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Unintentionally Hilarious Things People Say?  
User currently offlineCharlieNoble From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (3 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2498 times:

I was at a working lunch recently where the boss said something like "We've begun laying pipe down at the beach" and I damn near bit a hole in my lip...guy next to me had tears streaming down his cheek.

A little later we had an important person tell us some blunt economic truths. After the lunch broke up, one of the guys shook his hand and said "Thanks for being frank with us"...the important person's name: Frank.

What are your stories?

24 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlinefutureualpilot From United States of America, joined May 2000, 2608 posts, RR: 8
Reply 1, posted (3 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2485 times:

"I could care less."


When used in the context most people use it in, it doesn't make sense.



Life is better when you surf.
User currently offlineajd1992 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (3 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2463 times:

Quoting futureualpilot (Reply 1):
"I could care less."


When used in the context most people use it in, it doesn't make sense.

That just irritates me rather than anything else, and it makes the person saying it look stupid.

It is an American thing as well - it's always I COULDN'T over here.


User currently offlineU2380 From United Kingdom, joined Dec 2010, 325 posts, RR: 0
Reply 3, posted (3 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 5 hours ago) and read 2444 times:

I found this quite funny:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3tJX-5sq8s

I'm not sure if it's entirely 'unintentional' though.  


User currently offlineER757 From Cayman Islands, joined May 2005, 2590 posts, RR: 7
Reply 4, posted (3 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 1 hour ago) and read 2318 times:

This goes way back to the 80's - we were watching a Bears/Redskins game and Pat Summerall and John Madden were doing the broadcast. Among the Redskins' defensive linemen was a gentleman named Dave Butz. Walter Payton made an especially great move through the line on a run and during the replay Madden says "watch as Walter Payton slides inside Butz." I rolled on the floor I was laughing so hard.

User currently onlinelewis From Greece, joined Jul 1999, 3672 posts, RR: 5
Reply 5, posted (3 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days 1 hour ago) and read 2304 times:

There are a lot of "that's what she said" things being said at work. I sometimes laugh, some people get it, some don't.

"I would rather have hardwood than carpet" - was something a female co-worker said when we were talking about apartments and most of us found it hilarious. A while back we were all having ribs at a restaurant and our table was very crowded. I was a bit cautious because the food was very messy and my manager turned to me and told me to "just bend over and eat it". Only when everyone at the table started laughing did he realize what he had told me to do!


User currently offlineBAViscount From United Kingdom, joined Mar 2004, 2338 posts, RR: 4
Reply 6, posted (3 years 1 month 2 weeks 6 days ago) and read 2280 times:

Quoting CharlieNoble (Thread starter):
I was at a working lunch recently where the boss said something like "We've begun laying pipe down at the beach" and I damn near bit a hole in my lip...guy next to me had tears streaming down his cheek.

I have no idea why that's funny, I guess it's an American thing!

Consequently I'm hoping I've got hold of the right end of the stick when I talk about a conversation that took place between my sister and her youngest son (who does most of the cooking in their house) when they were talking about remodelling their kitchen. My sister had already decided on the new cupboards she wanted in the kitchen, having come up with a wood effect, and they were trying to decide what colour to paint the walls. My nephew (Mark) was coming up with colour suggestions and my sister was getting more and more frustrated by his suggestions. Eventually she shouted at him, "Oh for God's sake Mark, you've got WOOD"! It took her a while to realise why Mark and I were crying with laughter!!



Ladies & gentlemen this is Captain Tobias Wilcock welcoming you aboard Coconut Airways flight 372 to Bridgetown Barb
User currently offlinemirrodie From United States of America, joined Apr 2000, 7444 posts, RR: 62
Reply 7, posted (3 years 1 month 2 weeks 5 days 23 hours ago) and read 2260 times:
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In my office:

"Doc, I need a screw." (broken spectacles)


Our exam rooms have more than one door, so sometimes I come through the less used entrance and, usually its the women that say,
"Oh, you decided to use the backdoor." (no explanation needed....)


-Me: "Ok, look up and to the left/right."
-them: "with one eye or both?" (are you human or chameleon?!)



Forum moderator 2001-2010; He's a pedantic, pontificating, pretentious bastard, a belligerent old fart, a worthless st
User currently offlineAloha717200 From United States of America, joined Aug 2003, 4521 posts, RR: 15
Reply 8, posted (3 years 1 month 2 weeks 5 days 19 hours ago) and read 2209 times:

A co worker of mine was pulling a box containing a book shelf off of one of the storage racks in the freight room. He looked at it and goes "It's shorter than I thought."

Too good to resist...I gave him the old "That's what she said."

Got a laugh out of him.  



Same worker, on a different night. He was carrying a bag of black jellybeans and it broke open and spilled on the ground behind him. He turns around and goes "Oh, shit. I made a mess"

Again, hillarious considering the floor looked like it was covered in rabbit droppings.  


