Iainhol From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Posted (12 years 6 days 19 hours ago) and read 1328 times:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to
sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You re engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A MEXICAN CORPORATION:
You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
A TALIBAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and they both die. You blame the godless American infidels.
Ctbarnes From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 3491 posts, RR: 51 Reply 5, posted (12 years 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 1219 times:
Here are some more:
Hong Kong Corporation:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt-equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by a majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option for one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad.
Jesuit apistolic work:
Your community has two cows. The superior, after agreement with his consulters, agrees to ask permission from Rome to donate the cows to an environmentally-friendly farm cooperative in Kansas on the grounds that keeping cattle is not an effective use of Jesuit manpower. Those who keep the cows can be assigned to more effective apostolates. The transaction is carried out and the community ends up buying milk at twice what it would have cost if they kept the cows in the first place.
Nothing like a little satire to keep finals week sane...
The customer isn't a moron, she is your wife -David Ogilvy
Cba From United States of America, joined Jul 2000, 4530 posts, RR: 3 Reply 8, posted (12 years 5 days 15 hours ago) and read 1168 times:
IN THE FORMER USSR:
You have two cows. The government starts collecting some milk, then they take all the milk, then the cows too. When you ask why they took the cows, they say that it's for the good of the country, then claim the cows never existed and send you to Siberia.
Cba From United States of America, joined Jul 2000, 4530 posts, RR: 3 Reply 11, posted (12 years 5 days 15 hours ago) and read 1153 times:
Starts selling it's milk to make some money, then kills all the other cows in the area, then triples the price of its milk. It uses the extra money to go into the drug smuggling business, then buys a few casinos in Vegas.
Redngold From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 6907 posts, RR: 47 Reply 13, posted (12 years 5 days 13 hours ago) and read 1142 times:
I just read these to my friends and we're all practically ROTFL!
But I don't get the Mormon one... Unless it refers to missionaries?
You have two cows. You milk one cow and complain about how hard it is to milk the cow for so little, even though you have enough milk to drink. You kill the second cow, slice it finely, suspend the slices in formaldehyde, and call it your latest groundbreaking work.
(Apologies to Damien Hirst)
Toadpipe From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 16, posted (12 years 5 days 7 hours ago) and read 1122 times:
You steal Steve Job's two cows. release them as CowsXp! Soon you have mononoply on all cows.
You stick a cow in the back of all known magazines.
You change the cows names to Sean "puffy" cow and the Notorious C.O.W. start rivalry between East coast cows and West coast cows.
Write sad song about how you lost your job , your wife and how your cows ran away.
L Ron Hubbard:
If you can visualise the cow you can be the cow. We are all one with the cow. Cows are all, all are cows.
Just a few I came up with.
Toadpipe From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 18, posted (12 years 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 1116 times:
Here is a related anecdote from Ravi Zacharias:
The story was of a roving reporter conducting a survey from country to country. In America, the first stop, he asked a person on the street. " What is your opinion on the shortage of meat in the World?" The bemused American replied, "What is Shortage?"
Continuing in his single-minded survey, his next stop was in a deprived nation weighed down by the pain of famine. The reporter inquired, "What is your opinion on the shortage of meat in the World?" and the famished individual predictably responded, "What is meat?"
His third location was a country strangled by a dictatorial regime and there the reporter asked a person standing in a long line for food, " What is your opinion on the shortage of meat in the World?" Having been stripped of all individuality, the puzzled person intoned, " What is opinion?"
Finally the person ended up in the Middle East and quizzed a harried individual on his way to work, "What is your opinion on the shortage of meat in the World?" Wildly gesturing the Middle Easterner countered, "What is, what is?"
777236ER From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 19, posted (12 years 5 days ago) and read 1101 times:
UK Coorperation part 2: [read my other post]
After susviving the foot and mouth farce, you get two more cows again. There's another BSE scare and those cows are slaughtered. Labour gives you billions. The Tories say it's all the EU's fault. The Lib Dems say taxes should be increased so everyone can have cows. Cows petition to EU court of human rites to stop the culling. EU agrees with the cows.