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Help With Gym Etiquette  
User currently offlineAR385 From Mexico, joined Nov 2003, 6130 posts, RR: 30
Posted (3 years 6 months 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2634 times:
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I´ve never been to or joined a gym. But even though I am 6ft 2 my doctor said "You are going to die in 10, 15 years tops. I´already have a bet going with your mother. She says in 8-10 tops. Unless you make a major lifestyle shift to get those stats to reasonable levels."

So I started a diet which is hard, HARD!! as hell and joined a gym a month ago. I go every single day.

I arrive at the gym in the morning, I star a 1hr cardio routine and then a 45 mins very light weight routine. This is a personalized gym where someone is always watching , and aware of your health issues.

The thing is that even though there is a lot of people, I haven´t been able to talk to anyone. It´s not that I´ve approached someone and been rejected it´s just that the atmosphere seems so unconducive.

So what to do? I always heard you met people at gyms but I´m certainly not going to expose myself to ridicule by being inappropiate. After all, the reason I go there is to be able to live a long productive life.

But I would certainly like to make a few friends, gym-friends, meet a couple of nice ladies, not just spend 2 hrs listening to my IPOD

So? How does the modern gym work? Is the idea of meeting people there a myth? Am I being too shy?


MGGS
27 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineNIKV69 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 1, posted (3 years 6 months 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2620 times:

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
But even though I am 6ft 2 my doctor said "You are going to die in 10, 15 years tops. I´already have a bet going with your mother. She says in 8-10 tops. Unless you make a major lifestyle shift to get those stats to reasonable levels."

Nice doctor, straight and to the point.

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
The thing is that even though there is a lot of people, I haven´t been able to talk to anyone. It´s not that I´ve approached someone and been rejected it´s just that the atmosphere seems so unconducive.

So what to do? I always heard you met people at gyms but I´m certainly not going to expose myself to ridicule by being inappropiate. After all, the reason I go there is to be able to live a long productive life.

But I would certainly like to make a few friends, gym-friends, meet a couple of nice ladies, not just spend 2 hrs listening to my IPOD

So? How does the modern gym work? Is the idea of meeting people there a myth? Am I being too shy?

People who are serious about their workout are not going to be into convo. They go to do their thing and leave. I would do your thing and if it happens fine if not the bar is where you can get some good convo.


User currently offlinemirrodie From United States of America, joined Apr 2000, 7443 posts, RR: 62
Reply 2, posted (3 years 6 months 6 days 5 hours ago) and read 2588 times:
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Quoting NIKV69 (Reply 1):
People who are serious about their workout are not going to be into convo. They go to do their thing and leave. I would do your thing and if it happens fine if not the bar is where you can get some good convo.

Nick nailed it. You go to a gym to workout. I give myself the luxury of an hour to workout, not to talk. It's business.

If you really feel like you need to talk, get a partner to spot you while you lift. he'll help you meet your workout goals and you can chat it up.



Forum moderator 2001-2010; He's a pedantic, pontificating, pretentious bastard, a belligerent old fart, a worthless st
User currently offlineAeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 20394 posts, RR: 62
Reply 3, posted (3 years 6 months 6 days 5 hours ago) and read 2576 times:

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
I arrive at the gym in the morning

There's your problem. Try going after the lunch crowd finishes. You'll find plenty of the bored types who have all morning to sleep in and all afternoon to futz around on the machines. Whether that's the type of person you're looking to meet is another story.

(I do have to say though, that I did meet someone at the grocery store once who struck up a conversation with me in the produce dept. by asking "Haven't I seen you at Bally's?")  



International Homo of Mystery
User currently offlineJBirdAV8r From United States of America, joined Jun 2001, 4488 posts, RR: 21
Reply 4, posted (3 years 6 months 6 days 5 hours ago) and read 2557 times:

I'm the "antisocial" gym type. I'll say hi to one or two people I know as I arrive and as I'm leaving, other than that it's all business. I feel like I get distracted too easily and don't focus how I should if I'm constantly talking to people. I leave the phone in my car, too. I carry my iPod and watch Top Gear (the proper UK version) while I'm doing my cardio. Works well for me!

