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I'm Driving Myself Crazy  
User currently offlineLincoln From United States of America, joined Nov 2004, 3887 posts, RR: 8
Posted (5 years 3 weeks 2 days 21 hours ago) and read 1875 times:

Ok... I may regret posting this for any number of reasons but I really am starting to bother me.

For various reasons I feel the need to be very vauge which is contrary to my normal instinct, so here goes... (And if you have guesses based on either knowing me personally or the subjects of other threads, please don't include specific people/places/activities in the response)

Happened to stumble across profile on online dating website... very intrigued by profile as it seems like we have a lot in common and enough different to keep things interesting. She's slightly older than I had in mind, but because her profile was very intriguing and she comes off as confident, mature, intelligent, and a bit funny along with an interest in many of the same things -- and I haven't had luck finding these traits in someone closer to my age*... so I sent her an email... and she responded.

We've exchanged a few emails since then and I've come to learn that in addition to being intelligent and mature she's also incredibly tallented and well traveled.

We eachanged a few emails, the last one where I extended an invitation to get togeher (for coffee) or a casual meal and then several days passed without hearing from her. She appologized for disappearing because she's entertaining guests and suggested getting together later on this week. Unfourtunately, I'm going to be in Pittsburgh from this afternoon through Friday.

On Sunday I suggested getting together early next week. I haven't heard anything back yet. I shouldn't expect to have heard anything back yet -- she told me as much (because of the guests). That's fine.

But my behavior is starting to concern me -- I'm checking email impulsively (despite knowing that I shouldn't expect to hear anything monday, today, or even possibly tomorrow), I'm loosing sleep, I'm running through conversation topics in my head, among other things...how not to play "20 questions" about her tallent [because, of course, there is far more to her], if political topics are verbotten on the first get together** even though we both say that we like good discussions..., if the fact that she's a little older than other women I've dated should affect my behavior at all) all for something that isn't even gaurnteed to happen yet.

Uh... this can not be healthy. I've been wound up before, I've been wound up about potential dates before, but I don't think I've ever been this wound up about anything. Part of it is I just need to keep telling myself "Normal, adult woman. Normal, adult woman..." and take a bunch of really deep breaths.

Any other advice...

Lincoln


*- One of the things that took it from "Wow, we have a lot in common, but..." to "I would regret not sending her at least one email..." was the fact that neither the word "Football" nor the word "sports" appears a single time in her profile. I think that that's true of less than 1 in 50 of the profiles I've looked at in the 21-29 range.

** - I'm also, for some reason, uncomfortable calling it a date...


CO Is My Airline of Choice || Baggage Claim is an airline's last chance to disappoint a customer || Next flts in profile
21 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineSTT757 From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 16854 posts, RR: 51
Reply 1, posted (5 years 3 weeks 2 days 20 hours ago) and read 1844 times:

Man rule #1 with chicks, never, ever lose your cool.. It seems like you have too much time alone with your thoughts, never a good idea for anyone. Blow off some steam, go excersise, hike, swim, road trip, movie etc... Keep yourself busy doing something so that your distracted.


Eastern Air lines flt # 701, EWR-MCO Boeing 757
User currently offlineZuluAviator994 From Australia, joined Mar 2008, 510 posts, RR: 0
Reply 2, posted (5 years 3 weeks 2 days 20 hours ago) and read 1836 times:



Quoting STT757 (Reply 1):
blow off some steam... ...swim

This I do not recommend, unless you won't be swimming laps.
Lap swimming gives you SO much time to think about things, it's ridiculous. Swimming with friends/family, yes that would be good. But try and avoid Lap Swimming.
This is coming from a Competitive Swimmer  bigthumbsup 
Regards



If Speed is life, Altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky.
User currently offlineShyFlyer From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 3, posted (5 years 3 weeks 2 days 20 hours ago) and read 1819 times:

Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
she appologized for disappearing because she's entertaining guests

Hmmm.....someone who disappears while entertaining guests....sounds like Westy.   

Sorry, that was a reference to another website...now on to your issue: Yes, you are driving yourself crazy. First step is to get your mind on something else. One thing that might help: find another woman to initiate contact with. With online dating, limiting yourself to one at a time just doesn't cut it.

Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
was the fact that neither the word "Football" nor the word "sports" appears a single time in her profile. I think that that's true of less than 1 in 50 of the profiles I've looked at in the 21-29 range.

That was my experience as well. I got the impression that many of them put that in there because they though that's what guys want to hear.

Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
I'm also, for some reason, uncomfortable calling it a date...

Meh, so what? If you don't want to call it a date, don't. Even though that's what it is, saying you're "meeting someone over coffee" does sound a lot less intimidating than "a date."

[Edited 2009-07-28 09:29:42]

User currently offlineLincoln From United States of America, joined Nov 2004, 3887 posts, RR: 8
Reply 4, posted (5 years 3 weeks 2 days 20 hours ago) and read 1789 times:



Quoting ZuluAviator994 (Reply 2):
This I do not recommend, unless you won't be swimming laps.

For me, at least... hiking/exercising/swimming/roadtripping is excactly when I find myself deepest in thought.... My Sunday Morning Walk this week (+/- 10 miles) was pretty much entirely consumed with the internal dialogue I discussed above, as compared to the usual reflecting on the week behind me/projecting the week in front of me.

I'm driving to Pittsburgh this afternoon and I'm hoping that just cranking up the music really loudly will keep me from dwelling too long.

Quoting ShyFlyer (Reply 3):
That was my experience as well. I got the impression that many of them put that in there because they though that's what guys want to hear.

Some of them that's kind of ovbious, others they come off as raving Browns/Cavs/Indians fanatics (remember, this is Cleveland... and [native] Clevelanders of all shapes, sizes, ages, and genders are incredibly passionate about their sports teams)

Quoting ShyFlyer (Reply 3):
saying you're "meeting someone over coffee" does sound a lot less intimidating than "a date."

Subconciously that may be exactly why I'm adverse to using the word "date".

Lincoln



CO Is My Airline of Choice || Baggage Claim is an airline's last chance to disappoint a customer || Next flts in profile
User currently offlineZuluAviator994 From Australia, joined Mar 2008, 510 posts, RR: 0
Reply 5, posted (5 years 3 weeks 2 days 18 hours ago) and read 1746 times:



Quoting Lincoln (Reply 4):


Quoting ZuluAviator994 (Reply 2):
This I do not recommend, unless you won't be swimming laps.

For me, at least... hiking/exercising/swimming/roadtripping is excactly when I find myself deepest in thought.... My Sunday Morning Walk this week (+/- 10 miles) was pretty much entirely consumed with the internal dialogue I discussed above, as compared to the usual reflecting on the week behind me/projecting the week in front of me.

I'm driving to Pittsburgh this afternoon and I'm hoping that just cranking up the music really loudly will keep me from dwelling too long.

I know how you feel, so I'd keep human interaction up!  Smile



If Speed is life, Altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky.
User currently offlineSpeedBirdA380 From United Kingdom, joined Jul 2008, 539 posts, RR: 2
Reply 6, posted (5 years 3 weeks 2 days 18 hours ago) and read 1718 times:



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
We eachanged a few emails, the last one where I extended an invitation to get togeher (for coffee) or a casual meal and then several days passed without hearing from her.



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
On Sunday I suggested getting together early next week. I haven't heard anything back yet.

I'm sorry, but the cynic in me suggests she may be playing around with you a bit. I mean if you really like someone enough to want to meet up with them then surely you would make sure you got back to them quickly - not in a few days. Personally I check my email inbox several times a day(as I'm sure do most people this day and age.)

And you say she is entertaining guests,ok fair enough but does that mean she does not have 10 minutes to log into her email and contact you....  Confused

However I could be totally wrong and perhaps she is just really busy.

As for your situation of going crazy well yes,women will do that to you! Like others have said my only advice is to try and keep yourself busy with a hobby or something.

Good luck though and I hope she gets back to you soon. Let us know what happens.


User currently offlineSan747 From United States of America, joined Dec 2004, 4942 posts, RR: 12
Reply 7, posted (5 years 3 weeks 2 days 18 hours ago) and read 1697 times:

I agree with the others- find something to distract you and fill your time. For me (until my camera started giving me problems back in March), that activity is plane spotting/photography (what a shock!).