User currently offlineCharlieNoble From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 9, posted (3 years 1 month 2 weeks 5 days 13 hours ago) and read 2149 times:

Quoting BAViscount (Reply 6):
Quoting CharlieNoble (Thread starter):
I was at a working lunch recently where the boss said something like "We've begun laying pipe down at the beach" and I damn near bit a hole in my lip...guy next to me had tears streaming down his cheek.

I have no idea why that's funny, I guess it's an American thing!

"Laying pipe" is a crude euphemism for sex...which made it even more hilarious since it was a high-level meeting.

Quoting BAViscount (Reply 6):
Consequently I'm hoping I've got hold of the right end of the stick

Yes, you guys are all right on track!


User currently offlinesafetyDemo From United States of America, joined Sep 2007, 310 posts, RR: 0
Reply 10, posted (3 years 1 month 2 weeks 5 days 10 hours ago) and read 2081 times:

I was at a work conference recently, and a speaker was addressing the group about the recent performance of the Flight Attendant group and how well they were doing in contributing to the success of our company. When referencing the many things a Flight Attendant deals with every day, often at one time, particularly some recent challenges faced at my company, the speaker said:

"You know, flight attendants juggle a lot of balls!"

Oh man ... she got that right! I couldn't help but get the Church giggles over that one.



Please direct your attention to the flight attendants in the cabin...
User currently offlineBAViscount From United Kingdom, joined Mar 2004, 2338 posts, RR: 4
Reply 11, posted (3 years 1 month 2 weeks 5 days 9 hours ago) and read 2067 times:

I was once at a restaurant having lunch with the whole of my work team. One of the guys commented on how much food one of our female colleagues was ordering, saying that she must have a very healthy appetite. It was only when we all started crying with laughter that she realised what she had said when she came back with, "Oh I could eat all of you men under the table."!!


Ladies & gentlemen this is Captain Tobias Wilcock welcoming you aboard Coconut Airways flight 372 to Bridgetown Barb
User currently offline1stfl94 From United Kingdom, joined May 2006, 1455 posts, RR: 0
Reply 12, posted (3 years 1 month 2 weeks 5 days 7 hours ago) and read 2008 times:

Only this week in my office, one of my colleagues was having trouble bringing up a file on his computer. The girl opposite asked if he needed a hand getting it up.

Another occasion, one of the other women at work shouted across to her supervisor that she needed the next morning off because she was getting her pussy shaved! When she said she meant her cat we laughed even harder! (Especially as she looks like Mrs Slocombe!)


User currently offlineLONGisland89 From United States of America, joined Jan 2006, 741 posts, RR: 0
Reply 13, posted (3 years 1 month 2 weeks 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 1985 times:

When people pronounce height as 'heigTH'

It used to make me laugh but now I just get pissed. I believe the error comes from the word's relation to the words length and width. The speaker just says 'heigth' because it fits with those words.

But getting back towards the thread topic. Here's a couple thing I can remember hearing.

My mother is on the phone in another room and I'm half listening to her conversation when I hear, "That's because she's a bitch with large nipples." (Referring to a pregnant dog) I nearly fell off my chair.

In class, practicing an ATC scenario in a sim when my professor says, "Ok everyone, F yourselves." On our UseiT keyboards 'F' pauses the scenario. Everyone got a kick out of it and the it took the prof. a while to understand what he said.


User currently offlinekiwiinoz From New Zealand, joined Oct 2005, 2165 posts, RR: 5
Reply 14, posted (3 years 1 month 2 weeks 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 1942 times:

In China, people talk about medical conditions quite openly even though they might relate to things that I would consider quite sensitive

Just this week I had a staff member of work sick. She is this cute, tiny, well mannered, pixie of a girl. When she came back, I welcomed her by saying, "glad to see you are feeling better" to which she replied with a beautiful smile, "yes, thank you. Today I am fine but yesterday I had diarrhea so bad that I couldn't stand"


User currently offlineAirstud From United States of America, joined Nov 2000, 2732 posts, RR: 3
Reply 15, posted (3 years 1 month 5 days 15 hours ago) and read 1588 times:

Quoting mirrodie (Reply 7):

-Me: "Ok, look up and to the left/right."
-them: "with one eye or both?" (are you human or chameleon?!)

Umm, I've had to ask my eye doctor that exact question; since one of my problems is that my eyes don't play well together. (Don't know if that's officially "amblyopia" or something else...)



Pancakes are delicious.
User currently offlineNZ107 From New Zealand, joined Jul 2005, 6451 posts, RR: 38
Reply 16, posted (3 years 1 month 5 days 14 hours ago) and read 1560 times:

Quoting ER757 (Reply 4):
This goes way back to the 80's - we were watching a Bears/Redskins game and Pat Summerall and John Madden were doing the broadcast. Among the Redskins' defensive linemen was a gentleman named Dave Butz. Walter Payton made an especially great move through the line on a run and during the replay Madden says "watch as Walter Payton slides inside Butz." I rolled on the floor I was laughing so hard.

Just like my all time favourite from sports (cricket):

The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willey.



