Sponsor Message:
Non Aviation Forum
My Starred Topics | Profile | New Topic | Forum Index | Help | Search 
The Big Mystery: Women  
User currently offlineMatt D From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 9502 posts, RR: 47
Posted (12 years 12 months 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 885 times:

One of the Great Mysteries of the Universe.

No, I am not referring to the Big Bang (the origin of the Universe that is). Nor am I referring to the Meaning Of Life or the concept of time travel.

Those are all petty issues when compared to the Big Mystery, namely:

women


Why are they so "mixed" or "contradictory", for lack of better words:

I'll give you some examples:

Judging from the covers of most womens' magazines, the two topics that seem to be of most interest to them are 1) why men are slime and 2) how to attract men.

How many "professional" women scorn the thought of being in a relationship with a man-are the ones most likely to have cosmetic surgery and are the ones that seem to go out of their way to look good-to men?

Why do so many women have children in their late teens and early 20's with men they soon come to despise? It seems to me they want the Vermin to give them children, and "nice" guys to support them. Yet no "childless" woman wants the "nice" guy to give them the children or teh "vermin" to support her.

Why is it that so many women that enjoy "bar" or "club hopping" are also the ones most likely to place a personal ad?

Why do women not want to be reminded that they are getting older, yet will "skin you alive" for forgetting their birthday?

Why does a woman get upset if her date is 5 minutes late, yet has no problems making her date wait 6 hours or more, while she "gets ready"?

Can anyone shed some light on this, or add their own questions?




23 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineFlagshipAZ From United States of America, joined Jan 2001, 3419 posts, RR: 14
Reply 1, posted (12 years 12 months 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 825 times:

Don't try to figure them out, Matt. You're only going to give yourself a killer headache. Nomad said it best..."This unit is a mass of conflicting impulses."  Wink/being sarcastic Regards.


"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." --Ben Franklin
User currently offlineYyz717 From Canada, joined Sep 2001, 16367 posts, RR: 56
Reply 2, posted (12 years 12 months 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 820 times:

F**k em.

Literally and figuratively.




Panam, TWA, Ansett, Eastern.......AC next? Might be good for Canada.
User currently offlineConfuscius From United States of America, joined Aug 2001, 3875 posts, RR: 1
Reply 3, posted (12 years 12 months 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 814 times:

Amen.





"Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ."



Ain't I a stinker?
User currently offlineJetguy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 4, posted (12 years 12 months 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 814 times:

Matt,
I hope this story helps you to understand.
Jetguy
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question was: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to youngArthur, it seemed an impossible query. Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, and the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water, often made obscene noises, etc. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden. Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question:

What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it went. The neighboring monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total freedom.

What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display, and generally made everyone very uncomfortable.

The wedding night approached: Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she'd been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which would he want her to be during the day, and which during the night?
What a cruel question! Gawain began to think of his predicament: During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments?

What would you do? What Gawain chose what follows below, but don't read until you've made your own choice.
*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*
Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.

What is the moral of this story?

The moral is that it doesn't matter if your woman is pretty or ugly, because underneath it all, she's still a witch...

AND DON'T YOU EVER FORGET IT!

By the way, if my wife ever reads this I'm a dead man.
Jetguy


User currently offlineSSTjumbo From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 5, posted (12 years 12 months 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 800 times:

Women would say the same about us, but that's just 'cause they feel inadequate, right?  Big thumbs up

User currently offlineStarship From South Africa, joined Nov 1999, 1098 posts, RR: 14
Reply 6, posted (12 years 12 months 1 day 15 hours ago) and read 776 times:

Matt, I sent this to you 18 months ago, but for the others on the list that haven't seen it, it might present some light hearted humour.

Subject: HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION BULLETIN

Material Safety Data Sheet

"Woman" - A Chemical Analysis

Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 53.6kg but may vary from 40kg -200kg.
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Surface usually covered in thin painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs large quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without warning and no apparent cause.
4. Insoluble in liquids but becomes malleable with saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.


TESTS
1. Pure specimens turn rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2. Others turn green when placed beside a better specimen.

POTENTIAL HAZARDS
1. Highly dangerous, except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations providing they do not come into direct contact with any of the others.






