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Googling A Date...  
User currently offlineqantas077 From Australia, joined Jan 2004, 5869 posts, RR: 39
Posted (4 years 1 month 5 days 7 hours ago) and read 2451 times:

interesting story, I went on a date last night with a girl that I had met a few weeks ago at the Melbourne Cup carnival down here, she is a friend/housemate of our operations manager, and the day we met at the races was the first time we'd ever spoken or met each other.

I decided last week to ask her out, we went out last night and low-n-behold I find that she knows about my up-coming holiday in March, and a few other things (she actually told me she googled me a few days ago in a sms) which I found a little odd to say the least, I have never even thought about googling a date, nor would I, and to say that it took away some of the mystery of the date is an understatement. I know she has spoken with the OPs manager about me, and a few other people that we both know.



anyone ever done this before? and would you do it? I just found it very off-putting and I am not sure that I want to see her again, well, at least not as anything more than a friend.


a true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes, while everyone else believes the smile on your face.
23 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineMaverick623 From United States of America, joined Nov 2006, 5739 posts, RR: 6
Reply 1, posted (4 years 1 month 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 2400 times:

Welcome to the Internet age, where nothing is sacred and everything you put up is there forever, for everyone.

Quoting qantas077 (Thread starter):
I just found it very off-putting and I am not sure that I want to see her again, well, at least not as anything more than a friend.

Good call. I wouldn't even be sure to think of her as a "friend".

Quoting qantas077 (Thread starter):
I know she has spoken with the OPs manager about me, and a few other people that we both know.

That's not the weird part. That's due diligence.  



"PHX is Phoenix, PDX is the other city" -777Way
User currently offlineiairallie From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (4 years 1 month 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 2400 times:

Quoting qantas077 (Thread starter):
I just found it very off-putting and I am not sure that I want to see her again, well, at least not as anything more than a friend.

First, Sounds like you aren't interested in her and are looking for excuses. Your reasoning doesn't make sense googling you was creepy and off putting enough that you wouldn't want to date her but not off putting enough to preempt a friendship? How does that make sense?

Second, I think it is pretty normal and not creepy. You've got to remember women have safety concerns that men tend not to think about as much. You said she'd never met you in person. It's only natural she'd want to do a little research if there is anything out there raises any flags.


User currently offlineqantas077 From Australia, joined Jan 2004, 5869 posts, RR: 39
Reply 3, posted (4 years 1 month 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 2381 times:

Quoting iairallie (Reply 2):
First, Sounds like you aren't interested in her and are looking for excuses.

not at all, just never heard of it being done before...it caught me off-guard, simple as that.

Quoting iairallie (Reply 2):
Your reasoning doesn't make sense googling you was creepy and off putting enough that you wouldn't want to date her but not off putting enough to preempt a friendship? How does that make sense?

well, if someone you'd met one time previously starts rattling off things about you then wouldn't you find it a little odd? I don't know if I even want to be friends. I honestly haven't thought too much about that...I just found it very odd that someone would sit there and tell me that they had googled and saw images etc about me, I might be old-fashioned, but I thought the idea of dating someone was so you could find out things about that person?

Quoting iairallie (Reply 2):
You said she'd never met you in person.
Quoting qantas077 (Thread starter):
I went on a date last night with a girl that I had met a few weeks ago at the Melbourne Cup carnival down here, she is a friend/housemate of our operations manager, and the day we met at the races was the first time we'd ever spoken or met each other.

we had met, 3 weeks ago to be precise.

[Edited 2010-11-17 19:07:05]


a true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes, while everyone else believes the smile on your face.
User currently offlineMaverick623 From United States of America, joined Nov 2006, 5739 posts, RR: 6
Reply 4, posted (4 years 1 month 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 2376 times:

Quoting iairallie (Reply 2):
Second, I think it is pretty normal and not creepy.
Quoting iairallie (Reply 2):
It's only natural she'd want to do a little research if there is anything out there raises any flags.

If she had never heard of him before, sure. But:

Quoting qantas077 (Thread starter):
I know she has spoken with the OPs manager about me, and a few other people that we both know.

Googling him (even after talking with several "references", for lack of a better word), AND telling him about it, AND how she knows about his schedule is going a little over the top.



"PHX is Phoenix, PDX is the other city" -777Way
User currently offlineaa61hvy From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 13977 posts, RR: 57
Reply 5, posted (4 years 1 month 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 2355 times:

I don't think it's that odd. The last time I was single Google wasn't used as a verb  

I suppose if I was single, I might do some digging. Might as well. Not looking for anything in particular but it could be a nice warning if somehow you could see some old things of hers, and who knows maybe you protect yourself from dating some whacked out dramatic beeyotch.



