HAWK21M From India, joined Jan 2001, 31796 posts, RR: 55 Posted (5 years 10 months 2 weeks 4 days 16 hours ago) and read 1752 times:
My Grandparents neighbour faces a very odd solution.The poor guy & his parents have to deal with a negative person for over 45 years.he has an sister with a small facial scar that has mood fluctuations & abuses the family members almost every 3rd day on some pretext or another.
Anyone trying to talk to the person is insulted & abused.The family is so sad & cannot socialize as every time they speak with someone,the next day there is another abusive volley of words & tears accusing them of all the things which are not true.His sister refuses to work & the old parents do the work in the house,with partial help from the sister if the mood is ok.
The guy has tried to explain things but has not worked out.On a rare normal day,the person agrees that her behaviour is wrong,but refuses to attend counciling.His sister just does not want to socialise with anyone or marry & in case of friends,they too are insulted on the smallest doubts,so most keep away.
I suggested reading motivational books,but that did not work as per the guy,as the books were never read completely.
I really feel sad for this guy,He has not given up trying after so many years & hopes that one day things will work out & his family will be normal.But I don't think that would happen.Its over 45 years but there is no solution.
I know this is not the right place to ask for solutions,but was hoping someone could relate to this story and have a possible solution in place.
ManuCH From Switzerland, joined Jun 2005, 3029 posts, RR: 45
Reply 1, posted (5 years 10 months 2 weeks 4 days 16 hours ago) and read 1741 times:
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Unfortunately I don't have a solution, these things are never easy to deal with.
Being myself a very pragmatic person, I'd give the woman an ultimatum: either she accepts professional counseling, or I'd kick her out of the house, period. My philosophy is "either you accept help, or you're out of luck".
It's hard, but I'm afraid it might be the only way to go forward. Your grandparents' neighbor and his parents have the right to live a normal live. They have to take the situation in their hands and do something. It's unfair to have their life ruined by someone who doesn't accept help.
PHBUF From Netherlands, joined Mar 2009, 239 posts, RR: 0
Reply 2, posted (5 years 10 months 2 weeks 4 days 15 hours ago) and read 1735 times:
I would focus on helping the guy and his parents instead of trying to help her..it's a lost cause. Only professionals (psychologists and such) can help in these kinda situations. I think the parents and the guy/brother need to realize that things will not improve and that they will have to start thinking about themselves..one person should not destroy the lives of three others..or, better said, three people should not allow one person to destroy their lives!
HAWK21M From India, joined Jan 2001, 31796 posts, RR: 55
Reply 3, posted (5 years 10 months 2 weeks 4 days 12 hours ago) and read 1699 times:
I guess the dilema faced by the family is they love the person too much & hope things will improve one day.
True...They are nice people & have a right to live in society with respect & not be ridiculed for being related to someone negative.
Francoflier From France, joined Oct 2001, 4103 posts, RR: 10
Reply 4, posted (5 years 10 months 2 weeks 4 days 11 hours ago) and read 1689 times:
I'm far from an expert, but from a Cartesian perspective it might be worth trying to determine what has been done to try and deal with this situation for all those years, and knowing that it hasn't worked, try something else entirely.
It's not easy when it's a family member, but maybe having that person face the stern conscequences of her abuses, as ManuCH suggested, might be worth a try.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit posting...
Klaus From Germany, joined Jul 2001, 21592 posts, RR: 53
Reply 5, posted (5 years 10 months 2 weeks 4 days 3 hours ago) and read 1622 times:
Before doing anything drastic, it might be a good idea to check whether she might suffer from an actual mental illness. Paranoia and aggressive behaviour might be symptoms of an untreated psychological or even physical condition.
There are many things one could be told to "just snap out of it", but in some cases it's not actually that simple.
AverageUser From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 6, posted (5 years 10 months 2 weeks 4 days 2 hours ago) and read 1600 times:
Quoting Klaus (Reply 5): it might be a good idea to check whether she might suffer from an actual mental illness
A case of some mental illness is my guess as well. She's perhaps suffering from chronic depression, and apparently has been marginalized for 45 years or more as well in her life, which will not help at all to solve the problem. If this is a case of depression, there is a good chance medications would be helpful.
I'd think the family and neighbours should in a way "leave her alone", since the insults would be more a result of the illness than something really personal, although they might appear so.
That would perhaps break the established bad interaction pattern and let something more positive to develop.
DocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 22000 posts, RR: 63
Reply 7, posted (5 years 10 months 2 weeks 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 1530 times:
Quoting Klaus (Reply 5): Before doing anything drastic, it might be a good idea to check whether she might suffer from an actual mental illness.
The problem with psychiatric illness is that it is stigmatized, even by physicians. It certainly sounds like a mental illness, but neither you nor anyone can help this woman get help if she is not willing to participate in it.
The best thing that you can do is to try to dismiss this person from your life as much as is possible. You cannot help her and you will only frustrate yourself with your attempts.
Ag92 From India, joined Jul 2006, 1317 posts, RR: 0
Reply 8, posted (5 years 10 months 2 weeks 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 1507 times:
Quoting ManuCH (Reply 1): Being myself a very pragmatic person, I'd give the woman an ultimatum: either she accepts professional counseling, or I'd kick her out of the house, period. My philosophy is "either you accept help, or you're out of luck".
This will never work in India, not in my culture it wouldn't at least, I don't know but how about try bringing a counseller to the home instead?