Every situation in which I was really stressed- breakups, big decisions- I would go to SAN or LAX or BOS when I lived out there, and just spent a few hours by myself. I would be relaxed, I would be having fun, and ultimately it would allow me to make a better decision or get over the girl a lot easier.

That's just my example. Plus I know from experience how frustrating online dating can be. I hate exchanging emails because to me, i'd rather talk about and learn about the girl on a date. Of course, I understand most women (rightfully) won't want to meet you without talking to you a little first, so it does add an extra element of stress to the whole process.



Scotty doesn't know...
User currently offlineLincoln From United States of America, joined Nov 2004, 3887 posts, RR: 8
Reply 8, posted (5 years 3 weeks 2 days 18 hours ago) and read 1693 times:



Quoting SpeedBirdA380 (Reply 6):
I'm sorry, but the cynic in me suggests she may be playing around with you a bit

I'm generally very pessimistic; it's a trait that I'm trying to lessen -- I also tend to err on the side of being paranoid, which I'm also trying to reduce. I really don't get the sense she's playing around with me. It's possible, but I'd like to think otherwise.

Quoting SpeedBirdA380 (Reply 6):
And you say she is entertaining guests,ok fair enough but does that mean she does not have 10 minutes to log into her email and contact you....

However I could be totally wrong and perhaps she is just really busy.

To each their own; personally I frequently check on email, etc., when I have guests but some of my friends go completely off-grid (no phone, no email, no texting) when they have company [along the lines of "You are my guest, you are the sole focus of my attention and I can deal with everything else later].

Maybe I'm making excuses, but between that and professional obligations, while I'm anxious I'm not overly worried at this point.

I definitely get the impression that if she were completely uninterested I would know.

Lincoln



CO Is My Airline of Choice || Baggage Claim is an airline's last chance to disappoint a customer || Next flts in profile
User currently offlineSpeedBirdA380 From United Kingdom, joined Jul 2008, 539 posts, RR: 2
Reply 9, posted (5 years 3 weeks 2 days 18 hours ago) and read 1687 times:



Quoting Lincoln (Reply 8):

I'm generally very pessimistic

Yes I am guilty of that too. Sadly though my experience with a lot of women has taught me to "always expect the worst".  Silly

Quoting Lincoln (Reply 8):

I definitely get the impression that if she were completely uninterested I would know.

Of course you are in a much better position to make that judgement that I am and I hope all go's well with her.

Good Luck.


User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 19495 posts, RR: 58
Reply 10, posted (5 years 3 weeks 2 days 17 hours ago) and read 1665 times:



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
But my behavior is starting to concern me -- I'm checking email impulsively (despite knowing that I shouldn't expect to hear anything monday, today, or even possibly tomorrow), I'm loosing sleep, I'm running through conversation topics in my head, among other things...how not to play "20 questions" about her tallent [because, of course, there is far more to her], if political topics are verbotten on the first get together** even though we both say that we like good discussions..., if the fact that she's a little older than other women I've dated should affect my behavior at all) all for something that isn't even gaurnteed to happen yet.

So what you're saying is that you are a man who is suddenly very intrigued with a woman and the fact that your behavior is not completely rational about the matter is bothersome to you.

Um. Yeah. That happens, dude. Have you DONE anything stupid other than check your E-mail (like send her 20 of them?). If not, then the private actions and thoughts you perform are just that--private. When your PUBLIC behavior starts to be a problem, or you're afraid it might be, then you have a problem.

You're a bit smitten, dude. Enjoy the feeling and don't screw it up by being anxious. If it's a match to be, trust me, it's a match to be.


User currently offlineSW733 From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 6311 posts, RR: 9
Reply 11, posted (5 years 3 weeks 2 days 13 hours ago) and read 1596 times:



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
She's slightly older than I had in mind

Always go older, man. I am 25 and my girlfriend turns 29 on Saturday, that's the way to go  Wink We met when I was 21 and she was 25, and hit it off immediately.

Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
But my behavior is starting to concern me -- I'm checking email impulsively (despite knowing that I shouldn't expect to hear anything monday, today, or even possibly tomorrow), I'm loosing sleep, I'm running through conversation topics in my head,



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
Uh... this can not be healthy

You're excited, that's fine. The key is to, when you meet her, treat it like it is nothing...like you've been too busy to think of her. That way, she isn't overwhelmed and scared off.


