Sponsor Message:
Non Aviation Forum
My Starred Topics | Profile | New Topic | Forum Index | Help | Search 
Were You Adopted Thread  
User currently offlineMCOflyer From United States of America, joined Jun 2006, 8683 posts, RR: 16
Posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 17 hours ago) and read 1867 times:

I was curious if anyone was adopted? Both my sister and I were while my step sisters were not. I think the birth child know their health history while we, the adopted ones, do not unless we know our birth parents.

Hunter


Never be afraid to stand up for who you are.
44 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineSmithAir747 From Canada, joined Jan 2004, 1632 posts, RR: 28
Reply 1, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 16 hours ago) and read 1850 times:

Yes, I was adopted! I was born Hugh Dermott O'Connor, but was given my present name (Francis Joel Smith) by my adoptive parents.

I was born in 1975 to parents who had come from Ireland to study at Indiana University in Bloomington, IN. When they gave birth to me, they saw my severe craniofacial deformities (I have Treacher Collins syndrome) and were so distressed that they just told the staff at James Whitcomb Riley Hospital for Children in Indianapolis (where I had been transferred immediately after birth for life-threatening complications) to let me die or place me for foster care/adoption. They did not want me anymore--since they could not care for my severe medical problems. They were heading back to Ireland anyway--and Ireland did not have the advanced medical care available that I needed.

I was in the custody of the state of Indiana for my first 3 years--I was placed in foster care with an elderly black lady in inner-city Indianapolis. She had been caring for many sickly, unwanted babies in her tiny white bungalow with a postage-stamp-sized front yard fenced in chain link fencing. Riley Hospital referred me to her, as they worked in partnership with her to care for sick babies.

At around age 3, in 1978, I was finally placed with the Smiths in the Fort Wayne, IN, area for permanent foster care and eventual adoption. I came into a HUGE family of 9 or 10 children, ALL with special needs, who had all been adopted! Mom and Dad had been adopting these special children since the early 1960s, and I was number 9. I came with Treacher Collins syndrome and all its baggage (including a tracheostomy, gavage feeding tubes, you name it). The others in my family had challenges ranging from cleft lip and palate, to double amputation (from a rare bacterial meningitis), to cerebral palsy, to maternal heroin addiction, to emotional problems, you name it. Most of my siblings are now grown and moved on, with families of their own (there are now 15 grandchildren in my family!), with careers of their own. My younger sister (the double amputee) recently graduated from Purdue with a degree in child development, and plans to pursue a career in play/family therapy in a children's hospital.

My adoptive parents were Third-Order Franciscans, and wanted to name a son after St. Francis of Assisi, So that's how I got my present name--I was baptized shortly after my arrival, in the old St. Mary's Catholic Church in Fort Wayne, IN.

I have enjoyed a fulfilling, happy life in the Smith family ever since age 3 in 1978; my parents have been very dedicated Christian parents who gave their lives to adopting and caring for special needs children. My parents saw me through over 20 surgeries, as well as rejection from schools and classmates for many years, and encouraged me to keep pushing for my goals.

Dad died in 1995 at age 72, but my mother still lives on at age 83. She is still very active--and continues to this day to provide foster care for troubled children! I have been close to both my parents; Mom and I are still close today.

Now I am in San Francisco, pursuing my PhD in craniofacial embryology at UCSF. I'm quite far from home (Fort Wayne, IN) but Mom and I keep in touch. I also keep in touch with all my siblings in the Fort Wayne area.

My future autobiography, The Pancake Kid, will tell my story in much greater depth--including my adoptive family life.

SmithAir747



I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made... (Psalm 139:14)
User currently offlineAlaskaqantas From New Zealand, joined Dec 2005, 905 posts, RR: 4
Reply 2, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 16 hours ago) and read 1837 times:

My brother was adopted at birth, my parents never got to meet the mum an our lawyer called us up and told us that he was a 10 pound 3 ounce baby boy and some other stuff... and when my mum hung up she goes "TEN POUNDS 3 OUNCES!" she didnt even remember if it was a boy or not and had to call back up... that is pretty heavy for a baby!

(For anyone confused as to why Im using pounds and ounces when it says Im from NZ, I live on and off between Alaska and NZ!)
~Cheers-
~~Kyle H.



to some people the sky is the limit, to aviation enthusiasts, its home!
User currently offlineFXramper From United States of America, joined Dec 2005, 7309 posts, RR: 85
Reply 3, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 15 hours ago) and read 1820 times:
Support Airliners.net - become a First Class Member!

