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Should I Date This Girl?  
User currently offlineAirTran737 From United States of America, joined Apr 2004, 3705 posts, RR: 12
Posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 2326 times:
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So there is this girl who I have known since I was a 19 year old idiot ramper for Servisair in GRR. She was a flight attendant for YX, and we handled their flights so I got to know her. Over the years we have come to be great friends, she has been there to encourage me as I progressed with my career and I did the same for her. I am now 26 and living in ATL, she is 29 living in MKE. I work in the wonderful airline world, and she's a flight attendant for TZ. Last weekend I was in MKE visiting some friends from my days at FL when she called to see if I wanted to hang out. We've hung out tons of times, and I didn't think anything of it. One thing led to another and we ended up fooling around a bit. Now over the course of this week we have been talking about what happened and have decided that it was a good thing, but our history together is so complex. She has seen me go through my relationships and I have seen her go through hers, and we have both been there to give one another advice, and that make both of us worry about the prospect of dating one another. Adding to the complexity is that we share a common best friend who neither of us has been able to get his opinion on the situation because he is a 747 F/O for Evergreen and in some part of BFE as we speak. To top it all of she has a one year old son with a complete asshole. The kid is a good little guy, but I can for see myself having to stomp a mud-hole in his dads ass and walk it dry (I've almost done it before, he has a big case of Napoleon Syndrome.)

So here's the question, do I say screw it and go for this? Or should I just call it good and walk away? It's your typical airline relationship, I average between 13 and 17 days off a month, and could totally commute it if I wanted to, she's in the same boat. Usually I make a decision without consultation and for the most part I am always right, but this one requires a bit more thought, and care. It's a delicate situation, and I want to make the best decision for all involved. Your input is appreciated.

[Edited 2007-08-19 10:50:57]

[Edited 2007-08-19 10:52:49]


Nice Trip Report!!! Great Pics, thanks for posting!!!! B747Forever
55 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineAeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 20730 posts, RR: 62
Reply 1, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 2318 times:

No.


International Homo of Mystery
User currently offlineJRadier From Netherlands, joined Sep 2004, 4703 posts, RR: 50
Reply 2, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 2296 times:

It seems there is 'something', why not try?


For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and ther
User currently offlineAustinairport From United States of America, joined Feb 2007, 643 posts, RR: 1
Reply 3, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 2285 times:

Its the age thing that bothers me the most. But if you like her why not.


Whoever said you can do anything you set your mind to has obviously never tried to slam a revolving door!!!
User currently offlineAirTran737 From United States of America, joined Apr 2004, 3705 posts, RR: 12
Reply 4, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 2284 times:
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Quoting Austinairport (Reply 3):
Its the age thing that bothers me the most. But if you like her why not.

We are three years apart, whats wrong with that?

Quoting AeroWesty (Reply 1):
No.

Elaborate please



Nice Trip Report!!! Great Pics, thanks for posting!!!! B747Forever
User currently offlineJGPH1A From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 5, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 2261 times:

Quoting Austinairport (Reply 3):
Its the age thing that bothers me the most. But if you like her why not.

3 years is nothing, it should be no handicap.

Think carefully before moving forward - taking on a kid is a big responsibility, more so if it's not your own kid (and more fraught with potential problems) - but bottom line really is does she make you happy, and do you think she can make you happy long term. Ditto for her - do you make her happy, and can you continue to make her happy long term.

I don't see how the fact of having helped each other out through other relationships is a problem - it's more of a bonus, it means you're friends, and the basis of any long-term relationship has to be friendship - attraction and a physical relationship goes on top of that. Knowing each others strenghts and weaknesses, and about each others emotional baggage up front, saves a lot of nasty surprises later on.

If it's going to go anywhere though, one of you might want to start thinking about relocating - long distance commuter relationships have bags of potential hurdles to overcome by themselves, and with everything else here, distance might prove to be one hurdle too many.

Best of luck...


