flyerboy1990 From United States of America, joined Jul 2010, 172 posts, RR: 0 Posted (1 year 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 16 hours ago) and read 3407 times:
So I have been following the site or years, but just started noticing recently that some of yall are actually gay. Well I have a question. I came out to my very accepting family about three weeks ago. My stepmom feels that it is important for me to get in the gay scene. We live in "Corntown, Ohio," but even Cleveland doesn't seem like a great place to get out there. So what am I to do? I have thought about dating sites, but they appeal to older people (I'm 20). I'm not trying to sleep with every guy in NE Ohio, but I don't know how to go about getting to know other gays. Thanks for yall's help.
***And what happened to the 'would you hit it' threads??? LOL
DocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 16935 posts, RR: 57 Reply 3, posted (1 year 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 15 hours ago) and read 3352 times:
No, seriously. You haven't had much chance to explore your own sexuality. Your friends have a 3-5 year head start on you. Almost everyone has a "slut" phase, so you'll do well to get started on yours.
Just... BE SAFE. And remember, in the gay world, "sex" doesn't have to mean "anal."
TSS From United States of America, joined Dec 2006, 2884 posts, RR: 5 Reply 4, posted (1 year 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 15 hours ago) and read 3346 times:
Quoting kiwiinoz (Reply 2): Looks like moving to New York state would be a good start.
Baby steps, Kiwi, baby steps. New York (well, New York City, anyway) would chew up and spit out a guy from "Corntown, Ohio" in two seconds flat... and likely make fun of him while it was doing so.
Quoting flyerboy1990 (Thread starter): I have thought about dating sites, but they appeal to older people (I'm 20).
Much older liars, most of the time. Here's a quick conversion chart for "personal ad" to real world figures:
Subtract 4 inches from quoted height measurements across the board ("6'1" = 5'9, "5'7" = 5'3, etc.);
Add 20% to quoted weight ("150 lbs" = 180 lbs, "200 lbs" = 250 lbs, etc.);
Add 20% to quoted age ("25 y.o." = 30 y.o., "40 y.o." = 48 y.o., etc.);
Any other quoted figures are usually pure fiction that defies accurate conversion.
Quoting flyerboy1990 (Thread starter): We live in "Corntown, Ohio," but even Cleveland doesn't seem like a great place to get out there.
Cleveland may not be New York, Los Angeles, or San Francisco, but neither are those places Cleveland. Cleveland wouldn't be a bad place to start out at all in my opinion. I've met several very nice, genuine, down-to-earth guys from Cleveland over the years, so you shouldn't count it out without giving it a chance first.
I don't know what the exact drinking age is in Ohio, but you'll probably be somewhat socially hindered until you turn 21 since bars are still the best places to meet people in most cities. Several points to remember about bars in general and gay bars in particular:
1. You don't have to drink alcohol when you're there. In fact, if you're new there and don't know anyone, STAY SOBER! Restrict yourself to Coca-Cola and politely refuse any "shots" that are offered. Not everyone will have your best interests at heart, and it pays to keep a clear head. And obviously, you should never drink and drive.
2. Get on your bartender's "good side". He knows the regulars, you don't. If he knows you're not drinking, he can intercede between you and people who obnoxiously insist that "One little shot won't hurt". The way to get on a bartender's "good side" is to offer to pay for every drink you get even if it's just Coca-Cola, tip for every drink you order whether you get charged for it or not (most bartenders won't charge you for soft drinks after they see you're a consistent tipper, so you come out cheaper in the long run), and don't be impatient when you order a drink (Trust me, whether he acknowledged you or not, he saw you when you first walked in and will take your order as soon as possible. If you sit your empty glass on his side of the bar, he'll see it and refill it as soon as he's able).
3. NEVER LEAVE THE BAR WITH SOMEONE YOU'VE JUST MET!
4. Learn to play pool. It's a good way to strike up conversations if you're not socially aggressive or aren't even socially confident. Also, in most bars the light over the pool table is the only decent light in the place and it never hurts to get a better(-lit) look at someone who's flirting with you.
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AR385 From Mexico, joined Nov 2003, 4926 posts, RR: 27 Reply 5, posted (1 year 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 14 hours ago) and read 3334 times:
This is a very hard thread in which to participate. I knew I was gay since forever but to tell my parents and friends in Northern Mexico was more than extremely difficult. Eventually my father passed away and I had no chance to come out to him, but I did to my mother 3 years later.