Quoting MCOflyer (Thread starter):

glad your folks did such an awesome thing and make you and sister part of the family.


 bouncy 



I miss the old Anet.
User currently offlineMCOflyer From United States of America, joined Jun 2006, 8683 posts, RR: 16
Reply 4, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 9 hours ago) and read 1791 times:

Quoting FXramper (Reply 3):


glad your folks did such an awesome thing and make you and sister part of the family.

Thanks.

I was Born in Cape Canaveral hospital on Mar 26, 1987. My mom at that time couldn't have babies so after 3 weeks, I was adopted as Hunter King Faulisi. I joined my sister who is 9yrs older than me. My birth sister remain in contact but do not talk too often. I have one brother who lives in somewhere Pennsylvania.

Hunter



Never be afraid to stand up for who you are.
User currently offlineLevent From France, joined Sep 2004, 1718 posts, RR: 5
Reply 5, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 7 hours ago) and read 1748 times:

Quoting SmithAir747 (Reply 1):
Yes, I was adopted! I was born Hugh Dermott O'Connor, but was given my present name (Francis Joel Smith) by my adoptive parents

Francis, that's a very special and touching story. I wish you all the best with your autobiography; I am sure that it will open up a whole new world for people who are interested in your medical condition. I once saw a movie starring Cher as the mother of a teenager with a deformed face, I think it was called 'Mask'. Is that the same condition you have? Did you have corrective plastic surgery throughout the years? It's also great to hear that you are studying something you're very closely affiliated with.

I was adopted by my Dutch father. My mum, who is Turkish, divorced from my real (Turkish) father when I was one, so I never knew him. I regard my Dutch father as my real dad. He also has a daughter from a previous marriage who I would love to see as my sister, but I haven't had contact with her in the past twelve years or so.
I do wonder sometimes whether my real father has any other children, whether there are any half-sisters or -brothers of mine out there. But I have never spoken about him with my mother.


User currently offlineUPS707 From United States of America, joined Sep 2004, 360 posts, RR: 0
Reply 6, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 7 hours ago) and read 1748 times:

Awesome story there SmithAir... your parents sound like truly amazing people. I wish we had their courage/strength when we were looking to adopt, but as first time parents, we weren't sure we could deal with the complexities of parenting itself, nevermind parenting special children so we shyed away from that. I really do admire people that take that on though since it's a such a minority of folks that do.

As far as adoption, I was adopted from birth since both my parents were young (under 20) and apparently weren't staying together, so they chose to put me up for adoption and continue with "fresh" lives. I'm glad they did though since I got the chance to live my life with parents who truly wanted me since they were getting a child because they wanted one, not just because they happened to get pregnant. I know I have 2 half-brothers in Michigan, but that's about all I know since my Birth-mom doesn't want to tell them about me because she's worried about what they would think of her for giving up her child.

As a twist of fate, my wife and I can't have kids and have ended up adopting 2 wonderful children and were happy to be given the chance to be parents! What is interesting is the difference in the process between now and 37 years ago. Now things are much more open and we not only got the chance to meet both sets of birthparents, but you have their identity, full family/medical history, can actually keep in touch if you/they want etc. It's a very different style, but overall I think it's good for the kids since they won't have the huge unknown area that closed adoption folks have.


User currently offlineGDB From United Kingdom, joined May 2001, 13229 posts, RR: 77
Reply 7, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 1737 times:

SmithAir, a touching and very inspiring story, your parents being true Christians.

UPS707, kudos to you as well, taking the good from your story and applying it for more good.

I was adopted at 6 weeks.
I've always known, that is, I cannot remember being told for the first time.
My sister was too, 3 years before me.

Mum and Dad could not have kids after a decade of trying, no IVF back in the 60's, so adoption it was.
Mum has said she was so attached to my sister right away, so much so the routine visits by social services to new adoptive parents, frightened her terribly.
Not that there was any reason, and of course, soon the routine visits ended.

Three years later, they wanted a little brother for my sister.
What ensured I was 'chosen', was that I was at 6 weeks, small, crying constantly even for a baby of that age, (a sign of insecurity perhaps?)

I could not have asked for better parents, dad died in Sept 1997, he had waged a 17 year long fight against MS, though cancer killed him in his already weakened state.
Mum is still active and happy.