Go big or go home
User currently offlineFly2HMO From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 6, posted (4 years 1 month 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 2334 times:

Quoting iairallie (Reply 2):

Second, I think it is pretty normal and not creepy. You've got to remember women have safety concerns that men tend not to think about as much. You said she'd never met you in person. It's only natural she'd want to do a little research if there is anything out there raises any flags.

For the first time ever I'm gonna agree with you. Hell froze over  

But....

Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 4):

Googling him (even after talking with several "references", for lack of a better word), AND telling him about it, AND how she knows about his schedule is going a little over the top.

Have to agree with that too though. Grave mistake on her part. Makes her seem stalkerish.


I've done this too but only after the fact. Most of all the girls I've dated I knew one way or another anyways, and weren't exactly what you could call internet celebrities, or computer savvy to begin with so the few times I did Google some girl, nothing interesting ever came up.

On the flipside, if you were to Google me, you wouldn't find anything, aside from some a.net pics.


User currently offlineTSS From United States of America, joined Dec 2006, 3070 posts, RR: 5
Reply 7, posted (4 years 1 month 5 days 4 hours ago) and read 2304 times:

Quoting Fly2HMO (Reply 6):
Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 4):

Googling him (even after talking with several "references", for lack of a better word), AND telling him about it, AND how she knows about his schedule is going a little over the top.

Have to agree with that too though. Grave mistake on her part. Makes her seem stalkerish.

"Stalkerish" is exactly the word I'd use, too.

While I also agree with Iairallie,

Quoting Fly2HMO (Reply 6):
Quoting iairallie (Reply 2):

Second, I think it is pretty normal and not creepy. You've got to remember women have safety concerns that men tend not to think about as much. You said she'd never met you in person. It's only natural she'd want to do a little research if there is anything out there raises any flags.

For the first time ever I'm gonna agree with you. Hell froze over   

I think that the girl telling Qantas077 that she had Googled him and exactly what she found including his schedule was way creepy, and should be taken as a serious warning of what might lie ahead if there is ever a second date.



Able to kill active threads stone dead with a single post!
User currently offlineLAXintl From United States of America, joined May 2000, 26150 posts, RR: 50
Reply 8, posted (4 years 1 month 5 days 4 hours ago) and read 2299 times:

Not unusual at all I say.

I think its quite natural to try to learn as much about a person as you can whether for personal reasons as in this case, or for business where the internet is used to check out peoples Facebook pages, or any other public stuff that might be available on an individual.

After all, would you not like to know as much about her in return? I think it would be a bit naive or idealistic not do any homework on counter parties you might deal with.



From the desert to the sea, to all of Southern California
User currently offlineMaverick623 From United States of America, joined Nov 2006, 5739 posts, RR: 6
Reply 9, posted (4 years 1 month 5 days 4 hours ago) and read 2289 times:

Quoting LAXintl (Reply 8):
Not unusual at all I say.

The Googling is not unusual, or creepy. What was off-putting was that she a) mentioned it to him, and b) dug deep enough to know about vacations and mentioned those as well.



"PHX is Phoenix, PDX is the other city" -777Way
User currently offlineairportugal310 From United States of America, joined Apr 2004, 3717 posts, RR: 2
Reply 10, posted (4 years 1 month 5 days 4 hours ago) and read 2291 times:

Quoting iairallie (Reply 2):
Second, I think it is pretty normal and not creepy. You've got to remember women have safety concerns that men tend not to think about as much. You said she'd never met you in person. It's only natural she'd want to do a little research if there is anything out there raises any flags.

Agreed, though I would not limit that to just women. I do it all the time for other reasons...

Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 4):
Googling him (even after talking with several "references", for lack of a better word), AND telling him about it, AND how she knows about his schedule is going a little over the top.

Talking about what you found is definetely not for the first time you meet someone. Down the line MAYBE, but even then, questionable.

Quoting LAXintl (Reply 8):
I think its quite natural to try to learn as much about a person as you can whether for personal reasons as in this case, or for business where the internet is used to check out peoples Facebook pages, or any other public stuff that might be available on an individual.

Absolutely. I use it for work, to see who I am dealing with and how to better approach them. It is great for sales, which is what I am pretty much doing now.

The internet is a great tool for knowing what you might be up against.

Quoting Fly2HMO (Reply 6):
On the flipside, if you were to Google me, you wouldn't find anything, aside from some a.net pics

Yup...I have run all sorts of searches on myself online and very little will be found on me. Nothing bad, for sure. I have taken decent strides in making sure of that. I do not want to become the next headline on CNN that says "Guy fired for Facebook posts" or something along those lines.



I sell airplanes and airplane accessories
User currently offlineBlueFlyer From United States of America, joined Jan 2006, 4179 posts, RR: 2
Reply 11, posted (4 years 1 month 5 days 4 hours ago) and read 2283 times:
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I think it is slightly creepy, but that was actually my third reaction. My first was wonder and disbelief that someone would have so much information online to be googled, and the second that some people (read the OP) apparently have very chatty colleagues...