User currently offlineAerorobNZ From Rwanda, joined Feb 2001, 7261 posts, RR: 13
Reply 6, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 2261 times:

I think having the long term history behind you both is a good thing. I'd probably go for it, although being dad to another guy's kid is always a concern.

User currently offlineAeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 20730 posts, RR: 62
Reply 7, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days ago) and read 2233 times:

Quoting AirTran737 (Reply 4):
Elaborate please

Think of everyone you know. Think of everyone you know with a long distance relationship. Think of everyone you know with a long distance relationship where the dad of the potential kid that's involved has to have his ass stomped on. I could go on, but you get the idea.



International Homo of Mystery
User currently offlineAirTran737 From United States of America, joined Apr 2004, 3705 posts, RR: 12
Reply 8, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days ago) and read 2229 times:
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Quoting AeroWesty (Reply 7):
Think of everyone you know. Think of everyone you know with a long distance relationship. Think of everyone you know with a long distance relationship where the dad of the potential kid that's involved has to have his ass stomped on. I could go on, but you get the idea.

I understand your point, and coming from the "International Homo of Mystery" it makes it even more valid. The fact that we are airline folk is a factor that can negate the long distance issue. I have been commuting for the last five years to and from work, it's just something that we all get used to.

Quoting AerorobNZ (Reply 6):
although being dad to another guy's kid is always a concern.

I am a step child, so I have some experience in dealing with the situation. It's a tough role to step into, and not every one can do it.



Nice Trip Report!!! Great Pics, thanks for posting!!!! B747Forever
User currently offlineAeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 20730 posts, RR: 62
Reply 9, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days ago) and read 2224 times:

Quoting AirTran737 (Reply 8):
The fact that we are airline folk is a factor that can negate the long distance issue.

Not with a kid involved and an errant dad close-by. You'd be "the other dad who commutes in". You want to date this chick, or fend for a kid from far away?

I'd say stay friends, and don't work yourself into ruining the good thing you already have.



International Homo of Mystery
User currently offlineHowSwedeitis From Sweden, joined Jul 2007, 586 posts, RR: 0
Reply 10, posted (7 years 2 months 5 days ago) and read 2222 times:
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Quoting AirTran737 (Thread starter):
To top it all of she has a one year old son with a complete asshole.

She chose the asshole. DON'T DO IT!  crazy 



Heja Sverige!!
User currently offlineBill142 From Australia, joined Aug 2004, 8458 posts, RR: 8
Reply 11, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 23 hours ago) and read 2200 times:

Quoting HowSwedeitis (Reply 10):

She chose the asshole.

If she did, I doubt she'd have a kid  wink 


User currently offlineSrbmod From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 12, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 22 hours ago) and read 2163 times:

Quoting AirTran737 (Reply 8):
I am a step child, so I have some experience in dealing with the situation. It's a tough role to step into, and not every one can do it.

That's part of the reason why I've had a thing about not dating women with kids. Although this rule of mine I may toss aside, as I recently found out from a friend that an old high school crush of mine is single and looking. She's got a kid, but I have to say she's probably one girl I'd be willing to consider setting that rule aside for.

While I've never done the long-distance thing, most of the time it doesn't seem to work. But then again, there's exceptions to the rule, case in point, our own CastleIsland, who's marrying his long-distance relationship towards the end of this month.

Eventually, if this relationship works, someone's going to have to make the sacrifice and move. This could also potentially mean quitting a job. Would you be willing to quit your job and move up to MKE? Or would she be willing to potentially quit her job and move to Atlanta?


User currently offlineHowSwedeitis From Sweden, joined Jul 2007, 586 posts, RR: 0
Reply 13, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 22 hours ago) and read 2152 times:
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Quoting Bill142 (Reply 11):
If she did, I doubt she'd have a kid

Oh so he just all of a sudden became one huh? Yea right. She was liking his style and such and made a mistake. It happens all the time. (Especially in Washington  Wink)



Heja Sverige!!
User currently offlineMCOflyer From United States of America, joined Jun 2006, 8683 posts, RR: 16
Reply 14, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 22 hours ago) and read 2151 times:

If you like her enough then yes. Does the father of the kid like you? If not there would be conflicts and well. My final verdict is yes if you think shes worth it.

