ILS From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Posted (14 years 1 week 4 days 12 hours ago) and read 1511 times:
Well, the girl who I loved so much and cared so much for and would give the world for, broke up with me a few minutes ago. In a cheesy online way. I called her about an hour ago and she quickly got off the phone and said "I gotta go." She is a really dedicated student and is applying for really prestigious boarding schools. So, she had to do homework. Well, she got online and I said hi and everything. Then she said that she had some bad news and that she doesnt feel like she can have a boy friend at this point in time. This hurt me inside, this is just the point (we started going out Dec. 10) when I thought we had clicked and we were going steady. Then, just out of the blue she does this to me. She was my first true love, my first kiss, and my first real girlfriend. I loved her so much. It seemed like she always liked me, during school we would kiss after class and I would walk her to her next class. WhenI said I love you she would say I love you back. She also told me when I broke up that it wasn't a personal thing, but that she couldn't have a boyfriend right now. Is she BSing me? Please cheer me up.
Aloha 737-200 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (14 years 1 week 4 days 11 hours ago) and read 1414 times:
I feel so bad for you ILS, I know what its like to have your heart broken like this, and believe me, I feel for you.
It's not going to be easy right now to imagine going through life without her by your side, even if its only temporary. Here is what I suggest you do, because this always helped me get through my problems:
Attach yourself to your friends very strongly, hang out with people that will listen, talk to them about the problem and be sure to tell more than one person how it makes you feel inside. Talk to people you trust, and get advise and opinions from as many people as you can. This helps you first get your emotions out, which belive me, is alot better than holding them inside. It also helps you learn and grow as a person, you learn new sides to things and begin to see a little clearer.
Remember that friendships are usually more solid than relationships, no make that ALOT more solid. Surround yourself with friends, because even when relationships go sour you still have friends who love you and care about you as a person, and right now that is what you need. Reach out, talk to them, perhaps go out and do some things with them. Even if you feel sick and depressed, even if you really dont want to do anything but sit in your room and cry, get up, walk out that door, and do something with friends, eventually you will begin to build up that wall that protects your heart, and you'll be independent again.
I know, I just went through a very very rough time with a certain girl. When she left, I surrounded myself with my friends and talked to many people about what happened, it really softened the blow, and in fact I'm extremely proud of myself for having taken her loss so well. But it is only because my my friends and those who love and care about me that I got through what I went through, and therefore I tell you right now, turn to your friends, they are your strength when youve lost everything.
I hope all begins to fall into place over the next week or so. It wont right now, it can't right now. All of us get hurt very badly at times in our lives, but hurt can be a positive thing. It is our pain and heartbreak that makes us stronger people, we learn from mistakes and we learn from pain. In the end it makes us happier people. What this will do is make you a stronger person, it will enable you to handle future breakups a bit better. And yes, you will break up again, with someone else, in the future. You've got your whole life ahead of you and you'll go through several women before you find the right one, and each relationship, from beginning to end, will teach you new things, and these things will help you grow into the person you are meant to be, and ultimately lead you to the one that you'll spend the rest of your life with, it prepares you for the larger picture that lies ahead.
So look at this as a lesson learned, and dont ever regret anything that happened. Out of this youll become stronger, and remember, if you need someone to talk to and give you support, I'm here.
American_4275 From United States of America, joined Aug 1999, 1076 posts, RR: 0
Reply 5, posted (14 years 1 week 4 days 11 hours ago) and read 1375 times:
I feel for you my friend. I'm sorry you had to go through the pain of breaking up with the girl you love. It did sound like it had to do with her and not you, so you shouldn't put yourself down. You obviously seemed to have a good relationship before this incident. Even when she broke up with you, you were both on good terms. Try to look at the bright side of things....I know it can be hard sometimes. Also, like Aloha said, hanging out with friends helps. Sulking in your room listening to sad songs about breaking up doesn't help at all.
Hurricane From United States of America, joined Feb 2002, 1444 posts, RR: 1
Reply 7, posted (14 years 1 week 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 1365 times:
I really don't think my advice can compare to Aloha's, but I'll give it a try. Just think of the happy times you had, and look forward to the time when she is ready to have a boyfriend again. (I'm sure she will, she wouldn't bs her longtime boyfriend)I've been in your position, and I got through it pretty well. I'm sure you will too. It's not the end of the world. Be happy~!