I rather like the hour or so of "me" time.

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
So I started a diet which is hard, HARD!! as hell and joined a gym a month ago. I go every single day.

Good! And good luck!! Don't overwork yourself though.



I got my head checked--by a jumbo jet
User currently offlinecharlienorth From United States of America, joined Jun 2006, 1119 posts, RR: 5
Reply 5, posted (3 years 6 months 6 days 4 hours ago) and read 2535 times:

Go there..work out, you will meet people with common goals....
My pet peeve ,don't hawk one up and spit in the drinking fountain, nobody wants to or needs to see your goob and it shows a person is trash


User currently offlineMudboy From United States of America, joined Jan 2006, 1167 posts, RR: 5
Reply 6, posted (3 years 6 months 6 days 4 hours ago) and read 2524 times:

I like to get in the gym and get out. I am not one of these guys that believes in spending hours in the gym. I throw on my I-pod on, do a few warm-ups and then go hard core with 30 secs rest in between. I can get in and out in 20-30 mins. When someone tries to strike up a convo, it throws me out of my sync, so when I start, I am all business.
I would suggest just focusing on your workouts, and in time when you become a familiar face, people while strike up some convo with you, or you can always ask someone to give you a few spots? Your goal is to get healthy, not make friends, that will come later. As far as women in the gym, leave them alone. Women are insecure enough about working out, but it makes things a lot worse when guys are staring at them, or trying to talk to them.
Good luck, make goals, and stick to them!


User currently offlineJBirdAV8r From United States of America, joined Jun 2001, 4488 posts, RR: 21
Reply 7, posted (3 years 6 months 6 days 4 hours ago) and read 2510 times:

Quoting charlienorth (Reply 5):
My pet peeve ,don't hawk one up and spit in the drinking fountain, nobody wants to or needs to see your goob and it shows a person is trash

  

Also:

Refrain from moaning. Gym is not equal to sex.
Wipe down the equipment (before and) after use.

That advice should get you plenty of friends!



I got my head checked--by a jumbo jet
User currently onlineBMI727 From United States of America, joined Feb 2009, 15715 posts, RR: 26
Reply 8, posted (3 years 6 months 6 days 3 hours ago) and read 2480 times:

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
So what to do?

I'd take care of business and keep your mouth shut. Maybe work out with a friend. Of course, the regulars might warm up to you the longer you're there, but you're there to work out, not make friends.

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
Is the idea of meeting people there a myth?

Sort of. Maybe go play pickup sports, it's much more social than a treadmill or weightlifting.

Quoting charlienorth (Reply 5):
My pet peeve ,don't hawk one up and spit in the drinking fountain, nobody wants to or needs to see your goob and it shows a person is trash

That's a good one. Also, you don't need a whole jug of water. World class athletes are fine with just a water bottle, and you will be too. And then there is "unnecessarily naked guy." I know you have to be naked in the locker room and that's fine, but you can brush your teeth or wash your hands while wearing pants.



Why do Aerospace Engineering students have to turn things in on time?
User currently offlineDoona From Sweden, joined Feb 2005, 3764 posts, RR: 13
Reply 9, posted (3 years 6 months 6 days ago) and read 2439 times:

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
But even though I am 6ft 2 my doctor said "You are going to die in 10, 15 years

Forgive my ignorance, but "even though" you're 6ft 2? Tall people are excluded from dying within 10-15 years?

Cheers
Mats



Sure, we're concerned for our lives. Just not as concerned as saving 9 bucks on a roundtrip to Ft. Myers.
User currently offlineOA412 From United States of America, joined Dec 2000, 5231 posts, RR: 25
Reply 10, posted (3 years 6 months 6 days ago) and read 2427 times:

Quoting BMI727 (Reply 8):
And then there is "unnecessarily naked guy." I know you have to be naked in the locker room and that's fine, but you can brush your teeth or wash your hands while wearing pants.