Am I curious about my biological parents, of course to a degree it's inevitable, but will I do anything about it?
No. At least not while mum is still with us, which still probably means no for good anyway.
Why try to recreate a past that never was, I don't know names, but I have scant details, a 17 year old girl 'getting into trouble', the boy not wanting to know, her already looking after an ill parent.
I hope her life improved, that she found someone better and had children, but you never know, you might end up not liking what you find.

One cause for optimism, Mum remembers how well provided I'd been, with nappies and other baby related stuff by my birth mother, in contrast to my sister, or most of the others, so I think giving me away must of have been a massive wrench for her.
That thought upsets me, even so, I could not bring myself to go and find out, if contact should be requested the other way (a recent change in the law makes this possible), I'll have to cross that bridge.

My adoptive parents WERE my real parents, they looked after me, brought me up as well as they could, they moulded me.
Family is what you make it.
I do know my 'original' name, it has no relevance to me though, (mum changed my forename, thinking that 'Lee' sounded like a girl's name!)

Then there is the whole genetic history thing, so would it have helped me if this had turned up a history of Rheumatoid Arthritis?
Not really, since this condition, caused by the immune system going a bit mental and attacking your body, can be triggered by a slight event that makes the immune system kick off, I think in late 1999, for me this was a mild ear infection.
But what I had known? Get scared at every cold, or anything more? No thanks.
I'm lucky, getting it later in life, not as a child, the drugs mostly controlling it, many of which a child could not take.

I feel strongly about adoption, I'm no Luddite, not against IVF etc, but on the NHS?
So many kids in care need a real home, I'm so lucky here, since the stories of far too many kids in care is not a happy one.
Abuse of all kinds, often put into the world at 17, many passed from foster parent to foster parent.
Stories like these, when I hear them, provoke a strong emotional reaction in me.
Because if not for my wonderful parents, that could have been me.

I don't know what % of people are adoptive in the UK, but a girl I had quite a long relationship in the mid/late 1990's was, like me, at the same age, within weeks of the same time, same year.
Another good friend was too.

One more thing, had I been conceived just a little later, another option would have appeared, at least legally.
Abortion.
Unknowable if my birth mother would have considered it, but that does not change my broadly pro choice view one bit.


User currently offlineMCOflyer From United States of America, joined Jun 2006, 8683 posts, RR: 16
Reply 8, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 1737 times:

Quoting UPS707 (Reply 6):


As a twist of fate, my wife and I can't have kids and have ended up adopting 2 wonderful children and were happy to be given the chance to be parents! What is interesting is the difference in the process between now and 37 years ago. Now things are much more open and we not only got the chance to meet both sets of birthparents, but you have their identity, full family/medical history, can actually keep in touch if you/they want etc. It's a very different style, but overall I think it's good for the kids since they won't have the huge unknown area that closed adoption folks have.

Alan I'm luck i got to know my birth mother before she died at 40. I know some of my medical history but not all. Funny thing is Im like my adoptive dad in terms of personality.

Hunter



Never be afraid to stand up for who you are.
User currently offlineUPS707 From United States of America, joined Sep 2004, 360 posts, RR: 0
Reply 9, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 1724 times:

Quoting GDB (Reply 7):

UPS707, kudos to you as well, taking the good from your story and applying it for more good.

Not that there ever was another option for us... Having had a previous employer who went through fertility because she wanted a sibling for her son and ended up having quads 3 months early of which she now has 1 left at age 7 due to complications and illnesses, we knew it wasn't fair to the kids to bring them into the world with those chances just because we wanted to have "our" kids. My kids are my kids regardless of how they came to me. Of course we use this theory on animals also and have never bought a dog/cat (we have 2 of each now having lost a cat 3 weeks ago to kidney failure) since there are so many strays at the pound/rescue agencies that it just doesn't make sense to go get one from a breeder while leaving another to die in the pound.

What is funny is how many times I hear "You look just like your Dad" and I'm starting to hear it with our kids too. I'm sure it's due to mannerisms and expressions that we pick up over time from our parents, but it's funny to hear all the same. I'm sure as time goes on, we'll hear it more and more since my son is part Portugese and "kermit complected" just like my wife and my daughter has the Irish fair skin and blue eyes like I do in addition to the red hair that my dad had (I also lost my dad a few years ago due to cancer).

