okie From United States of America, joined Jul 2003, 2410 posts, RR: 3 Reply 2, posted (1 year 5 months 3 weeks 6 days 11 hours ago) and read 3551 times:
Oh man, I went to a Christmas Party last night and had way, way too much to drink to drive a Car.
So, I thought I would take a Bus home.
Now, that was an experience
I had never driven a Bus before.
varigb707 From United States of America, joined May 2006, 1229 posts, RR: 1 Reply 5, posted (1 year 5 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 3457 times:
Here's one about Santa Claus and Raquel Welch in a lifeboat.
- They're out on the ocean and, yada yada yada, and she says, "Those aren't buoys."
A little disclaimer now : the original joke had The Pope instead of Santa Claus, in one of Jerry Seinfeld's episodes, The Yada Yada episode.
There,
L-188 From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 29367 posts, RR: 61 Reply 8, posted (1 year 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 10 hours ago) and read 3192 times:
There is the old one about Santa getting a Check ride from the FAA. The inspector pulls out a rifle as they are getting on the sleigh. Santa asks what the rifle is for and the FAA inspector says," I shouldn't tell you this because us is part of the ride but you are going to loose an engine on takeoff"
OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
B6JFKH81 From United States of America, joined Mar 2006, 2767 posts, RR: 7 Reply 9, posted (1 year 5 months 3 weeks 3 days 8 hours ago) and read 3178 times:
I still love this one, cracks me up every time I hear it:
What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?
Santa stops after 3 Ho's.
"If you do not learn from history, you are doomed to repeat it"
TSS From United States of America, joined Dec 2006, 2884 posts, RR: 5 Reply 11, posted (1 year 5 months 3 weeks 2 days 18 hours ago) and read 3108 times:
Quoting Phen (Reply 4): How do you know the turkey is an Irish one? Its looking forward to Christmas.
Umm... I don't get that joke. Could you explain it to us non-Irish folk?
Able to kill active threads stone dead with a single post!
seb146 From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 9917 posts, RR: 17 Reply 15, posted (1 year 5 months 2 weeks 2 days 3 hours ago) and read 2866 times:
geezer From United States of America, joined Aug 2010, 1470 posts, RR: 2 Reply 16, posted (1 year 5 months 2 weeks 17 hours ago) and read 2778 times:
A guy is at the hospital to get a vasectomy; the nurse instructs him to follow her to the examining room; they go in, and she instructs him to remove all of his clothing and lie on his back on the table; he does as instructed;
The nurse then removes all of her clothing, and "climbs on top"............they then "have at it"..........
Afterward, when they are finished dressing, he asks her, "so....what was that all about ?"
She explains to him.........." medical science has recently become aware that men preparing to have a vasectomy are much better off if they ejaculate before the procedure........it causes them to be more calm, and they get over it better.
The man replies, "I see";
While she is walking him down a hallway to the operating room, he notices 6 men in a side room, all masturbating;
Curious, he asks the nurse..........."what's that all about" ?
She explains to him.........
"They're all having vasectomies too; you have Blue Cross, Blue Shield, they have Obamacare"
Stupidity: Doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting a different result; Albert Einstein
767nutter From United Kingdom, joined Sep 2008, 161 posts, RR: 0 Reply 17, posted (1 year 5 months 2 weeks 16 hours ago) and read 2770 times:
Quoting geezer (Reply 16): A guy is at the hospital to get a vasectomy; the nurse instructs him to follow her to the examining room; they go in, and she instructs him to remove all of his clothing and lie on his back on the table; he does as instructed;
The nurse then removes all of her clothing, and "climbs on top"............they then "have at it"..........
Afterward, when they are finished dressing, he asks her, "so....what was that all about ?"
She explains to him.........." medical science has recently become aware that men preparing to have a vasectomy are much better off if they ejaculate before the procedure........it causes them to be more calm, and they get over it better.
The man replies, "I see";
While she is walking him down a hallway to the operating room, he notices 6 men in a side room, all masturbating;
Curious, he asks the nurse..........."what's that all about" ?
She explains to him.........
"They're all having vasectomies too; you have Blue Cross, Blue Shield, they have Obamacare"
haha, ive heard this joke and a similar one to it, but with the "UK" version, ie, they're on the NHS, you are with Bupa
Airstud From United States of America, joined Nov 2000, 1876 posts, RR: 1 Reply 19, posted (1 year 5 months 1 week 6 days 23 hours ago) and read 2710 times:
Quoting geezer (Reply 18): Hello there ! I'm Geezer, and I'm in the U.S.; can anyone in the U.K. tell me what "NHS" & "Bupa" are ?
NHS - National Health Service. Britain's publicly funded health care apparatus.
Bupa - London based private health insurer - click here for more info.
jcs17 From United States of America, joined Jun 2001, 8065 posts, RR: 43 Reply 20, posted (1 year 5 months 1 week 6 days 20 hours ago) and read 2685 times:
geezer From United States of America, joined Aug 2010, 1470 posts, RR: 2 Reply 21, posted (1 year 5 months 1 week 2 days 23 hours ago) and read 2563 times:
Thanks Airstud ! I was pretty "close" about NHS; couldn't figure Bupa though.................
Here's one from Sunday;
A fellow and his wife go to the county fair every year, and they always see this other fellow that takes people rides in his airplane for $10.
The first guy wants to take a ride, but his wife says "no, it's too expensive, and money's tight";
The following year, it's the same thing........" it's too expensive, and money's tight".
This goes on every year, year after year; finally, after years and years, the guy says to his wife.........Look.....I'm 80 yrs old now, my health is bad, and it'll probably be my LAST CHANCE !
His wife replies, same as always, "It's too expensive, money's too tight"
The guy with the airplane hears this, and say's "Look, you've been here every year, all these years, .....,I'm going to take both of you "up" for free ! But there's just one thing............I don't allow any talking when I'm flying; just one word......the deal's off, and you pay full price."
Both the man and his wife agree.........they won't say a word.
They take off, get up a ways, the pilot decides to do barrel roll; still, not a word is spoken; then he decides to do an inside loop, followed by an outside loop; still not a word is spoken. The pilots lands, jumps out, and is helping the guy get out; "Hey he says, where's your wife ?" The old guy says, "oh, when you did that outside loop, the door came open and she went flying out !" The pilot says........"holy cow, why didn't you say something ? The old guy says, "well, like she always said, it's a lot of money, and money's tight" !
Charley
Stupidity: Doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting a different result; Albert Einstein
Sponsor Message: 
From United Kingdom, joined Mar 2011, 2348 posts, 
From , joined Dec 1969, posts, 
From United States of America, joined Jul 2003, 2410 posts, 
From South Africa, joined Feb 2004, 8306 posts, 
From Ireland, joined Oct 2007, 297 posts, 
From , joined Dec 1969, posts, 
Printer friendly format 