My unnecessarily naked guy experience involved a guy who was constantly naked while on his cellphone. Seriously, every time I used the field house, there he was. Then there are always the guys who only ever use the sauna, steam room, or hot tub, but never actually use any of the other gym facilities.



Hughes Airwest - Top Banana In The West
User currently offlineAR385 From Mexico, joined Nov 2003, 6130 posts, RR: 30
Reply 11, posted (3 years 6 months 5 days 23 hours ago) and read 2411 times:
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Quoting Doona (Reply 9):
Forgive my ignorance, but "even though" you're 6ft 2? Tall people are excluded from dying within 10-15 years?

I don´t know. What do you think? After all, a doctor spoke to me. Think about it.



MGGS
User currently offlinechrisair From United States of America, joined Sep 2000, 2070 posts, RR: 3
Reply 12, posted (3 years 6 months 5 days 23 hours ago) and read 2396 times:

Quoting OA412 (Reply 10):
My unnecessarily naked guy experience involved a guy who was constantly naked while on his cellphone.

Not necessarily limited to the gym, but how about the guy who talks on the phone while using the bathroom...and I'm not talking about the guy standing at the urinal (although that's just about as perplexing...)

Quoting AR385 (Reply 11):
After all, a doctor spoke to me. Think about it.

I am thinking about it. It makes no sense. Is this like God speaking to you?  


User currently offlineBraybuddy From Ireland, joined Aug 2004, 5633 posts, RR: 32
Reply 13, posted (3 years 6 months 5 days 23 hours ago) and read 2396 times:

The workout areas are not the best places to strike up conversations in any gym. You'll have much more success in the sauna, steam room or hydropool. People have finished their workouts and are relaxing, making them much more amenable to conversation.

User currently onlineunattendedbag From United States of America, joined Oct 2003, 2323 posts, RR: 1
Reply 14, posted (3 years 6 months 5 days 22 hours ago) and read 2368 times:

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):

The thing is that even though there is a lot of people, I haven´t been able to talk to anyone. It´s not that I´ve approached someone and been rejected it´s just that the atmosphere seems so unconducive.

You could try running around the locker room towel whipping everyone. That will get people talking!

I have to agree with Nicholas, most people pay a lot of money to join a gym and they aren't looking for casual conversation and those that are looking for conversation bring a friend. You might try that, find a buddy that you could bring along to encourage and motivate you.



Slower traffic, keep right
User currently offlineB6JFKH81 From United States of America, joined Mar 2006, 2873 posts, RR: 7
Reply 15, posted (3 years 6 months 5 days 18 hours ago) and read 2283 times:

I have really not had many conversations with folks at my gym. I go after work so I don't get there until about 10pm so it's not too crowded, and there are typically the same people there every day. Typically, the only time I really talk to anyone is if I'm in the locker room with another person that I see there all the time or if it is one of my friends that I randomly run into. I don't have a "gym buddy", I just go, do my workout, and go home. But that's just MY gym...you know, the one that came out with this funny commercial http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jymd9wvVKnk .

I know plenty of friends who joined a gym together and they go as gym buddies, but they were already friends! A lot of "gym friendships" will typically start with random conversation like just saying "hi", or "thanks" when someone wipes off the equipment after they use it and before you use it, little things like that. I have someone that I talk with at the gym from time to time, and it all started because I saw the brand of workout clothes he typically wore were on a huge sale at a store right down the road, so I just sparked up conversation by letting him know of the sale.

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
my doctor said "You are going to die in 10, 15 years tops.