User currently offlineSteeler83 From United States of America, joined Feb 2006, 9191 posts, RR: 18
Reply 12, posted (5 years 3 weeks 2 days 12 hours ago) and read 1560 times:



Quoting Lincoln (Reply 4):
Some of them that's kind of ovbious, others they come off as raving Browns/Cavs/Indians fanatics (remember, this is Cleveland... and [native] Clevelanders of all shapes, sizes, ages, and genders are incredibly passionate about their sports teams)

Wait, are you from Cleveland? Is she? If that's the case, considering where you're going this week, and it seems you spend quite some time there:

Quoting Lincoln (Reply 4):
I'm driving to Pittsburgh this afternoon

You are one brave soul! In that respect it's a good thing she isn't a sports fan!  Wink  duck  (just funnin' with ya!)

I do wish you the best of luck with this tho, man! Try not to let this stuff get to ya tho...

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 10):
Um. Yeah. That happens, dude. Have you DONE anything stupid other than check your E-mail (like send her 20 of them?). If not, then the private actions and thoughts you perform are just that--private. When your PUBLIC behavior starts to be a problem, or you're afraid it might be, then you have a problem.

You're a bit smitten, dude. Enjoy the feeling and don't screw it up by being anxious. If it's a match to be, trust me, it's a match to be.

I don't think I could've given better advice than this!



Do not bring stranger girt into your room. The stranger girt is dangerous, it will hurt your life.
User currently offlineBA From United States of America, joined May 2000, 11153 posts, RR: 59
Reply 13, posted (5 years 3 weeks 2 days 11 hours ago) and read 1556 times:



Quoting SW733 (Reply 11):
Always go older, man. I am 25 and my girlfriend turns 29 on Saturday, that's the way to go Wink We met when I was 21 and she was 25, and hit it off immediately.

Just curious, why do you think older is better? I'm not saying it's bad, but I don't think going younger is necessarily bad either.



"Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need." - Khalil Gibran
User currently offlineLincoln From United States of America, joined Nov 2004, 3887 posts, RR: 8
Reply 14, posted (5 years 3 weeks 2 days 11 hours ago) and read 1537 times:



Quoting Steeler83 (Reply 12):
You are one brave soul! In that respect it's a good thing she isn't a sports fan! (just funnin' with ya!)

I'm quietly very appreciative that I still have CA plates on my car  Wink By the way, it's actually quite a nice walk from the hotel (in the Strip District) to 3PNC...I'm thinking of not moving my car.

We are both currently located in greater Cleveland [and quite possibly very close to each other], as far as I can tell, neither of us are native Clevelanders -- I'm a Californian, and I'm guessing based on some of what she's said that she's also a transport (see also my earlier comment about Clevelanders of all shapes/sizes/genders being rabid sports fans)

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 10):
You're a bit smitten, dude. Enjoy the feeling and don't screw it up by being anxious. If it's a match to be, trust me, it's a match to be.



Quoting Steeler83 (Reply 12):
don't think I could've given better advice than this!

I really am rather enjoying the somewhat euphoric feeling... I've definately caught myself smiling more, have an extra little bounce in my step, etc. I really am hoping for the best, but the pesamistic/fear of the uncertain side of my personality is starting to creep back out.

This afternoon, though, I walked from the hotel in the Strip District to 3PNC, and a couple weeks ago I wandered around a large swath of downtown PHL with no issues so the "avoid the uncertain" part of the personality is definately waning

Lincoln



CO Is My Airline of Choice || Baggage Claim is an airline's last chance to disappoint a customer || Next flts in profile
User currently offlinePPVRA From Brazil, joined Nov 2004, 8956 posts, RR: 40
Reply 15, posted (5 years 3 weeks 2 days 11 hours ago) and read 1526 times:

Put some trance songs on and relax. Do some housework. Play some video games (I don't like them but they are great as mindless distractions).

You already sound curious/interested in her and that's pretty much all you need. Forget discussion topics. Talk about her (and she will ask about you). What kind of discussion topics anyways?

Make it fun by not being afraid to smile or letting her see you smile. It makes it more comfortable for you and her to loosen up.



