747438 From United Kingdom (England), joined Jan 2007, 559 posts, RR: 4 Posted (1 year 4 weeks 22 hours ago) and read 3644 times:
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your declining failure to handle your economy and to nominate competent candidates for President and thus to govern yourselves, We hereby give notice of the revocation of your Independence, effective immediately.(if necessary,look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will now resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Utah, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, the same one who is our Prime Minister, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
To aid in the return of your country to the status of a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
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1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will now spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (if necessary,look up 'vocabulary' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
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2. There is no such thing as U.S. English. English is the language we speak. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
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3. July 4th will be celebrated as a holiday in order to acknowledge the end of your unsuccessful 250 year experiment in independence.
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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready yet to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or spending hours with a therapist,then you're not ready to shoot grouse..
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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side of the road with immediate effect. Using roundabouts while you learn to drive on the left may help you understand the British sense of humour.
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7. At the same time, all your forms of measurement will go metric with immediate effect. We had to do it 20 years ago and we discovered that it works better than the old imperial system anyway. However because your monetary system is already metric (you got that bit right) you will be permitted to maintain the dollar as your form of currency. We may however decide to brighten up those dull old green and black notes were some exciting new spring colours.
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8. Speaking of money however you will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been mistakenly calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. Australian beer is also acceptable, as (based on their rather small population) they are the greatest sporting nation on earth and this can only be due to something they put in their beer. They are also still a part of the British Commonwealth - see what it has done for them.
American beer-type drinks will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that they can be sold without risk of further confusion until you get used to drinking proper beer.
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10. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having One's Royal ears removed with a cheese grater.
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11. You will cease playing that game that you call American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you (mistakenly) call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies)..
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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to hold an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
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13. You must tell us who killed JR. It's been driving us mad.
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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
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15. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed with vinegar not with tomato sauce (which you mistakenly call catsup) .
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16. Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. Daily with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits ( which you mistakenly refer to as cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
Alias1024 From United States, joined Oct 2004, 1764 posts, RR: 3 Reply 1, posted (1 year 4 weeks 21 hours ago) and read 3613 times:
Dear Great Britain,
You have to apologize (with a 'z') for the Spice Girls and James Blunt before we will give attention to any communication from your nation. Upon receipt of apology, we will gladly acknowledge your notice, and promptly dispatch one Nimitz (again with a 'z') class aircraft carrier and accompanying battle group for a tour of the Thames river.
You have to apologize (with a 'z') for the Spice Girls and James Blunt before we will give attention to any communication from your nation. Upon receipt of apology, we will gladly acknowledge your notice, and promptly dispatch one Nimitz (again with a 'z') class aircraft carrier and accompanying battle group for a tour of the Thames river.
See point 4... (and 5)
Ah, if only the Brits would have kept their empire intact...
HowSwedeitis From Sweden, joined Jul 2007, 580 posts, RR: 0 Reply 3, posted (1 year 4 weeks 20 hours ago) and read 3583 times:
Quoting Alias1024 (Reply 1): dispatch one Nimitz (again with a 'z') class aircraft carrier and accompanying battle group for a tour of the Thames river.
Please add George Micheal and Boy George to that list as well, alias. On behalf of the United States, I suggest perhaps swapping, oh say, Florida. They can have it.
Alias1024 From United States, joined Oct 2004, 1764 posts, RR: 3 Reply 4, posted (1 year 4 weeks 20 hours ago) and read 3578 times:
Quoting HowSwedeitis (Reply 3): Please add George Micheal and Boy George to that list as well
Done.
As a good will gesture toward the British people, we in the United States agree to apologize for Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. Even we don't like them.
Rsg85 From Australia, joined Aug 2006, 238 posts, RR: 0 Reply 7, posted (1 year 4 weeks 18 hours ago) and read 3479 times:
Im not having a go Lizzy buttt...... there needs to be some changes at home first
Quoting 747438 (Thread starter): Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (if necessary,look up 'vocabulary' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Ohh and commonly used words in England like "innit" can be found in there? and will the USA have to use greetings commonly heard in England with poor grammer such as "are you right" the queens english is dead in England too, sorry Lizzy
Quoting 747438 (Thread starter): You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists
Ahhh and revert to the current english conflict resolution methods of knifing each other? thanks for the tip Lizzy
Quoting 747438 (Thread starter): Australian beer is also acceptable, as (based on their rather small population) they are the greatest sporting nation on earth and this can only be due to something they put in their beer
You have to apologize (with a 'z') for the Spice Girls and James Blunt before we will give attention to any communication from your nation. Upon receipt of apology, we will gladly acknowledge your notice, and promptly dispatch one Nimitz (again with a 'z') class aircraft carrier and accompanying battle group for a tour of the Thames river.