My surgeon was the same way when I had shoulder issues. The first time I went to see him, he looked at my x-rays, MRI's, and injury history, looked at me, and said "You're screwed, you need surgery if you actually want to fix this, and I'm not going to cut you open until you drop weight because your fat butt will not fit onto my operating table. Go lose weight and I'll see you again in a few months." I dropped about 15 or 20 pounds based on various advice that he gave me, he scheduled the surgery, and today I continue to work towards a slimmer and more toned body (down 9 pant sized from my max). Yeah, he was a real dick at first to say that, but in the long run he helped me by giving me a healthier life style and actually reducing my recovery time because I wasn't so heavy. So, I look back on it now and I am thankful he was so blunt.

Good luck on your endeavors! And remember...it's just a gym. If you make friends, cool, if you don't, whatever. You've got goals and you don't need gym friends to achieve them, just your own motivation and determination!

~H81



"If you do not learn from history, you are doomed to repeat it"
User currently offlineseb146 From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 11529 posts, RR: 15
Reply 16, posted (3 years 6 months 5 days 16 hours ago) and read 2237 times:

How about this: Some (most?) gyms are set up for team sports and group work outs. Why not, on your own time, join in team sports or group work outs if you want to meet people? That is usually the way to go. In the weight and cardio area of a gym, that is where the serious people go. Also, keep an eye out at your local store or around town for these people. You can strike up a conversation (NOT "convo") outside the gym and that can always lead to friendship or whatever you are looking for.

Quoting chrisair (Reply 12):
how about the guy who talks on the phone while using the bathroom...and I'm not talking about the guy standing at the urinal
Quoting OA412 (Reply 10):
a guy who was constantly naked while on his cellphone
Quoting OA412 (Reply 10):
there are always the guys who only ever use the sauna, steam room, or hot tub, but never actually use any of the other gym facilities

This could be a whole other thread but I am a nudist. I am not bothered by being nude in public or a locker room. But, being in a locker room or public restroom on a cell phone, there is an expectation of privacy there. It is a bit unnerving to hear a phone conversation going on.



Life in the wall is a drag.
User currently offlineJBirdAV8r From United States of America, joined Jun 2001, 4488 posts, RR: 21
Reply 17, posted (3 years 6 months 5 days 16 hours ago) and read 2228 times:

Quoting seb146 (Reply 16):
How about this: Some (most?) gyms are set up for team sports and group work outs

Good advice.



I got my head checked--by a jumbo jet
User currently offlineseb146 From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 11529 posts, RR: 15
Reply 18, posted (3 years 6 months 5 days 16 hours ago) and read 2218 times:

BTW: a bit off topic, but forget what the scale says and go by what the mirror says. Muscle weighs more than fat. I have been working out and have lost fat but gained weight because of muscle.


Life in the wall is a drag.
User currently offlineAR385 From Mexico, joined Nov 2003, 6130 posts, RR: 30
Reply 19, posted (3 years 6 months 5 days 12 hours ago) and read 2140 times:
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Quoting chrisair (Reply 12):
I am thinking about it. It makes no sense. Is this like God speaking to you?

If you must know, the problem is not my height, but my weight, my BP numbers and my blood sugar numbers. I don´t weigh that much (considering) 220lbs but my BP numbers 155-90 rarely below145 and blood sugars between 150 to 200, are not healthy at all, that is the issue.

I do have to say that alll those numbers have come down markedly, and that´s with only one month at the gym and the diet. I find that amazing.



MGGS
User currently onlineN1120A From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 26361 posts, RR: 76
Reply 20, posted (3 years 6 months 4 days 14 hours ago) and read 1970 times:

There are those who go to the gym to socialize, those who put the headphones and sunglasses (yes, sunglasses) on and zone out and those who treat it like any other human interaction. I'm in the latter group. I know what I have to get done and how much time I have to do it (I'm almost always at the gym in the last hour they are open). I also know what intensity I'm capable of that day. There is nothing wrong with making friends at the gym, you just need to respect other people's time and goals as well as your own.


Mangeons les French fries, mais surtout pratiquons avec fierte le French kiss
User currently offlineSurfandSnow From United States of America, joined Jan 2009, 2848 posts, RR: 30
Reply 21, posted (3 years 6 months 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 1832 times:

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
I´ve never been to or joined a gym.

