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Love - How Do You Move On?  
User currently offlineUAL747DEN From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 2392 posts, RR: 11
Posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 3 hours ago) and read 2565 times:

So there has to be people here who have been married and gone through a divorce or even who were in a very long term relationship and broke up, how in the "F" do you get through something like that!

If you love your partner and she/he is all you have known for a very long time what exactly do you do when it all starts to fall apart? After waking up next to that person for years and years, 7 in my case how do you wake up in the morning without that person? What motivates you to even get out of bed and go to work?

I have been very happy for the past 7+ years and I feel like I have had the rug pulled out from under me. I have a good job that I really love but at this point I have no desire to even go on with that. Its like life has stopped but there has got to be some way to move on, any ideas because I sure have none? It's almost like losing someone to death but its not because that person is still there, still part of your life but not part of the life you have spent so much time building.

I am not the kind of guy who can't find someone else, I am pretty good looking, I have a lot going for me but I don't want to find someone else I want what I had. For years I have gone on not realizing how much my relationship meant to me and only when its falling apart have I realized how truly important it has been to every aspect of my life.

So the question is what do you do to move on and get past something so devastating? We are human we have to be able to move on but I haven't figured that part out. Someone else has so please give me your wisdom!


/// UNITED AIRLINES
34 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently onlineBraybuddy From Ireland, joined Aug 2004, 5688 posts, RR: 32
Reply 1, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 3 hours ago) and read 2561 times:

There's only one solution . . . and you've heard it a million times before. TIME! Hard and all as it is, it's not the end of the world and you will move on, believe me. Takes time though.

User currently offlineajd1992 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 2 hours ago) and read 2502 times:

Time, a lot of drinking and crying and eventually the realisation that they are worth nothing to you, otherwise they wouldn't have ended it.

It took me a long time to get over my first ever girlfriend, and recently I found out she cheated on me with my best friend and now she's worth nothing at all to me. It took me nearly 3 years but now it doesn't matter - they're an ex for a reason, aren't they?


User currently offlineokie From United States of America, joined Jul 2003, 3010 posts, RR: 3
Reply 3, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 2 hours ago) and read 2501 times:

Grandpa Okie always said: Best way to get over a woman is to get over another woman.

Worked for me.

Okie


User currently offlinecaliatenza From United States of America, joined Dec 2006, 1575 posts, RR: 0
Reply 4, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 2 hours ago) and read 2492 times:

Quoting ajd1992 (Reply 2):

It took me a long time to get over my first ever girlfriend, and recently I found out she cheated on me with my best friend and now she's worth nothing at all to me. It took me nearly 3 years but now it doesn't matter - they're an ex for a reason, aren't they?

same here...my ex cheated on me also...WHILE SHE WAS LIVING WITH ME! But i already made a thread about it like a year ago, so thats that. Im still getting over her, and the worst part is i still see her around campus sometimes  


User currently offlineUAL747DEN From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 2392 posts, RR: 11
Reply 5, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 2 hours ago) and read 2490 times:

Quoting okie (Reply 3):
Grandpa Okie always said: Best way to get over a woman is to get over another woman.

LOL, You know that is what I always did in my younger funner days but that is also a hard pill to swallow. For me that would be the end, that would mean that it was really over and the chances of fixing anything is done. I have thought about going out and getting smashed and jumping on the first hot blonde that comes my way but how do you know when its time for that? I guess when you just can't take it anymore, right?

Anyone up for hot blondes, I can be in Miami in 4 hrs! I have lots of buddy passes!



/// UNITED AIRLINES
User currently offlinebhill From United States of America, joined Sep 2001, 966 posts, RR: 0
Reply 6, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 2 hours ago) and read 2473 times:

Time...lotsa fishing...if yer really really bummed, get some help with someone to talk to. Watch the booze tho..You will feel like shit the next morning AND still be bummed..