See point 4... (and 5) Smile
Ah, if only the Brits would have kept their empire intact...
You might get some way up the river on your tour if you arrive on a spring tide, but after that you would become (another) permanent exhibit. At Woolwich the charted depth is about 6.5 metres. Add about 7.0 metres to get the depth of water at MHWS and 5.9 metres at MHWN.
There was a young ****** from Kew.
......glue
......grin
.......in
They'll pay to get out of it too!
LTBEWR From United States, joined Jan 2004, 9293 posts, RR: 7 Reply 10, posted (1 year 4 weeks 16 hours ago) and read 3385 times:
Yes, maybe in a return to the UK would end the horrible situaton of our Presidential Elections that take years and consume $1 Billions mostly in bribes. It could also mean if a leader is shown to be incompent(like GWB , they can be dismissed quickly and replaced in a matter of months, not have to either go thourgh a messy and cumbersome impeachment or have to wait for the next election.
To be henceforth known as The United State of America?
Quoting 747438 (Thread starter): All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side of the road with immediate effect.
This should go a long way towards reducing and overpopulation issues.
Quoting 747438 (Thread starter): Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having One's Royal ears removed with a cheese grater.
That is your own fault. If you asked most Americans, they would have warned you not to watch.
The above mentioned tendency to resort to guns and violence to settle differences might make this a little difficult to enforce. You might want to start with a little smaller territory. Say, some islands in the South Atlantic?
KiwiRob From New Zealand, joined Jun 2005, 1057 posts, RR: 0 Reply 12, posted (1 year 4 weeks 16 hours ago) and read 3375 times:
Quoting Lowrider (Reply 11): Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having One's Royal ears removed with a cheese grater.
I wouldn't want to upset the applecart but Andie MacDowell was playing an American in Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Davehammer From United Kingdom, joined Nov 2007, 441 posts, RR: 0 Reply 13, posted (1 year 4 weeks 15 hours ago) and read 3316 times:
I've seen this sent round the internet in many ways shapes or forms for the last year or so. It even has a group on Facebook with a fair few members on both sides of the Atlantic. And before anyone panics too much, it is a joke!
Dougloid From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 16, posted (1 year 4 weeks 14 hours ago) and read 3279 times:
B-b-but yer Royal Highness, what ever will you do about the continuing intrusions and impositions from the Colossus of the Great White North?
Why, they've been inflicting offenses like Leslie Feist, Avril Lavigne and Celine Dion on yr faithful petitioners for years. Don't that count as sonic pollution?
Davehammer From United Kingdom, joined Nov 2007, 441 posts, RR: 0 Reply 18, posted (1 year 4 weeks 14 hours ago) and read 3249 times:
Quoting Phoenix9 (Reply 14): Oh thank you oh wise one...where would we feeble minded A.nutters be without your guidance and deelp insights.
Alright, calm down. I've seen very many responses to this elsewhere where a load of people have taken it very seriously and it's ended in a slanging match. I wasn't giving out 'deep guidance and insights' in order to condescend.
Dougloid From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 19, posted (1 year 4 weeks 12 hours ago) and read 3181 times:
Quoting Lowrider (Reply 17): Quoting Dougloid (Reply 16):
the Colossus of the Great White North?
Doesn't that make you a Canuckaphobe?
If I was I'd be up against my maternal grandparents who were Gallaghers from Nova Scotia, eh?
On the other hand perhaps that was all part of a dev'lish Hoser plot to send their demon spawn to propagate amongst the naive and unsuspecting daughters and sons of rude backwoodsmen in places like New Jersey-succubi and incubi, in a word, to stoke an unquenchable addiction to maple syrup and Tim Horton's doughnuts and go to all those Celie Dion shows in Las Vegas...well, we're on to her, boyee, and we sent her packing.
