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Crazy Headlines Thread  
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 19559 posts, RR: 58
Posted (2 years 5 months 4 days 11 hours ago) and read 2178 times:

You can't make this up:

"Medical marijuana delivery man attacked by ninjas"

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/articl...2/03/26/state/n070114D35.DTL&tsp=1

Quote:
West Covina police say two people in ninja costumes robbed a medical marijuana delivery man but it's not clear how much money or marijuana was taken.

Seen any good ones lately?

(Best response to the article on SFGate: "Legalize it and the ninja problem will go away")  

27 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineDreadnought From United States of America, joined Feb 2008, 8837 posts, RR: 24
Reply 1, posted (2 years 5 months 4 days 11 hours ago) and read 2166 times:

Oh god, tons of em...




Veni Vidi Castratavi Illegitimos
User currently offlinealoges From Germany, joined Jan 2006, 8702 posts, RR: 43
Reply 2, posted (2 years 5 months 4 days 11 hours ago) and read 2147 times:

I think this belongs here:

The Daily Mail Song by Dan and Dan

 



Walk together, talk together all ye peoples of the earth. Then, and only then, shall ye have peace.
User currently offlineTupolevTu154 From Germany, joined exactly 10 years ago today! , 2181 posts, RR: 28
Reply 3, posted (2 years 5 months 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 2120 times:

Ones that come to mind from my local newspaper;

"Window left open in bad weather"
"Cat saved from treetop ordeal"
"Thieves head off with hats"
"Hand stuck in box"
"Woman trapped in toilet and two year old stuck in bedroom"

The last four were all in the same issue.



Atheists - Winning since 33 A.D.
User currently offlineAzoresLover From United States of America, joined Jun 2004, 756 posts, RR: 7
Reply 4, posted (2 years 5 months 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 2113 times:
Support Airliners.net - become a First Class Member!

Quite a few years ago now, there was a national story about a study that showed that suicide is a public health menace, done by one of the national health programs. Our local paper obviously felt that this was a very important story, and in big black print spanning the entire width of the page, was the headline:

"SUICIDE PUBIC HEALTH MENACE"



Those who want to do something will find a way; those who don't will find an excuse.
User currently offlineDreadnought From United States of America, joined Feb 2008, 8837 posts, RR: 24
Reply 5, posted (2 years 5 months 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 2110 times:

Quoting AzoresLover (Reply 4):
"SUICIDE PUBIC HEALTH MENACE"

Unless you live somewhere where everyone lives in high-rise apartments and you have a lot of pedestrian traffic, and the predominant method of suicide is jumping out of windows, I have a hard time understanding how suicide can be a public health hazard...



Veni Vidi Castratavi Illegitimos
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 19559 posts, RR: 58
Reply 6, posted (2 years 5 months 4 days 9 hours ago) and read 2078 times:

Quoting Dreadnought (Reply 5):
I have a hard time understanding how suicide can be a public health hazard...

In at least one historical kingdom, suicide was punishable by...

...death.

*shrug*


User currently offlinealoges From Germany, joined Jan 2006, 8702 posts, RR: 43
Reply 7, posted (2 years 5 months 4 days 9 hours ago) and read 2060 times:

Quoting Dreadnought (Reply 5):
I have a hard time understanding how suicide can be a public health hazard...

You might want to take a second and closer look at the headline.  



Walk together, talk together all ye peoples of the earth. Then, and only then, shall ye have peace.
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 19559 posts, RR: 58
Reply 8, posted (2 years 5 months 4 days 8 hours ago) and read 2051 times:

Quoting aloges (Reply 7):

You might want to take a second and closer look at the headline.  


User currently offlineDreadnought From United States of America, joined Feb 2008, 8837 posts, RR: 24
Reply 9, posted (2 years 5 months 4 days 7 hours ago) and read 2018 times:

Quoting aloges (Reply 7):
You might want to take a second and closer look at the headline.



Veni Vidi Castratavi Illegitimos
User currently offlinehOMsar From United States of America, joined Jan 2010, 1175 posts, RR: 0
Reply 10, posted (2 years 5 months 4 days 5 hours ago) and read 1977 times:

Saw this headline on the Yahoo front page a year or so back: "Wikileaks suspect may of had help"


I was raised by a cup of coffee.
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 19559 posts, RR: 58
Reply 11, posted (2 years 5 months 4 days ago) and read 1930 times:

Here's a good one:

Minn. school quashes senior's porn-star prom date

http://content.usatoday.com/communit...g-porn-star-to-prom/1#.T3FVCuwUF38

Quote:
A Minnesota school district has quashed a high school's senior plan to bring a porn star to his senior prom.

Mike Stone, 18, had tweeted hundreds of porn actresses with an invitation to the Tartan High School prom May 12 until adult film star Megan Piper accepted his proposal.

Piper tells KSTP-TV's Mark Saxenmeyer that she missed her own prom and couldn't turn down Stone's invitation.

"It was a sweet gesture. It was so cute. I couldn't say no," she tells the Twin Cities TV station.