Carpe Pices
User currently offlineFly2HMO From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 7, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 1 hour ago) and read 2430 times:

Just get yourself a bunch of girl toys in the meantime, and take it as an opportunity to get back in the (dating) game and go out and have some fun. Enjoy your newfound freedom.

Quoting caliatenza (Reply 4):
my ex cheated on me also...WHILE SHE WAS LIVING WITH ME!

Life will get back at her for being a whore. Seen it happen too many times.


User currently offlineRJ111 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 8, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 1 hour ago) and read 2399 times:

I can't say i've been married or in a relationship for 7 years, but i tend to find in life, that in all honesty you are compatible with a lot of people - say 5% (maybe more), of women (or whatever you're into). The reason you end up falling in love with one of them is usually circumstance and then habit. What one had might have seemed special but in all honesty it could have been with anyone. Once you start thinking like that it become easier.

Good luck whatever, best bet for now is to just have fun, get laid a few times and enjoy the freedom.


User currently offlineghost77 From Mexico, joined Mar 2000, 5219 posts, RR: 51
Reply 9, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days ago) and read 2350 times:

They've said it: TIME.

I know exactly how you're feeling dude. I'm exactly ending a relationship that wanted to last forever. I have hanged out with so many girls for my short age (just turned 24 on June 3rd). I've been with girls that have 15 to 17 years old and I've also hanged out with 27s, 29s and the older one 31 when I was 22. I've date so far near to 20 girls since I was 16.

But I've only loved 3 girls. The last girl, I thought SHE was the one. It was the girl I wanted to have kids and grew and ger married in 5-7 years. She spoiled it all 2 weeks ago and she gave me the news a week before my 24th birthday. I thank her for doing so and not giving me the bad news after my b-day. She told me she was pregnant and I was NOT the father because time doesn't match with the last time we had sex and the weeks she has.

We had a year together, so it's now over, time to move on... and I have 2 fish on target. I'm every second thinking on her and she's on my mind and heart, but I can't do anything but to move on. I've been badly hurt before, so this new not-so-nice experience for some might be like the end of the world, fortunately the 2nd girl I love the most, taught me and hurt me a lot that now I'm so much mature to move on fast.

Once you get over this, you'll see how stronger you'll become.

Quoting Fly2HMO (Reply 7):
Life will get back at her for being a whore. Seen it happen too many times.

Absolutely!!

g77



Ricardo Morales - flyAPM - ¡No es que maneje rapido, solo estoy volando lento!
User currently offlineAirframeAS From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 14150 posts, RR: 24
Reply 10, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days ago) and read 2348 times:

Quoting UAL747DEN (Reply 5):
I have lots of buddy passes

I'd join you but I have to work Friday morning.

Quoting caliatenza (Reply 4):
my ex cheated on me also...WHILE SHE WAS LIVING WITH ME!

Had that same problem.... Plus she went with a fellow A.netter who is no longer a member here. This was 5+ years ago.

[Edited 2010-06-09 15:50:46]


A Safe Flight Begins With Quality Maintenance On The Ground.
User currently offlinenwaesc From United States of America, joined exactly 7 years ago today! , 3386 posts, RR: 9
Reply 11, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days ago) and read 2329 times:

Since you asked, a good place to start would be to not be so narcissistic.

With all due respect, if you're anywhere near as self involved at home as you are on here, I'm surprised she stayed 7 years.

A little introspection on your part may be in order here.



"Nothing ever happens here, " I said. "I just wait."
User currently offlineKingFriday013 From United States of America, joined May 2007, 1297 posts, RR: 9
Reply 12, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 23 hours ago) and read 2319 times:

See if you can find some of flairport's threads, those might give you a good laugh -- or at least something else to think about.

On that note... go buy a snowglobe and smash it against something! And I'm actually somewhat serious about this -- you know how it feels good to punch a punching bag or something when you want to take out your emotions on something? Do it on a snowglobe!

And finally, lots of people have said what it takes:

Quoting Braybuddy (Reply 1):
There's only one solution . . . and you've heard it a million times before. TIME!
Quoting ajd1992 (Reply 2):
Time
Quoting bhill (Reply 6):
Time
Quoting ghost77 (Reply 9):
They've said it: TIME.