"If goods do not cross borders, soldiers will" - Frederic Bastiat
User currently offlinePhoenix9 From Canada, joined Aug 2007, 2546 posts, RR: 8
Reply 16, posted (5 years 3 weeks 2 days 11 hours ago) and read 1519 times:



Quoting Lincoln (Thread starter):
Any other advice...

I usually don't advice about dating/relationships/girl issues, but I just think you are being over-anxious. Calm down and don't take everything so seriously.

Oh and just so that you know:

If you haven't given her a snowglobe yet, you are perfectly fine



Life only makes sense when you look at it backwards.
User currently offlineSW733 From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 6311 posts, RR: 9
Reply 17, posted (5 years 3 weeks 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 1472 times:



Quoting BA (Reply 13):
Just curious, why do you think older is better? I'm not saying it's bad, but I don't think going younger is necessarily bad either.

I was always more mature than most guys my age...all through high school and the first part of college I dated younger...always...never once even made out with an older girl. Always full of stupid drama...they were supposed to be more mature than me even though they were younger, and they never ever were. At 25, that's still the case. My girlfriend, just shy of 29, is independent, hard-working, doesn't need me but wants me, and has a straight head. When I met her at the age of 21 (almost 22) I knew she was the one, so I am a bit biased towards older  Smile Out of all my friends, I only have one who goes older like I do, and he says the same things, he is also 25 and very, very happy with his 27 year old.


User currently offlineKLM672 From United States of America, joined Oct 1999, 2441 posts, RR: 3
Reply 18, posted (5 years 3 weeks 1 day ago) and read 1334 times:

Hey Lincoln,

You're situation and ways of thinking are very familar to me. This whole "too good to be true" thought process. I too am very anxious. One thing I found out is, unlike me (and many others here), a lot of women that I've contacted just aren't into checking their email/dating website(s) as often as I am. Just not high on their priority list. I sit at a computer all day at work and check my email 5-6 times a day. I have also noticed a lot of people do the "I'll read it and reply later" routine, so maybe its that?
As others have said, you are very intersted in her and its normal. Be happy for yourself! Try not to be "too" into her at this point, online it may seem great but in person you may be clawing for things to talk about. Just be yourself and good luck. Please let us know how it goes. As always, I love updates.


User currently offlineLincoln From United States of America, joined Nov 2004, 3887 posts, RR: 8
Reply 19, posted (5 years 3 weeks 18 hours ago) and read 1281 times:



Quoting KLM672 (Reply 18):
One thing I found out is, unlike me (and many others here), a lot of women that I've contacted just aren't into checking their email/dating website(s) as often as I am. Just not high on their priority list. I sit at a computer all day at work and check my email 5-6 times a day. I have also noticed a lot of people do the "I'll read it and reply later" routine, so maybe its that?

I'm  crossfingers  that this is the case... Between this and stress at work (we're building new office space which is a little behind schedule... but we're still moving next week...and my plate was already full with external projects) I'm kind of in that really uncomfortable "time is flying but time is standing still" place where it's like "Oh, I haven't checked my email in a long time"... only to realize I last checked it less than an hour ago/"Wow, I haven't heard from her in a long time..." only to realize that in reality it's only been a handful of days.

Part of the reason I'm so...smitten as DocLightning put it...is because I though we had a lot in common (as if her profile was written by the slightly more liberal, female version of myself, a feeling I haven't really had to date) at first...and then when I found out more about her... I really want to meet her face-to-face and find out if it's worth persuing and if she feels the same way.



CO Is My Airline of Choice || Baggage Claim is an airline's last chance to disappoint a customer || Next flts in profile
User currently offlineKLM672 From United States of America, joined Oct 1999, 2441 posts, RR: 3
Reply 20, posted (5 years 3 weeks 18 hours ago) and read 1273 times:

Yeah, I would try your best not to think too much about her. Perhaps its just me and my luck but I've been in your shoes (and vice versa, her in your shoes even) and then once we meet its a "uhhh ok how what do we talk about" as both of us play with our food. Ok, maybe I am irritating the situation here but are you guys on one of those sites where you can see where she last logged in? Is she logging in but not responding to you?--Even with that though, it could go back to the "I'll read and reply later".

User currently offlineKLM672 From United States of America, joined Oct 1999, 2441 posts, RR: 3
Reply 21, posted (5 years 2 weeks 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 1122 times:

Hi,
Any update on your story?


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