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Anyone Else Had To Deal With Depression?  
User currently offlinePs76 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (2 years 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 2411 times:

Hi!

Thought I'd ask if anyone else on this forum has ever had any experience with long term depression. My adult life has been kinda up and down but for the last few months the overwhelming feeling has been one of depression. I still live at home with my parents which is not something I thought I'd be doing as an adult. My Mum and aunt are kinda fed up with me and my Dad and I get the feeling they would rather be living elsewhere with more successful people so we tend to avoid each other now. I'm terrible around people so don't work. I used to go flying places a lot and write trip reports but I don't even like that now. I also used to take flying lessons and go gliding to keep active. I don't like people much but I always really liked people involved in aviation. I tried many times to get a job at my local flying school and airfield but these kind of jobs are just so difficult to get. I also offered to volounteer for free but got turned down too. I've also applied to work as a check in agent at Gatwick airport and in a coffee shop and hotel there but no luck so far. Things came pretty easy to me when I was growing up and I was generally happy. Many of my friends had it harder and because of that have become much more succesful people. They kinda look down at me now and there's only so much you can take of that so I tend to avoid them. I don't believe in anti-depression medication and would rather not waste my precious savings on it. I know this is just a phase and things will get better but wondering if anyone else has had similar low points of life. What did you do while you were in it to get through it? How did things eventually change for the better? I know for me it's the little things which I live for like watching a good movie or driving on a motorway or looking down onto an undercast from an airliner.

Anyway apologies if I've been a bit whiney!

Any thoughts welcome.

Many thanks,

Pierre

56 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlinealoges From Germany, joined Jan 2006, 8621 posts, RR: 44
Reply 1, posted (2 years 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 2379 times:

Quoting Ps76 (Thread starter):
Anyway apologies if I've been a bit whiney!

You're not whiney, you're ill. Don't feel ashamed by it, you wouldn't feel ashamed by a broken leg either, would you?

Get professional help and allow yourself time to get out of this - it must have taken a long time to get to this point. That may or may not include medication, but don't rule it out right from the start. You wouldn't be doing yourself a favour with that.

[Edited 2012-04-19 15:24:36]


Walk together, talk together all ye peoples of the earth. Then, and only then, shall ye have peace.
User currently offlineKlaus From Germany, joined Jul 2001, 21353 posts, RR: 54
Reply 2, posted (2 years 4 days 22 hours ago) and read 2323 times:

Quoting Ps76 (Thread starter):
Many of my friends had it harder and because of that have become much more succesful people. They kinda look down at me now and there's only so much you can take of that so I tend to avoid them.

This may either show that they weren't really decent friends to begin with, it might reflect them reacting to you showing resentment towards them or you might even just imagine them looking down at you because you yourself feel down. Impossible to say from a distance.

You say you're "terrible around people" – not everybody has a sunny disposition and finds easy access to others, but pretty much everyone can find a way to decently deal with other people within their means. It can be tricky to find the right balance of self-respect and respect for others and some people have a limited range of other people they are capable of dealing with, though. Sometimes one's own attitude and expectations have something to do with it.

One thing, however, is that through such a forum it is next to impossible to get a real view of the situation since a) personalities often express themselves very differently here than in direct interaction and b) none of us has any information that's not already filtered through your own perception.

You'd need a honest (but not necessarily harsh) reflection of yourself from someone whose good judgment and objectivity you trust, and you need to be able to at least consider its merits without necessarily taking everything at face value. If that's part of the difficulties, it might help. But then it might not be the problem after all and your circumstances might need a change. Again hard to say.

I'm a bit sceptical about "professional help" in such matters, but if there are the right people available, they may in fact be able to give you useful feedback and perspectives and possibly even actual help.

Being as sober and objective, but also as kind and supportive as possible to yourself is important. Depression still is no walk in the park, but it's the right way to go.

Just don't give up on yourself, but also not on the people around you. You yourself but also the other people may surprise you in positive ways if you give them the chance for it.


User currently offlineStarAC17 From Canada, joined Aug 2003, 3335 posts, RR: 9
Reply 3, posted (2 years 4 days 22 hours ago) and read 2301 times:

Quoting Klaus (Reply 2):
This may either show that they weren't really decent friends to begin with, it might reflect them reacting to you showing resentment towards them or you might even just imagine them looking down at you because you yourself feel down.

   Real friends stick with you through the thick an then. However with depression there is only a matter of time that your friends will stand by you if you are going to kill the mood.

Quoting Klaus (Reply 2):
I'm a bit sceptical about "professional help" in such matters, but if there are the right people available, they may in fact be able to give you useful feedback and perspectives and possibly even actual help.

Well for the OP this seems to me like one of his only options. I have been in a similar place but I had the support of my family through it and from his post it appears that it is at the best waning so that makes it all the tougher when the ones that are supposed to be there for you aren't.

