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In Need For Some Guidence In The Darker Times!  
User currently offlinePoadrim From Norway, joined Oct 2008, 173 posts, RR: 0
Posted (3 years 12 months 4 days 6 hours ago) and read 2873 times:
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Hello everybody!

I have been keeping a secret for my self and I have mostly gone down hill. My doctor told me that there is a big chance that I am suffering from brain cancer.

I have no clue what to do or say to anyone around me, I told my love tonight, and I won't see her again.

So, from a dark hell-hole in Oslo, I am asking for advice to keep me up with the alarm clock.


Good judgment comes from experience. Good experience comes from someone else's bad judgment.
17 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineMadameConcorde From San Marino, joined Feb 2007, 10905 posts, RR: 37
Reply 1, posted (3 years 12 months 4 days 6 hours ago) and read 2855 times:

Quoting Poadrim (Thread starter):
I have been keeping a secret for my self and I have mostly gone down hill. My doctor told me that there is a big chance that I am suffering from brain cancer.

I have no clue what to do or say to anyone around me, I told my love tonight, and I won't see her again.

So, from a dark hell-hole in Oslo, I am asking for advice to keep me up with the alarm clock.

Hello Poadrim,
I hear about a lot of cancer cases in my circle of friends lately. I am not sure what it is but it looks like there is more and more of it around.

Anyway... this is not a reason to cut yourself off from others. You may as well join a monastery or an ashram in Tibet in that case. I would say the other way around. Make the best with the rest of your life however long it will be.

Make sure you get a definite diagnosis before you say it is this or that. A lot of tumors are benign and not malignant. Medicine has done considerable progress and many cancers are cured. So the "big chance" may still just be a big chance as you said.

What I would recommend first of all is that you get a definite and firm diagnosis from the best team you can find in Oslo. Norway is a very advanced country, if not one of the most advanced. Go find yourself the best team dealing with cancer research or brain physiology or whatever in that field.

In second place there is alternate medicine. Some of it does miracles. Not to cure but to help curing at the same time with more "tradidional" pharmaceutical treatments, the ones we hear about most. Joining the two can help a great deal taking the side effects and maybe even some physical pain away.

and last but not least... don't see the dark. Think positive. Don't think about the wort. Think about the best and the chances you will have to get out of whatever it is just the same as others have.

Whenever you tell us more definitely what the trouble-ailment is, then I will send you some links via private messages so you can look into these alternate solutions and information.

Hang in there! It is not the end yet!!!! Enjoy your life. Do all the things you like doing most. See the people you like the most, family, friends... Take a trip to somewhere different if you feel strong enough.

Stay positive!!!! It is fundamental.
You have friends here.
You are not alone.
We are here to help.

        



There was a better way to fly it was called Concorde
User currently offlinemainMAN From United Kingdom, joined Jul 2005, 2097 posts, RR: 5
Reply 2, posted (3 years 12 months 4 days 5 hours ago) and read 2833 times:

Poadrim,

You say your doctor has said there's a good chance of this. Have you had the results of a scan? I'm not sure doctors are supposed to make estimated guesses without knowing the results of a test.

You must share this with someone, you WILL have friends who'll try to support you the best that they can.

Keep talking to us if you like. Plenty of us will listen.


User currently offlineRamblinMan From United States of America, joined Oct 2010, 1138 posts, RR: 1
Reply 3, posted (3 years 12 months 4 days 5 hours ago) and read 2807 times:

Quoting Poadrim (Thread starter):

I have no clue what to do or say to anyone around me

Just be honest. There's nothing else to do. Personally I would rather tell anybody/everybody myself than to have the news circulate throughout my family on its own. Maintaining control over everything you can will be helpful.

Quoting Poadrim (Thread starter):
I told my love tonight, and I won't see her again.

I obviously don't know what kind of relationship you have, but please don't do that. Get closer to the ones that matter.