-J.



Tho' I've belted you an' flayed you, By the livin' Gawd that made you, You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din!
User currently offlineIMissPiedmont From United States of America, joined May 2001, 6287 posts, RR: 33
Reply 13, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 23 hours ago) and read 2312 times:

Quoting nwaesc (Reply 11):
Since you asked, a good place to start would be to not be so narcissistic.

Wow, that's a bit mean. Are you sure you're not me ?



Damn, this website is getting worse daily.
User currently offlineUAL747DEN From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 2392 posts, RR: 11
Reply 14, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 23 hours ago) and read 2275 times:

Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 10):
I'd join you but I have to work Friday morning.

Your in Denver still right, Loveland isn't far and Ft. Collins has bars full of CU girls! We could have fun!

Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 10):
Had that same problem.... Plus she went with a fellow A.netter who is no longer a member here. This was 5+ years ago.

Wow, I hope you inflicted some serious pain on this member! If I had someone to hit and a reason to hit that person I might just feel better about things.

Quoting nwaesc (Reply 11):
With all due respect, if you're anywhere near as self involved at home as you are on here, I'm surprised she stayed 7 years.

I am, I am the most conceded Ahole you will ever meet, thats just me.
I don't think that being confident in myself makes me a bad person though, if I wasn't so strong I would never be where I am today and that could very well include my marriage. I have had to fight for everything I have in life, I have had to deal with people constantly telling me that it couldn't be done but the cocky Ahole in me says watch me and in a lot of cases it has worked. In my professional life I have always been the "kid" that doesn't really belong in the old mans club so the only way for me to survive is to keep the attitude that I am here because I am better than the others and then do the work to prove it. I understand that my attitude isn't liked by most people but without it and without working twice as hard as everyone around me I would be in the same position as "most" people and I want more.
I should also mention that I have a lot of very good friends who I am very loyal to. Although I am aggressive in getting what I want I also try to do what is right and make sure those around me are taken care of. I volunteer hundreds of hours a year and hold a seat on the board of a non-profit that helps people who need it. I think I'm a pretty good dad, I not only give my children what they need financially but I spend as much time with them as possible.

So you can judge me all you want, I expected as much but the reality is that I know who I am. You could very well be right that she just had enough and didn't want to deal with a person like me anymore, I don't really know?

Quoting KingFriday013 (Reply 12):
See if you can find some of flairport's threads, those might give you a good laugh -- or at least something else to think about.

Oh I'm familiar with the "flairport saga" and I can thankfully say that I have never and will never be in any situation that might even come close to resembling anything that he has been through! It is however some really really funny reading!



/// UNITED AIRLINES
User currently offlinekiwiinoz From New Zealand, joined Oct 2005, 2165 posts, RR: 5
Reply 15, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 23 hours ago) and read 2268 times:

I have been with my wife a similar amount of time as you. It is a very happy marriage, we are each other's best friend, and most of the happy times in my life are spent with her. Add in to the equation the fact that we have a baby daughter, who is just wonderful, it's hard to imagine things ever ending.

However, I am a pragmatist and therefore know that any fall is possible. Everyone goes into a loving relationship thinking and hoping it will work out forever. One of the strengths of our marriage is the fact that we were both strong, emotionally independent individuals before we got together, and I think that helps. Anyone who looks for self-validation in a relationship will eventually seek it outside the relationship as well.

(Thanks....Dr Phil!!)

So, having said that, I am quite sure that, if for some reason our marriage broke up, I would not actively seek to move on to another partner or try and seek out the same kind of relationship. I know that if I did, it would take many attempts for it to "measure up" and I doubt I would be interested in wasting the energy. Not to mention the pain and suffering that could be inflicted on any potential partners. I trust that after a period of "mourning" I would eventually find myself quite happy in the company of friends and myself. Sex....well that's a different story, I imagine that need would have to be satisfied occasionally!!