I would not describe it as the most difficult thing I had ever had to do, but it was not easy. The funny thing was that when I told her and my brother their answer was "So what´s new? We knew all along"
What you need to know is the following:
1. People will try to take advantage of you
2. Always practice safe sex. Always. Always. Always.
3. Do not feel you are in love because you had good sex with someone you just met.
4. Live your life as normal as you have been living it, the fact you decided to come out ought not to have any effect on the people that really love you and are important to you.
TSS From United States of America, joined Dec 2006, 2884 posts, RR: 5 Reply 6, posted (1 year 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 14 hours ago) and read 3321 times:
Quoting AR385 (Reply 5): What you need to know is the following:
1. People will try to take advantage of you
2. Always practice safe sex. Always. Always. Always.
3. Do not feel you are in love because you had good sex with someone you just met.
4. Live your life as normal as you have been living it, the fact you decided to come out ought not to have any effect on the people that really love you and are important to you.
Wise words from a wise man. Heed them well.
And man, I wish I could be anywhere near that succinct.
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OA260 From Ireland, joined Nov 2006, 25118 posts, RR: 60 Reply 7, posted (1 year 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 14 hours ago) and read 3310 times:
Quoting AR385 (Reply 5): 1. People will try to take advantage of you
2. Always practice safe sex. Always. Always. Always.
3. Do not feel you are in love because you had good sex with someone you just met.
4. Live your life as normal as you have been living it, the fact you decided to come out ought not to have any effect on the people that really love you and are important to you.
Good advice .
And to add :
1: Being Gay does not mean you have to hang out in Gay bars or Clubs with a load of sad people.
2: Having to go to Pride marches just to let everyone know you are Gay .
3: Keep a good balance of straight/Gay friends and be very careful who you let into your Gay friends circle.
4: As above dont change your life just because you may feel that you have to . Be close to the people that love you ie: your family and current friends. If they love you they will accept you . People that dont accept you get rid of them out of your life and dont dwell on it too much, its their problem.
OLYMPIC AIR - ΟΛΥΜΠΙΑΚΗ "Η ΕΛΛΑΔΑ ΨΗΛΑ" "GREECE FLYING HIGH"
btblue From United Kingdom, joined Mar 2004, 546 posts, RR: 4 Reply 10, posted (1 year 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 10 hours ago) and read 3228 times:
Take a look online. See what bars there are in your local area. Use gaydar if you have it... make friends, get to know people... be careful though and please practice safe sex... Don't be afraid of going out alone... often that's when you meet people, and you get to know what you like and don't like.
I would take it easy - you've plenty of years ahead where you can get to know what you like and don't like. It's all a learning curve and eventually you'll get there.
planeguy727 From United States of America, joined Mar 2007, 1077 posts, RR: 1 Reply 11, posted (1 year 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 8 hours ago) and read 3168 times:
Rather than going to bars when I came out I chose to meet other G,L,B,T people by getting involved with various volunteer opportunities. Less pressure, a chance to do good in the world, and by choosing causes that matter to you, an instant conversation starter with new people. Volunteer groups are traditionally very welcoming and I have many long-time friends from those early days.
Take your time. There is much to be experienced in life but nothing says it has to happen quickly. Enjoy the journey.
Please remember that there is much more to being gay than sex. And sex is certainly not the only way to connect with other gay folks. After all, look at the support and connection among the gay members of a.net.
Congratulations on reaching an important step in the self-discovery of life. Glad to hear you've got family support.
falstaff From United States of America, joined Jun 2006, 5704 posts, RR: 29 Reply 12, posted (1 year 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 8 hours ago) and read 3150 times:
Quoting TSS (Reply 4): Much older liars, most of the time. Here's a quick conversion chart for "personal ad" to real world figures:
Subtract 4 inches from quoted height measurements across the board ("6'1" = 5'9, "5'7" = 5'3, etc.);
Add 20% to quoted weight ("150 lbs" = 180 lbs, "200 lbs" = 250 lbs, etc.);
Add 20% to quoted age ("25 y.o." = 30 y.o., "40 y.o." = 48 y.o., etc.);
Any other quoted figures are usually pure fiction that defies accurate conversion.
