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Need Advise About "best Friend"  
User currently offlineSEA nw DC10 From United States of America, joined Oct 1999, 491 posts, RR: 1
Posted (12 years 6 months 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 1156 times:

I'm really going to go in depth here because in order to know what's going on, you need the details.

I've known my best friend for about 2 1/2 years. We both come from opposite families...I'm middle class from a pretty average family. He's from a very wealthy family, who are from another country, however have lived here all their lives.

We started hanging out after we realized we both love airplanes. After that, we started having everything in common, everything from likes and dislikes of certain things, the way we think about things, morals, and women problems. We were like an exact mirror image of eachother.

He drove a very nice, fast mustang and also had an older mustang that he drove when it rained so he wouldn't get his new one wet. He let me drive the new one once, and I fell in love with it, so I went out and got one...although I paid for it, not my parents like his parents did for him. We use to cruise in our cars together and go out almost every day. He would call every night and we'd talk about cars and just stuff for a couple hours each time, which sorta got annoying but it was cool.

During the time we'd hang out, I started getting the impression he's very materialistic, and as months went by, it became more and more apparent to me. It got to the point where I was starting to get mad hearing about what his dad just bought their family, and how much cash his dad carries around (his dad is a "slum-lord"). I started to also get jelous, which isn't a good thing, but it was hard not to. He'd talk about how he never pays for anything, parents take care of anything for him. We both worked at a grocery store for a while, then he quit because his dad bought an auto body shop for him. So he works there now.

Rewinding a bit...back when I first started hanging out with him, I brought him to Starbucks, which he had never been to before, nor heard of. Ever since then, we've hung out there every night, and now after about 2 years, it's become a huge hangout of the younger crowd, including most of our mutual friends. He's very into cars (as well as planes) but obsessed with cars. At Starbucks, that is what the conversation is about 99.999% of the time. It's becoming dull.

Well, recently, he decided his Mustang isn't fast enough, so he asked his dad for a brand new Z06 Corvette and of course, he got it. So, he's now prancin around in that, rolling into Starbucks every night and just having a grand old time.

About 5 or 6 months ago, a little after 9-11, we stopped hanging out as much, talking as much and just being around eachother like we use to. I've started giving him the cold shoulder in a way since then, haven't called him at all really, and we don't hang out anymore. He also stopped calling every night like he use to. I've deliberatly started acting like this because I want him to acknowledge to me that his friends mean somthing to him. However, he hasn't showed one bit of anything. He never shows anger or madness to anybody, everything's coooool with him. Most of our mutual friends are fed up with him too, and this new Corvette was the straw that broke the camel's back. We still all go to Starbucks, but I rarely talk to him directly, however he acts nice to me if we for some reason talk.

What I'm wondering is, should I be acting like this? Am I being immature or does he deserve this. He's clearly taken a hint because since I started doing this, he doesn't call anymore...however he will not come up to me and ask what the matter is. He wouldn't in a million years. Our friends are telling me I should go talk to him about it and clear things up, but I guess I have too much pride. In a nutshell, we went from hanging out every day and talking on the phone at night, to not hanging out anymore besides at Starbucks and not talking on the phone at all...what should I do? I feel like if I'm nice to him, I am giving him attention and whatnot, which is what I don't want him to have. Help!

SEAnwDC10



11 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineIMissPiedmont From United States of America, joined May 2001, 6293 posts, RR: 33
Reply 1, posted (12 years 6 months 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 1136 times:

Gee, he doesn't acknowledge that his friends mean anything? I'd say that his calling you every night means that they do. You are the one that appears to not think much of friendship.



Damn, this website is getting worse daily.
User currently offlineHeavymetal From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (12 years 6 months 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 1133 times:

It sounds like he's suffering from a raging case of snob-itis, and it's flaring up your jealous bone just a tad.

I don't blame you for re-examining the friendship, but remember trying to 'infer' your feelings through actions (you act one way so he'll acknowledge something you want him to) is really just game playing. Be honest with him. Honesty should be at the heart of every friendship, I think. If you both can be honest, and maybe even scream and yell a little to hash out whatever resentments you might harbor, and yet maintain your friendship through it all, then 'best friends' you are. If not, maybe you applied that term too early.

Someone once said you can't love someone 'till you hate 'em first. Maybe it was just a shitty country song  Smile/happy/getting dizzy ...but there's at least a certain amount of truth to that. True friends are honest. And true friends forgive.


User currently offlineFly_yhm From Canada, joined Dec 2000, 1681 posts, RR: 10
Reply 3, posted (12 years 6 months 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 1126 times:

its like this too much of anything is bad for you

Me and my exgrilfriend used to do the same thing hang out all the time and never do anything else and that one of the reason we broke up.



