AirTran737 From United States of America, joined Apr 2004, 3811 posts, RR: 11 Posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 4 days 22 hours ago) and read 2785 times:
So there is this girl who I have known since I was a 19 year old idiot ramper for Servisair in GRR. She was a flight attendant for YX, and we handled their flights so I got to know her. Over the years we have come to be great friends, she has been there to encourage me as I progressed with my career and I did the same for her. I am now 26 and living in ATL, she is 29 living in MKE. I work in the wonderful airline world, and she's a flight attendant for TZ. Last weekend I was in MKE visiting some friends from my days at FL when she called to see if I wanted to hang out. We've hung out tons of times, and I didn't think anything of it. One thing led to another and we ended up fooling around a bit. Now over the course of this week we have been talking about what happened and have decided that it was a good thing, but our history together is so complex. She has seen me go through my relationships and I have seen her go through hers, and we have both been there to give one another advice, and that make both of us worry about the prospect of dating one another. Adding to the complexity is that we share a common best friend who neither of us has been able to get his opinion on the situation because he is a 747 F/O for Evergreen and in some part of BFE as we speak. To top it all of she has a one year old son with a complete asshole. The kid is a good little guy, but I can for see myself having to stomp a mud-hole in his dads ass and walk it dry (I've almost done it before, he has a big case of Napoleon Syndrome.)
So here's the question, do I say screw it and go for this? Or should I just call it good and walk away? It's your typical airline relationship, I average between 13 and 17 days off a month, and could totally commute it if I wanted to, she's in the same boat. Usually I make a decision without consultation and for the most part I am always right, but this one requires a bit more thought, and care. It's a delicate situation, and I want to make the best decision for all involved. Your input is appreciated.
[Edited 2007-08-19 10:50:57]
[Edited 2007-08-19 10:52:49]
Nice Trip Report!!! Great Pics, thanks for posting!!!! B747Forever
JGPH1A From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 5, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 4 days 21 hours ago) and read 2720 times:
Quoting Austinairport (Reply 3): Its the age thing that bothers me the most. But if you like her why not.
3 years is nothing, it should be no handicap.
Think carefully before moving forward - taking on a kid is a big responsibility, more so if it's not your own kid (and more fraught with potential problems) - but bottom line really is does she make you happy, and do you think she can make you happy long term. Ditto for her - do you make her happy, and can you continue to make her happy long term.
I don't see how the fact of having helped each other out through other relationships is a problem - it's more of a bonus, it means you're friends, and the basis of any long-term relationship has to be friendship - attraction and a physical relationship goes on top of that. Knowing each others strenghts and weaknesses, and about each others emotional baggage up front, saves a lot of nasty surprises later on.
If it's going to go anywhere though, one of you might want to start thinking about relocating - long distance commuter relationships have bags of potential hurdles to overcome by themselves, and with everything else here, distance might prove to be one hurdle too many.
Think of everyone you know. Think of everyone you know with a long distance relationship. Think of everyone you know with a long distance relationship where the dad of the potential kid that's involved has to have his ass stomped on. I could go on, but you get the idea.
AirTran737 From United States of America, joined Apr 2004, 3811 posts, RR: 11
Reply 8, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 4 days 20 hours ago) and read 2688 times:
Quoting AeroWesty (Reply 7): Think of everyone you know. Think of everyone you know with a long distance relationship. Think of everyone you know with a long distance relationship where the dad of the potential kid that's involved has to have his ass stomped on. I could go on, but you get the idea.
I understand your point, and coming from the "International Homo of Mystery" it makes it even more valid. The fact that we are airline folk is a factor that can negate the long distance issue. I have been commuting for the last five years to and from work, it's just something that we all get used to.
Quoting AerorobNZ (Reply 6): although being dad to another guy's kid is always a concern.
I am a step child, so I have some experience in dealing with the situation. It's a tough role to step into, and not every one can do it.
Nice Trip Report!!! Great Pics, thanks for posting!!!! B747Forever
Srbmod From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 12, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 4 days 19 hours ago) and read 2622 times:
Quoting AirTran737 (Reply 8): I am a step child, so I have some experience in dealing with the situation. It's a tough role to step into, and not every one can do it.
That's part of the reason why I've had a thing about not dating women with kids. Although this rule of mine I may toss aside, as I recently found out from a friend that an old high school crush of mine is single and looking. She's got a kid, but I have to say she's probably one girl I'd be willing to consider setting that rule aside for.
While I've never done the long-distance thing, most of the time it doesn't seem to work. But then again, there's exceptions to the rule, case in point, our own CastleIsland, who's marrying his long-distance relationship towards the end of this month.
Eventually, if this relationship works, someone's going to have to make the sacrifice and move. This could also potentially mean quitting a job. Would you be willing to quit your job and move up to MKE? Or would she be willing to potentially quit her job and move to Atlanta?
Mika From Sweden, joined Jul 2000, 2926 posts, RR: 3
Reply 17, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 4 days 16 hours ago) and read 2511 times:
If you and she can handle the distance and possible obstacles standing in your way then heck yeah, you should go for it.
Every relationship takes work, effort and compromises (i'm almost willing to say that they do that by definition), in one form or another. So if you are willing to work on it (and she is) then go ahead, by all means.
Life is too short to have too many of these 'what if' moments.
MD11Engineer From Germany, joined Oct 2003, 14968 posts, RR: 61
Reply 18, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 4 days 15 hours ago) and read 2494 times:
I'm living in a long distance relationship since 7 years (I live and work in Germany, my girlfriend lives and works in Dublin, Ireland). Our relationship is still going strong, though we are thinking of eventually tying the knot and moving together.
Kmh1956 From Bermuda, joined Jun 2005, 3324 posts, RR: 6
Reply 22, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 4 days 14 hours ago) and read 2433 times:
Reading the responses here, I can't help but think that all you guys are saying that if you're a single mother you shouldn't have a chance at a relationship.....she has a kid, avoid her like the plague?
'Somebody tell me why I'm on my own if there's a soulmate for everyone' :Natasha Bedingfield
I'm not sure if my response is part of "all you guys" or not, but no, that's not what I was saying. There seems to be an ogre for a father which will complicate matters. If she hasn't dealt with that yet, it's only asking for trouble to step into the situation, as far as I read it, especially on a commuter basis.
MaidensGator From United States of America, joined Jan 2007, 945 posts, RR: 0
Reply 24, posted (8 years 9 months 1 week 4 days 12 hours ago) and read 2381 times:
Quoting Kmh1956 (Reply 22): Reading the responses here, I can't help but think that all you guys are saying that if you're a single mother you shouldn't have a chance at a relationship.....she has a kid, avoid her like the plague?
My response had nothing to do with the single mother aspect of the woman, so I don't think I should be included in "all" the guys. My wife was a single mother when I met her and i have a great stepson that I think of as my own...