EWRCabincrew From United States of America, joined May 2006, 5479 posts, RR: 59 Posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 1262 times:
Been watching t.v., letting them rip (gassing the husband and the cat, to much discomfort to their olfactory system) and was wondering what gave me gas. Then it hit me (not the smell), it was the milk shake I had (I'm a tad lactose intolerant). So, it got me wondering, what makes you fart?
FutureSDPDcop From United States of America, joined Feb 2006, 1288 posts, RR: 6 Reply 1, posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 1258 times:
I have no idea on what foods do it. It just happens. My farts do smell like roses though.
Quoting EWRCabincrew (Thread starter): gassing the husband and the cat, to much discomfort to their olfactory system
If you do it under the covers, then trap him under them, that's called a "Dutch Oven"
EWRCabincrew From United States of America, joined May 2006, 5479 posts, RR: 59 Reply 2, posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 1258 times:
Quoting FutureSDPDcop (Reply 1): If you do it under the covers, then trap him under them, that's called a "Dutch Oven"
DSMflyer From United States of America, joined Jan 2006, 401 posts, RR: 0 Reply 3, posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 1251 times:
Any cheap beer, especially Pabst Blue Ribbon, will do the trick nicely.
FutureSDPDcop From United States of America, joined Feb 2006, 1288 posts, RR: 6 Reply 4, posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 1252 times:
AeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 16475 posts, RR: 62 Reply 5, posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 16 hours ago) and read 1248 times:
Fruit, usually, which is disappointing, cos if you give me some nice, ripe fruit, I'm usually really happy. Hell, I'd even settle for canned pears sometimes.
STLGph From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 8583 posts, RR: 31 Reply 6, posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 16 hours ago) and read 1245 times:
personally, i prefer to queef. that makes me feel sexy and pleasured.
Eternal darkness we all should dread. It's hard to party when you're dead.
EWRCabincrew From United States of America, joined May 2006, 5479 posts, RR: 59 Reply 7, posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 16 hours ago) and read 1245 times:
AeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 16475 posts, RR: 62 Reply 8, posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 16 hours ago) and read 1239 times:
Saxdiva From United States of America, joined Jun 2004, 2382 posts, RR: 51 Reply 9, posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 16 hours ago) and read 1239 times:
FutureSDPDcop From United States of America, joined Feb 2006, 1288 posts, RR: 6 Reply 10, posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 16 hours ago) and read 1239 times:
I thought queefing was when air got trapped in the vagi....wait! Nevermind
FutureSDPDcop From United States of America, joined Feb 2006, 1288 posts, RR: 6 Reply 11, posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 16 hours ago) and read 1236 times:
STLGph From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 8583 posts, RR: 31 Reply 12, posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 16 hours ago) and read 1229 times:
let's make it clear for the record that you and i have nothing to do with each other's story.... we don't want anyone to be getting any type of impression of us ... or anything of that nature.
Eternal darkness we all should dread. It's hard to party when you're dead.
AeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 16475 posts, RR: 62 Reply 13, posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 16 hours ago) and read 1226 times:
Quoting STLGph (Reply 12): we don't want anyone to be getting any type of impression of us .
Especially considering the *last* time that happened.
STLGph From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 8583 posts, RR: 31 Reply 14, posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 16 hours ago) and read 1213 times:
Quoting AeroWesty (Reply 13): Especially considering the *last* time that happened. ziplip
i know. i'm trying to garner a respect rating of 250 here. but some people around here keep tarnishing my image talking about how i'm a substance snorter/drinker/swallower/rubber/injector, i sleep around with anything that moves especially soccer boys and rich businessmen who cast me in their company's promotional videos, keep talking about how i get drunk constantly, plagiarized all of my college essay's, slept with some professors to get my a's, posted pictures of me on here in my underwear, but most importantly, discussed that i just don't love Je$u$ enough.