It's interesting to see this thread here and hear people's stories... we've shared self pics, our houses and cars etc, but it's nice to see something more personal and get a feel for who else shares our situation.


User currently offlineSmithAir747 From Canada, joined Jan 2004, 1632 posts, RR: 28
Reply 10, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 1718 times:

Quoting Levent (Reply 5):
I once saw a movie starring Cher as the mother of a teenager with a deformed face, I think it was called 'Mask'. Is that the same condition you have? Did you have corrective plastic surgery throughout the years?

I saw that same movie! The condition of the boy in the movie was not the same syndrome; his was referred to as "lion-face" in the movie.

I have met Cher personally 3 times. I first met her at her Indianapolis concert in 1999, on her "Believe" tour. I was invited to the concert by the staff in the craniofacial team at James Whitcomb Riley Hospital for Children in Indianapolis. At the concert, I was invited backstage to meet her. I have photos to prove it! That Christmas, she gave me a grey hooded sweatshirt, with the message "Here's A Big Hug, Love Cher". I still treasure it to this day! We met once again in Denver in 2000, at the Cher's Annual Family Retreat (hosted by Children's Craniofacial Association, Dallas, TX). The last time we met was in 2003, when she came to my hometown--Fort Wayne, IN--on her final tour. She gave me front-row tickets at her concert, and waved to me during the performance!

Cher is the honorary chairperson of Children's Craniofacial Association, and started the Cher's Annual Family Retreat. which I faithfully attend each year if I'm able. (When I got home from London after 3 years, the families at the retreat were so glad to see me, as I am a well-known regular there.)

Yes, I have had over 20 reconstructive surgeries on my face--ranging from cleft palate repair, to multiple ear reconstruction procedures, to multiple jaw surgeries (very serious ones requiring tracheostomy and wiring the mouth shut for up to 2 months), to rebuilding of my entire front face and cheekbones. I was operated on at both Riley Hospital in Indianapolis and at St. Louis Children's Hospital. My last operation was 4 years ago--to insert my BAHA implantable hearing aid (Bone Anchored Hearing Aid, Entific Medical Systems, USA).

Now that I'm here in San Francisco at UCSF, I have been referred to UCSF's craniofacial team for an evaluation, to see what more (if anything) could be done for me. My main medical concerns now are my great difficulties in eating, swallowing, and breathing (as my throat is too small and I cannot chew food well, and I still have a palate fistula).

The adventure continues...

SmithAir747



I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made... (Psalm 139:14)
User currently offlineUadc8contrail From United States of America, joined Sep 2003, 1782 posts, RR: 9
Reply 11, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 1702 times:

wow smithair....great story and hard to top that...i was adopted thru catholic charities...mom was 19 and dad was 21....in 96 when my son was born he had a condition called "r.s.v." a respitory type condition and i literally had no idea about my birth parents so i called c/c as the doctors did not know what he had and were now asking my wife and i about our medical history....after a long run around i was able to get ahold of a person that went over the documents...im still skeptical that i was not actualy told everything but a more condensed version...he turned out to have infant asthsma and grew out of it....


bus driver.......move that bus:)
User currently offlineGDB From United Kingdom, joined May 2001, 13229 posts, RR: 77
Reply 12, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 4 hours ago) and read 1690 times:

UPS707, neither I nor my sister AFAIK, were ever told that we resembled our parents, but I think you are right, mannerisms etc can make people think that.
Just goes to show anyone who ever thinks adoptive parents are not 'real', how wrong they are.


User currently offline57AZ From United States of America, joined Nov 2004, 2550 posts, RR: 2
Reply 13, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 1659 times:

Interesting and touching stories all around. I was adopted through Holt International in 1978, being 14 months old at the time. When I was in 10th grade, my mother took me back to see Korea and one of the places that we visited was the Holt International orphanage in Seoul. The staff there were very pleasant and among other things, provided us with a full copy of my file. A friend of my mothers translated the file for us and the information it provided was very interesting. Not unlike many other Korean adoptees, the agency had no record of my birth parents, my true original name or even the date of birth. They did however, have firm records of where I was found and the origin of my official Korean name. I was found by Buddhist monks at a temple in Yang San Goon-Jang Ahn Province in the spring of 1977. All they could determine about my age was that I was approximately 6 months old at the time.