Aloha 737-200 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 8, posted (14 years 1 week 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 1365 times:
Actually some music can help but it depends on the type. Listening to depressing music is counterproductive, it only keeps you sad and reminds you of the person you love, and in effect that person will continue to haunt you. However uplifting music can give you new hope and give you some strength.
When your friends arent around listen to some uplifting music, for me I find Genesis music (With Phil Collins) tunes into my moods and helps me feel so much better. But if you have a chance to go out with friends by God do it, dont let the hurt win, try and become stronger again, it will help you in the end.
Gocaps16 From Japan, joined Jan 2000, 4409 posts, RR: 17
Reply 10, posted (14 years 1 week 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 1351 times:
The same thing happened to me couple years ago. She called me up saying that we should be friends and she wasn't ready in having a bf but a week later she called me back and wanted to go out with me again but I simply said no, you've already had your chance. When we broke up, I felt like you now, but after a few days I got over with it. Eventually, you'll get over it and will meet with a new girl.
I know how you feel man. It's not the end of the world.
757man From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2001, 370 posts, RR: 1
Reply 12, posted (14 years 1 week 4 days 9 hours ago) and read 1345 times:
It happens to us all at some point, ILS. I'm sorry to hear of this happening to you, but I'm 100% sure you will find happiness with somebody else. My love life is a total disaster zone, and I've endured some major heartache over the past twelve months.
You will feel shitty for a while, but you will bring yourself back up, head held high. When the sadness starts to fade, you will move on. There is hope. Trust me, If I can move on, anyone can! It does help to talk it over with friends and family though, so don't be alone.
Airlinelover From United States of America, joined Jun 2001, 5580 posts, RR: 20
Reply 13, posted (14 years 1 week 4 days 9 hours ago) and read 1337 times:
At least your's didn't just stop calling/talking/returning calls.. Mine did.. 2.5 years later, I STILL DON'T KNOW WHY. Never got a note or anything.. So I really feel sorry for you.. I hope things look bright for you soon..
Just remember.. If you look, a lot of times it won't come.. Just let it happen.. I did..
Lets do some sexy math. We add you, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply
Jsf119 From United States of America, joined Jul 2001, 196 posts, RR: 0
Reply 14, posted (14 years 1 week 4 days 8 hours ago) and read 1317 times:
sorry dude it sucks but if you think its bad now wait until you are older and this stuff happens. you better handle it good now or else youre in deep crap when it happens when youre 22. dont worry about it anyways youre too young anyways if i were you i would date 2 or 3 at the same tme and live life
NW-ELITE From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 15, posted (14 years 1 week 4 days 7 hours ago) and read 1305 times:
I am truly sorry to hear that ILS. I would say something to help, but I dont really have experience. If it is not a personal thing dont worry about it. I hope things will work out for you as they have for me.
Braniff place From Australia, joined Sep 2001, 1125 posts, RR: 3
Reply 16, posted (14 years 1 week 4 days 7 hours ago) and read 1309 times:
ILS, what more can i say than what they all said? its really nice to see so many supportive people here for you, i congratulate you all!
It was very ill mannered and selfish of her to do such a thing, i hope she feels very regretful for what she has done, she has lost someone very special from her stupid actions.
Thats the thing i hate about having a g/f it is always a short term thing.
Its an excellent quality of you to have good, loving feelings for your girl, not just wanting pussy like most of my friends thinking thats all a girlfriend is worth, but this is the bad part about having strong feelings, you feel like dying when that really special girl of yours doesnt feel the same way.
Well ILS all i can really do for you at the moment is wish you the very best and happy times for you come quickly and you know you are more than welcome to talk to me whatever the matter is, good or bad. Im here for you ILS.