User currently offlinemariner From New Zealand, joined Nov 2001, 25412 posts, RR: 86
Reply 4, posted (3 years 12 months 4 days 4 hours ago) and read 2776 times:
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Quoting RamblinMan (Reply 3):
Personally I would rather tell anybody/everybody myself than to have the news circulate throughout my family on its own.

I'm a cancer survivor - ten years clean - and that's good advice. A lot of them won't know how to handle it, but some will.

I kept a journal of it, in the form of emails that I sent out to my many friends. Some of them couldn't even handle the emails. And even some who could handle the emails didn't know what to say to help, it was an unknown world for them, and there isn't much they could say.

But just writing the emails helped me, I was sharing the experience, and they understood that. So last year, when my sister was diagnosed with cancer she came to me for advice.

I wasn't surgery, I was chemo and radiotherapy and It is an extraordinary journey, frightening at times, but there is nothing you can do except go on the journey.

Now, looking back on it, I regard it as one of the most extraordinary experiences of my life.

mariner



aeternum nauta
User currently offlineSpringbok747 From Australia, joined Nov 2004, 4387 posts, RR: 10
Reply 5, posted (3 years 12 months 4 days 4 hours ago) and read 2761 times:

Poadrim, stay positive! Don't let yourself sink into despair. Building a support network is your most imperative task.

Just some questions though..when did your doctor tell you this? Did you have a scan? There are various treatment options available depending on the location, size and whether it is benign or malignant.

Quoting mainMAN (Reply 2):
I'm not sure doctors are supposed to make estimated guesses without knowing the results of a test.

Yeah, they can't guess stuff like this. It has to be confirmed with absolute certainty.



אני תומך בישראל
User currently offlinePoadrim From Norway, joined Oct 2008, 173 posts, RR: 0
Reply 6, posted (3 years 12 months 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 2699 times:
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Thanks alot guys, I really appreciate this much effort and advice!
My next doctors appointment is due November 15th, to make a new MR scan of my head.

I have told the most to my family that I am sick and is not getting any better(I'm just quoting my Dr. statement) but I have fail to tell them about the possibility to cancer because, well, fear.
A few years ago I was beaten up while out a night with my pals and the most of my family told me that I probably deserve it, otherwise it wouldn't happed. And the last thing I need now is to have my family turn on me now.

Quoting mariner (Reply 4):
I kept a journal of it, in the form of emails that I sent out to my many friends. Some of them couldn't even handle the emails. And even some who could handle the emails didn't know what to say to help, it was an unknown world for them, and there isn't much they could say.

How do you break something like this?
"Hey guys, wanna come over for a beer Friday night? Oh, btw I got cancer. See you at 8-ish?"

Don't get me wrong about this, I mean to tell something like this to you guys is much, MUCH, easier as all us is just a screen name to each other. I'm not expecting any of you to care just cuz' you read it here. But some of you do, for that I honer you. But to tell my own family something like this? I don't know.

Quoting Springbok747 (Reply 5):
Poadrim, stay positive! Don't let yourself sink into despair. Building a support network is your most imperative task.

I'm trying, I really do. Just when I needed my girlfriend the most, she leaves.

Just to clarify; When I said:

Quoting Poadrim (Thread starter):
I told my love tonight, and I won't see her again.

I did not mean that I broke up. She hang up on me and send a text, telling me that she loves me but want nothing to to with me.

Quoting mainMAN (Reply 2):
'm not sure doctors are supposed to make estimated guesses without knowing the results of a test.

Well, he did. And it's eating me up inside to not be sure what the future holds.



Good judgment comes from experience. Good experience comes from someone else's bad judgment.
User currently offlinemariner From New Zealand, joined Nov 2001, 25412 posts, RR: 86
Reply 7, posted (3 years 12 months 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 2692 times:
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Quoting Poadrim (Reply 6):
But to tell my own family something like this? I don't know.

It's not easy.

My mother's reaction was the worst, predictably awful. I started out by saying that if I had some bad news would she want me to tell her or to keep it secret?

