I received this one via email many years ago and it still makes me laugh. Some of Santa's responses to letters from some whiney kids"

Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a
fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck
this year!
Love,
Joey

Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you
sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more
fire trucks than you'll
know what to do with.
Santa


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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy and
daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
What? and ruin that hot affair your dad's still
having with the baby-sitter? He's banging her like
a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you
some nice Lego's instead.
Santa

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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and
I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer
fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave
me a glass of Chivas Regal and a nice Cuban cigar.
Santa


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Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please,
please, please, PLEASE!
Jimmy

Jimmy,
That whiney-begging crap may work with your folks,
but that crap don't work up here. You're getting another
sweater.
Santa


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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are
you making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in
Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing
cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash
at the craps table.
Hey, YOU wanted to know!
Santa


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Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben
a good boy all year.
YeR FReND,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career
lawn care specialist. How 'bout I send you a book
so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can
spell!
Santa


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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing
I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't
they?
Santa


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Dear Santa,
I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends
have more Pokemon cards than me. Please see
what you can do.
Love,
Michelle

Dear Michelle,
It blows my freakin' mind. Kids are forcing their
parents to buy hundreds ofdollars worth of these
stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even
learning to play the game. Let me get you something
more your speed, like "Chutes and Ladders."
Santa


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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I.
Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who the hell names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
Santa


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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really
know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you
do, I'm skipping your house...
Santa

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Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
into our home?
Love,
Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky"; that's why
you're getting your ass whipped at school.
Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-
rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly,
I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do,
through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams!
Santa