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2 Cows  
User currently offlineIainhol From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (12 years 4 months 2 weeks 14 hours ago) and read 1518 times:

A CHRISTIAN:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

A REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to
sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You re engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A MEXICAN CORPORATION:
You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.

A TALIBAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and they both die. You blame the godless American infidels.

23 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineKROC From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 1, posted (12 years 4 months 2 weeks 14 hours ago) and read 1445 times:

CLASSIC!

User currently offline777236ER From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (12 years 4 months 2 weeks 14 hours ago) and read 1443 times:

A UK CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Labour culls them due to foot & mouth.


User currently offlineDelta-flyer From United States of America, joined Jul 2001, 2676 posts, RR: 7
Reply 3, posted (12 years 4 months 2 weeks 12 hours ago) and read 1426 times:

A SWEDISH CORPORATION:
You have no cows, but the government delivers milk to you every day.


User currently offlineEGGD From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2001, 12443 posts, RR: 36
Reply 4, posted (12 years 4 months 2 weeks 11 hours ago) and read 1419 times:

CUBAN CORPORATION:

You have 2 cows, but you deny their existence


User currently offlineCtbarnes From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 3491 posts, RR: 51
Reply 5, posted (12 years 4 months 2 weeks 10 hours ago) and read 1409 times:

Here are some more:

Hong Kong Corporation:

You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt-equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by a majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option for one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad.

Jesuit apistolic work:

Your community has two cows. The superior, after agreement with his consulters, agrees to ask permission from Rome to donate the cows to an environmentally-friendly farm cooperative in Kansas on the grounds that keeping cattle is not an effective use of Jesuit manpower. Those who keep the cows can be assigned to more effective apostolates. The transaction is carried out and the community ends up buying milk at twice what it would have cost if they kept the cows in the first place. Big grin

Nothing like a little satire to keep finals week sane...

Charles, SJ



The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
User currently offlineTrickijedi From United States of America, joined May 2001, 3266 posts, RR: 5
Reply 6, posted (12 years 4 months 2 weeks 9 hours ago) and read 1395 times:

I've heard this before and it's still funny everytime I hear it!  Big thumbs up


Its better to be on the ground wishing you were in the air than be in the air wishing you were on the ground. Fly safe!
User currently offlineEGGD From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2001, 12443 posts, RR: 36
Reply 7, posted (12 years 4 months 1 week 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 1367 times:

Cmon guys, got any more?

User currently offlineCba From United States of America, joined Jul 2000, 4530 posts, RR: 3
Reply 8, posted (12 years 4 months 1 week 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 1358 times:

IN THE FORMER USSR:
You have two cows. The government starts collecting some milk, then they take all the milk, then the cows too. When you ask why they took the cows, they say that it's for the good of the country, then claim the cows never existed and send you to Siberia.



User currently offlineAussiemite From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 9, posted (12 years 4 months 1 week 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 1356 times:

Australian cow:
The cow lives off the dole spends all day at the beach surfing and rooting young teenage calfs. It drinks excessive amounts of VB and smokes dope.


User currently offlineMcringring From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 10, posted (12 years 4 months 1 week 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 1349 times:

Bill Clinton's Cows
One cow is constantly trying to bang the other cow.


User currently offlineCba From United States of America, joined Jul 2000, 4530 posts, RR: 3
Reply 11, posted (12 years 4 months 1 week 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 1343 times:

MAFIA COW:
Starts selling it's milk to make some money, then kills all the other cows in the area, then triples the price of its milk. It uses the extra money to go into the drug smuggling business, then buys a few casinos in Vegas.


User currently offlineWe're Nuts From United States of America, joined Jun 2000, 5722 posts, RR: 20
Reply 12, posted (12 years 4 months 1 week 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 1336 times:

Mormons:
You have no cows, but they should be coming back real soon....



Dear moderators: No.
User currently offlineRedngold From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 6907 posts, RR: 45
Reply 13, posted (12 years 4 months 1 week 6 days 9 hours ago) and read 1332 times:

I just read these to my friends and we're all practically ROTFL!

But I don't get the Mormon one... Unless it refers to missionaries?

Contemporary Artist:
You have two cows. You milk one cow and complain about how hard it is to milk the cow for so little, even though you have enough milk to drink. You kill the second cow, slice it finely, suspend the slices in formaldehyde, and call it your latest groundbreaking work.
(Apologies to Damien Hirst)

redngold



Up, up and away!
User currently onlineOzarkD9S From United States of America, joined Oct 2001, 4878 posts, RR: 22
Reply 14, posted (12 years 4 months 1 week 6 days 9 hours ago) and read 1330 times:

Arkansas cows

You have two cows, you sell one cow and get a bull. the bull won't breed with the cow because they're not close "kin".



