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Favorite Seinfeld Quotes  
User currently offlineT773ER From United States of America, joined Dec 2006, 278 posts, RR: 0
Posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 3720 times:

Recently I've been rewatching many Seinfeld episodes, and thought it would be interesting to see some of your favorite quotes.

Here are a few to get started.

"It's like an onion, the more layers you peel, the more it stinks." - George

"Aids walk, it's a cake walk". - Kramer

Kramer: I'll have a brewsky , Charlie.
Bartender: The Name's Mitch.


"Fixed fortifications are monuments to the stupidity of man."
52 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineDiamond From United States of America, joined Apr 2004, 3279 posts, RR: 63
Reply 1, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 3719 times:

Elaine: " .. It's so sad. All your knowledge of high culture comes from Bugs Bunny cartoons .. "


Blank.
User currently offlineT773ER From United States of America, joined Dec 2006, 278 posts, RR: 0
Reply 2, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 3714 times:



Quoting Diamond (Reply 1):
Elaine: " .. It's so sad. All your knowledge of high culture comes from Bugs Bunny cartoons .. "

That reminds me of another great quote.

George: I was free and clear. I was living the dream. I was stripped to the waist eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery.
Jerry: Before we go any further, I'd just like to point out how disturbing it is that you equate eating a block of cheese with some sort of bachelor paradise.



"Fixed fortifications are monuments to the stupidity of man."
User currently offlineZANL188 From United States of America, joined Oct 2006, 3591 posts, RR: 0
Reply 3, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 3702 times:
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"No soup for you!!"

The message you were about to post is too short and probably not of any higher value to the topic at hand. You should think long and hard before posting a message in this forum and make it detailed and a valuable addition to the topic discussed.

Avoid posting "Me Too" messages. These are messages that are posted by people who agree to a point being discussed and post a one liner, "me too!", "Good post Jim!", "I disagree" or similar message. This takes up time as readers must sort through these messages which have no real value to the group at large. Any message containing nothing more than a line or two of text is probably not worth posting.

If you have an opinion on a topic, you should in detail express why you have the opinion and what made you come to that conclusion.

Your post should be relevant to the topic discussed.



Legal considerations provided by: Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe
User currently offlineCupraIbiza From Australia, joined Feb 2007, 837 posts, RR: 6
Reply 4, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 3697 times:

"These pretzels are making me thirsty" is my favourite line.

I think my favourite "discussion" is the one about shrinkage.....

"Do women know about shrinkage?"
"What do you mean, like laundry?"
"No..."
"Like when a man goes swimming... Afterwards..."
"It shrinks?"
"Like a frightened turtle."
"Why does it shrink?"
"It just does."
"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."



Everyday is a gift…… but why does it have to be a pair of socks?
User currently offlineKingAir200 From United States of America, joined May 2006, 1630 posts, RR: 3
Reply 5, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 3698 times:

"But I don't wanna be a pirate!"


Hey Swifty
User currently offlineT773ER From United States of America, joined Dec 2006, 278 posts, RR: 0
Reply 6, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 3688 times:



Quoting KingAir200 (Reply 5):
"But I don't wanna be a pirate!"

Don't forget

"But I don't wanna be a cowboy!"



"Fixed fortifications are monuments to the stupidity of man."
User currently offlineShyFlyer From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 7, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 3683 times:

Kramer: Yo yo ma.

****

Jerry: Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.

****

Jerry: Cinnamon. It should be on tables in restaurants along with salt and pepper. Anytime someone says, "Ooh, this is so good - what's in this?" the answer invariably comes back, "cinnamon." Cinnamon. Again and again.

****

George Costanza: I want to make a good entrance. I never makes good entrances.
Jerry: You have made some good exits.


User currently offlineDvk From United States of America, joined Jun 2000, 1058 posts, RR: 1
Reply 8, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 3682 times:

"I've been outted and I wasn't even in!"


I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
User currently offlineTUNisia From United States of America, joined Aug 2004, 1845 posts, RR: 5
Reply 9, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 3670 times:

"Mr. Marbles............ is that you?"


Someday the sun will shine down on me in some faraway place - Mahalia Jackson
User currently offlineCadet57 From United States of America, joined Jul 2005, 9085 posts, RR: 30
Reply 10, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 3659 times:



Quoting TUNisia (Reply 9):
"Mr. Marbles............ is that you?"

That has to be my all time favorite episode.

"You know my friend Bob Sacamento?(sp) Well, we got to talking and he sells fur hats in battery park, 20 bucks,"



Doors open, right hand side, next stop is Springfield.
User currently offlineShyFlyer From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 11, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 3654 times:

Jackie Chiles: This is the most public yet of my many humiliations.

****

Kramer: Giddy-up!

****

George: I'm 33 years old; I haven't outgrown the problems of puberty, I'm already facing the problems of old age. I completely skipped healthy adulthood. I went from having orgasms immediately, to taking forever. You could do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm. I never had a normal... medium orgasm.
Jerry: I never had a really good pickle.