Were you to google me, you'd find nothing that interesting, and the few people who know ahead of time when I'll be on vacation know better than to blabber about it.

Maybe I'm getting old, but the concept of googling a date as intended by the OP didn't even occur to me. I expected a thread about searching Google for a specific date in history. How do you do that anyway?

[Edited 2010-11-17 21:24:21]


I've got $h*t to do
User currently offlineqantas077 From Australia, joined Jan 2004, 5869 posts, RR: 39
Reply 12, posted (4 years 1 month 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 2237 times:

just to be clear, the info about my March schedule did not come from google, it came from a work colleague, it was a few other things that were found on google, some websites that I belong to, some info on FB, and a few other things that I had no idea where even available on the net until I googled myself.

Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 9):
What was off-putting was that she a) mentioned it to him

absolutely, she even told me about the particular photo she was looking at, I had no idea it could be found via google.

Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 9):
b) dug deep enough to know about vacations and mentioned those as well.

yes, she got that information out of a mutual friend. I would liked to have had the opportunity to bring that up myself...to say I was astonished when I heard her say "you are going to Morocco in March" is an understatement.

Quoting airportugal310 (Reply 10):
The internet is a great tool for knowing what you might be up against.

hey, it is not like we had never met before, we spent a whole day together at the races and a dinner after that with people we both know...I would have thought that given we had met before, that any questions she had she could have just picked up the phone and asked me, not find out via other means then drop them in my lap on our first date last night.



a true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes, while everyone else believes the smile on your face.
User currently offlineSevernaya From Russia, joined Jan 2009, 1433 posts, RR: 1
Reply 13, posted (4 years 1 month 4 days 23 hours ago) and read 2172 times:

Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 1):
Welcome to the Internet age, where nothing is sacred and everything you put up is there forever, for everyone.

Hopefully for the OP his date does not know his A.net username  



Всяк глядит, да не всяк видит.
User currently offlineSW733 From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 6371 posts, RR: 9
Reply 14, posted (4 years 1 month 4 days 18 hours ago) and read 2069 times:

Quoting qantas077 (Thread starter):
I have never even thought about googling a date

Pretty standard practice in 2010, for both genders

Quoting iairallie (Reply 2):
Second, I think it is pretty normal and not creepy. You've got to remember women have safety concerns that men tend not to think about as much.

Agreed, but I think it's fairly normal for men to do it too. I know I would if I were on the dating scene...Google wasn't as big back in 2004 when I met my fiance, and we were both in college so there wasn't much out there on either of us. However, I definitely know some of my best friends (male) have Googled women before going on dates, to assure things like "does she actually have the job she says she does?" and such. I know one friend who came across a court case that his date was involved in a few years back, something about smashing in a guys car she was dating, and he immediately called off the date - good move!

I think the creepy part is bringing up the results ON THE DATE. It's one thing to just silently know the other has Googled you, but it's another thing completely to bring up search results on the first date!


User currently offlinephotopilot From Canada, joined Jul 2002, 2825 posts, RR: 18
Reply 15, posted (4 years 1 month 4 days 12 hours ago) and read 1971 times:

Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 1):
That's not the weird part. That's due diligence.

I don't see any problem with it. Hell, if you're applying for a job, many companies will Google you to see what's out there on you. I was involved in a lawsuit several years ago and when I met the "other side's lawyer" for negotiations, yup, they had Googled me to find out the character of who they were dealing with.

So being Googled by a date is nothing that would surprise me. It's just the new reality of the times.


User currently offlineiairallie From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 16, posted (4 years 1 month 4 days 6 hours ago) and read 1868 times:

Quoting qantas077 (Reply 3):
well, if someone you'd met one time previously starts rattling off things about you then wouldn't you find it a little odd? I don't know if I even want to be friends. I honestly haven't thought too much about that...I just found it very odd that someone would sit there and tell me that they had googled and saw images etc about me, I might be old-fashioned, but I thought the idea of dating someone was so you could find out things about that person?

Yeah but if you miss the point. If someone does something too creepy to want to date them I'm not going to want to be friends either.

Quoting Fly2HMO (Reply 6):
Have to agree with that too though. Grave mistake on her part. Makes her seem stalkerish.

True, some things are kinda weird to talk about.

Quoting TSS (Reply 7):
I think that the girl telling Qantas077 that she had Googled him and exactly what she found including his schedule was way creepy, and should be taken as a serious warning of what might lie ahead if there is ever a second date.

Agreed the telling him part is what is strange.


User currently offlineMudboy From United States of America, joined Jan 2006, 1167 posts, RR: 5
Reply 17, posted (4 years 1 month 4 days 5 hours ago) and read 1848 times:

If anyone has a question about me, I just show them my Secret Clearance 

Seriously though, that is kinda creepy to me, that a girl would google you and then tell you about it on a date.