It's a lot like flying actually. A bit intimidating for those who have never done it before, but second nature for the masses who are familiar with it.

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
"You are going to die in 10, 15 years tops. I´already have a bet going with your mother. She says in 8-10 tops. Unless you make a major lifestyle shift to get those stats to reasonable levels."

 Wow!
Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
So I started a diet which is hard, HARD!! as hell

It's a lot easier to eat processed junk food than healthy stuff. But as you have learned, those bad eating habits can ultimately kill you. I ate terribly for 21 years (luckily I had an extremely active lifestyle combined with a really high metabolism) and thought it would be impossible to eat better. Guess what? Within a few months I was at a point where the stuff I used to like - fast food, ice cream, huge desserts, deep fried stuff, etc. - doesn't even appeal to me anymore. Stick with it and you will be amazed how quickly your taste buds change.

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
joined a gym a month ago. I go every single day.

By going in every day you should be getting the hang of it by now. Try as you walk in to just take a minute or two to see what other people around you are doing, and how they interact with each other. You can always learn a lot through subtle observation.

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
a 1hr cardio routine and then a 45 mins very light weight routine.

You should definitely consider increasing the weights from "very light" to heavier as you get stronger!

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
The thing is that even though there is a lot of people, I haven´t been able to talk to anyone. It´s not that I´ve approached someone and been rejected it´s just that the atmosphere seems so unconducive.

Sounds like a classic case of social anxiety (shyness) to me. Kind of like the shy guy in high school who can't get a girlfriend because he's terrified of being turned down. Of course you never see the other side of things, where the "popular" guys succeed mainly because they are the only ones with the courage to properly ask the girl out in the first place.

Nobody ever wants to face rejection, whether it's asking a girl out, trying to make a business sale, or attempting to befriend someone at the gym. But if you are casual and polite about it, odds are you will succeed - though, not necessarily on the first or second try. If you do fail, put it past you, learn from your mistakes, and move on. There are probably lots of other people at your gym looking to make friends as well, but you would never know it until you start talking to them!

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
I always heard you met people at gyms

All depends on who you are and who you want to meet. If you want to find a lifting buddy, that's one thing. If you want to find a girlfriend, that's quite another...

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
I´m certainly not going to expose myself to ridicule by being inappropiate.

Well, respectfully talking to someone certainly isn't inappropriate or grounds for being ridiculed. Obviously don't interrupt someone to chat during his or her set, and don't do the taboo things like leave your sweat behind or spit in the fountain. Some people may not want to talk to you, but don't take it personally - while in the zone, they don't want to talk to anyone!

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
the reason I go there is to be able to live a long productive life.

Exactly. That's why everyone else is there too.

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
I would certainly like to make a few friends, gym-friends, meet a couple of nice ladies, not just spend 2 hrs listening to my IPOD

I would try to make the gym friends first. Once you do, they might be happy to introduce you to some of the nice ladies they know  .

Quoting AR385 (Thread starter):
How does the modern gym work? Is the idea of meeting people there a myth? Am I being too shy?

LOL, how is the modern gym any different from the gyms of the past? The gym is generally not a place where you go to find a girlfriend or meet your best friends, but it's not too hard to find a few guys to work out with on a regular basis if you break out of your shell a bit. Yes, it sounds like you have been too shy. Don't be intimidated or afraid to talk to anyone...

Quoting NIKV69 (Reply 1):
People who are serious about their workout are not going to be into convo.

Some of these "serious" people would probably be happy to share some tips or give you a spot if you catch them before/after the workout or between sets. Nobody was born with huge muscles. They all had to start somewhere and most are somewhat friendly if they remember how tough it was initially..

Quoting mirrodie (Reply 2):
get a partner to spot you while you lift. he'll help you meet your workout goals and you can chat it up.