Eternal darkness we all should dread. It's hard to party when you're dead.
AirTranTUS From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 15, posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 15 hours ago) and read 1199 times:
For me it's cheese. A few weeks ago my mom made stuffed shells and an AWESOME chocolate cheesecake. If I would have let those farts loose in an airport I would have gotten screened again or if I were on an airplane the flight would have diverted with me being questioned. It was like a chemical or biological attack.
Ha763 From United States of America, joined Jan 2003, 3374 posts, RR: 7 Reply 16, posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 15 hours ago) and read 1197 times:
Drinking too much milk. I can drink a cup or 2 of milk and be fine. More than that and beware. However, I eat all the ice cream I want and be fine.
Well I've got a black pussy and if you accidently squeeze her when picking her up or cuddling her, she lets rip. The resulting aroma is pretty obnoxious.
A glass of milk will have me farting merrily away a couple of hours later.
Beefy Fart
Sounds loud, and will smell a bit like the rotting offspring of a B.S.E infected cow and a dog turd.
Brewer Fart
You try to push a brewer fart out, but it stays firmly lodged deep within your bowels. You come to the conclusion that it is some form of gaseous landmark.
Bunbuster Fart
Sounds like a Beefy Fart, except much more sudden and much much more powerful. Generally smells eggy or beefy. Leaves your asshole smarting. You really feel these babies.
Compost Fart
You know the compost heap that a gardener keeps at the bottom of the garden? Well if you jump on it you will have some idea of what a compost fart sounds and smells like. Do not attempt this one while you have company.
Eggy Fart
Smells very much like rotten eggs (or Hydrogen Sulfide). A powerful odor which tends to put people off. Often rips out in the fashion of a Bunbuster.
Escape Pod Fart
You think you got away with this one. You forced it out as silently as possible, and nobody heard. You take deep sniffs through your nose, as discreetly as possible. You smell nothing but your deodorant. Then 30 seconds later, as if released from a stasis field, everyone starts to cough and sputter. You point to the person next to you and try to look innocent.
GNL Fart
Gambled 'n' lost. You take a gamble that it's going to be a fart and stay where you are, but realize tragically that this is much more than a fart...
Growling Fart
Happens deep within the rectum (and therefore has no smell). Somehow never meets the light of day. Tends to growl like a dog at the vets.
Gunshot Fart
Gunshot farts sound just like a gunshot. They are exceedingly rare. In fact they are so rare that most people don't know they even exist. One report says: "I have only witnessed one gunshot fart myself, my own, and almost scared the poop out of my girlfriend who was lying asleep beside me at the time. She thought it was a gunshot, and it was so named. A few others have referred to these rare creatures, so proving their existence.
Hydrated Flatulation (a.k.a Wet Fart)
The original wet fart, which leaves a mark on your pants, and gives you a cold wet sticky sensation when you walk. You might not like this little bugger, but you feel right at home with it.
Not Now! (a.k.a Anal Control Fart)
You feel the presence of a mighty fart, and are unable to release it due to your situation. Happens on first dates, at important meetings, and on other such inexcusable occasions. You clench your buttocks together so hard that you nearly give yourself a stroke, and wait for the pressure to subside. Success depends on a number of factors, but Sods law tends to win out in the end.
On The Spot Fart
You didn't even know it was there, but suddenly 'Brrmp'.
Prelude To A Poopie
You feel like you have got a large beefy one, but out comes a tiny squeaker fart, and the head of something massive. You tense your buttocks fast, lest you give birth to the brown equivalent of a zeppelin.
Present (a.k.a. 'Time I Wasn't Here' Fart)
The type of fart which seems harmless, but then brings a small poopie as a housewarming gift. You shuffle off to the toilet, and thank God you weren't in a business meeting when it happened. If you were in a business meeting of course, you're screwed.
Silent but Deadly (SBD) Fart
The type that remains totally inaudible, yet somehow causes all the occupants of a room to collapse. Can smell like anything, nasal investigators rarely have time to distinguish an odor.