"When a man runs on railroads over half of his lifetime he is fit for nothing else-and at times he don't know that."
User currently offlineGo3Team From United States of America, joined Mar 2004, 3267 posts, RR: 16
Reply 14, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days ago) and read 1640 times:

Quoting 57AZ (Reply 13):
All they could determine about my age was that I was approximately 6 months old at the time.

Curious as to how you've got around that with the need for IDs these days. Is there a day you've set aside as your birthday?



Yay Pudding!
User currently offlineTorquewrench From United States of America, joined Aug 2007, 65 posts, RR: 0
Reply 15, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 21 hours ago) and read 1622 times:

Greetings.... I, too am an adoptee. I was born in 1962, and adopted in 1965. Some years back I set out to locate my birth parents. I was fortunate to locate my B-mom, B-father, 4 full siblings and 2 half sibs. I have a wonderful relationship with them, have met all but one who chose not to meet. All us kids were seperated by adoption and grew up in different homes. My sister that I found is very special to me. We are siamese twins. We are joined at the heart!! I may post more later on this subject if some of you are interested.........

M.



Recovery is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the trip.
User currently offlineMCOflyer From United States of America, joined Jun 2006, 8683 posts, RR: 16
Reply 16, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 20 hours ago) and read 1613 times:

Quoting Torquewrench (Reply 15):
We are joined at the heart!! I may post more later on this subject if some of you are interested.........

Sure. I'd love to hear it.

My b-mom and I had a good relationship. I'm still ashamed that I do not visit her grave. She died of a heart attack in 2003. I'm following in her footsteps by driving semi's. Her late b/f commented that she was glad I met her not a moment too soon. My birth sister and I are in contact every month or two.

Hunter



Never be afraid to stand up for who you are.
User currently offlineDougloid From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 17, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 19 hours ago) and read 1597 times:

My mom and her two brothers were adopted from different families. She went through some changes but through research and patience she determined who her birth parents were. They were Irish from Nova Scotia and her father had died from alcoholism a year or so after she was born, in 1921. Her maiden name was Margot Gallagher. The bonus for me is I getto claim Canada and Ireland. There are a number of Gallaghers in Nova Scotia and I have no doubt I have shirt tail relatives all over the place.


Her brothers both served honorably in the second world war in the Army Air Corps and the Army. One was a professor of sacred music and the other was a foreman for Bethlehem Steel.

It's interesting talking about it with her, and it really makes me and my sisters fortunate and blessed that no matter how shitty her life was at times we never doubted that we were loved and wanted.


User currently offlineMCOflyer From United States of America, joined Jun 2006, 8683 posts, RR: 16
Reply 18, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 19 hours ago) and read 1594 times:

Quoting Dougloid (Reply 17):

It's interesting talking about it with her, and it really makes me and my sisters fortunate and blessed that no matter how shitty her life was at times we never doubted that we were loved and wanted.

Same here with my sister. We talk about it every once in a while. But its still a blessing to adopt. I will probably do the same when I get married or if I choose not too.

Hunter



Never be afraid to stand up for who you are.
User currently offlineTorquewrench From United States of America, joined Aug 2007, 65 posts, RR: 0
Reply 19, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 17 hours ago) and read 1582 times:

One of the mant great things about my being an reunited adoptee is that my parents that raised me (the real parents as far as I'm concerned) were all for me diong the search. They even helped me fund it. I did my search before the internet, so it was long and painstaking. I started with only the place and date of my adoption, what I thought was my middle name at birth, and the choice of 3 different birth dates. From that little info I was able over the course of a 2 year search locate all of my birth family. It was and is a wild story to say the least considering us 5 kids were split and grew up in different homes. If I had to rate my search and reunion on a scale of 1 to 10, I would rate it 19! My b-mother and my mother both now know each other, and refer to me as "our son". What a deal. Both are truly my mothers. One carried me in her womb, the other carried me in her heart. One I call mother (the one who raised me) and my b-mother I call mom. they each know thier title with me, so it's no problem when we are all together. When my dad passed away a few years ago, both of my mothers were at the funeral. My dad and I were very close. My mothers sat on either side of me during the service. I have also celebrated Mothers day at my place of worship with both mothers there. What an honor.......
Next post will focus on my sister.

M.