   This really is your best bet. My parents recently moved down to Fort Myers, FL where I didn't know anybody local close to me in age. Sure enough when I was down there workin out I ask a random guy for a spot on bench press. Next thing I know we agree to meet up the next day to work out together, and after that he invited me to hang out and hit the bars the next night with his friends. We are now lifting buddies and regular friends, all because I simply asked him for a spot.

Quoting Braybuddy (Reply 13):
The workout areas are not the best places to strike up conversations in any gym. You'll have much more success in the sauna, steam room or hydropool. People have finished their workouts and are relaxing, making them much more amenable to conversation.

I disagree. Those areas are usually very quiet, and carrying on a long conversation could be somewhat rude. That is, unless it's just one other person who would seemingly like to talk and stuff. Then it's fine.

Quoting unattendedbag (Reply 14):
most people pay a lot of money to join a gym and they aren't looking for casual conversation and those that are looking for conversation bring a friend. You might try that, find a buddy that you could bring along to encourage and motivate you.

You could even bring your mom along and show her all the progress you've made! Seriously, most people do bring their friends along rather than making new ones at the gym. Certainly something to consider if you feel a little lonely. Or, get a personal trainer.

Quoting seb146 (Reply 16):
Some (most?) gyms are set up for team sports and group work outs. Why not, on your own time, join in team sports or group work outs if you want to meet people? That is usually the way to go. In the weight and cardio area of a gym, that is where the serious people go. Also, keep an eye out at your local store or around town for these people.

The workout classes are an excellent way to meet people. I would avoid the sports unless you are fairly good or in a strictly beginners league. The basketball games that go on at my gym are way beyond my ability and I would not make any friends if I tried to join in on them  .



Flying in the middle seat of coach is much better than not flying at all!
User currently offlinewexfordflyer From Ireland, joined Jun 2009, 550 posts, RR: 0
Reply 22, posted (3 years 6 months 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 1786 times:

I can't say I know of anyone who joins a gym to make friends. If you are looking to make friends there are plenty of other ways like joining clubs, volunteering, etc. If you are looking to improve your health then go to the gym and concentrate on getting fitter. I wouldn't ever have thought of a gym as being a social club.


Come with me, there's a place I want you to see, where the leaves are dark, I've got a hiding place in central park.
User currently offlinePC12Fan From United States of America, joined Jan 2007, 2422 posts, RR: 5
Reply 23, posted (3 years 6 months 1 day 12 hours ago) and read 1472 times:

I hate to somewhat hijack the thread just a bit, but if you're a little self conscience about going to the gym, have you considered a home workout routine? There are some very good ones out there now that contain both the workouts and nutritional plans. I personally am doing P90X which at first I thought was going to put me IN the ground rather than keep me out of it!  

Whatever you do, best of luck!



Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep talkin'!
User currently offlineaa61hvy From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 13977 posts, RR: 57
Reply 24, posted (3 years 6 months 1 day 11 hours ago) and read 1452 times:

I don't like to make friends at the gym personally. Certainly if there are regulars I'll smile/nod at them. Maybe even a quick 10 sec convo. But I'm there to take care of business and I don't like to stay longer than I need to.

On the other hand people at my gym will have long conversations. I remember hoping on a cardio machine and did 35 mins of cardio, and these two guys were talking (not working out whatsoever) the entire time I was doing cardio. I left and they were still talking.

As a side note- Leave your cell phone in the car when at the gym. There is nothing more annoying than trying to concentrate on a lift and hearing some a-hole blabbing about his thoughts on life.



Go big or go home
25 N1120A : I've seen people talking on the phone while working out. Its stupid. I always leave my phone in the car.
26 OA412 : Amen. And, almost without fail, people always handle their most personal, obnoxious, and downright inappropriate phone calls at the gym (or similar p
27 AR385 : Thank you very much to all of you. In genral I have to do it this way, butI have to say that I got invaluablel advice. I´ll try to respond to each of
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