****

George: Someday, before I die, mark my words... I'm gonna tell that woman exactly what I think of her. I'll never be able to forgive myself until I do.
Jerry: And if you do?
George: Well, I still won't be able to forgive myself, but at least it won't be about this.


User currently offlineT773ER From United States of America, joined Dec 2006, 278 posts, RR: 0
Reply 12, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 3649 times:

Quoting Cadet57 (Reply 10):
You know my friend Bob Sacamento?(sp) Well, we got to talking and he sells fur hats in battery park, 20 bucks,"

"I thought he was kramers friend, yeah well he called last night at 3am and we got to talking."

The Roaster is the name of the episode, and it too is one of my favorites.

Oh and its sacamano.

[Edited 2008-07-29 19:47:06]


"Fixed fortifications are monuments to the stupidity of man."
User currently offlineWESTERN737800 From United States of America, joined Feb 2008, 693 posts, RR: 2
Reply 13, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 3649 times:

George: "I was in the pool, I was in the pool"
I cant remember his name (the comedien that Jerry hates) "Its gold Jerry gold"
Jerry: "Say it isnt so Kramer"
Kramer: "I'm out there Jerry and I'm lovin every minute of it"
George Steinbrener (during the trial): "Just one problem with Costanza, he's a communist thick like a big juicy steak"



Bring back Western Airlines!
User currently offlineT773ER From United States of America, joined Dec 2006, 278 posts, RR: 0
Reply 14, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 3648 times:



Quoting WESTERN737800 (Reply 13):
I cant remember his name (the comedien that Jerry hates) "Its gold Jerry gold"

Kenny bania is his name.

The jar's not oval, the mug's not oval, they should call it roundtine.



"Fixed fortifications are monuments to the stupidity of man."
User currently offlineJetjack74 From United States of America, joined Jul 2003, 7438 posts, RR: 50
Reply 15, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 3640 times:
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"Alriiiiiight! You go ahead. You keep it secret. But when you control the mail, you control, information!!!!"


Made from jets!
User currently offlineShyFlyer From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 16, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 3627 times:

(always with clenched teeth) Newman!

User currently offlinePyrex From Portugal, joined Aug 2005, 4061 posts, RR: 30
Reply 17, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 16 hours ago) and read 3612 times:

"It's all pipes!"

Although my favorite one is the "Barber of Seville" satire - absolutely brilliant.



Read this very carefully, I shall write this only once!
User currently offlineDragon-wings From United States of America, joined Apr 2001, 3995 posts, RR: 0
Reply 18, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 16 hours ago) and read 3596 times:

George: Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?


Don't give up don't ever give up - Jim Valvano
User currently offlineSpinalTap From New Zealand, joined Mar 2005, 440 posts, RR: 0
Reply 19, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 16 hours ago) and read 3590 times:

“My name is George. I’m unemployed and I live with my parents.”

"That is damn good scotch. I could do a commercial for this stuff. Mmmmm, boy that Hennigans goes down smooth. And afterwards you don't even smell. That's right folks. I just had three shots of Hennigans and I don't smell. Imagine, you can walk around drunk all day. That's Hennigans, the no-smell, no-tell, scotch."
"Say you've got a big job interview. Throw back a couple of shots of Hennigans and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time! And because it's odourless, why it'll be our little secret!"
- Kramer



"I get what they call a stipend, a stipend is like money but its such as small amount they don't really call it money"
User currently offlineAzoresLover From United States of America, joined Jun 2004, 759 posts, RR: 6
Reply 20, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 15 hours ago) and read 3586 times:
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Newman: I'm just a little disappointed...

Jerry: You're not a little anything, Newman.



Those who want to do something will find a way; those who don't will find an excuse.
User currently offlineRwSEA From Netherlands, joined Jan 2005, 3135 posts, RR: 2
Reply 21, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 15 hours ago) and read 3583 times:

"Hellloooooooooo" - Jerry's Stomach

"No Soup for You" - Soup Nazi

"If the bra don't fit, you must acquit" - Jackie Chiles

"That's gold, Jerry. GOLD!!!" - Kenny Banya

Quoting Cadet57 (Reply 10):
"You know my friend Bob Sacamento?(sp) Well, we got to talking and he sells fur hats in battery park, 20 bucks,"

LOL ... "It's a rat hat, and a poorly made one even by rat hat standards".


User currently offlineSlamClick From United States of America, joined Nov 2003, 10062 posts, RR: 68
Reply 22, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 15 hours ago) and read 3570 times:

"Maybe the dingo ate your baby"
- Elaine

"The sea was angry that day, my friend, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli."
- George

"Yo Yo Ma!"
- Kramer

"Bhutros Bhutros Ghali"
- Jerry

"Mulva?"
- Jerry (then)

"DoLORes!"
- Jerry (out the window as she's leaving)

"And you want to be my latex salesman"
- Jerry

"Pez?"
- Jerry



Happiness is not seeing another trite Ste. Maarten photo all week long.
User currently offlineStasisLAX From United States of America, joined Jul 2007, 3287 posts, RR: 6
Reply 23, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 13 hours ago) and read 3555 times:

The episode known as "The Contest" in which Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer have a bet to see who can go the longest without "pleasuring" themselves - my favorite quote is "master of my domain"  rotfl 


"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety!" B.Franklin
User currently offlineSpinalTap From New Zealand, joined Mar 2005, 440 posts, RR: 0
Reply 24, posted (6 years 4 months 3 weeks 3 days 9 hours ago) and read 3538 times:

"Nobody tells Frank Costanza what to do!"

