives me a HUGE REASON TO SURVIVE.
I don't think it necessarily has to do with age... but everything to do with maturity. I agree that there are a lot of guys my age who are simply far too selfish and childish to get married... but there are plenty of 30/40 years old who are the same. It has everything to do with maturity.
Skyman From Germany, joined May 2006, 494 posts, RR: 0
Reply 11, posted (7 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 8 hours ago) and read 2683 times:
Wow I´m surprised. It seems to be a lot different in the US than here in Germany. I only know one person who got married under 23 and he was also 25. Most start around 27 - 30. Even if they have been together for 5 years or so. We just wait and see how life works, live together have fun and so. So it is a little bit different here.
If they are to young? I don´t know, I guess I´ll agree with UH60 if they are mature enough fine.
LSPA From Switzerland, joined Jan 2006, 190 posts, RR: 4
Reply 12, posted (7 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 2676 times:
For me marriage is also a beautiful thing, and I'm definetly planning on getting married...once.
But for my situation it is irresponsible to take such a vow. I love my girlfriend above all but would never marry her now.
Being in the army for another 6 months and then going to travel for half a year and then starting university for 4 years and then getting a job...that's a long time without real, steady income. And I would never get married without that stability.
But if someone like UH60 has all of that at his young age, I think it's absolutly ok. I have a lieutanant that is 24 and has 2 kids already...
Gemuser From Australia, joined Nov 2003, 5763 posts, RR: 6
Reply 13, posted (7 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2664 times:
The average marriage age, like a lot of things varies depending on the social/economic conditions of the times. From 1915 to 1945 there was a significent increase in the average marriage age, guess why? After 30 years of either war or economic dislocation it was up considerabley (don't remember the numbers). After 1945 things improved dramatically, you had the baby boom (pent up demand), but also a long period 1945-1974 of steady, quite fast economic growth, so the average age went down, in Oz it got closer to, maybe just under 20 y.o.
But other things also happened during this period including a vast increase in the number of young people doing extended education, which tended to bring the average up, also the development of efficient, safe contraceptives reduce the need to get married, then social attitudes changed and there was less social pressure to marry.
IMHO, lately there does seem to be an increase in younger marriages. My students most of whom are between 18 and 23 seem to be getting married younger, in fact in a group of about 65 I have 3 males and both females(IT is not a female occupation in this country) are getting married over the summer holidays and both females have enquired about how to change their names before they return in February. A possiable reason is that the employment market has been growing steadly for the last 15 or so years giving rise to the lowest unemployment rate sine pre 1974
To sum up, its cyclic depending on the conditions of the times.
LTBEWR From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 13170 posts, RR: 15
Reply 14, posted (7 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 4 hours ago) and read 2636 times:
Some factors from my observations that may make it seem that people are marrying younger in the USA today:
Fears of being alone. Far too many people have seen older siblings, relatives, neighbors and friends who delayed marriage and didn't find a mate. They fear being like them, unhappy and unsatisfied in their lives without a companion.
Divorce in the family. Many are seeking love and commitment that they don't get from their parents due to their divorce.
Ease and more acceptability of divorce today. May of those who marry young may be divorced by their early 30's as they realize how they are not growing or don't want to deal with tough times that occur in marriage. Still, divorce is easy today in the USA and is more accepted as a decision in life than years ago.
Active military and war. The War in Afghanistan and Iraq means a lot of people want to be married while at war.
Less acceptance of children outside of marriage or without a husband.
Best chance in life to find a mate during High School, College or just after college.
Difficulties at adult, post-college workplaces to find a mate, due to sexual harassment laws.
Growing numbers of men accepting their sexual responsibility for creating children.
Declining acceptance of Abortion.
Religious people finding someone within their faith group, often at an early age.
Declining acceptance of the 'swinging single' in society. In part that may be due to the rise of AIDS, other bad STD's. Thus less desire to play the field.
Decline over time of alcohol use, bars, clubs as factors in meeting potential mates. They were never good anyway to meet a mate, along with far less acceptance of alcohol, drug use and increasing fears of sexual and other violence from bar and club experiences.
JBirdAV8r From United States of America, joined Jun 2001, 4491 posts, RR: 21
Reply 16, posted (7 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 2 hours ago) and read 2613 times:
Ahh, FSP. How have you been?
Anyway, I completely agree with the sentiments. I think it's hit me kind of hard because I've been to a few weddings of people my age (21-23)...most of them fall a little low on the maturity meter. I wonder how many of them will either be divorced or in unhappy marriages 10 years from now.
As for me, my girlfriend and I have been dating somewhere on the order of two years. Is it headed for marriage? Yes, it appears pretty definite at this point. However, we both want to get firmly on our feet. She's getting ready to go to pharmacy school and I'm trying to get established in a somewhat-stable flying job. Once we get those tasks accomplished we'll be good to go.