User currently offlineaerorobnz From Rwanda, joined Feb 2001, 7184 posts, RR: 13
Reply 16, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 23 hours ago) and read 2262 times:

just treat it like you would any grieving - find another vice and get over it as quickly as possible, it maybe a damaging vice like drinking and drug use or constructive use like throwing yourself into work/hobby/promiscuity. One step in front of the other, head up and shoulders back. If falling in love again is a priority look at it this way - No one is going to fall in love with an emotionally needy, self pitying sap so don't fall into that trap and don't use time as an excuse not to get over it. You will be lucky to reach a life expectancy of 75+ so really you don't have time to sit around waiting for that day when you no longer grieve to happen.

Personally I think you should quit trying to 'complete' yourself by finding a mate to spawn with and realize that you and only you are all you need to survive happily, the concept of 'soul mates' and marriage is naive and detrimental to living a fulfilling active life and is a way to force people to 'settle in one place' and buy all sorts of consumer products to fill the void which one gets from having a stable boring suburban lifestyle.


User currently offlinesoon7x7 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 17, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 22 hours ago) and read 2254 times:

Been through it all....If your not a pilot...become one...you will find something that comes close to great sex...next, ...think in your mind that you have one direction to move , only forwards, not the square to the left, not the square to the right,...only the square that lays before you...going backwards is not on the menu...third...you came into the world ,,bald broke and naked,...you will leave the world, bald, broke and naked...in short...life is too short...cry yourself too sleep...get it out...mourn naturally..NO BOOZE, NO DRUGS, don't blame yourself , it took two to 'ef it up...You will be fine!...Just when you think your happy being alone again and like your space...you'll meet another woman and go through it all again...good luck...you can get Kleenex by the case cheap on Ebay...g

User currently offlineUAL747DEN From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 2392 posts, RR: 11
Reply 18, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 22 hours ago) and read 2245 times:

Quoting kiwiinoz (Reply 15):
So, having said that, I am quite sure that, if for some reason our marriage broke up, I would not actively seek to move on to another partner or try and seek out the same kind of relationship. I know that if I did, it would take many attempts for it to "measure up" and I doubt I would be interested in wasting the energy. Not to mention the pain and suffering that could be inflicted on any potential partners. I trust that after a period of "mourning" I would eventually find myself quite happy in the company of friends and myself. Sex....well that's a different story, I imagine that need would have to be satisfied occasionally!!

You know I am completely with you on this, I had everything you talk about and in one day (my birthday) BOOM its all gone. I cannot understand why we put ourselves in the position to be hurt so bad, I will NEVER do it again. I will hopefully figure out how to go on and in the future I will make sure I am in control of my own happiness. It really doesn't make since when you look at it from the outside to let someone else have so much control of our emotional wellbeing.



/// UNITED AIRLINES
User currently offlineAaron747 From Japan, joined Aug 2003, 8135 posts, RR: 26
Reply 19, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 22 hours ago) and read 2226 times:

Quoting UAL747DEN (Thread starter):
I have a lot going for me but I don't want to find someone else I want what I had

Unloading this contradictory mentality is the first step toward any kind of progress. You have to accept that you have a lot going for you as a starting point and accept you *won't* have what you had as an end point. You lost what you had - only a selfish person is incapable of letting that go.



If you need someone to blame / throw a rock in the air / you'll hit someone guilty
User currently offlinevikkyvik From United States of America, joined Jul 2003, 9945 posts, RR: 26
Reply 20, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 22 hours ago) and read 2226 times:
Support Airliners.net - become a First Class Member!

Best piece of advice in the thread:

Quoting Braybuddy (Reply 1):
There's only one solution . . . and you've heard it a million times before. TIME!

2nd and 3rd best pieces of advice in the thread:

Quoting bhill (Reply 6):
get some help with someone to talk to. Watch the booze tho..You will feel like shit the next morning AND still be bummed..