Cadet985 From United States, joined Mar 2002, 737 posts, RR: 6 Reply 25, posted (1 year 4 weeks 2 hours ago) and read 2859 times:
Quoting Davehammer (Reply 13): I've seen this sent round the internet in many ways shapes or forms for the last year or so. It even has a group on Facebook with a fair few members on both sides of the Atlantic. And before anyone panics too much, it is a joke!
Ask and ye shall receive...
In the light of your dissatisfaction with the European Union, your bickering with European Governments (most notably the French) and the fact that you already almost speak our language and refuse to speak any other European languages, you are to be annexed as a commonwealth of America. Your state code will be GB. Zip codes will be assigned to replace your old postal codes. The state capital will be Stratford-upon-Avon which is a lot prettier than London and far more cultural. We believe the main reason why Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II does not fancy Utah is because it will turn her already sagging and dry skin into a rather hard leathery shell. Besides people over the age of 80 just do not know what they are talking about 75% of the time - the Duke of Edinburgh, Prince Philip is a prime example of this and his son Prince Charles is fast following his example. If you want a national figure head appoint someone much younger and far more attractive.
To aid in the assimilation, the following rules are to be introduced with immediate effect:
1. Realize that language is an organic structure, and that you aren't always correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your "aluminium" example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the name "alumium" for the metal. However, in common usage the name evolved into "aluminum" to match the naming convention of other elements. In 1925 the United States decided to switch back to the original spelling and pronunciation of the word, at which point we dominated the aluminum industry.
However, we'd like to thank you for the Oxford English Dictionary. It's an interesting collection, considering that over 10,000 of the words in the original edition were submitted by a crazy American civil-war veteran called Dr. William Chester Minor.
The letter “U" will be removed from words such as “armour" and “neighbour". Skipping the letter “U" is not considered laziness on our part since the correct pronunciation of those words would be “ar-moo-er" and “nay-boo-er"
You will also end your love affair with the letter “S" (and by the way, it is pronounced zee, not zed. The pronunciation “zee" actually comes from late 17th-century English dialect) and the suffix -ise will be replaced with the suffix -ize.
You also seem to pronounce words horribly wrong, even in your own language. Let’s take Edinburgh for example. You will realize that it is pronounced “Ed-in-burg", not “Ed-in-burra". Where does the –rra come from? If you wish to refer to it still as Edinburgh, we suggest you remove the last two letters and replace them with –rra.
Cockney rhyming slang will no longer be used, as it is an inefficient way to communicate with another. Say what you mean, there is no need to find another word that rhymes with the word you are trying to say.
2. Since you will switch to the American standard of spelling Microsoft will be notified on your behalf to discontinue the British language pack for the family of Office products.
3. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents, and then we'll talk about the English and Australian accent issue. (Here’s a hint: If you hear the word “eh" while speaking to someone, this is a clear indication that they are Canadian. Example: Nice weather we’re having, eh?)
You will also have to learn Southern accents. Cops will no longer broadcast subtitles.
4. If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture. We liked "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels", "Trainspotting", and "The Full Monty". We've also heard good things about this "Billy Elliot". But one good movie a year doesn't exactly make a cultural powerhouse. However, your music industry is great. We’ll leave that intact. (The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple, Iron Maiden and Muse just to name a few). And please stop going on about Shakespeare, the guys been dead for nearly 400 years.
5. It is inefficient to have a national anthem that changes its title whenever your monarch dies, especially if that monarch has no role other than ceremonially. Let's not forget that your national anthem has an extremely boring tune. Rule Britannia will be the tune with which you will sing your next national anthem to. We will get to work on the lyrics immediately.
6. “Football" as you call it will be a permissible pastime, although you will be required to call it soccer. Police officers will be placed at strategic points around the field and riot gear will always be nearby. If you do cause an incident, we will tear your beloved “Football" away from you faster than you can say “Bangers and Mash". The NFL will be started in the UK as well as college Football (The American one) teams. We welcome any two of your rugby players to play an American Football player anytime. We will also be happy to show your rugby players how to wear proper protective gear, so they don’t lose brain cells every time they play.
7. You will not be allowed to own guns. This is because you fail to see how harmless wooden shields and spears are compared to a weapon capable of firing a projectile at upwards of 1,300 feet per second (Refer to the Anglo-Zulu War). You only pretend to be pompous intellects because you don’t have the testicular fortitude to own a gun, and thus only rely on drive by insults.
