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Why Do Women Get Period?  
User currently offlineCHRISBA777ER From UK - England, joined Mar 2001, 5964 posts, RR: 62
Posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 13 hours ago) and read 2384 times:

(I re-wrote a well-known bible story in CHRISBA777ER style for another website where they were discussing why women get periods - enjoy!)

God made man in his own image.

Initially, he made woman equally beautiful, but as soon as that scheming little cow, Eve, stitched up the whole bloody human race by being completely unable to resist the apple that Satan-the-Serpent offered up, God got annoyed and started kicking ass, and taking down some names.

God realised Adam was off doing manly things, such as running naked through the Garden of Eden looking manly, and possibly fashioning a small football from twigs and leaves and dribbling it past some bored-looking Angels to score a cracking left footed twenty-yarder. He was not involved in Eve's treachery. She saw something she was told she couldn’t have, and as with all women today, wanted it more. The more she was told by God that she couldn’t have it, the more that she wanted it. Typical bloody woman. She assumed that she was smarter than God and that she wouldn’t get caught, which is so typical.

Anyway - as we all know, she did take a bite of the forbidden fruit, which we can only assume was a euphemism for something else, and she seemed really surprised that God found out. Its not like he is the all-seeing, all-knowing Lord of all creation or anything... First she denied it all, like the scheming, lying little cow she was, then realising God was having none of it, turned on the waterworks. It was at this point that Adam strolls over, flushed and perspiring from single-handedly beating a team full of Angels at football (and scoring a cracking left footed twenty-yarder in the process). Scratching his balls he thinks about enquiring why Eve is crying, but then realises that he is probably to blame for whatever she is upset about, and asking what is wrong will just make her more upset. He is just about to apologise for whatever it was that he has done, when God's voice comes booming out of the Heavens. I'll be honest, he isn’t a happy camper.

Adam finds out that Eve has taken a bite of the forbidden fruit. He isn’t happy either.

"You selfish bint - you could have had any fruit in the bloody garden, but you had to have that one - why?" he shouts.

His protests are cut off by more apocalyptic booming from above.

"Guys - You knew the rules. You just couldn’t help yourselves could you? Eve, you are a deceitful woman, and am I very disappointed. Adam, you are blameless here, but I’m sure on some level Eve will blame you for her mendacity and sin, so I'm going to punish you both..." he booms. Thunder cracks across the skies to emphasise God's point, which Eve thought was a bit OTT and macho.

Before she can protest, God carries on, obviously pleased at the effect his coruscating pronunciations are having on the two butt-naked people in his garden paradise below.

"Eve, you shall be reminded of your lies and dishonesty once a month for the rest of time. It shall be bloody, painful, and generally unpleasant, so that everyone knows what a horrible little strumpet you really are. Adam, sorry to do this to you matey, but you must be punished as well, as it says in the Gods and All-Powerful Deities Charter that I must be even-handed at all times. Therefore, before Eve gets her little "reminder" every month, she is going to be really moody and horrible and you'll just have to put up with it. This shall forever be known as the "Poor Man Suffer" week and in all honesty mate, it isn’t nice, but that will teach you to keep your woman in check. Now bugger off and think about what I’ve said"....

[Edited 2007-02-09 14:03:40]


What do you mean you dont have any bourbon? Do you know how far it is to Houston? What kind of airline is this???
22 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineBA757 From United Kingdom, joined Dec 2003, 2832 posts, RR: 14
Reply 1, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 13 hours ago) and read 2381 times:

Because they deserve them?

User currently offlineKaiGywer From United States of America, joined Oct 2003, 12251 posts, RR: 35
Reply 2, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 12 hours ago) and read 2360 times:
AIRLINERS.NET CREW
FORUM MODERATOR

Nicely written Big grin


911, where is your emergency?
User currently offlineBA787 From United Kingdom, joined Jun 2006, 2596 posts, RR: 7
Reply 3, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 2276 times:

I see you getting blasted by the women a.netters. Luckily for me, I manage to avoid women on their periods

User currently offlineFlyUSCG From United States of America, joined Jun 2006, 656 posts, RR: 0
Reply 4, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 2252 times:

I thought she was only told once about not eating the apples and the main reason is because the serpent (Lucifer?) persuaded her? Anyway, seeing as thats how I remember it, that at least explains why so many girls listen to/go for the assholes. It's been instilled in them to make the wrong decision since the beginning of time!


Go Trojans! Fight On!
User currently offlineKaddyuk From Wallis and Futuna, joined Nov 2001, 4126 posts, RR: 25
Reply 5, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 2241 times:

Quoting BA787 (Reply 3):
I manage to avoid women on their periods

You head straight for the pre-pubescent ones...



Whoever said "laughter is the best medicine" never had Gonorrhea
User currently offlineDeskflier From Sweden, joined Jan 2007, 537 posts, RR: 0
Reply 6, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 7 hours ago) and read 2210 times:

Quoting BA787 (Reply 3):
I manage to avoid women on their periods

Amateur! I manage to avoid women all the time.



