WellHung From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Posted (6 years 11 months 2 weeks 2 days ago) and read 1005 times:
While pundits and wannabees wrestle over the exit strategy in Iraq, I want to focus on something that actually affects the lives of billions of people every day. That is; promoting a clean exit strategy from body to bowl. A 'Trail of No Tears', if you will.
Now when I have to interrupt everything to drop a deuce, I go in with the hopes that it will be as clean, easy and liberating as possible - like one wipe in each direction. Sometimes I succeed, other times I do not. So I am looking for ways to improve (as we all should). Fiber helps, it sure does. But there really needs to be a lubricant to smooth the transition. Since I'm not the type to grease up broom handles, liquor bottles or body parts and insert them into my man hole, these are clearly not the strategies I will pursue. Maybe that stuff they use in 'Wow' potato chips? I ate a bag of those and felt like I was sitting on an upside down Old Faithful... I'm surely not looking for a repeat performance to that degree, though.
Don't get me wrong - every now and then I do enjoy the gastronomic explosion triggered by five pounds of buffalo wings, a twelver of Bud heavy and Ex-lax brownies, but I want to be in control.
A well-lubricated, firm and fully connected bowel. In and out in under 2 minutes. How difficult can it be?
Myt332 From United Kingdom, joined Sep 2003, 9112 posts, RR: 73 Reply 1, posted (6 years 11 months 2 weeks 1 day 23 hours ago) and read 1000 times:
I am your saviour Well Hung for I have the answer and it's so simple you'll laugh.
You know those wet wipes you buy for babies to wipe their backsides? Just get yourself a pack of those and keep them in your bathroom along side your regular toilet paper. Whenever you drop something that makes a mess and perhaps clings on for dear life, just get the baby wipes out.
I can guarantee you that no matter what the job you will be done within 6 wipes and you'll be left feeling clean and tidy!
This perhaps is one of the few advantages of living with young children.
WellHung From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 2, posted (6 years 11 months 2 weeks 1 day 23 hours ago) and read 994 times:
Indeed I have tried the 'moist towelette' approach and it certainly works. And of course, the wetted toilet paper to clean up splatters, etc. But I am looking for something to eliminate the need for these crutches. They may be an easy quick fix at home, but highly impractical when you're doing the nasty in a public bathroom.
WellHung From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 4, posted (6 years 11 months 2 weeks 1 day 23 hours ago) and read 970 times:
If mommy makes you stay close to home in case you have to make doodee, then your solution is fine. I guess she could even wipe your bottom for you. However, many of us travel for work and pleasure. If I'm flying back from Europe and have a layover, there is a risk of severe constipation should I decide to hold it in for 10 hours until I get home. So next time kindly consider the circumstances of people who do not live a similarly sheltered existence.
I guess its all in the diet. There are times when I have had the "clean poop" where you feel poo come out, see poo in the bowl, but there's no poo on the toilet paper. I would sure like to know what I ate to make it come out like that. Much better than the "Wet Poo".
QR332 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 8, posted (6 years 11 months 2 weeks 14 hours ago) and read 882 times:
You poor people need to discover an invention which seems to be lost on most of the Western world... the bidet, or the toilet hose. For some reason completely lost on me, you can never find these anywhere in most of Europe or North America, and it just makes the job so much easier - not to mention cleaner.
Quoting DrDeke (Reply 6): Quoting Myt332 (Reply 3):What I think would be best is that you learnt to control your body clock better.
You know, they say that's not good for you. When you've gotta go, you ought'ta go.
Not sure I agree. What works for me is to be regular. I pretty much make a deposit first thing every morning, before I go out and run, and have no problem with unfortunate leftover deposits.
When I get off schedule, that's when the problems seem to crop up.
WellHung From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 12, posted (6 years 11 months 1 week 6 days 14 hours ago) and read 815 times:
So no specific suggestions? I suppose I could start a diary with the foods I ate and keep pictures and notes on the resulting excrement. After I collected enough data, I would know how to accomplish these goals.