8. The 5th of November will no longer be celebrated. The 4th of July will replace this celebration and become a nationally recognized holiday, thus reminding you of when 13 of your most productive colonies decided not to recognize you as their ruler.
9. We have German cars, and think they are ugly and uncomfortable. British cars will be banned, as they are too small (height wise) for any person to fit into. We will airlift several hundred thousand Pontiacs, Buicks, and Cadillacs. American cars were crap, we agree, in the 70’s until the late 90’s. Since then, American cars are quite well built, very comfortable, and get good gas mileage.
All roundabouts will be replaced with intersections. You will begin to drive on the right side of the road, seeing as the majority of cars that are driven in the world are. You will convert to the American standard (gallons instead of liters). Litre will be spelled Liter.
10. Anything fried in animal fat will be banned. (This includes your precious “chips") Belgium was at one time a part of France, so calling them French fries does not seem too far off. To end confusion, thinly sliced pieces of potato (called crisps in the UK) will be referred to as chips, not crisps. Chips will be called French fries, or more commonly, fries.
11. A picture of a Native American will appear inside the state of Massachusetts on all British Tea. He will affectionately be known as “Bosty".
12. American Microbreweries will be established and you will see how Beer is supposed to taste. We do enjoy Killian’s Irish Red though (Good job Ireland, for your recipe at least). That company will be incorporated with Samuel Adams.
13. You will no longer be allowed to call it petrol, for it is called gasoline. You will adopt the American pricing standard for it (roughly around 35p/liter).
14. The American legal system grows and changes because we don’t live under the impression that our legal system is infallible. We wholeheartedly believe that the British could take a lesson from the way that the Americans respect but don’t worship their legal system. We have a channel called C-SPAN that broadcasts live from our chambers of law (the House and Senate) and occasionally broadcasts British Parliament. We tune to that channel solely to chuckle at how infantile and unorganized your lawmakers are.
We find it especially amusing that our government observes parliamentary procedure whilst (by the way that word is ours now) yours seemingly does not.
15. We will tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for the abomination known as “Teletubbies". Anne Wood will be promptly ordered to pay a fee of $2,500 for any person who suffered psychological abuse due to watching the afore mentioned show.
16. Taxes will be imposed on British citizens for all damages incurred by the British during the Revolutionary War and War of 1812.
Thank you for your cooperation.
26 Vikkyvik: I'd say they should first apologize for ripping off a post from 3 years ago http://www.airliners.net/aviation-fo...ums/non_aviation/read.main/932212/
27 Dougloid: Driver: Constable, how do I get to Stratford-on-Avon? Constable: Welcome to Britain County, Texas, ma'am. It's just up the road a piece. It is a mite
28 SpeedBirdA380: Ok point taken. In return please stop Hollywood's abomination of history and historical facts. A few examples are Braveheart and U-571. Agree with yo
29 SpeedBirdA380: P.s We also tune in to laugh and chuckle at the fanfair of the thing you call the "Race for the Whitehouse" where big smiles, cheesy music and flag wa
30 ThreeFourThree: We don't want no queen anymore. Get off our money, courts and our Governor General Signed, The Country with Kangaroos jumping down the street, REPUBLI
31 SpeedBirdA380: If you dont want her anymore then do something about it! Its no use keep moaning about having the British flag in the corner of your Australian flag
32 DLPMMM: Australia, We wouldn't know. No one here watched that piece of crap movie. We just made it for export because we know those foreign rubes will watch
33 Dougloid: Do you know how to say "Forty five" ThreeFourThree? Because that's how many years it's been since that movie was released. Fer chrissakes, get someth
35 Luv2cattlecall: I would go as far as to say we're more efficient as a society for removing unnecessary lettering - thus preventing incidences of carpal tunnel, which
36 WrenchBender: Finally someone with the wit and talent to respond effectively. It only took 25 replies WrenchBender
37 Baroque: This is the time to note that Mel Columcille Gerard Gibson was born in Peekskill NY. Cannot argue there SpeedBird, but you see as soon as the constit
38 Skidmarks: Damn Colonials playing up again? Send a gunboat! Or are they all in the Middle East subjugating the natives? Oh wait, we don't HAVE any gunboats. Damm
39 Moose135: As if it were "granted" by the monarch. As I remember it, we opened a big can of whoopass on him at Yorktown...