Don't forget about the photos. They are usually not up to date. I remember seeing a good looking woman on a dating site once and she claimed to be 35. She looked a lot younger than 35, in her photo. When I enlarged the photo, by clicking on it, you could plainly see the calender hanging on her wall from 2000, ten years earlier.
This chart would also work well for the numerous straight dating web sites... I have had plenty of experience on those and I think I may the the only honest person on there....
Quoting TSS (Reply 4): NEVER LEAVE THE BAR WITH SOMEONE YOU'VE JUST MET!
Always good advice regardless of age, gender, sexual preference, etc... Nothing like waking up in the morning and having somebody who thinks you are now in a relationship and wants to move in with you.
sy738fan From United States of America, joined Jul 2007, 39 posts, RR: 0 Reply 13, posted (1 year 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 8 hours ago) and read 3134 times:
Don't worry about being "behind" as an earlier poster suggested - I was older than you when I finally came out, and turned out just fine (at least I think I did, haha).
If you're a student, there are likely some organized GLBT groups on campus. These are a safe place to start, and probably a better source of local advice than any of us!
As far as dating sites....boy, I do have some stories. On the other hand, I did meet my now-partner of four years on one of those things.
I suspect Cleveland is a perfectly reasonable place to be out. I'd give it a shot.
seb146 From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 9911 posts, RR: 17 Reply 14, posted (1 year 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 7 hours ago) and read 3118 times:
Quoting flyerboy1990 (Thread starter): I have been following the site or years, but just started noticing recently that some of yall are actually gay.
Ummmm... Don't quote me, but I think we are working at the bank, jogging through the park, shopping at the market, praying next to you in church....
I came out in BFE, Oregon. Pendleton to be exact. Home of one of the largest rodeos in North America. Not the place for a gay to grow up but oh, those skin-tight Wranglers...
But, I digress.
Your friends probably already know. The long-term ones anyway. If you really want to date, ask them for help. I don't recommend dating right out of the closet. Get a sense of yourself first. Find out who you are in relation to the gay world. Take about a year or so.
One thing I would echo is: Do not get into a relationship with someone you take home from the bar. Also: Trust your instincts. If something does not add up about a person, let him go.
TSS From United States of America, joined Dec 2006, 2884 posts, RR: 5 Reply 15, posted (1 year 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 7 hours ago) and read 3097 times:
Quoting falstaff (Reply 12): Don't forget about the photos. They are usually not up to date.
Absolutely! I wish I had a nickel for every current personal ad photo I've seen that was taken from 1980s issues of Advocate Men magazine. Even if one goes out on a limb and assumes that the person placing the ad is the same one as in the photos, the photos would still be more than 20 years out-of-date.
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ltbewr From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 12365 posts, RR: 12 Reply 16, posted (1 year 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 7 hours ago) and read 3093 times:
I am straight, but one suggestion, as you are a student, is to join a GLTB group there. If your school is kinda weak as to such organizations, perhaps another nearby one has such a group. They can give you new friends, give you good advice, they may protect you from doing dumb things and know where the party is.
I would note that as under 21, you need to avoid alcohol in public places or bars to prevent trouble for them as well as your self
I have seen the changes in my 56 years from when being gay meant sneaking around and living a lie. It has to be a huge relief, as well as a challenge to finally come out and I hope you have found contentment in being yourself.
DeltaMD90 From United States of America, joined Apr 2008, 5375 posts, RR: 47 Reply 18, posted (1 year 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 4 hours ago) and read 2982 times:
I'm starting to think there is a gay agenda, and it is testing itself out on a.net first, and then the world!
But no, congrats, I'm no where gay but just from being on the forums for a while, I can tell you the most important rule to being gay:
TSS From United States of America, joined Dec 2006, 2884 posts, RR: 5 Reply 19, posted (1 year 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 4 hours ago) and read 2980 times:
Quoting KiwiRob (Reply 17): Ouch, I though being a bottom was where it's all at?
Nope, not at all.
Quoting KiwiRob (Reply 17): Just wondering how do you know you're actually gay when you haven't played around with another bloke?
How do straight guys know they're straight when they haven't played around with a female?
The actual sex is not an end unto itself; instead, the sex is merely a physical expression of a much deeper overall attraction to one's own gender.