How can anyone not fly, when we live at a time when we can fly?
User currently offlineKunoichi From Denmark, joined Jan 2007, 796 posts, RR: 15
Reply 7, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 6 hours ago) and read 2182 times:

Funny- according to the bible, the snake persuaded Eve and Adam had some of the fruit too- thus, they were both banned from the garden.  Wink

But heck! Women are superior- YOU try and bleed for a week without dying Big grin



"Do you speak fluent Canadian?"
User currently offlineKmh1956 From Bermuda, joined Jun 2005, 3324 posts, RR: 7
Reply 8, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 6 hours ago) and read 2171 times:

Quoting BA787 (Reply 3):
manage to avoid women on their periods

Because you can tell just by looking at us which ones of us have our periods, right?

Quoting BA757 (Reply 1):
Because they deserve them?

Um, no.

Quoting CHRISBA777ER (Thread starter):
Why Do Women Get Period?

Because Mother Nature is a bitchy man in drag.



'Somebody tell me why I'm on my own if there's a soulmate for everyone' :Natasha Bedingfield
User currently offlineAsstChiefMark From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 9, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 6 hours ago) and read 2164 times:

Why Do Men Get Colon?



User currently offlineKunoichi From Denmark, joined Jan 2007, 796 posts, RR: 15
Reply 10, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 6 hours ago) and read 2158 times:

Quoting Kmh1956 (Reply 8):
Because Mother Nature is a bitchy man in drag.

 rotfl   rotfl 

I gotta agree...



"Do you speak fluent Canadian?"
User currently offlineRammstein From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 11, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 6 hours ago) and read 2148 times:

Quoting Kmh1956 (Reply 8):
Because you can tell just by looking at us which ones of us have our periods, right?

Nah, it's more easy to spot you just before your period.

Does anyone know why?

[Edited 2007-02-09 20:38:57]

User currently offlineKunoichi From Denmark, joined Jan 2007, 796 posts, RR: 15
Reply 12, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 6 hours ago) and read 2142 times:

Quoting Rammstein (Reply 11):
Anyone knows why? banghead

We become uber-attractive to men! Our boobs grow, we shine and we're generally just confident. And that's not even a lie! Big grin



"Do you speak fluent Canadian?"
User currently offlineKaddyuk From Wallis and Futuna, joined Nov 2001, 4126 posts, RR: 25
Reply 13, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 6 hours ago) and read 2122 times:

Quoting Kunoichi (Reply 7):
YOU try and bleed for a week without dying

I think lee evens said it best... Never trust ANYTHING that can bleed for a week and NOT die..!



Whoever said "laughter is the best medicine" never had Gonorrhea
User currently offlineAsstChiefMark From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 14, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 6 hours ago) and read 2113 times:

Mattel has a new doll. Tammy Tampon...Pull the string and she bleeds to death.

Mark


User currently offlineKunoichi From Denmark, joined Jan 2007, 796 posts, RR: 15
Reply 15, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 2 days 6 hours ago) and read 2113 times:

Quoting Kaddyuk (Reply 13):
I think lee evens said it best... Never trust ANYTHING that can bleed for a week and NOT die..!

And you haven't quoted that for a gazillion times either...



"Do you speak fluent Canadian?"
User currently offlineBill142 From Australia, joined Aug 2004, 8451 posts, RR: 8
Reply 16, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 1 day 3 hours ago) and read 1942 times:

Quoting AsstChiefMark (Reply 14):
Mattel has a new doll. Tammy Tampon...Pull the string and she bleeds to death

 rotfl   rotfl 


User currently offlineCedars747 From Norway, joined Dec 2005, 2721 posts, RR: 19
Reply 17, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 1 day 3 hours ago) and read 1937 times:

Quoting BA757 (Reply 1):
Because they deserve them

 rotfl   rotfl   rotfl  I agree with you  yes 


Alex!!!



Tengo una pasion por la aviacion !لدي شغف للطيران !I have a passion for aviation !
User currently offlineRJdxer From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 18, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 21 hours ago) and read 1871 times:

Because if they didn't they would be in a perpetual state of PMS and that would be worse for everyone than them actually having a period.

User currently offlineNosedive From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 19, posted (7 years 7 months 2 weeks 11 hours ago) and read 1810 times:

Quoting Kunoichi (Reply 7):
YOU try and bleed for a week without dying

::inserts emo joke::


User currently offlineBill142 From Australia, joined Aug 2004, 8451 posts, RR: 8
Reply 20, posted (7 years 7 months 1 week 6 days 23 hours ago) and read 1722 times:

Quoting Nosedive (Reply 19):
::inserts emo joke::

Anything that can bleed for a week and not die shouldn't be trusted.


User currently offlineSandroZRH From Switzerland, joined Feb 2007, 3428 posts, RR: 50
Reply 21, posted (7 years 7 months 1 week 6 days 21 hours ago) and read 1699 times:

Quoting Kunoichi (Reply 7):
But heck! Women are superior- YOU try and bleed for a week without dying

 rotfl  Brilliant comeback! However i'll have to disagree with your first statement Big grin


User currently offlineOB1504 From United States of America, joined Jul 2004, 3356 posts, RR: 6
Reply 22, posted (7 years 7 months 1 week 6 days 21 hours ago) and read 1695 times:

Quoting BA787 (Reply 3):
I see you getting blasted by the women a.netters.

He's gonna get blasted by two people, big deal.  duck 


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