40 DocLightning: No, SpeedBird, I've traveled far and wide and raised many a pint with my British mates. Fact is that as much as you guys crow on and on about your be
41 Vikkyvik: Eh, no worries. Just another thing to add to the long list of stuff the UK needs to apologize for.
42 DocLightning: No, SpeedBird, I've traveled far and wide and raised many a pint with my British mates. Fact is that as much as you guys crow on and on about your be
43 Skidmarks: Sorry, son, but America couldn't make a drinkable beer if they tried. I daresay you like camel urine. Personally I wouldn't touch the stuff (Fosters
44 DocLightning: Come to SF and we'll have a Fat Tire. And then an Anchor Steam. And then a bottle of Prohibition Ale. THAT'S beer. Don't ever mistake this "Budweiser
45 Alias1024: You should visit Portland, Oregon. They have over 30 breweries producing world class beer. The city pretty much floats on a sea of Ales, IPAs, Porter
46 Baroque: Those shower controls you favour should be outlawed by the UN because the ON/OFF is mixed up with temp so you never have a clue what is going to desc
47 DocLightning: I have twin knobs on mine, homeslice. And you're Ozzie. You already submitted. You back off! Go eat a kangaroo or witchetty grub or something!
48 Skidmarks: Ooooooh, the colonials are arguing!!! Quick, sneak the SAS in to cripple their infrastructure while we take over using the Royal Family! I think Char
49 Baroque: There is such opposition to Charlie boy, the thought of him as KoA is getting quite attractive! And of course the best thing is Q C is really on the
50 Skidmarks: I should, I should. But I have a problem - she won't let me!! Andy
51 SpeedBirdA380: Come on boys and girls lets stop all this bickering Doc Lightning I am sure you guys can make some great beer. In fact I am going to try and find and
52 Skidmarks: Bickering, and winding up the colonials is what life is all about. It's all good humoured (note the spelling) and all jolly good fun. Yep, boy have w
54 Dougloid: Just one big happy dysfunctional family, methinks.
55 DocLightning: Have you BEEN to the U.S. lately? We don't need no steenkin' SAS to cripple our infrastructure. 8 years of Bush has taken care of that nicely. Infras
56 Skidmarks: You wait until the compulsory "Speak proper English" classes start, then you'll be "having a jolly good giggle" on the other side of your face! Andy
57 Nonrevman: So you want us back, your majesty? We should be able to work something out. However there are some assurances we will need: (1) We will need to adopt
58 DocLightning: I'm fine with this, but.. we're re-doing the Pound. Henceforth, there will be a 1p, 5p, 10p, and 25p coin. Then there will be £1, £2, £5, £10, £
59 SpeedBirdA380: Sadly greed and corruption have spoiled some of the things this counrty used to be great at and I am guessing your country too.
61 Wingscrubber: Dear America, With respect, 'the rest of the world' does not drive on the right. Here is a list of countries and territories that drive on the same si
62 Lowrider: Yes, but here is the list of the countries that don't everybody else with motor vehicles. you might be out numbered on. They already speak the langua
63 SpeedBirdA380: It would be intersteing to find out how many people drive on the left and how many drive on the right. But I guess with Russia,China,America and India
64 ShyFlyer: They already have an embassy in London: http://www.texasembassy.com/
65 Vikkyvik: India drives on the left. Here's a handy map: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:C...s_driving_on_the_left_or_right.svg To sum it up: Places with rig
66 Skidmarks: Bills are what utility companies send you, or what you settle in a restaurant. Notes are what the normal world uses as currency. Bills are also what
67 Baroque: Having Charles would be good for that proportion of Murcan citizens who after this next election will be feeling an intense desire to talk to trees a
68 ThrottleHold: ....and while you're all distracted bickering at each other, we Irish are secretly taking over the world!
69 Skidmarks: Until you get too pissed to stand up and then...................... Andy
70 Dougloid: Correct, Skiddy. It is said that God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world.
71 DocLightning: Do you want a Second Revolutionary War? We whupped you in the first one and we didn't have any fancy aircraft carriers and SSBN's for that one. Don't
72 Vc10: Well there is gratitude because at the battle of Yorktown I believe it was your French which beat our Germans I think you will find there were more F
73 Skidmarks: Ah, how soon they forget their friends. As my good friend VC-10 says, if it wasn't for the French you wouldn't have HAD a first revolutionary war. An
74 SpeedBirdA380: Yeah but those freedom fries sure taste better than the french ones. I would not tell your wife to worry about the cricket green's. The bombs will pr
75 Af773atmsp: So will BA takeover AA? But then Richard Branson will once again have the "no way BA and AA" campaign. What will happen to Minnesota? We might be a sm
77 DocLightning: Wow, Skiddy, I didn't know you were into that kind of freaky, kinky stuff. Hmm, maybe you need to check out SF's Folsom Street Fair.
