I know that Turkey Day hasn't come yet, but it's never too early to talk about Santa.

American Greetings as complied a list of scientific reasons as to why Santa doesn't exist...
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FEATURE/The Truth About Santa
American Greetings Study Shows Santa Ignores Government Regulations and Defies Laws of Physics
CLEVELAND--(BUSINESS WIRE FEATURES)--Nov. 20, 2000--Everyone knows Christmas is a magical time of year -- so everyday logic simply can't be applied to Santa Claus, his industrious elves and his eight tiny reindeer.

But just for fun, American Greetings, the company that creates most of Santa's wrapping paper and Christmas cards, conducted an in-depth study to find out what would happen if the usual rules and regulations were applied to Jolly Old St. Nick's U.S. travels. Here's what they discovered:

Assuming Santa will travel east to west to take advantage of the earth's rotation, he will have 31 hours to complete his mission this Christmas Eve. During this time, he will stop at 87 million homes, and will leave cards and gifts for an astounding 456 children every second! American Greetings says the actual total may be slightly less, since the study made no attempt to distinguish between naughty and nice children.

Sound amazing? Well, consider this. If each child receives only a single two-pound gift, Santa's sleigh will be carrying a payload of 50,900 tons. Talk about your ``fit and buff'' reindeer! (American Greetings thinks Santa must pay for personal trainers during the off-season.)

To carry all those gifts, Santa will definitely need to ``super-size'' his sleigh. Assuming each gift measures just two cubic feet, the sleigh will need to be as large as nearly three Empire State Buildings stacked together.

The American Greetings study shows Santa must also be a master of diplomacy and persuasion. Just think... He crosses national borders freely and without incident. He has never once checked in with customs or immigration, and no one inspects his toys for safety. And those amazing ``fit and trim'' reindeer never need a food or water break!

Finally, if you think your holiday budget is stretched to the limits, pity poor Santa. The American Greetings study shows that it would require 109,000 elves working 12 solid weeks to make enough gifts for each child to receive one by Christmas Eve.

Assuming Santa is paying the median salary of $21 per hour required for a skilled craftsman, he's shelling out more than $1 billion dollars to cover the elf payroll! And that doesn't include medical, dental or a 401K plan.

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This came from http://biz.yahoo.com/bw/001120/oh_santa_a.html

- Neil Harrison