Hunter



Never be afraid to stand up for who you are.
User currently offlineAsstChiefMark From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 15, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 22 hours ago) and read 2146 times:

No. Too much baggage. Too many relationship-killing factors to deal with. Not worth the hassle.

User currently offlineMSPGUY From United States of America, joined Aug 2006, 190 posts, RR: 0
Reply 16, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 19 hours ago) and read 2052 times:

Just remember if the relationship goes sour, the friendship is most likely out the door. Being with a woman in a relationship and a friendship are two different ball games.

I've done it and lost a very good friend.



If it ain't broke, DON'T touch it!!!!
User currently offlineMika From Sweden, joined Jul 2000, 2881 posts, RR: 4
Reply 17, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 19 hours ago) and read 2052 times:

If you and she can handle the distance and possible obstacles standing in your way then heck yeah, you should go for it.


Every relationship takes work, effort and compromises (i'm almost willing to say that they do that by definition), in one form or another. So if you are willing to work on it (and she is) then go ahead, by all means.


Life is too short to have too many of these 'what if' moments.


User currently offlineMD11Engineer From Azerbaijan, joined Oct 2003, 14066 posts, RR: 62
Reply 18, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 19 hours ago) and read 2035 times:

I'm living in a long distance relationship since 7 years (I live and work in Germany, my girlfriend lives and works in Dublin, Ireland). Our relationship is still going strong, though we are thinking of eventually tying the knot and moving together.

Jan


User currently offlineAn-225 From United States of America, joined Sep 2000, 3950 posts, RR: 40
Reply 19, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 19 hours ago) and read 2017 times:

I wouldn't do it, because she's got a kid and a lot of baggage. Best of luck.

Alex.



Money does not bring you happiness. But it's better to cry in your own private limo than on a cold bus stop.
User currently offlineMaidensGator From United States of America, joined Jan 2007, 945 posts, RR: 0
Reply 20, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 18 hours ago) and read 1984 times:

Quoting AirTran737 (Thread starter):
Should I Date This Girl?

If you have to ask this question then the answer is no....



The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
User currently offlineNosedive From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 21, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 18 hours ago) and read 1974 times:

Quoting HowSwedeitis (Reply 13):

Oh so he just all of a sudden became one huh? Yea right. She was liking his style and such and made a mistake. It happens all the time. (Especially in Washington Wink)

You need to be more perverted when you read comments about assholes  Wink


User currently offlineKmh1956 From Bermuda, joined Jun 2005, 3324 posts, RR: 7
Reply 22, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 18 hours ago) and read 1974 times:

Reading the responses here, I can't help but think that all you guys are saying that if you're a single mother you shouldn't have a chance at a relationship.....she has a kid, avoid her like the plague?


'Somebody tell me why I'm on my own if there's a soulmate for everyone' :Natasha Bedingfield
User currently offlineAeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 20730 posts, RR: 62
Reply 23, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 17 hours ago) and read 1969 times:

Quoting Kmh1956 (Reply 22):
she has a kid, avoid her like the plague?

I'm not sure if my response is part of "all you guys" or not, but no, that's not what I was saying. There seems to be an ogre for a father which will complicate matters. If she hasn't dealt with that yet, it's only asking for trouble to step into the situation, as far as I read it, especially on a commuter basis.



International Homo of Mystery
User currently offlineMaidensGator From United States of America, joined Jan 2007, 945 posts, RR: 0
Reply 24, posted (7 years 2 months 4 days 16 hours ago) and read 1922 times:

Quoting Kmh1956 (Reply 22):
Reading the responses here, I can't help but think that all you guys are saying that if you're a single mother you shouldn't have a chance at a relationship.....she has a kid, avoid her like the plague?