78 Skidmarks: You didn't know? Well, you'll soon find out Andy
79 DocLightning: OHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOY!!!! Another few conditions of your takeover. A proper Fish & Chips joint must be installed within 15 minutes of all citizens wit
80 Skidmarks: Calm down, I'm as straight as a straight thing, just ever so slightly perverted Marmite (The correct way to spell that muck) will be compulsory eatin
81 DocLightning: OK. How can you NOT like maple syrup? It's only one of the best things ever. And we are SO not eating Marmuck. Don't understand how you lot can stoma
82 Af773atmsp: Dear Queen Elizabeth II, Us Americans tried so long to be strong but we finally lost. I expect there to be more rail service made in America as the Un
83 Baroque: But where will you get a supply of buses of such an ancient design? What are the plans to get to the root of the problem, so to speak, by exterminati
84 Skidmarks: Most of them drive around Crawley I believe! Lets stick to the original script here. I could rant for hours about the school run, Chelsea tractors an
85 DocLightning: Oooh! Chav hunting! I LOVE this game!
86 BHMNONREV: No need to hunt Andy, just pop in at the Tesco at Seacroft Centre in east Leeds and take your pick. Or the Asda on York Road works fairly well too...
87 Lowrider: Are there restictions on caliber? Is there a shotgun season? Can we use dogs? You might have a new tourist industry there.
88 DocLightning: A chav can only be truly killed by a bullet with a Burberry check painted on it.
89 Lowrider: No stakes through the heart, sunlight, or holy water then? Given their ability to multiply faster than rabbits, I wonder if a bounty could be establi
90 Skidmarks: Actually, once the revocation of independance has been ratified we then plan to ship all chavs - indeed, anyone found wearing Burberry baseball caps/
91 Lowrider: For a modest amount of money, you could establish a hunting preserve in, say, the Dakotas. Or if you wanted to more closely mimic their natural envir
93 DocLightning: I'm starting to like this guy... However, NO CHAVS IN CALIFORNIA. Send them to Alaska and let Sarah Palin deal with them. Have you been to Detroit re
94 Lowrider: Actually, I have, I used to regularly visit DET and am familiar with the neighborhood, and at a previous company I was based at YIP and spent more ti
95 DocLightning: OK, genius, how we gonna keep the native wildlife out of the preserve? Put up a signs facing inwards that say that there is no Burberry available bey
96 Lowrider: If an idea is stupid, but it works, then its not stupid.
97 DocLightning: You'd have to. They can't be good eating. They're either too wiry or too fatty. And all the tobacco and alcohol consumption can't lend a good taste t
98 Lowrider: Print bumper stickers and put that on all the cars in physician parking spaces? Or is that too juvenile? At least you didn't say sell them to pharmac
99 DocLightning: No no no. They need HEALTHY subjects.
100 WunalaYann: At the moment it's not doing much against the Indians... You mean "mandatory", right? Boag's all the way, mate. And the fattest. Go figure. Some of t
101 DocLightning: That's funny. Every time I've thrown that toast out in a pub in England (in the thickest Michigan accent I can muster) it always gets a lackluster re
102 Skidmarks: A) We don't make a fuss about such things and B) The clientele of the pubs you went in were obviously migrant workers and didn't speak English anyway
103 SpeedBirdA380: Not surprised with the amount of taxpayers money she and her family get through..... And now shes whining she does not have enough money. Im not surp
104 Brilondon: Alias1024 From [/quote] We really don't want Americas wang but it would be a good place for all the yellow water the Americans call beer. Actually you
105 Dougloid: Arghhhhhhh! Curses! Foiled once again by Canadian deviousness. I know! We'll export more SPAM and cheese puffs! When the Canadians are terminally obe
106 DocLightning: Been to Canada lately? The plan is already working well. It's working well in England, too.
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, they can be dismissed quickly and replaced in a matter of months, not have to either go thourgh a messy and cumbersome impeachment or have to wait for the next election.
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