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OA260 From Ireland, joined Nov 2006, 25118 posts, RR: 60 Reply 21, posted (1 year 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 3 hours ago) and read 2943 times:
Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 18): I'm starting to think there is a gay agenda, and it is testing itself out on a.net first, and then the world!
You know something I have met more Gay/bi / curious people on this site ( not in person I add ) then anywhere else in my life ! Hmmm most are not out but you would be surprised. Some really interesting people whom I keep in contact with and some who Im glad I never kept in contact with .
OLYMPIC AIR - ΟΛΥΜΠΙΑΚΗ "Η ΕΛΛΑΔΑ ΨΗΛΑ" "GREECE FLYING HIGH"
DocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 16935 posts, RR: 57 Reply 22, posted (1 year 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 3 hours ago) and read 2936 times:
Quoting KiwiRob (Reply 17):
Just wondering how do you know you're actually gay when you haven't played around with another bloke?
Did you know you liked girls before you had sex with one?
DeltaMD90 From United States of America, joined Apr 2008, 5375 posts, RR: 47 Reply 23, posted (1 year 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 2 hours ago) and read 2923 times:
Quoting OA260 (Reply 21): You know something I have met more Gay/bi / curious people on this site
Well, I guess it's to be expected when one stares at long, hard, cylindrical aircraft all the time!
KiwiRob From New Zealand, joined Jun 2005, 5420 posts, RR: 3 Reply 24, posted (1 year 11 months 4 weeks 1 day 2 hours ago) and read 2911 times:
Quoting DocLightning (Reply 22): Did you know you liked girls before you had sex with one?
Ultimately you don't really know until you try.
25 flyerboy1990: Thanks to everyone for your help. I guess I figured that since it's summer that I would try to get out there. I guess I won't worry about it until I s
26 AR385: You and I need to have an IM conversation. PM at your convenience.
27 DeltaMD90: Look into the Gay Straight Alliance. They have those at a lot of schools. I'm sure they have just the tools to hone in your gaydar
28 Aaron747: This strikes me as nonsense. I knew what I wanted as soon as I started to notice T&A.
29 squared: I can certainly tell you that even before I had sex, I knew I was gay. And I'm sure the same is true of many people... I suppose there are some peopl
30 sccutler: Hey - not trying to be who you aren't is important to your mental well-being. So how is being gay different from being a breeder - really? There's no
31 TSS: First off, "the lifestyle" (note the quotation marks), if it ever actually existed, only did so for a small minority of gay men in cities large enoug
33 shamrock321: Well done on coming out, I did it at the end of last year, and its amazing! Have made so many new friends
34 luckyone: I think many people confuse metric and imperial A-men! (pund intended). He's out there, but if he doesn't show up tomorrow don't get upset.
36 luv2fly: Being a fellow Ohioian, there are worst places then Cleveland to be Gay, you good be in the bible belt.
37 lhr380: SO true!!!! Im not camp at all (I get a "little" camp after a few drinks, but I just giggle a lot) I hardly go on the scene. I used to live opposite
38 max999: I take exception to this because you don't know anything about the thread starter so you're underestimating his intelligence, emtional maturity, etc
39 mal787: Feel free to start one, I cant at the moment on work computer and boss would be peed off if i start trawling for hotties Mal 787
40 luckyone: Would you like to take a guess at where The Advocate's Gay Friendliest/Gayest City 2010 is located??? I'll give you a hint, it's the heart of the Bib
41 OA260: My colleagues at work ( mostly Girls ) tell me they were out in Dublin and mention some Gay bars and I don't know what they are talking about lol...
42 lhr380: I don't get the "camp" thing at all. I don't understand why a guy has to act like that just cause he like other guys, I could never date an overly cam
43 TSS: Exception duly noted. If I gave the impression that I was underestimating Flyerboy's intelligence or emotional maturity, then I must apologize as tha
44 flyerboy1990: Thanks again for all the great advice. I look forward to this new journey in my life!
45 DocLightning: This gay Michigan boy moved to New York and conquered. And then left. Admittedly I moved to New York with a medical degree and a job...
