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Don't You Hate Lawyers.  
User currently offlineL-188 From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 29832 posts, RR: 58
Posted (12 years 6 months 3 weeks 15 hours ago) and read 1108 times:

Hey guys lifted this gem from todays issue (sunday 6/2) of the Anchorage Daily News.

It is a copy of a memo that was put out by our city attorney, Bill Greene.

"Notice rescinding specific legal opinions and memoranda"

"The state of the law on any given issue is rarely static. Statutes and ordinances are amended, constitutions and charters are re-interpreted, new laws are made and new lawsuits decided daily. Accordingly, all opinions and memoranda of advice issued by the Municipal Attorney/Department of Law and dated prior to January 1, 1995 are hereby rescinded, withdrawn and of no longer effective. Such opinions and memoranda and should not be relied on and no action taken or refused in reliance thereon unless and until they are reviewed and either modified or reinstated in writing by the Department of Law. Such opinions and memoranda, however, are likely to have historical or comparative significance and should not be destroyed or archived unless and until advised otherwise by the Municipal Attorney in writing.

This notice should not be interpreted to mean that Municipal Attorney opinions or memoranda of advice issued after January 1, 1995 are still valid or current. They may or may not be or the factual circumstances under which they were written have changed and they may or may not reflect the correct answer in other similar situations. We strongly recommend that whenever such an opinion or memoranda of advice appears relevant to a current situation or issue, you consult with the Department of Law via a Request for Legal Services, to determine if the opinion or memoranda of advice is valid for your particular situation or issue.

You may reply by e-mail with comments and questions to: Coggins, Carol J. That addressee will not reply or answer questions, however, but will simply receive such replies and forward them for answer. Please do not telephone."





OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
19 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineKROC From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 1, posted (12 years 6 months 3 weeks 15 hours ago) and read 1089 times:

How long before "Greg" is into this thread with a fervor?

User currently offlineGreg From United Kingdom, joined May 2005, 0 posts, RR: 0
Reply 2, posted (12 years 6 months 3 weeks 13 hours ago) and read 1066 times:

Hey KROC...I thought you were suppose to be on your best behavior?  Smile

Anyway, good to see you back.


I learned a while back that you can confuse the fuck outta folks with legalese. It's not intelligible--and unless you're sighting some specific case law--absolutely no need for it.

All briefs filed with the courhouse sound very legal. My memos, messages, and meetings are done in 'English.' I now inform clients: You've won. You've lost. etc.

I have a plaque on my desk that says "Economy of Words"

It reminds me every day to be succint when I right.

L-188...maybe your boss should get the same plaque


User currently offlineDe727ups From United States of America, joined Nov 2000, 814 posts, RR: 13
Reply 3, posted (12 years 6 months 3 weeks 12 hours ago) and read 1050 times:

I had a lawyer help me a couple of years ago in a difficult case against the state on a driving infraction. He wasn't cheap but he knew what he was doing and the final outcome was in my favor....saving me a lot of headache.

Another pilot buddy is a laid back attorney who totally doesn't fit the stereotype of lawyers.

These two guys changed my opinion of lawyers.


User currently offlineSaloth Sar From United States of America, joined Jan 2001, 379 posts, RR: 0
Reply 4, posted (12 years 6 months 3 weeks 10 hours ago) and read 1033 times:

Almost everyone hates attorneys until they need one.  Smile

User currently offlineAlpha 1 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 5, posted (12 years 6 months 3 weeks 10 hours ago) and read 1022 times:

With all due respect to our resident Barrister, Greg, but I think we need to do what was mentioned in "Back To The Future II": Doc Brown says "The Justice system works swiftly now that they've abolished all lawyers".

User currently offlineGreg From United Kingdom, joined May 2005, 0 posts, RR: 0
Reply 6, posted (12 years 6 months 3 weeks 7 hours ago) and read 1006 times:

Alpha1..I'll take that in stride. However, if your best quotes are from "Back To The Future II" then you need far more help than me....or my profession!
 Smile


User currently offlineSophiemaltese From United States of America, joined Feb 2001, 2064 posts, RR: 3
Reply 7, posted (12 years 6 months 3 weeks 4 hours ago) and read 984 times:

Almost everyone hates attorneys until they need one

Yep, I've had the help of a few and been very thankful for them to be around. I know some really good ones. And my uncle who is an attorney tells the best lawyer jokes ever!


User currently offlineArchie Bunker From United States of America, joined Jul 2000, 401 posts, RR: 0
Reply 8, posted (12 years 6 months 3 weeks 3 hours ago) and read 977 times:

Yep, I've had the help of a few and been very thankful for them to be around.


Sophie, can you please elaborate? Inquiry minds do want to know.

 Big grin





User currently offlineSccutler From United States of America, joined Jan 2000, 5614 posts, RR: 28
Reply 9, posted (12 years 6 months 3 weeks 2 hours ago) and read 964 times:

Nope, I are one.

I am amused by the posted memo which opened this topic, though.