Behind every "no" is a "yes"
User currently offlineBernard Shakey From United States of America, joined Oct 2001, 560 posts, RR: 9
Reply 7, posted (12 years 12 months 1 day 15 hours ago) and read 768 times:

Nice story Jetguy, but all fun aside, there are a few things that can be done to get us closer to understanding (and Matt D., some of your other relationship posts are a long way off). If you do the following (and I endorse nothing that threatens anyone's manliness), you might find yourself closer to the answer.

Women like nice surprises. That does not mean send them flowers every day. That does not mean gigantic and/or expensive productions on a regular basis. That does mean lots of little things. Cook her dinner or take her out on some meaningless weekday. Do a chore that she normally does (for me, that's the laundry). Leave her a note on her dashboard that she'll see when she goes to work. Mix it up: don't go to the same well too many times, read her signals to know what will work (and if you can't decide, then do 'em both).

Don't let women feel taken for granted. Married guys know what I'm talking about. Let her know that you appreciate everything she does (this is free, all you have to do is tell her). If she does something that you would have done differently (i.e. re-arranging your work bench), don't criticize her because she is going to be vulnerable due to the fact that she was trying to do something nice for you. Once in a while, try to imagine what your life would be like if she didn't take care of all those loose ends, it makes thanking her very easy.

Women need some free time too. Trust her to go out with her friends every now and then. Relax, dude, she isn't going out to cheat on you, she's going out to talk some "girl talk" with her friends. Let her be an individual and not merely an extension of your union. She will probably come back refreshed and happy. This is a low investment, high return situation. If she feels that she's "lost herself," then your "cute" habits will become major annoyances. If you have kids, throw them in the car and take them somewhere for a night so mom can be alone for once (see the "women like surprises" paragraph above).

Clean up after yourself (a huge necessity).

Be honest. The old "Does this outfit make me look fat?" question does have "yes" as an option. Honest does not have to mean brutal. Women can take criticism, but not in its raw form. That's where alternative solutions come into play: if the outfit makes her look fat (and I can't tell anyway, so we ask me?) then come up with a response that addresses her good side immediately. An example, "Do you like how I fixed your workbench", you know damn well you don't, but use some strategy in your answer, "I'll probably change a couple of things, it'll only take a second because I know where everything is. Thank you." What you've just done is implied that her effort was a good thing, and now you'll be happy about it quickly because of her.

Keep it interesting in the bedroom. You know your gonna get yours, so figure out 10 different ways for her to get hers (and use at least 7 of them each time).

Pee with the toilet seat up, leave with the toilet seat back down.

Learn to cook something besides hot dogs and macaroni and cheese (see "do her chores for her occassionally" above).

Let her hold the TV remote or pick the radio station in the car. Can't do it? Me neither.

Listen to her. If she's droning about work or some petty gripe, just go along with it. But if you learn to listen, your going to find out a whole lot about what she is all about (see "read her signals" above).

Don't fear a little romance. Make her feel feminine, not like she's your sister. Again, this doesn't have to be some gigantic production. There are a million things you can do in this category, most of which are very easy and either free or very inexpensive.

Above all, don't be a jerk. Just be nice to her, and you'll be amazed at the returns.

I make no claims about being some kind of psychologist. I have been married a long time and these things are all tested and true in my own experience. My buddies who are divorced came up short in some or all of these categories. Some of them have learned, and some are headed for a long bachelorhood.




Mindless drifter on the road, Carries such an easy load
User currently offlineMatt D From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 9502 posts, RR: 47
Reply 8, posted (12 years 12 months 1 day 14 hours ago) and read 754 times:

Other than Starship, I think all of you have totally missed my question by at least a few weeks.

This is not a post on how to treat women.

Not even CLOSE.

Please go back and re-read the original post. Why is it that women are so contradictory?

THAT is what I am trying to find out.


User currently offlineTurbolet From Cape Verde, joined Nov 2007, 0 posts, RR: 1
Reply 9, posted (12 years 12 months 1 day 14 hours ago) and read 748 times:

Women... I don't understand them
I gave up hope that I ever will
-turbolet


User currently offlineBernard Shakey From United States of America, joined Oct 2001, 560 posts, RR: 9
Reply 10, posted (12 years 12 months 1 day 14 hours ago) and read 744 times:

No, I read the post, but the post is for "advanced users." You must first get a grasp on the basics. Good luck in changing your entire outlook on the fairer sex, they're all rooting for you.