Sphinctal Napalm
Tends to occur a few hours after a hot curry. Never mind the smell, worry about the burning sensation and the nasty stain you know it must have left.
Squeaky Fart
Sounds like 'Wheeek'. Normally smells foul.
Trouser Ripping Special
Sends seismic ripples to the next city. Rips the back of your pants. This fart genuinely hurts, and you can still feel it 20 minutes later. Anyone sitting nearby at the time will suffer hearing loss.
Underwater Fart
Often done in the bath, or while swimming. Sounds like the engine of a nuclear sub. Can be smelled on rising to the surface, and experienced wind breakers will often catch the fart in an upturned jam jar, in order to set light to them.
Windy Fart
The sort of fart, which goes 'Whoosh', and is more felt than heard. A little like an SBD, but louder and considerably less toxic.
Worrying Fart
The kind that seems to be a fart right up to the point at which you release it. At this stage matters become less sure, as it feels too solid for comfort. You go to the bathroom and check your underpants at the next possible opportunity.
CaptLockheed From United Kingdom, joined Jan 2007, 135 posts, RR: 0 Reply 19, posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 13 hours ago) and read 1168 times:
TEBguy From United States of America, joined Feb 2005, 255 posts, RR: 2 Reply 21, posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 8 hours ago) and read 1135 times:
Last week i experienced the mother of all farts. First off, let me tell you that i work in a restaurant. One of the items on the menu is something called Fire Chicken. It's chicken that is spicy enough to burn a hole in your innards, and it gives you the worst gas ever. I mean, this stuff will knock a buzzard off a crap wagon.
AeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 16475 posts, RR: 62 Reply 22, posted (5 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 8 hours ago) and read 1127 times:
Quoting RobertNL070 (Reply 17): I've got a black pussy and if you accidently squeeze her when picking her up or cuddling her, she lets rip. The resulting aroma is pretty obnoxious.
When Joop was still fairly young, and he was in his box at the vet's office awaiting getting the snip, someone let out the worst fart I've ever smelled. It was really a stinkeroo. Some rude man glared at me saying that if I had a farting cat, I should keep it outside until called for his appointment (he was a dog owner). I actually did step outside, just to escape it, but left Joop in the waiting room.
It was probably this rude man who let it rip, since I've never heard/smelled my kitty fart before or after this incident, and I've written the whole episode off to him being jealous of my having gotten a little pussy.
Being almost nine-tenths of the way there, I hope that you're speaking for yourself
Youth is a gift of nature. Age is a work of art.
25 Kmh1956: Yeah, and probably many of the other over-50s here!!
26 IFEMaster: Where's Speedbirdie? I think she would have a great deal to add to this important thread... As for me, it's normally sausages or eggs that are cooked
30 Speedbird747BA: "The Japanese slang for vaginal flatulence is chinara, the Dutch term is kutscheet." WTF has Kunoichi/Dragogoalie/Jap/Janni-Chan been doin posting shi
31 ScarletHarlot: Onions. Oh, those are the worst ever. Most foods seem to make me toot. My dad was the same way. Thanks dad! Beans, beans, magical fruit. The more you
32 EWRCabincrew: Or if you burp... Excuse me, excuse me, From the bottom of my heart. If it came out the other end, It would have been a fart.
33 Falstaff: An American Classic! Probably an International classic! I once turned in the same paper twice in the same class and got an A both times. The only dif
34 FutureSDPDcop: I'm going with "International", hence the word "Dutch" used. Why else would we talk about the Dutch?
35 FutureSDPDcop: I love the smell of my own farts.... I can't stand the smell of other peoples though.
36 DC10extender: Chilitos from Zantigo. I experienced everyone of the listed farts in on night after eating 5 chilitos. " It is better to burp and taste it than fart a
37 ShyFlyer: The Grilled Stuft Burrito from Taco Bell will do it every time.
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