User currently offlinePHX787 From Japan, joined Mar 2012, 7416 posts, RR: 17
Reply 12, posted (2 years 5 months 3 days 23 hours ago) and read 1916 times:

Quoting Dreadnought (Reply 1):
Fish need water, feds say.


lol  



次は、渋谷、渋谷。出口は、右側です。電車とホームの間は広く開いておりますので、足元に注意下さい。
User currently offlinezckls04 From United States of America, joined Dec 2011, 1329 posts, RR: 3
Reply 13, posted (2 years 5 months 3 days 9 hours ago) and read 1810 times:

I often spot these and email them to my colleagues. I did a quick email search and came up with:

"Man arrested over Saddam's buttock" - Yahoo News
"S.C. man on probation for horse sex has sex with same horse again" - NY Daily News
"60-foot penis painted on roof" - BBC News
"World record sandwich? Iranians eat evidence" - Reuters
"Pants not worth $54 million" - Yahoo News

Plus, a couple of the least interesting stories in history:

"Paxman 'fond of housework'" - ITN News
"Report: Colorado Remains Nation's No. 15 Dairy State" - Denver Business Journal
"Delta Airlines Coke or Pepsi Dilemma Still Unresolved" - BNET.com



If you're not sure whether to use a piece of punctuation, it's best not to.
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 19559 posts, RR: 58
Reply 14, posted (2 years 5 months 2 days 11 hours ago) and read 1716 times:



This in today:

"Hiker claims he was attacked by a lion, saved by a bear"

Quote:
He says he watched the bears from about 40 feet, then turned to slip away when a mountain lion pounced, grabbing his backpack with all four paws.

Biggs tells the Post's Trevor Warner that he wrestled the cat, stabbed it with a rock pick, but to no avail -- until the mother bear jumped in and tore the lion's grip from the backpack.
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 19559 posts, RR: 58
Reply 15, posted (2 years 5 months 2 days 11 hours ago) and read 1713 times:

Sorry, but I can't seem to link to the above article...

User currently offlineQuokkas From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 16, posted (2 years 5 months 2 days 4 hours ago) and read 1661 times:

Some old favourites from the UK -

The Sun, "Freddie Star Ate My Hamster"
The Sun, "Elton Takes David Up The Aisle" (double-entendre from the Sun?)

Of historical interest:
The Daily Mail: Hurrah for the Blackshirts!"

And the prize for what may be the longest ever headline:
The Scottish Daily Record, "I kicked a terrorist so hard in the balls that I tore a tendon in my foot."

[Edited 2012-03-28 19:41:47]

User currently offlinemad99 From Spain, joined Mar 2012, 539 posts, RR: 0
Reply 17, posted (2 years 5 months 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 1608 times:

Millbrand forced to hand job to Balls

User currently offlineskywatch From United States of America, joined Mar 2005, 923 posts, RR: 5
Reply 18, posted (2 years 5 months 1 day 16 hours ago) and read 1590 times:

Found this jewel on CNN one day... there's a reason I have converted to the BBC.




------Forever Watchin' The Sky------
User currently offlineflipdewaf From United Kingdom, joined Jul 2006, 1568 posts, RR: 1
Reply 19, posted (2 years 5 months 1 day 16 hours ago) and read 1586 times:
Support Airliners.net - become a First Class Member!

Who can forget the time when Michael Foot was put in charge of a nuclear disarmament committee prompting the times to run the headline "Foot Heads Arms Body"

Fred


User currently offlineajd1992 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 20, posted (2 years 5 months 1 day 13 hours ago) and read 1565 times:



This was my favourite. How stupid do they think people are?


User currently offlineBraniff747SP From United States of America, joined Oct 2008, 2972 posts, RR: 1
Reply 21, posted (2 years 5 months 1 day 13 hours ago) and read 1563 times:

Quoting ajd1992 (Reply 20):


This was my favourite. How stupid do they think people are?

Well, the headline is for people that read the Post, so...

 



The 747 will always be the TRUE queen of the skies!
User currently offlinetz757300 From United States of America, joined Aug 2005, 2868 posts, RR: 6
Reply 22, posted (2 years 5 months 1 day 13 hours ago) and read 1558 times:

This was in the local paper at school. Quite hilarious.




LETS GO MOUNTAINEERS!
User currently offlineBraniff747SP From United States of America, joined Oct 2008, 2972 posts, RR: 1
Reply 23, posted (2 years 5 months 1 day 13 hours ago) and read 1549 times:

Quoting tz757300 (Reply 22):

The interesting thing in that article is the place name- Punxsutawney? Now that's a complicated name...



The 747 will always be the TRUE queen of the skies!
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 19559 posts, RR: 58
Reply 24, posted (2 years 5 months 1 day 12 hours ago) and read 1532 times:

Quoting Quokkas (Reply 16):
(double-entendre from the Sun?)

The SUN? Oh, they would *never*...  
Quoting ajd1992 (Reply 20):
This was my favourite. How stupid do they think people are?

I dunno, but the NY Post is famous for ridiculous headlines. They were the ones who pulled off the "Osama Bin Wankin" headline, with the "Debbie Does Abottabad" and "It's Whora Bora!" subtexts.


25 Post contains images PHX787 : LOL Who even watches CNN these days
26 aloges : Without a doubt, it was under the command of Captain Obvious.
27 Post contains links 4holer : A couple of election campaigns ago, the Pittsburgh newspaper declared that "Some Women Like Bush". Can't find the original, but found reference to it
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