Recovery is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the trip.
User currently offlineHAWK21M From India, joined Jan 2001, 31684 posts, RR: 56
Reply 20, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 14 hours ago) and read 1565 times:

Just a query.....When would be the correct time for Adoptive parents to tell the adopted kid that he/she is adopted.
Its an important debate out here because of the reaction of the child to distance themselves for the adoptive parents if learnt at a later date.

regds
MEL



Think of the brighter side!
User currently offlineTorquewrench From United States of America, joined Aug 2007, 65 posts, RR: 0
Reply 21, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 11 hours ago) and read 1546 times:

Quoting HAWK21M (Reply 20):
Just a query.....When would be the correct time for Adoptive parents to tell the adopted kid that he/she is adopted.

I don't remember ever not knowing. I've always known. My parents made sure I knew from the beginning that I was chosen, picked out. It was always known to me that I was not a mistake, or unplanned pregnancy, but rather a chosen and welcome addition to our family. My parents were unable to afford (on a ministers salary in the 60's) the associated fees and court costs. To this day I don't know who paid for my adoption, only that a church member did it anonomously. After I found my b-father he told me that when he made the heart-wrenching decision to put us kids up for adoption that he chose the adoption home on the condition that we be adopted into christian homes. What a deal. I thank my God regularly for that. Amazingly tho us kids were raised in different homes with different beliefs, we all share very simular values. Another interesting thing with us. We all are right handed. We all have 3 kids each, and the youngest in each of our families is left handed. The simularities between us are many. That's another post! Another thing for a future post. When I found my b-mother she lived about 1500 miles from me. We met and formed a wonderful relationship. She now lives less than 30 minutes from me. How and why she came to Houston to live is a story I will elabo
rate on in another post.



Recovery is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the trip.
User currently offlineMyt332 From United Kingdom, joined Sep 2003, 9112 posts, RR: 70
Reply 22, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 1538 times:

Quoting HAWK21M (Reply 20):
Just a query.....When would be the correct time for Adoptive parents to tell the adopted kid that he/she is adopted.
Its an important debate out here because of the reaction of the child to distance themselves for the adoptive parents if learnt at a later date.

I was told at 12 just after my "grandfather" died of cancer. I remember feeling really guilty when I was told as I couldn't get out of my head how loving, kind and of course how proud he was to have me as his only grandson. It made me feel awful for some reason. I recall also that I wasn't really told so much as asked did I know about the adoption. The exact phrase was, "You do know you were adopted in 1989 right?"...... Lovely!

When my grandmother then died of cancer four years later, despite loving her immensely, I remember feeling almost emotionless which I still hate myself for.

My brother and sister are also adopted but they're being dealt with differently to me. They have three other siblings which have been adopted by other families and it's been decided to bring them up knowing about each other but the relationship between them will be one resembling cousins. I find this annoying as I too have been dragged into this 'cousin' shit but often play second fiddle to the blood related children as I'm 17 years older. Great...



One Life, Live it.
User currently offlineLevent From France, joined Sep 2004, 1718 posts, RR: 5
Reply 23, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 1537 times:

Quoting HAWK21M (Reply 20):
When would be the correct time for Adoptive parents to tell the adopted kid that he/she is adopted

My mum told me that my dad wasn't my real dad when I was 12. I think it depends on the individual child. I was mature very early and she knew I would take it well. Some children might not take it well at all.

The day she told me was the one and only time she mentioned my biological father. I could see she wasn't happy with the past at all and, being happy with the way things were, I never questioned her about it.


User currently offlineUPS707 From United States of America, joined Sep 2004, 360 posts, RR: 0
Reply 24, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 7 hours ago) and read 1510 times:

I'm with the others who can't remember not knowing. I was told ata very early age and plan to do the same with my kids. That is a huge thing to keep from a child and is one of those things that can be taken as deceitful if they feel that you were hiding it from them on purpose. We figure that if the kids know and are also very aware of their place in the family, they should take it well and not feel it is a bad thing.

As far as how parents feel about adopted kids, I really wish I remember who this quote came from, but my wife bumped into something in a magazine about a famous person who said they had "4 kids, 2 of them adopted, but I can't remember which ones!" I think that just sums it up so well.