It's all about the destination AND the journey.
User currently offlineEDICHC From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 17, posted (3 years 1 month 5 days 13 hours ago) and read 1550 times:

Quoting NZ107 (Reply 16):
The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willey.


A classic example of what was known in the UK as a Colemanball named after BBC commentator David Coleman.

One of Coleman's most (in)famous gaffes was during the 1976 Olympic 800m final. Eventual winner Alberto Juantorena of Cuba began his big break for the lead about 300m from the finish, as he broke away from the rest of the field Coleman comes out with the following gem...

"And the big Cuban opens his legs and shows his class!"

Some other beauties for the sports dept of the BBC....

And Wilkins sends an inch perfect pass...to no one in particular. - John Motson

You can cut the atmosphere with a cricket stump. - Murray Walker

With the very last kick of the game, McDougall scored with a header. - Alan Parry

Chester City 1 Chesterfield 1, honours even in the local derby there. - Des Lynam


User currently offlineeinsteinboricua From Puerto Rico, joined Apr 2010, 3311 posts, RR: 8
Reply 18, posted (3 years 1 month 5 days 12 hours ago) and read 1542 times:

In an episode of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, a grad student is faced with the question of identifying the planet whose name is Greek (as opposed to Roman). Her choices were:
-Venus
-Jupiter
-Saturn
-Uranus

She immediately rules out Jupiter but then says "I can't even put a finger on Uranus" to which she catches on and laughs along with the host and the audience. She said the planet's name sounding like "your ANus"...

A video is worth a thousand words I suppose:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEZ0DttCS9s



"You haven't seen a tree until you've seen its shadow from the sky."
User currently offlineBaroque From Australia, joined Apr 2006, 15380 posts, RR: 59
Reply 19, posted (3 years 1 month 5 days 12 hours ago) and read 1534 times:

Column 8 in the SMH has been having festival of cricketing moments after Graham Dilley died.

It started with the event:

Lillee caught Willey bowled Dilley.

But the one that nobody is certain if it was deliberate was Johnston saying.

The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey.

He also said
There's Neil Harvey standing at leg slip with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle

Also, in one famous incident during a Test match at the Oval, Jonathan Agnew suggested that Ian Botham was out hit wicket because he had failed to "get his leg over"

There are more, but the Holding Willey one is probably the best.


User currently offlineBAViscount From United Kingdom, joined Mar 2004, 2338 posts, RR: 4
Reply 20, posted (3 years 1 month 5 days 11 hours ago) and read 1519 times:

Quoting einsteinboricua (Reply 18):
"I can't even put a finger on Uranus"

That reminds me of when I was visiting my cousin and her family in Dubai a few years ago. We had just picked her two kids up from school and were driving home when my cousin asked her son how he was getting on with his school project on 'the planets'. Her son said that he and his friend had decided to focus on Jupiter and that all was going really well. Thinking that things had changed since they last talked about it, my cousin said, "But Patrick, I thought you were looking up Uranus.".

It was only when I said "I hope you were using a mirror Patrick!" that my cousin realised what she said. She laughed so hard that she had to stop the car till she'd calmed down!



Ladies & gentlemen this is Captain Tobias Wilcock welcoming you aboard Coconut Airways flight 372 to Bridgetown Barb
User currently offlineLGWflyer From United Kingdom, joined Mar 2011, 2348 posts, RR: 1
Reply 21, posted (3 years 1 month 5 days 10 hours ago) and read 1499 times:

Quoting einsteinboricua (Reply 18):
She immediately rules out Jupiter but then says "I can't even put a finger on Uranus" to which she catches on and laughs along with the host and the audience. She said the planet's name sounding like "your ANus"...

Haha as a person who is really interested in space (comes after aviation) I still can't help but laugh everytime I hear Uranus. I notice some TV programmes pronounce Uranus different, like calling it Urinus.



3 words... I Love Aviation!!!
User currently offlineeinsteinboricua From Puerto Rico, joined Apr 2010, 3311 posts, RR: 8
Reply 22, posted (3 years 1 month 5 days 10 hours ago) and read 1491 times:

Quoting LGWflyer (Reply 21):
like calling it Urinus.

I say the name like that. It avoids the embarrassment of Ur-Anus.



"You haven't seen a tree until you've seen its shadow from the sky."
User currently offlineLGWflyer From United Kingdom, joined Mar 2011, 2348 posts, RR: 1
Reply 23, posted (3 years 1 month 5 days 10 hours ago) and read 1487 times:

Quoting einsteinboricua (Reply 22):

I say the name like that. It avoids the embarrassment of Ur-Anus.

Yeah same here!



3 words... I Love Aviation!!!
User currently offlineOzGlobal From France, joined Nov 2004, 2729 posts, RR: 4
Reply 24, posted (3 years 1 month 4 days 2 hours ago) and read 1315 times:

I always laugh when I hear Americans say, "I'm nauseous." Which means they have the effect of making others vomit!

What they mean to say of course is, "I'm nauseated."



When all's said and done, there'll be more said than done.
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