Obviously, she said she would want to know, so I told her. There were a lot of tears (from both us) but a lot of hugs, too, and then a great deal of love. In a way, it was a sort of relief. I'd been "brave" about it all when I was told and pretended I was coping, but I needed an emotional outlet and telling my mother provided that.

After her it was easier telling the others. You don't need to be "brave" here, with anyone, it's a very frightening thing.

I had the most wonderful group of doctors and nurses, and they've seen just about everything. They were extremely kind and they predicted, with remarkable accuracy, just about everything that would happen to me.

They told me one very strange thing. On the day they told me I was clean, they warned me to be careful. They said that I may get very, very depressed. And I did. I'd put so much energy into fighting this that when it was all over, I went to pieces.

It may get ugly - my treatment did - but tell them, tell them what you're feeling. Be selfish. This is all about you. No one else - just you.

mariner



aeternum nauta
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 19935 posts, RR: 59
Reply 8, posted (3 years 12 months 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 2689 times:

Quoting Poadrim (Thread starter):

I have no clue what to do or say to anyone around me, I told my love tonight, and I won't see her again.

Why not? If there's anyone you needed right now...


User currently offlinePoadrim From Norway, joined Oct 2008, 173 posts, RR: 0
Reply 9, posted (3 years 12 months 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 2682 times:
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Quoting mariner (Reply 7):
It's not easy.

My mother's reaction was the worst, predictably awful. I started out by saying that if I had some bad news would she want me to tell her or to keep it secret?

Obviously, she said she would want to know, so I told her. There were a lot of tears (from both us) but a lot of hugs, too, and then a great deal of love. In a way, it was a sort of relief. I'd been "brave" about it all when I was told and pretended I was coping, but I needed an emotional outlet and telling my mother provided that.

After her it was easier telling the others. You don't need to be "brave" here, with anyone, it's a very frightening thing.

I had the most wonderful group of doctors and nurses, and they've seen just about everything. They were extremely kind and they predicted, with remarkable accuracy, just about everything that would happen to me.

They told me one very strange thing. On the day they told me I was clean, they warned me to be careful. They said that I may get very, very depressed. And I did. I'd put so much energy into fighting this that when it was all over, I went to pieces.

It may get ugly - my treatment did - but tell them, tell them what you're feeling. Be selfish. This is all about you. No one else - just you.

mariner

I can just say mariner, thank you for telling this! I really appreciated it!

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 8):
Why not? If there's anyone you needed right now...

As I wrote in my second reply;

Quoting Poadrim (Reply 6):
I did not mean that I broke up. She hang up on me and send a text, telling me that she loves me but want nothing to to with me.



Good judgment comes from experience. Good experience comes from someone else's bad judgment.
User currently offlineflanker From United States of America, joined Aug 2005, 1641 posts, RR: 2
Reply 10, posted (3 years 12 months 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 2650 times:

Try to get as many medical opinions from different doctors who can view the tests.

Sharing stuff like this with your family is important. Don't isolate yourself because it is no way to fight.

keep your head up



Calling an illegal alien an 'undocumented immigrant' is like calling a drug dealer an unlicensed pharmacist
User currently offlineRamblinMan From United States of America, joined Oct 2010, 1138 posts, RR: 1
Reply 11, posted (3 years 12 months 3 days 12 hours ago) and read 2579 times:

Quoting Poadrim (Reply 6):
She hang up on me and send a text, telling me that she loves me but want nothing to to with me.

You have my utmost sympathy, she should not have done that to you. I know one thing for sure, that is NOT love. Don't beat yourself up over it, just stay positive. When you overcome this, you'll find what you are looking for.

Quoting Poadrim (Reply 6):
A few years ago I was beaten up while out a night with my pals and the most of my family told me that I probably deserve it, otherwise it wouldn't happed. And the last thing I need now is to have my family turn on me now.