Next Up: STL-TPA-BWI-PWM-BWI-STL
User currently offlineWe're Nuts From United States of America, joined Jun 2000, 5722 posts, RR: 20
Reply 15, posted (12 years 4 months 1 week 6 days 7 hours ago) and read 1324 times:

Oh come on Redn'Gold! Mormons believe that Jesus is on his way back. Maybe you had to live there. Oh well. Let me try again:

Conservative:
You have two cows. One eats less food, so you milk that one exclusively while the other gets fatter and fatter.



Dear moderators: No.
User currently offlineToadpipe From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 16, posted (12 years 4 months 1 week 6 days 2 hours ago) and read 1312 times:

Microsoft:
You steal Steve Job's two cows. release them as CowsXp! Soon you have mononoply on all cows.
AOL:
You stick a cow in the back of all known magazines.
HipHop:
You change the cows names to Sean "puffy" cow and the Notorious C.O.W. start rivalry between East coast cows and West coast cows.
Country Western:
Write sad song about how you lost your job , your wife and how your cows ran away.
L Ron Hubbard:
If you can visualise the cow you can be the cow. We are all one with the cow. Cows are all, all are cows.
Just a few I came up with.


User currently offlineAussiemite From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 17, posted (12 years 4 months 1 week 6 days 2 hours ago) and read 1306 times:

Gateway:
You have black and white cows but go bankrupt releasing yet more experienced and qualified people into an already overpopulates industry.


User currently offlineToadpipe From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 18, posted (12 years 4 months 1 week 6 days 2 hours ago) and read 1306 times:

Here is a related anecdote from Ravi Zacharias:

The story was of a roving reporter conducting a survey from country to country. In America, the first stop, he asked a person on the street. " What is your opinion on the shortage of meat in the World?" The bemused American replied, "What is Shortage?"
Continuing in his single-minded survey, his next stop was in a deprived nation weighed down by the pain of famine. The reporter inquired, "What is your opinion on the shortage of meat in the World?" and the famished individual predictably responded, "What is meat?"
His third location was a country strangled by a dictatorial regime and there the reporter asked a person standing in a long line for food, " What is your opinion on the shortage of meat in the World?" Having been stripped of all individuality, the puzzled person intoned, " What is opinion?"
Finally the person ended up in the Middle East and quizzed a harried individual on his way to work, "What is your opinion on the shortage of meat in the World?" Wildly gesturing the Middle Easterner countered, "What is, what is?"


User currently offline777236ER From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 19, posted (12 years 4 months 1 week 5 days 19 hours ago) and read 1291 times:

UK Coorperation part 2: [read my other post]

After susviving the foot and mouth farce, you get two more cows again. There's another BSE scare and those cows are slaughtered. Labour gives you billions. The Tories say it's all the EU's fault. The Lib Dems say taxes should be increased so everyone can have cows. Cows petition to EU court of human rites to stop the culling. EU agrees with the cows.


User currently offlineJetService From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 4798 posts, RR: 12
Reply 20, posted (12 years 4 months 1 week 5 days 18 hours ago) and read 1275 times:

UNION COWS:
Both cows refuse to give milk after 3 hours because they hit their quota. Then they play cards for 5 hours. Since the milk revenue is weak, farmer decides to go into the beef business.



"Shaddap you!"
User currently offlineEGGD From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2001, 12443 posts, RR: 36
Reply 21, posted (12 years 4 months 1 week 5 days 15 hours ago) and read 1261 times:

hahahaha, did you make that up?

Regards

Dan (too 15 to say something funny(


User currently offlineJetService From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 4798 posts, RR: 12
Reply 22, posted (12 years 4 months 1 week 5 days 13 hours ago) and read 1244 times:

EGGD, yep, inspired by friends that are union!  Big thumbs up


"Shaddap you!"
User currently offlineCtbarnes From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 3491 posts, RR: 51
Reply 23, posted (12 years 4 months 1 week 5 days 10 hours ago) and read 1235 times:

Slightly off topic, but hey, it's got cows in it:

"The public buys its opinions as it buys its meat or takes its milk, on the principle that it is cheaper to do this than to keep a cow."

-Samuel Butler

Charles, SJ



The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
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