Mindless drifter on the road, Carries such an easy load
User currently onlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 40070 posts, RR: 74
Reply 11, posted (12 years 12 months 1 day 13 hours ago) and read 738 times:

I agree with Yyz717 for a change.  Wow!
Confuscius is right too.
Starship raises a good point as well and the photo displays the pinnacle of success for a woman, but unfortunately our society frowns on 'that form' of prostitution.


I've been successful with women because I know they are a living contradiction. I've given up trying figure them out long ago.
I used to feel the same way MalibuAir feels until I go sick and tired of 'not getting some'. If that works for MalibuAir, more power to you and I hope you find Mrs. Right. Just don't buy her a Grand Piano! Big grin

Just tell these broads what they want to hear and tell them they beautiful when there not and you will live a long, happier life.
 Smile





Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlineYyz717 From Canada, joined Sep 2001, 16367 posts, RR: 56
Reply 12, posted (12 years 12 months 1 day 10 hours ago) and read 712 times:

Superfly, do we normally disagree?

 Big grin

Neil



Panam, TWA, Ansett, Eastern.......AC next? Might be good for Canada.
User currently offlineSophieMaltese From United States of America, joined Feb 2001, 2064 posts, RR: 3
Reply 13, posted (12 years 12 months 1 day 6 hours ago) and read 698 times:

You know, I was in the plane with my CFI and heard him utter something like "Women are all the same..." I asked him what he meant. He never really completed the thought but muttered something about them always wanting you to give them more..."Ohhh, a $300,000 house is not enough, blah, blah, blah..."

I told him women are not all alike and how would he like it if I said men were all a-holes, they are all alike? He said, no that's not true.

I guess it's all a matter of perspective.

************************************
Oh, Jetguy, guess who I'm on the phone with right now??? Your wife says hello and she hopes you like sleeping on the porch with the dogs.

heheheheh  Smile


User currently offlineHkgspotter1 From Hong Kong, joined Nov 2005, 0 posts, RR: 0
Reply 14, posted (12 years 12 months 1 day 6 hours ago) and read 690 times:

The way he always talks about females, you have to wonder if he's ever spent any time with one !

User currently onlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 40070 posts, RR: 74
Reply 15, posted (12 years 12 months 1 day 6 hours ago) and read 701 times:

Not all women are as sweet & beautiful like SophieMaltese(Gretchen).  Smile

There are exceptions.



Bring back the Concorde
User currently offline174thfwff From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 16, posted (12 years 12 months 1 day 5 hours ago) and read 684 times:

WOW  Wow!, I am Super Lucky!
My girlfriend is such a babe. I mean she is one of those girls where if you see her walking on the street you stop for a few moments to turn around and say "DAMN!" Big thumbs up...yet I was the first boy she has ever kissed (this was 4 months after we went out and it happened last December!) and I think that this girl is truly rare because I see so many skanky girls running around in low cut jeans and halter tops and try to attract men. I think it's nasty that they dress like that and wonder why people call them a whore.
Anyway she enjoys very simple things. If you get her one daisy or 12 roses she loves both like they were one million bucks. She wares no make-up and love to sit with me on the couch and just snuggle and watch a good movie.
Simple things are good my friends. Possessions mean nothing (except if your utterly poor and can't afford anything then love means nothing and money means everything which I can agree 100% with but thats for another topic  Big grin)
I'm no superstar athlete or stud, I am just a teen boy who likes computer games and plays hockey.

Moral of this story- I don't know but all of you seem to have bad luck so I wanted to shine some good into it.

-Peace In-
174thfwff


User currently offlineSophieMaltese From United States of America, joined Feb 2001, 2064 posts, RR: 3
Reply 17, posted (12 years 12 months 20 hours ago) and read 664 times:

awww, Superfly, you are so sweet!

And thanks 174thfwff, I love hearing the good stories~!


User currently offlineTurbolet From Cape Verde, joined Nov 2007, 0 posts, RR: 1
Reply 18, posted (12 years 12 months 17 hours ago) and read 647 times:

174thfwff:

I'm no superstar athlete or stud, I am just a teen boy who likes computer games and plays hockey.

Moral of this story- I don't know but all of you seem to have bad luck so I wanted to shine some good into it.