I'm really just guessing here, but are you like me... hot-tempered and a bit of an ass, especially after a few drinks? If so, that might be the reason they said you deserved getting knocked around. This isn't even remotely the same thing. That being said, if you really think they'll react the same way, ignore them. It's the last thing you need. Talk to your friends, and vent your frustrations on a.net if you need to.


User currently offline777way From Pakistan, joined Dec 2005, 5845 posts, RR: 4
Reply 12, posted (3 years 12 months 3 days 11 hours ago) and read 2563 times:

Electromagnetic rays from appliances, phones, TV, computers, are said to be the cause of rise in cancer.

User currently offlinePoadrim From Norway, joined Oct 2008, 173 posts, RR: 0
Reply 13, posted (3 years 12 months 3 days 9 hours ago) and read 2530 times:
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Quoting RamblinMan (Reply 11):
I'm really just guessing here, but are you like me... hot-tempered and a bit of an ass, especially after a few drinks? If so, that might be the reason they said you deserved getting knocked around. This isn't even remotely the same thing. That being said, if you really think they'll react the same way, ignore them. It's the last thing you need. Talk to your friends, and vent your frustrations on a.net if you need to.

No, it was my pals how beat me up. I told then to enter their pin code, cuz' the guy behind the counter(we was going to buy night food) got irritated that a line was forming. And suddenly one turned end knocked me down and the rest just jumped in while kicking and hitting me (I've been told, the police told me later what happened, cuz' I don't remember shit.).

Quoting RamblinMan (Reply 11):
You have my utmost sympathy, she should not have done that to you. I know one thing for sure, that is NOT love..

Thank you RamblinMan! I know that wasn't love. Still hurts like hell, she was the first girl I said "I Love You" to.



Good judgment comes from experience. Good experience comes from someone else's bad judgment.
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 19935 posts, RR: 59
Reply 14, posted (3 years 12 months 3 days 9 hours ago) and read 2520 times:

Quoting 777way (Reply 12):
:

Electromagnetic rays from appliances, phones, TV, computers, are said to be the cause of rise in cancer.

Are said to be but no well-done studies have shown them to be.


User currently offlinePoadrim From Norway, joined Oct 2008, 173 posts, RR: 0
Reply 15, posted (3 years 12 months 1 day 7 hours ago) and read 2414 times:
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I'm in a bad down swing. So please forgive me.

Am i a bad person?



Good judgment comes from experience. Good experience comes from someone else's bad judgment.
User currently offlineTheCol From Canada, joined Jan 2007, 2039 posts, RR: 6
Reply 16, posted (3 years 12 months 1 day 6 hours ago) and read 2382 times:

The only person that could help you right now is a professional that guides individuals like yourself through this difficult process. One thing is for certain, the more you fret about it the more the stress has a negative impact on your already overburdened immune system. It never hurt anybody to get proactive.


No matter how random things may appear, there's always a plan.
User currently offlinePoadrim From Norway, joined Oct 2008, 173 posts, RR: 0
Reply 17, posted (3 years 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 12 hours ago) and read 2289 times:
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Quoting Poadrim (Reply 15):
Am i a bad person?
Quoting TheCol (Reply 16):
The only person that could help you right now is a professional that guides individuals like yourself through this difficult process. One thing is for certain, the more you fret about it the more the stress has a negative impact on your already overburdened immune system. It never hurt anybody to get proactive.



I am very aware of that. And I had a short down swing the last few days, the doc's news and my leaving GF at the same time made me dig a deeper and darker hell for my self! And I have realised something, that even thou that I might get down swings again, I am not alone, and there is allot of people out in the world that has it worse then I do, and will ever experience.

So I wish to thank all of you that has taken your time to reply in this thread. With great thank you-ness(Homemade english, deal with it   ) I thank you all!

I will keep posting updates further along the way. So in advance, THANK YOU ALL AGAIN GUYS!



Good judgment comes from experience. Good experience comes from someone else's bad judgment.
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