Might Mr. Greene, Esq. have taken office some time after January 1, 1995? Perhaps succeeding a City Att'y whose views Mr. Grene does not share?

Just curious.

Or, maybe attorney Greene wants to expand the number of counsel under his employ, and no better way to gen-up work than to declare all advisory opinions invalid, and require that new ones be written.



...three miles from BRONS, clear for the ILS one five approach...
User currently offlineAlpha 1 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 10, posted (12 years 6 months 3 weeks 2 hours ago) and read 958 times:

Greg, it tells me something about your profession when it's put down like that in a comedy movie. That's how low the profession has sunk.

User currently offlineL-188 From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 29832 posts, RR: 58
Reply 11, posted (12 years 6 months 2 weeks 6 days 18 hours ago) and read 934 times:

A lawyer is forced by his wife to attend a party being held by a doctor.

Anyway the evening starts dragging along and as the wine flows the doctor motions everybody out to the patio and to his swimming pool.

He starts bragging about the fact that he raises sharks in the pool, and about how bloodthirsty they are. To emphasise the point he throws a hunk of meat into the pool and the sharks just shred it.

Most of the party is suitably impressed by not the now drunk lawyer. He challenges the doctor to a bet. He bets $1000 dollars that he can swim from one end of the pool to the other and the doctors sharks won't touch him.

despite the appeals from some of the sober members of the throng gathered around the pool the doctor takes the bet.

So the Lawyer strips down to his skivvies and jumps in. He dog paddles over to the other side of the pool and then back strokes back, blowing a little fountain of water from his mouth. He gets out of the pool and there isn't a scratch on him.

Everybody who was there stood silent and in shook at what they just saw the lawyer do. The doctor now $1000 dollars poorer finally stammers out the question that everybody wants to ask, "How did you do it, those sharks are mean, they are hungry, you should have been torn apart."

"Easy," the Lawyer said, "Professional courtesy"

 Laugh out loud



OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
User currently offlineGreg From United Kingdom, joined May 2005, 0 posts, RR: 0
Reply 12, posted (12 years 6 months 2 weeks 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 923 times:

Well, there are bad attorney's and ambulance chasers all over. I can agree with that. But I am not one of those. I'm primarily corporate law--with some major malpractice. The personal injury cases I take are industrial--not car accidents and 'slips and falls'

I make a very decent living, and law is a lot of fun if you know your shit. I think many are jealous, or somehow don't think lawyers earn the money they make. How wrong.


User currently offlineL-188 From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 29832 posts, RR: 58
Reply 13, posted (12 years 6 months 2 weeks 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 919 times:

Nothing personal, you guys just make good targets Big thumbs up




After five years of toil at a Wall Street law firm, an associate was burning the midnight oil at his office. Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and a tower of smoke burst from the floor. Satan stepped out of the smoke, and addressed the lawyer. "I understand you'd give absolutely anything to make partner," said the devil, "So I've come here to make you an offer. I'll make you a partner, but in return I will take the souls of your wife, your parents, your children, your grandchildren, and all of your friends."

The lawyer looked strangely puzzled, and thought hard for several minutes. Finally, he turned to Satan and asked, "What's the catch?"




OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
User currently offlineL-188 From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 29832 posts, RR: 58
Reply 14, posted (12 years 6 months 2 weeks 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 917 times:

Oh....BTW Greg....I don't work for those Yahoo's in the original topic. Big grin


OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
User currently offlineStretch 8 From United States of America, joined May 1999, 2568 posts, RR: 16
Reply 15, posted (12 years 6 months 2 weeks 6 days 15 hours ago) and read 916 times:

As a member of the State Bars of Virginia, Michigan, and the District of Columbia, I have heard quite a few lawyer jokes in my career. I love lawyer jokes! BTW, next time you are in trouble, call a comedian.


Maggs swings, it's a drive deep to left! The Tigers are going to the World Series!!!
User currently offlineGreg From United Kingdom, joined May 2005, 0 posts, RR: 0
Reply 16, posted (12 years 6 months 2 weeks 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 901 times:

Stretch...
I'm a member in Texas, California, and Florida. Look like you got the North..and I got the South.

Brdgs.


User currently offlineTurbineBeaver From United States of America, joined Jan 2002, 1199 posts, RR: 0
Reply 17, posted (12 years 6 months 2 weeks 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 900 times:

How can anyone lie for a living?  Yeah sure

TB


User currently offlineJetService From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 4798 posts, RR: 11
Reply 18, posted (12 years 6 months 2 weeks 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 898 times:

Lawyers are seen as putting winning over right and wrong. They think a loophole or technicality rights a wrong. It doesn't. It just makes the wrong side win. Frivilous civil lawsuits come to mind.


"Shaddap you!"
User currently offlineGreg From United Kingdom, joined May 2005, 0 posts, RR: 0
Reply 19, posted (12 years 6 months 2 weeks 6 days 12 hours ago) and read 894 times:

Tell me how lawyers lie for a living?
When do we lie?????


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