25 MCOflyer : I remember my dad crying and telling me I was adopted when I was 13. A little young to see why he was crying but now I see it. He says hes proud of me
26 Bagpiper : Man. I wish I could add SmithAir's parents to my RU list!!!! Great story, man!
27 57AZ : It's never been an issue. The agency in charge of vital statistics determined approximately when I would have been born and assigned a random date wi
28 Dougloid : With the rise in single parenthood one suspects that there are a lot of kids who won't know who dad (mostly) or mom (sometimes) really is. It's tough
29 Comorin : What an amazing thread. Hats off to all of you and your wonderful parents! Adoption is a two-way street: think also of the joy you brought into their
30 Torquewrench : [quote=Comorin,reply=29]Adoption is a two-way street[/quote I couldn't agree more. On the same topic, I would be interested in 3 other discussions in
31 SmithAir747 : I know very little of my Irish biological parents, other than their surname (O'Connor) and the fact that they were graduate students who came from Ir
32 57AZ : I would say that it should be done once the child is old enough to understand or comprehend what it means to be adopted. Obviously, this will vary fr
33 Torquewrench : Sort of reminds me of a time when a mom with a child who was obviously not natural born to her (different race) was asked if the child was her "real"
34 UPS707 : As both an adoptee and an adoptive parent, I have no issues with the children searching for their birthparents. My parents were in favor of me search
35 GDB : Interesting stuff, as someone said, close to the heart too. My own view on finding biological parents, is of course, only valid for myself, my circums
36 PureKiwi : My friend was put into Child youth and family services (Cyfs) care at the start of this year and all I can say is the adoption system in New Zealand h
37 Lfutia : yeah.. me my bro and my sis. I'll only give you my story though. I was adopted through FCVN in 1987. I was born 2 months premature in June ( no I'm no
38 HAWK21M : Nice to hear that.When were you made aware that you were adopted & what was your initial reaction. regds MEL
39 Lfutia : when i was little kid. Leo
40 OzarkD9S : Adopted here too. Have never had a desire to meet my "real family" as my own is bad enough. Love my Mom tho...and if anyone looked at her cross-eyed I
41 HAWK21M : What age & what was your initial reaction to the truth. regds MEL
42 Lfutia : I think 5 or 6. cant remember my reaction. its been too long. Leo
43 HAWK21M : Leo.What was your reaction.Did you sulk,get depressed.How long did it last. Thats the biggest concern of foster parents.When & how to tell the Kid th
44 Post contains images Paulc : I was adopted in 1966 at 3 months old - the people who adopted me became mum and dad (or dum and mad ) My mum was told that she could not have childre
Top Of Page
Forum Index

This topic is archived and can not be replied to any more.

Printer friendly format

Similar topics:More similar topics...
"What Newspaper You Read" Thread Redux! posted Wed May 2 2007 05:40:40 by Planespotting
Where Were You 10 Years Ago Roughly? posted Sun Mar 25 2007 21:17:03 by Jamesbuk
Where Were You 10 Years Ago Roughly? posted Sun Mar 25 2007 21:17:03 by Jamesbuk
The Get A Life You N00bs Thread! posted Sat Jan 6 2007 22:23:08 by Gkirk
The Get A Life You N00bs Thread! posted Sat Jan 6 2007 22:23:08 by Gkirk
9/11....what Were You Doing That Day? posted Mon Sep 11 2006 21:42:53 by RootsAir
9/11....what Were You Doing That Day? posted Mon Sep 11 2006 21:42:53 by RootsAir
How Old Were You When You Moved Out? posted Tue Apr 11 2006 15:31:24 by Kaddyuk
How Old Were You When You Moved Out? posted Tue Apr 11 2006 15:31:24 by Kaddyuk
The 'now' Pic From Where You Live Thread posted Sun Mar 12 2006 20:56:50 by Derico
The 'now' Pic From Where You Live Thread posted Sun Mar 12 2006 20:56:50 by Derico
Were You A Fan Of Baywatch? posted Wed Jan 4 2006 18:33:05 by 9VSPO
Were You A Fan Of Baywatch? posted Wed Jan 4 2006 18:33:05 by 9VSPO
Were You Affected By Dennis? posted Mon Jul 11 2005 18:35:17 by Tbar220
Were You Affected By Dennis? posted Mon Jul 11 2005 18:35:17 by Tbar220
Where Were You When... posted Sun Jun 5 2005 23:12:05 by AirxLiban
Where Were You When... posted Sun Jun 5 2005 23:12:05 by AirxLiban
Were You Hazed In Your Fraternity? posted Fri May 27 2005 22:49:37 by UAL747
Were You Hazed In Your Fraternity? posted Fri May 27 2005 22:49:37 by UAL747