You're making fun of us, right? I'm a teen boy who likes computer games and goes to the gym and I can't get hooked up with any girl who I see on the street, turn and say DAMN!
I found a really sweet and beautiful girl I'm in love with and I asked her out. She doesn't want a serious relationship. She just wants casual dating. What is your secret??!?!?!?!?!?
-turbolet


User currently offlineMatt D From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 9502 posts, RR: 47
Reply 19, posted (12 years 12 months 17 hours ago) and read 645 times:

You guys all represent the biggest collection of bullshitters on the planet.

Most of you are all teenagers. You all think you "know it all" when in reality you don't know shit.

Look me up in 10 years, when you actually have some life experience outside your present High School, living-with-the parents, on line sheltered existence and then tell me what you know.

Until then, keep passing your notes under the desks in English class-or send e-mails to your Palm Pilots, or whetever the hell it is you do now.

At 28 years of age, and having at least 8, or 10 years, or more experience than most of you have (if nothing else, then just by virtue of the age differential), I think I'm a hell of a lot more qualified discuss this than any of you currently hope to be.


User currently offline174thfwff From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 20, posted (12 years 12 months 16 hours ago) and read 638 times:

Turbolet-
No dawg, this is serious stuff. She comes over my house once a week and cooks dinner for my parents and my brothers!
The secret you asked? There is no secret. We just have very common interests. We like to have fun. We LIKE SCHOOL! (lol) We met in the library actually. She was studying for a Spanish test and I had the same teacher but at a different period, so I asked if we could quiz each other. After that we both got a 100% on the test. (useless information) So we started to hang out more in school not outside of school yet. Then I asked her friends when her birthday was. They told me it was in 2 weeks (my luck!). So I went to the store and bought her a wild flower bouquet because that's what she likes. And you can guess the rest.

-Peace In-
174thfwff


As to you Matt D...I think you are the most bitter person I have ever meet on the internet. Of course I don't know anything, but what I do know, I share.
Also, if you knew about women (which again, I don't right?) then you would be living happily with your wife and not be here shutting down peoples opinions.


User currently offlineScorpio From Belgium, joined Oct 2001, 5052 posts, RR: 44
Reply 21, posted (12 years 12 months 16 hours ago) and read 638 times:

Just an observation: Matt, you start a topic in which you (as usual) spit your venom towards womankind, clearly with the intention to start a conversation, not to say controversy. Then, when some others come along and show you a different side of the picture ( i.e. Things can works out just fine and mostly do) you come on and call the a bunch of bullshitters, because they're younger than you. If you're not going to let people disagree with you, why start this thread in the first place?

Ever thought your 'bad luck' in relationships might have a little something to do with your perception of women in general?


User currently offlineKLM672 From United States of America, joined Oct 1999, 2499 posts, RR: 3
Reply 22, posted (12 years 12 months 16 hours ago) and read 631 times:

"How can women apply a hot wax on their skin, rip it off and then be scared of a little spider?"
-JERRY SIENFELD.


User currently offlineTurbolet From Cape Verde, joined Nov 2007, 0 posts, RR: 1
Reply 23, posted (12 years 12 months 14 hours ago) and read 616 times:

174thfwff: I guess some guys are just luckier than others  Crying
-turbolet


Top Of Page
Forum Index

This topic is archived and can not be replied to any more.

Printer friendly format

Similar topics:More similar topics...
Do You Like "The Big Bang Theory"? posted Sun Dec 14 2008 06:10:41 by F.pier
Does Anyone Else Watch The Big Bang Theory On CBS? posted Wed Nov 19 2008 22:56:29 by DXing
Ok What Is The Big Deal With Vista? posted Fri Jan 11 2008 19:54:03 by CaptOveur
The Big 30. posted Thu Dec 6 2007 13:57:03 by Kieron747
The Big Blue Octopus posted Sat Sep 22 2007 10:03:37 by Aloges
What To Do When The Big One Hits? posted Wed Jul 18 2007 20:44:32 by Confuscius
The Big Lie About Bio-fuel... posted Tue Mar 27 2007 08:18:04 by Beaucaire
Beaver Sighting In The Big Apple! posted Sat Feb 24 2007 01:40:32 by Falcon84
Romney Goes For The Big Chair posted Tue Feb 13 2007 14:33:11 by ANCFlyer
Hdmi What’s The Big Deal? posted Sun Jan 7 2007 19:48:46 by 102IAHexpress