KaiTakFan From United States of America, joined Oct 1999, 1588 posts, RR: 6
Reply 17, posted (14 years 1 week 4 days 6 hours ago) and read 1291 times:
ILS... Ya know the worst thing about this situation is you have never had to go through such disapointment of being let down in a relationship. I had the exact same thing happen to me a few years back with my first real girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, and then out of the blue we broke up and I was just a wreck. I too made the mistake of thinking lust was love. I think just being unprepared for the shock of things ending so fast is the worst. I know when a girl shows affection to you and you show affection to her it can make you feel that you are in love and there is something really special. and when it ends as in your case now... it just doesnt make sense and hurts big time. You feel you lost something very special and important. However if you two dated since just dec 10th, then it shows something just isnt right for it to end so fast ya know? Please take my advice and do as I did. use this break up as a lesson to learn from. This right now will teach you about yourself more than you could imagine now. You will be stronger, and wiser from a break up like this. Just dont feel like she was the best girl you could have, because i promise you a new girl will come into your life sooner or later and you will be greatful you have learned from your past and make the next relationship that much better! I hope you can understand all what im saying. it may not make sense to you now. But stay strong and confident and look forward to much more in the future!
Turbolet From Cape Verde, joined Nov 2007, 0 posts, RR: 1
Reply 18, posted (14 years 1 week 4 days ago) and read 1268 times:
It seems that there's some kind of season for love problems right now I feel sorry for you ILS, but at least you went out with her for a while, enjoyed a relationship with her and you have something to remember. I know you'll hate me for this (must I tell you how much I hated it when ppl told me the same thing a few days ago?) but the only advice I can give is move on, find another girl and try to forget her.
VirginLover From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 958 posts, RR: 13
Reply 19, posted (14 years 1 week 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 1253 times:
Exactly one year ago, to the very weekend (Feb. 1st), was when I did the same exact thing to my ex boyfriend. Last year, I was in one of the most challenging classes our school has to offer, even though it's only open to sophomores. (Humanities in our school is like 3 steps above honors) I JUST started going out with my current boyfriend, Scott, at the time, and everything was going great- I had a wonderful time on our first date, we had a great time at my superbowl party only a few days before, everything was going great. But in that few days, I started failing the quizzes, something that I didn't do after the beginning of the year, and I started to fall apart, I knew something had to go- and I knew it had to be Scott. That Friday, I called him up in tears explaining how I couldn't handle everything and that we needed to break up. I was his first girlfriend, so he was really shook up.
Fortunately, there's a happy ending. That weekend, I had a sleepover with my friends at Girl Scout Camp that weekend (Nerdy, I know, but we had the whole camp to ourselves and all we did was watch DVDs on my computer) and I sorted everything out. That Sunday, I called him and begged him to take me back. I was fortunate to have him take me back, and our relationship had another solid month in it, before other problems seperated us.
My point of this story (Don't worry, there's one) is that it's most likely not you, it's most likely that she's telling you the truth, if your ex is as crazy as school as I am, it's definitely not you.
And who knows? Maybe she'll take this weekend like I did and reconsider her decision. Maybe it won't be this weekend, but your hopes to go back out is not as hopeless as you think.
MEA-707 From Netherlands, joined Nov 1999, 4540 posts, RR: 32
Reply 23, posted (14 years 1 week 3 days 14 hours ago) and read 1229 times:
ILS > I can't hardly add anything Aloha didn't tell you yet (and more, actually I learnt much too by reading his replies). I am 31 now and boy, have I had some bad times after breaking up relationships or, like recently, seeing (seemingly) wonderful friendships fade away due to silly misunderstandings or even no reason at all.
Sometimes when that happened I felt so useless and bad, but everytime I came out stronger and better and more eager to enjoy life to the fullest.
I wish I could tell you a different experience but I'm afraid it was not the last time someone will disappoint you (or me). Always think about the friends and family and the valuable skills and things you still have, of course always be self evaluating if you didn't mess stuff up yourself... and then, when someone is mean to you like this, don't keep on blaming yourself; it apperently just didn't meant to be like you wished and hoped for, because she didn't have the same wishes as you. It's so easy to be carried away by fantasies. Maybe without even being aware, others might have had wishes to be lovers or friends of you which you casually turned down, so even while you aren't aware, you might have broken someone elses heart already too. That's just life. Only cynical, autistic and sour people never get disappointed in someone else anymore.
nobody has ever died from hard work, but why take the risk?