JetMech From Australia, joined Mar 2006, 2589 posts, RR: 53 Posted (3 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 10368 times:
I thought this was funny .
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER…
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh-in 2 kgs lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed—freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents- expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, blow wave
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor café
12:45 Catch sight of partner’s ex and notice that she has gained 17 kgs
1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer
4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk—says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe
7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/ dancers
10:00 Hot shower- alone
10:50 Carried to bed… freshly ironed, crisp, white linen
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms
THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM…
6:00 Alarm
6:15 Blow job
6:30 Massive, satisfying shit while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast—steak and eggs, coffee and toast—all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en route to the airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)
9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)
11:45 Lunch—steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine (4 under)
2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot showing their growlers
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)—on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle MacPherson (bending over showing her growler, naturally)
6:45 Shit, shower and shave
7:00 Watch news—Michael Jackson assassinated
7:30 Dinner—lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigars in front of wall-sized TV as you watch football game
9:30 Sex with three women, all with lesbian tendencies
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 Night-cap blow job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep
WILCO737 From Greenland, joined exactly 9 years ago today! , 8533 posts, RR: 78 Reply 1, posted (3 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 10340 times:
Speedbirdie From United Kingdom, joined May 2006, 899 posts, RR: 56 Reply 3, posted (3 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 10317 times:
Oh good grief, that certainly put a smile on my face...
Brilliant
Who is but the form following the function of what, and what I am, is a Woman in a mask..
Homer71 From United States of America, joined Jul 2001, 2209 posts, RR: 16 Reply 4, posted (3 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 10 hours ago) and read 10306 times:
I wish...
"On spaceship earth there are no passengers...only crew."
Fridgmus From United States of America, joined Oct 2006, 1383 posts, RR: 11 Reply 5, posted (3 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 5 hours ago) and read 10217 times:
Homer71 From United States of America, joined Jul 2001, 2209 posts, RR: 16 Reply 7, posted (3 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 4 hours ago) and read 10201 times:
Quoting YooYoo (Reply 6): growler?...isn't that term for a sausage? I wouldn't want these "women" showing me their sausage!!
I hope it means something else in Australia.
Think "exodus"...
"On spaceship earth there are no passengers...only crew."
Force13 From United States of America, joined Jun 2005, 229 posts, RR: 0 Reply 9, posted (3 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 4 hours ago) and read 10183 times:
This will be sent out in a mass email to everyone I know. And since it was written in Australian slang it's even better! (Growler is Australian slang, right?)
Do not taunt. Do not shake. Do not pander. Add coffee. Subject should be slightly human within an hour.
Vikkyvik From United States of America, joined Jul 2003, 8317 posts, RR: 28 Reply 10, posted (3 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 2 hours ago) and read 10131 times:
Homer71 From United States of America, joined Jul 2001, 2209 posts, RR: 16 Reply 11, posted (3 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 1 hour ago) and read 10106 times:
Quoting Vikkyvik (Reply 10): A perfect day for me would most definitely NOT start at 6 AM.
If the thing listed at 6:15 happens, hell yes it will be...
"On spaceship earth there are no passengers...only crew."
WILCO737 From Greenland, joined exactly 9 years ago today! , 8533 posts, RR: 78 Reply 12, posted (3 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 1 hour ago) and read 10102 times:
AIRLINERS.NET CREW HEAD MODERATOR
Quoting Homer71 (Reply 11): If the thing listed at 6:15 happens, hell yes it will be...
The longer the day the more BJ's possible... So set the alarm to 6 AM
Homer71 From United States of America, joined Jul 2001, 2209 posts, RR: 16 Reply 15, posted (3 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days ago) and read 10055 times:
Quoting ShyFlyer (Reply 14): But then they really wouldn't need you, would they?
I'll settle for watching (I'll be tired from all of the BJs throughout the day)
"On spaceship earth there are no passengers...only crew."
TSS From United States of America, joined Dec 2006, 2884 posts, RR: 5 Reply 16, posted (3 years 9 months 2 weeks 5 days 17 hours ago) and read 9980 times:
Quoting Homer71 (Reply 15): Quoting ShyFlyer (Reply 14):
But then they really wouldn't need you, would they?
I'll settle for watching (I'll be tired* from all of the BJs throughout the day)
*I believe "drained" might be a more appropriate term than "tired", at least in that context.
Able to kill active threads stone dead with a single post!
Vikkyvik From United States of America, joined Jul 2003, 8317 posts, RR: 28 Reply 18, posted (3 years 9 months 2 weeks 5 days 16 hours ago) and read 9941 times:
AIRLINERS.NET CREW PHOTO SCREENER
Quoting Homer71 (Reply 11): If the thing listed at 6:15 happens, hell yes it will be...
Quoting WILCO737 (Reply 12): The longer the day the more BJ's possible... So set the alarm to 6 AM
Quoting Springbok747 (Reply 13): The longer the day..the more opportunity for BJ and:
Haha, fair enough, good point.
However, for me, following the 6 AM BJ would be 5 more hours of sleep (perhaps interrupted once or twice for encores )
"Two and a Half Men" was filmed in front of a live ostrich.
Speedbirdie From United Kingdom, joined May 2006, 899 posts, RR: 56 Reply 22, posted (3 years 9 months 2 weeks 5 days 10 hours ago) and read 9887 times:
Quoting JetMech (Reply 17): Strangely, the females perfect day is all about confirming her sexiness and desirability, yet there is no actual sex involved .
Well my dear friend, let me explain. Most women couldn't couldn't give a crap about having sex. We actually do lie there and think 'oh no I forgot to iron a work shirt' or something along those lines
Who is but the form following the function of what, and what I am, is a Woman in a mask..
WILCO737 From Greenland, joined exactly 9 years ago today! , 8533 posts, RR: 78 Reply 23, posted (3 years 9 months 2 weeks 5 days 9 hours ago) and read 9873 times:
AIRLINERS.NET CREW HEAD MODERATOR
Quoting Speedbirdie (Reply 22): Most women couldn't couldn't give a crap about having sex.
Homer71 From United States of America, joined Jul 2001, 2209 posts, RR: 16 Reply 24, posted (3 years 9 months 2 weeks 5 days 7 hours ago) and read 9841 times:
Quoting TSS (Reply 16): *I believe "drained" might be a more appropriate term than "tired", at least in that context.
I stand corrected...
"On spaceship earth there are no passengers...only crew."
25 JCS17: Growler for me means a log of excrement. Geez, we need to standardize the meaning of this immediately. It could lead to some bad things.
26 JetMech: It's all so unfair . So easy for females to fake orgasms, so difficult for males to fake erections . Regards, JetMech
27 ShyFlyer: Yep, the only thing on the planet that is difficult but at the same time not hard. Taxi!
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From Australia, joined Mar 2006, 2589 posts, 
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