Where will you spend eternity? He,s more real then you think!!!!!
User currently offlinePROSA From United States of America, joined Oct 2001, 5644 posts, RR: 4
Reply 4, posted (12 years 6 months 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 1116 times:

I wouldn't say you're being immature at all. It's your friend who's become obsessed with cars and is acting snobbish. He might come to his senses and realize that he's alienated most of the people he knows. On the other hand, you and him may just drift farther apart until there's no real friendship left. Time will tell. And if your friendship falls by the wayside, you can take consolation in the fact that things like that happen all the time.


"Let me think about it" = the coward's way of saying "no"
User currently offlineLH423 From Canada, joined Jul 1999, 6501 posts, RR: 54
Reply 5, posted (12 years 6 months 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 1112 times:

I knew someone like that. Well...sorta. It's not that his parents got him everything he wanted, it's that he felt he deserved everything. He was 19, driving around in new Daewoo that he had to pay for himself, but had to have his brother co-sign on the loan for it. But everytime he would see someone that was late-teens to early-20s driving around in a BMW or comparable nice car he became so jealous. Meanwhile, I'm like "Dude, you HAVE a car, which is more than I can say for myself! So what if you can't afford to drive a Beamer and Mommy [his father died] won't pay for one!" But he was like this about everything. It finally just got to me, and I started to avoid him. Now we never even speak and (thankfully) we have completely different social circles so I haven't seen him in about 3 months.

LH423

P.S. BTW, in late-August he got into a minor accident in the Daewoo. For Christmas, Mommy got him a lease on a brand-new IS300! I hope he and his car are very happy together!



« On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux » Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
User currently offlineTNboy From Australia, joined Mar 2002, 1131 posts, RR: 19
Reply 6, posted (12 years 6 months 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 1106 times:

Why keep reacting to everything? You're old enough to have a mind of your own. Why not sit down somewhere by yourself, figure out just what it is that you want, and behave accordingly. If it means having a conversation with him (and it seems that he would be quite OK with this), then fine - but don't expect him to see things your way. If it means cutting ties, but still being polite when you see each other, fine also. It probably doesn't need an explanation, as he seems OK with the present situation.
If you really want to live life without what you see as his mercenary attitude, then by all means be polite, live your own life, but for goodness sake, don't expect him to ask you for the reasons. Maybe he's quite happy with the status quo, and your reasons, opinions and feelings aren't a priority with him.
The decision is yours. Just make it and get on with life. Very few of us end life with the friends we started with. The world keeps on turning, whether we push or not! Just learn to be happy being yourself, either with or without moneybags (no offence to him).
Bill



"...every aircraft is subtly different.."
User currently offlineMls515 From United States of America, joined Jun 2000, 3076 posts, RR: 8
Reply 7, posted (12 years 6 months 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 1104 times:

I kind of know someone like that. His dad owns a sucessuful business and in high school he and his brother had new cars etc. Him and his brother are pretty much set since they'll take over the business. I used to be kind of annoyed (not on the scale you are) but not anymore. My friend works outside in the elements (extreme heat in the summer and freezing cold in the winter in my part of the country) and usually more than 40 hours a week. So he's pretty much like any working person other than he can afford a nice car and such since he still lives with his parents.

I guess we all have to accept that there are always going to be people better off than ourselves and just deal with it


User currently offlineGreg From United Kingdom, joined May 2005, 0 posts, RR: 0
Reply 8, posted (12 years 6 months 3 days 7 hours ago) and read 1083 times:

Sounds like your jealous.
And he's just being an ass.
You'll both outgrow it.
I grew up pretty much like your friend (my folks were executives at a major studio). However, I learned very early on....appreciate what you have, but NEVER flaunt it around.

It's a simple question: Does this person in some way enrich your life?


User currently offlineMcdougald From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 9, posted (12 years 6 months 3 days 6 hours ago) and read 1069 times:

SEA nw DC10:

Obviously this fellow is somebody of at least some significance to you; otherwise, you wouldn't have written nine paragraphs about this situation.

Don't let your pride get in the way. There is no such thing as 'too late' to patch up or renew a friendship if you want to -- and if you didn't want to, you probably would have moved on much more quickly.

Approaching people can be frightening when you don't know how they'll react, but look at it this way: if you were on your deathbed six hours from now and had just had the last rites delivered, how would you look at the situation in retrospect? Would you regret or not regret doing certain things? The conclusion you draw from that is most likely to be the right answer.


User currently offlineSEA nw DC10 From United States of America, joined Oct 1999, 491 posts, RR: 1
Reply 10, posted (12 years 6 months 2 days 19 hours ago) and read 1048 times:

Thanks for the replies guys...it helps a lot. I'm going to stop giving my cold shoulder tonight and see how it goes...thx again

SEAnwDC10


User currently offlineN400QX From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 11, posted (12 years 6 months 2 days 19 hours ago) and read 1040 times:

Hey... if you're a regular Starbucks patron, you can't be doing too much wrong.  Laugh out loud

Yeah, I guess talking to him would help-- he has probably got the hint. Hopefully.

zach


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