Quoting UH60FtRucker (Reply 10): I don't think it necessarily has to do with age... but everything to do with maturity. I agree that there are a lot of guys my age who are simply far too selfish and childish to get married... but there are plenty of 30/40 years old who are the same. It has everything to do with maturity.
DesertJets From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 7802 posts, RR: 16
Reply 17, posted (7 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 1 hour ago) and read 2609 times:
Instead of the mean age moving lower I think we are beginning to see a more bi-modal distribution happening. A big cluster of people marrying in their early 20s, and another waiting till 30 or after. Being a mid 20-something myself, about half of my friends are married/engaged and the other half are single or just dating. Generally speaking my friends are all fairly well educated, many of them have or are earning advanced degrees.
Stop drop and roll will not save you in hell. --- seen on a church marque in rural Virginia
IFEMaster From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 18, posted (7 years 11 months 3 weeks 6 days 1 hour ago) and read 2593 times:
I got married at 25 and I know I was ready when I was ready. Any sooner, and I probably wouldn't have been ready. Having said that my wife's older sister got married when she was 18 and 14 years later they're still going strong.
And, really, when you know you got it right, being married is just fantastic.
Gemuser From Australia, joined Nov 2003, 5763 posts, RR: 6
Reply 20, posted (7 years 11 months 3 weeks 5 days 20 hours ago) and read 2547 times:
Quoting Gemuser (Reply 13): After 1945 things improved dramatically, you had the baby boom (pent up demand), but also a long period 1945-1974 of steady, quite fast economic growth, so the average age went down, in Oz it got closer to, maybe just under 20 y.o.
A bit odd to quote myself, but I found some hard numbers for Oz which might be of intrest.
"In 1940 the median age at first marriage was 26.5 for bridegrooms and 23.7 for brides. By 1974 this had fallen to 23.3 for bridegrooms and 20.9 for brides".
"The decline in age at first marriage was finally arrested in 1974. The median age of first marriage of bridegrooms and brides started to increase and has continued to increase steadily to 27.3 for bridegrooms and 25.3 for brides in 1995. "
"Median age of males at first marriage years 27.3 27.6 27.8 27.9 28.2 28.5 28.7 29.0 29.2 29.4 n.y.a.
Median age of females at first marriage years 25.3 25.7 25.9 26.2 26.4 26.7 26.9 27.1 27.3 27.5 n.y.a"
Note: the first number is the average age in 1995, the nya refers to 2005.
ScarletHarlot From Canada, joined Jul 2003, 4673 posts, RR: 56
Reply 21, posted (7 years 11 months 3 weeks 5 days 19 hours ago) and read 2522 times:
Mr. Harlot and I were 23 when we got married. We started going out when he was 19, me 18. Too young? Hell yes. I look back at it now amazed. But it has worked out, very well. I would not have wanted to come through these past 11 (16) years with anybody other than Mr. Harlot at my side. We grew up together. We could have grown apart, but we grew together, and I'm so glad.
Sabena332 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 24, posted (7 years 11 months 3 weeks 5 days 19 hours ago) and read 2498 times:
Getting married is actually pretty out here, at least among all people I know. And I am thinking the same way, no matter how long I will be together with a girl, I won't marry her. I guess it is kind of salving when you know that you can always tell her: "Get the hell out of here!" without having to fear financial consequences later at the divorce.
: This is the perfect point, there is no ideal age to get married, if you have met the person you want to spend the rest of your life with why wait aro
: Quite a bit. Your intuition is correct. They can't. It's that simple! No, I know several people my age (18, and a couple people younger) who also app
: In your opinion, you cannot judge all situations and make blanket statements like that, it just isnt fair.
: I've noticed the same thing. So many of my friends are getting married and they range in age from 20-25. A few of my friends that have been married a
: OK, you got me on that one, I shouldn't make generalizations like that, but I know from the experience of several of my friends getting engaged/marri
: As APFPilot1985 says "You can not generalise like that!" In some ways it is a good age for some people. In other ways it is too old, for some people.
: I know, I know. I shouldn't have generalized, but I just feel strongly that VERY few people in or just out of high school or even college or emotiona
: I know two couples that got engaged before they came to my college. The to-be-brides lived out of state until they couldn't wait to get married. This
: Hey UH60... I agree with 100% of what you said it is all about maturity. Also because of this and many other posts of yours i am adding you to my RU
: My Great Grandma who was born before the Wright Brothers flight was married at age 16. Not kidding. Robert NWDC10
: Well, statistically, marriage age is moving up. We live longer, women are (sort of) able to bear children up to an older age, the complexities of life
: I have noticed that many of the Americans have been stating how people get married in their early 20s. I grew up in Connecticut and as far as I know v