"Two and a Half Men" was filmed in front of a live ostrich.
User currently offlineTOMMY767 From United States of America, joined Aug 2003, 6584 posts, RR: 9
Reply 21, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 22 hours ago) and read 2216 times:

I'll be the first to say that booze and drugs aren't the answer to get over a past love. It's fun at the time but then you look back and you say to yourself "what the f*** was I thinking?" When I ended things with my last GF in late 2008, I was in my last semester of college so I went wild (and rightfully so.) I had a few friends who wanted to have fun and we did it up. But all of that nostalgia with your ex comes back to haunt you no matter how much you drink or how many girls you try to get with.

I hate when people say that "Time" is the only way because that is so lame and hopeless but in many ways it's true. Try various dating websites, going out with friends, get introduced to girls by other people. In many ways you have to be proactive to get through this. But unless your with friends who want to party alot I'd leave the excess boozing on the wayside.

Ugh. I'd be so down to go to Miami but I think I'm taking vacation next month!



"Folks that's the news and I'm outta here!" -- Dennis Miller
User currently offlineKen777 From United States of America, joined Mar 2004, 8227 posts, RR: 8
Reply 22, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 22 hours ago) and read 2213 times:

First remember that there are "a lot of fish in the sea", as an old girlfriend once said,

Then accept what the others posting said about time.

If this was your first "big love" then understand that there will probably always be a spot in your heart for her. Don't worry about that because when you meet someone else they will be far more important.

Then try to work out what went wrong and why. You have already figured out part of it.

Just give it time and see how things work out.

And when you bump into her act like a decent guy - and not with sad puppy eyes.


User currently offlineShyFlyer From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 23, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 21 hours ago) and read 2192 times:

Quoting aerorobnz (Reply 16):
just treat it like you would any grieving

Exactly. You've lost something you cared about. It is natural to grieve. And remember, there is no time line for grieving.

Also, take things one day at a time. Yeah, I know, it's another cliche in a thread full of them, but I can personally vouch for the fact that this is the way to go. Getting bogged down in how you're going to face the rest of your life without ________ won't allow you to move one.


User currently offlinekiwiinoz From New Zealand, joined Oct 2005, 2165 posts, RR: 5
Reply 24, posted (4 years 2 months 3 weeks 1 day 20 hours ago) and read 2153 times:

Quoting UAL747DEN (Reply 18):
I cannot understand why we put ourselves in the position to be hurt so bad, I will NEVER do it again.

You misunderstood me, (only slightly though). There is nothing wrong with putting yourself in that position. Having so much to lose is a good thing and makes us human. In time you will definitely not regret being in your relationship, even though it ended.

What I was saying is that one has to evaluate the value of trying to find it again, or whether or not you just say, "that was great, I have had something amazing, now I am going to focus on other things"

Probably a good time for a holiday as well!!


25 TSS : I find making a voodoo doll of my ex and sticking it full of pins whenever I'm feeling low to be very cathartic.
26 UAL747DEN : Oh wow look Flairport just changed his username!
27 Post contains images TSS : Hardly. You'll note that no snowglobes were harmed in my post. Seriously though, moving on from the "Oh woe is me, how could this happen to me?" phas
28 Mudboy : Dude, you seriously sound like I used to sound, and I understand where you are coming from, but the best advise I can give you, is to first, get over
29 JMA777 : Good advice that. We've all been where you are. It's called life, everything ends one way or another - so there's little or no point looking back on
30 HAWK21M : Time is the best cure.....Meet up with friends & get busy in activities.
31 AirframeAS : Westminster, actually. Serious pain was inflicted on me, indirectly, by my ex-gf.
32 Post contains links and images casinterest : As others have said. Time and more time. Maybe some therapy. My favorite from Adam Sandler that makes me laugh http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJ9_CCxg
33 wn700driver : Or sending your new ex's parents a bunch of sex toys for xmass/chanukka, etc, with her name in the "From:" header. Grand parents too if they're still
34 flanker : I know how you feel my friend, I am going through that right now so when I come up with an answer I will get right back to you. Until then, I have th
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