My response had nothing to do with the single mother aspect of the woman, so I don't think I should be included in "all" the guys. My wife was a single mother when I met her and i have a great stepson that I think of as my own...

Quoting MaidensGator (Reply 20):
Quoting AirTran737 (Thread starter):
Should I Date This Girl?

If you have to ask this question then the answer is no....

My point is that when it's right, you know without having to ask anybody.



The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
25 767Lover : Before meeting the guy who is now my husband and the love of my life, I had a relationship with a guy who was a new father. He had a 5-month old when
26 Post contains images N174UA : Leave it at that. Seriously. Oh man, all the more reason to not get involved. Women say they want the nice guy who's polite and holds the door open.
27 Post contains images Halls120 : another Not at all. But when you are talking about being in a relationship where there is a a mom, a child, and a father in the picture, trying to be
28 Kmh1956 : These are the ones I was referring to, not: However, I do take exception to this: I married the king of the assholes....trust me; Im lucky I survived
29 Srbmod : In some of our cases, we don't want to put a kid (or kids) through some of the same feelings and emotions we've gone through in the past. My mom and
30 MCOflyer : Absoultely not. I dated one like that and let me say this: I hope the father pays his child support. I also hope he spends time with kids and isn't a
31 AA61Hvy : You dated a woman with a kid? I thought you are like 16 years old?
32 Kmh1956 : When it's said that way, I understand it, but some of the responses were....shall we say...a bit harsh? My daughter's father had twin boys with anoth
33 MCOflyer : I'm 20 and I was 18 when I dated her. She was 16. Hunter
34 Captoveur : I think we need pictures
35 MCOflyer : You did wonderful. Congrats and hope you find your superman. Hunter
36 Flighty : Me too. Your post is completely right. Dating moms though, ain't nothing wrong with that. As long as you don't have a friendship in there that you're
37 Post contains images HowSwedeitis : Oh no, I am sure she can find some sucker to take care of the child of the "other father." But I will never date a single mother. Nothing against her
38 Flighty : Wow, another person who knows what's up. This is so true. I'm single and the women I treat like dirt (because I have to to get rid of them) are the o
39 N1120A : If this doesn't send up a red flag the size of Alaska, I don't know what will. Nothing. There are many issues that should steer you away from this, b
40 Post contains images HowSwedeitis : Oh now I get it... Dammit!! Your all perverted! Lmao...
41 AA61Hvy : I don't practice law but, is that not illegal? And that is kind of messed up..Why would you want to get involved with someone who can't even buy a pa
42 N1120A : Depends on where you are.
43 MCOflyer : Its been so long I can not remember but I clearly remember dumping her 2 times and engaging in anything. I learned from my previous mistakes and will
44 MCOflyer : I meant to say I did not go that far. She lied and other things were happening. Hunter
45 Post contains images Planespotting : hahahaha
46 Post contains images Zkpilot : If you can deal with the kid thing then go for it... The key is making sure she is committed to the whole thing as you are.
47 AA61Hvy : Did you get her pregnant?
48 Post contains images AustinAirport : When your my age 14, a girl being older than you is weird. It doesn't feel right. But Still do what feels right.
49 MCOflyer : No. I never did the deed with her. Hunter
50 Kmh1956 : I've got news for you....even when the kid is yours, she'll be a mother first....she'll still love you and all that, but the child will become her fi
51 HAWK21M : Stay Friends. regds MEL
52 Pope : dude, You're 26 years old asking for relationship advice on an aviation message board. Hell, if you ask me, you should jump on anyone who is willing t
53 Af773atmsp : Well, I dated a girl once, then we were just friends. I would say just be friends.
54 Post contains images AirTran737 : At 26 you should be thinking about the next phase of your life. I am almost done w/all of my flying and will be starting at a regional within the nex
55 Post contains images FXramper : Third what Bob and Ali say. Best advice so far. Close second!
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