"Are you saying you want a piece of me?" - Frank Costanza

"Elaine, do you have any idea what happens to a butter based frosting after six decades in a poorly ventilated British basement. I take what you're about to go through is punishment enough. Dismissed". J Peterman (One of Elaine's bosses when he confronts her after discovering she had eaten his piece of King Edward VIII's wedding cake)

"Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country? It doesn't make sense.. am I wrong" - Jerry (From the pony remark episode).



"I get what they call a stipend, a stipend is like money but its such as small amount they don't really call it money"
25 SpinalTap : Festivus, too many good quotes to list:
26 Jonathan-l : Newman: "I am a United States Postal worker" Elaine: So what you're saying is that 95% of the population is undatable? Jerry: Undatable!!! Newman: "Oh
27 AirportSeven : George: "A man with out hand is not a man, Jerry. I've got so much hand, I'm coming out of the glove."
28 Planespotting : Jerry: The song Downtown? You mean the Petula Clark song? George: Yeah. Jerry: You sure he didn't just mention it because you happened to be going dow
29 PHLBOS : I'm surprised no one has picked this line yet: (Mostly from Jerry)"Not that there's anything WRONG with it!"
30 Pope : My favorite line from that episode is when Kramer leaves Jerry's apartment and comes back two minutes later, slams the money on the kitchen counter a
31 Jetjack74 : Kramer: "I faked it" Jerry: "You what?" Kramer: "Yeah, I faked it" Jerry: "How?" Kramer: "Well, if it's enough already, and I want to get some sleep"
32 Tripleboom : Not a line, but a scene: The Kenny Rogers Roasters episode in which Jerry and Kramer switch apartments and then steadily switch personalities. Instant
33 QXatFAT : Newman: "Oh the humanity!" Two Theifs: "You talking to me? You talking to me? No I think he is talking to me! You talking to me? No he was talking to
34 T773ER : Jerry- "Hey, uh, before you go, did you talk to Newman about getting that mail outta there? Kramer- Yeah, oh Yeah, he's not gonna do it.
35 Dragon-wings : Newman: Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming. There's never a letup, It's relentless. Every day it piles up more a
36 TheGov : When Kramer tells Jerry of his plans--- Jerry - "Yeah, this is gonna work out" And when a confused Kramer returns and reveals the botched outcome--- J
37 Jonathan-l : Jerry: "Are you sure she wasn't a multiple sneezer?" George: "No, she sneezed again later on and it was a single sneeze" Jerry: "Maybe, she was having
38 NickDamage : George after getting a massage from a guy. "I think it moved"
39 TSS : George, after seeing Elaine dance for the first time: "It was like a full-body dry heave".
40 FL787 : Newman and Jerry: "What are you proposing?" "Whatever it takes, as long as it takes, wherever it takes me, as long as it takes you away from me!" Kram
41 F9Widebody : Jerry: "I hate people!.....They're the worst!" So many times I find myself exclaiming this....
42 EISHN : I'm out! As said by Kramer in "the Contest". I'm surprised no one else picked that one.
43 WESTERN737800 : Kramer when they're steaking out the investment guy. He's sitting there at the bar, while smoking (a cigarette or cigar I cant remember) "Here's to fe
44 ShyFlyer : That's my favorite episode! I've seen it I don't know how many times but I still laugh!
45 Edelag : Kramer: It's a write-off for them. Jerry: How is it a write-off? Kramer: They just write it off. Jerry: Write it off what? Kramer: Jerry, all these bi
46 SpinalTap : Kramer: Yes, I’m interested in the apartment Agent: Yes come in, come in. I’m Christine Neyhart. Kramer: Oh delicious to meet you Agent: Did the b
47 Planespotting : The quote's even better than that ... i "Here's to feelin' good all the time." (and he takes a drink from a beer with lots of head with the cigarette
48 N234NW : "These pretzels are making me thirsty!" Enough said.
49 ShyFlyer : I just saw this episode the other day. Its the one where Kramer takes on an intern and Jerry's girlfriend du jour hates the fact that he makes fun of
50 Jonathan-l : THE DOG George: I have nothing to say to anybody. I'm so uninteresting. I think I'm out of conversation. Jerry: So what are you calling me six times a
51 T773ER : I too just saw this episode and cracked up when I heard this quote. Especially when she says "may or may not contain a chicken."
52 ShyFlyer : The inflection she uses on "chicken" is my favorite part.
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