My girl said she googled me before, but we both hold the same clearance, so she knows I don't have any hidden secrets, as I have had the full Gov. colonoscopy too.

I guess this is just the age we live in now, and it does make sence for women to be vigilant, as there are many creeps out there, waiting in the shadows?


User currently offlineTheCol From Canada, joined Jan 2007, 2039 posts, RR: 6
Reply 18, posted (4 years 1 month 4 days 5 hours ago) and read 1847 times:

If she's good at digging up info about you, then what made you think it was a good idea to post a thread about her on Anet?

Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 4):
Googling him (even after talking with several "references", for lack of a better word), AND telling him about it, AND how she knows about his schedule is going a little over the top.

  

This has "control freak" and "insecure" written all over it. Chances are she will air out everything about you to your Manager and any other co-workers that she might know.

Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 9):
b) dug deep enough to know about vacations and mentioned those as well.

  

This is a big red flag. That is a serious lack of professionalism on her part. I'd take it as a sign that this gal probably has baggage.

Quoting qantas077 (Reply 12):
just to be clear, the info about my March schedule did not come from google, it came from a work colleague

Which wasn't any of her business to begin with.



No matter how random things may appear, there's always a plan.
User currently offlinecgnnrw From Germany, joined May 2005, 1171 posts, RR: 2
Reply 19, posted (4 years 1 month 3 days 23 hours ago) and read 1781 times:

I guess I'm old fashioned but I simply don't see the need for people to "know everything" about someone nor the need for people to "inform everybody" about "everything".

First if you don't want people "googling" then don't put private stuff in the internet.

Second, just because its in the internet doesn't mean its true. By this I'm refering to someone being involved in a law suit, etc and assuming they are guilty (see post 14). My previous employer was involved in about dazen lawsuits the past 3-4 years. Does that mean the company was "bad"???. Our success rate was about 95% which probably never gets put in the internet.

However, I still feel "googling" someone before a date is weird and if my date told me this I would probably politely let him know I'm no longer interested and quickly but politely end the evening.

Also isn't the purpose of dating to get to know people better?

Quoting TheCol (Reply 18):
Quoting qantas077 (Reply 12):
just to be clear, the info about my March schedule did not come from google, it came from a work colleague

Which wasn't any of her business to begin with.

   Agree 100%



A330 man.
User currently offlinesw733 From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 6371 posts, RR: 9
Reply 20, posted (4 years 1 month 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 1701 times:

Quoting cgnnrw (Reply 19):
Second, just because its in the internet doesn't mean its true. By this I'm refering to someone being involved in a law suit, etc and assuming they are guilty (see post 14).

Court cases are public knowledge...his information was gathered via official documents from the courts in the county that the crime occurred in. Yes, there is a lot of fake stuff on the Internet, but it would seem that official government records are some of the more trustworthy sources.


User currently offlinecgnnrw From Germany, joined May 2005, 1171 posts, RR: 2
Reply 21, posted (4 years 1 month 3 days 12 hours ago) and read 1638 times:

I was curious so I googled my own name. Its not that uncommon but at the same time I'm not a "John Smith".

Guess what? I was a police officer died of a sudden heart attack at the age of 52. I apparently left behind a wife and one grown daugher. My passing came as a huge shock to my colleagues and they all remembered how much I was involved in the city's youth sports league. I was also Methodist.

Hmmm, maybe that's why I spend a lot of Friday nights at home????

People if you want to know more about your date how about simply taking time and getting to know them in person? A good conversation over dinner can be a great way to learn about someone.



A330 man.
User currently offlineiairallie From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 22, posted (4 years 3 weeks 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 1384 times:

Quoting cgnnrw (Reply 21):
People if you want to know more about your date how about simply taking time and getting to know them in person? A good conversation over dinner can be a great way to learn about someone.

Yes because people are always eager to reveal unflattering or red flag raising information about themselves. This is nothing new before the internet you would ask around about a potential date before you went out now people just do it online.

Quoting cgnnrw (Reply 21):
I was curious so I googled my own name. Its not that uncommon but at the same time I'm not a "John Smith".

Guess what? I was a police officer died of a sudden heart attack at the age of 52. I apparently left behind a wife and one grown daugher. My passing came as a huge shock to my colleagues and they all remembered how much I was involved in the city's youth sports league. I was also Methodist.

  Anyone with half a brain and some common sense can filter though the search results to get only the applicable information.


User currently offlineShyFlyer From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 23, posted (4 years 3 weeks 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 1378 times:

This is nothing new, really. In fact, it even pre-dates Google. Google just makes it easier.

I've done it as far back as '97. I'm doing it right now.   


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