46 TSS: And, I would imagine, a natural BS detector of remarkable scope and sensitivity. Armed with those three things, I have no doubt that moving to and li
47 bananaboy: I admire their courage to be themselves and not act in the stereotypical way that society would generally expect men to. I don't think I could have e
48 Doona: We don't spend all our time in gay bars and clubs. Where I live the "gay scene" is very limited, and the flings/romances/hook-ups I've experienced ha
49 bookishaviator: Likewise, every boyfriend I've ever had has become known to me through day to day life or activities I've pursued that are not gay-specific. I met my
50 kiwiandrew: My gaydar is truly awful ... I remember a number of years ago a friend of mine giving me a tip for fine tuning it. You walk down a busy street and loo
51 SurfandSnow: But how do you feel? What is important to YOU? Actually, Cleveland might not be such a bad start. I can't say that I've ever been to Ohio, but I imag
52 kiwiandrew: I know that 3 years is a long time to wait at your age , but the Gay Games are being held in Cleveland in 2014. I have only made it to the Gay Games
54 pete1203: I've came out about 1 year ago when I was 19. Unfortunatly I didn't get the support from my Parents, but my mates, whom 100% are straight have all bee
55 mt99: First of all, you have no idea how lucky you are. Not to rehash all the great advise given here, but just as a straight person can make very very bad
56 DeltaMD90: That's something I wish most people would know. Being gay (for most people) isn't the defining attribute that stands out. You can't separate gays fro
57 DocLightning: How the hell do you rank higher than SF? 20% of our city is gay. I don't even go to "gay" events because if I just go to normal events there are tons
58 AR385: Send a pic to my contact button on my profile, and we may work something out. Seriously now. I admire all the people on this thread that are so young
59 luckyone: Ask The Advocate, it's their ranking . Obviously I don't know if you've ever been to Atlanta, but if you haven't come see for yourself.
60 kiwiandrew: That is so often the case. Thank you for a very thought provoking post. I also grew up with a lot of negative views of being gay, here in New Zealand
61 lhr380: Read this, it shows how trueyour words are, the world still has a LONG way to go http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-13908662
62 KiwiRob: Gays in NZ should wear little pink ribbons like they do over here, that would make it much easier for you wouldn't it?
63 lhr380: Any UK people, 2215 on Sky Atlantic, a good document It sounds like "When I knew"
64 Mexicana757: As mt99 said, DO what is comfortable to YOU. Don't do something just because others are doing it. I agree with you AR, that is the hardest fight. As
65 BNE: You haven't been watching closely enough to only to notice that now. My only suggestion for you is talk to as many gay people as you can find, each h
66 lhr380: It was a US documentary about when people realised they were gay, and their experiences. Was very good to see all the different types of people, both
67 type-rated: Stay clear of the bitter old queens, there are a bunch of them out there. If you come across one of these just move away, their negativity can drain y
68 XFSUgimpLB41X: Just an interjection here... I'm a straight guy, and it's hilarious that a gay guy is just picking up that there's a lot of gays on airliners.net. I g
69 WN738: Try some of the mainstream dating sites. I'm 22 and quite Gay and have had some luck with those, like match.com and such, though a lot are hit and mis
70 AR385: I disagree. First of all Match.com is an expensive site for people who are already very sure of who they are, what they want and are looking for a se
71 WN738: Fine. You dont have to bite my head off for trying to help. I was just saying what worked for me in the past, and yes that was soon after i came out.
72 AR385: I´m not biting your head off, nor was it ever my intention, but you need to be very conscious and aware about the advice you give in these matters.
73 WN738: No problem; i wasnt intending on giving bad advice, i too have had less than great times on some of those sites. Its tough to give advice on, though,
74 KiwiRob: You could always get the GRINDER iPhone app, that should get you started!
75 luckyone: I respectfully disagree. That site/app is almost completely used by guys looking for one thing. Somebody just figuring out their sexuality won't get
76 KiwiRob: I wouldn't have a clue about it, I only heard of it today after watching Stephen Fry talking about it on a Top Gear re-run, sounded interesting, thoug
77 aznmadsci: I agree with luckyone, GRINDR is more for the hookie hookie, where's your nookie. I myself like the Scruff app. Less emphasis on the hook up, though
78 adxmatt: I think the Gay Games is coming to Chicago in a year or two. Might be a good volunteer opportunity. I was never much of an athlete but did enjoy my t
79 kiwiandrew: Nope, Chicago was 2006, the next Gay Games will be in Cleveland in 2014.
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