Quoting Ps76 (Thread starter):
Many of my friends had it harder and because of that have become much more succesful people.

Everyone has these stints in life, I thought the kids getting laid and drinking in high school were going to be better off than me. Since then I have been taking control of my own life and am much more confident because of it.

Quoting Ps76 (Thread starter):
I know this is just a phase and things will get better but wondering if anyone else has had similar low points of life. What did you do while you were in it to get through it? How did things eventually change for the better?
Quoting Ps76 (Thread starter):
I know for me it's the little things which I live for like watching a good movie or driving on a motorway or looking down onto an undercast from an airliner.

Here is one big way to know you are depressed and just not sad. If the things you once enjoyed no longer appeal to you then that is a sign of depression. I would suggest if possible to take up something like Yoga (especially hot yoga) as it has very good physical and mental effects. Also you can meet people that are the nice and supporting, thats where they all hide  .

Quoting Ps76 (Thread starter):
My Mum and aunt are kinda fed up with me and my Dad and I get the feeling they would rather be living elsewhere with more successful people so we tend to avoid each other now. I'm terrible around people so don't work.

That's unfortunate mate  , if they aren't supportive of you but are just annoyed then that might be ok and normal. If they don't support or offer suggestions to you especially in this economy, where you can't just "get a job". I would venture if that is any way true then your parents are somewhat dickheads and might be part of the problem. I had depression and anxiety in 2010 (although not as severe as some) and my parents supported me.

Quoting Ps76 (Thread starter):
I don't believe in anti-depression medication and would rather not waste my precious savings on it.

It does work and today's anti-depressants are not like those of a generation ago and the side effects are minimal. However they aren't magic and are designed to deal with hormone imbalances but they work best in conjunction with seeing a social worker at least to deal with any issues you may have that are a trigger to depression. Also anti-depressants I bet are covered by the NHS and private insurance so it wouldn't be a huge cost to you.



Engineers Rule The World!!!!!
User currently offlineQFA380 From Australia, joined Jul 2005, 2059 posts, RR: 1
Reply 4, posted (2 years 4 days 20 hours ago) and read 2267 times:

I know the feeling, I've had mild to moderate depression most of my teenage life. Yours does sound like an issue but certainly can be fixed.

While I'm not expert I would recommend getting a job first off, make that your sole focus until you get one. I've found its critical to feel like you're doing something. Just having a reason knowing that you have to get up out of bed by this time, then there's the sweet feeling of the paycheck coming at the end of the week.
This will also allow you to move out of home, start travelling again (even if you have to force yourself) and you'll meet new people.

Quoting Ps76 (Thread starter):
They kinda look down at me now and there's only so much you can take of that so I tend to avoid them.

Its hard for people who don't know what its like to really understand whats going on. They see you as just becoming mopey and boring, a party pooper who they'd rather not invite to things. Having depression doesn't make you a very likeable person and its not something you tell the whole world.

I suggest you work on yourself and then try and rekindle those friendships and make new ones.

Quoting StarAC17 (Reply 3):

It does work and today's anti-depressants are not like those of a generation ago and the side effects are minimal.

I've recently started on a fairly modern one and it does seem to work. It took about 2 weeks to kick in but after that you notice a difference. Had no side effects other than my jaw randomly clenching and shivering for the first few days.

I would strongly recommend going and seeing a doctor and talking it through with them and see if its a good option for you.

Good luck and PM me if you have any questions.


User currently offlinedarksnowynight From United States of America, joined Jan 2012, 1282 posts, RR: 3
Reply 5, posted (2 years 4 days 20 hours ago) and read 2262 times:

Quoting Ps76 (Thread starter):

Thought I'd ask if anyone else on this forum has ever had any experience with long term depression.

Nope. You're the only one ever.   

Quoting Ps76 (Thread starter):
I'm terrible around people.

Me too. Which is part of why I work in Commercial Aviation, I guess.

Quoting Ps76 (Thread starter):
I know this is just a phase and things will get better but wondering if anyone else has had similar low points of life.

Well, my divorce was a real blast, but like everything else (including every dime I made in the next two years after) it passed.

Quoting Ps76 (Thread starter):
What did you do while you were in it to get through it? How did things eventually change for the better?

Honestly, I still get "symptoms" of what you describe. And I really hate when people get all stupid happy about stuff as a way to compensate. So, what I do is just look at it like say, a 767, bashing its way through some heavy chop. I already know it's going to be a rough day, and worst case, we'll just have to break out the hard landing card later on. But I know the frame can take it, and I won't "crash" over it.

Quoting Ps76 (Thread starter):
I know for me it's the little things which I live for like watching a good movie

Or parking my car in the handicap spot, just because....   



Posting without Knowledge is simply Tolerated Vandalism... We are the Vandals.
User currently offlineaa757first From United States of America, joined Aug 2003, 3345 posts, RR: 8
Reply 6, posted (2 years 4 days 19 hours ago) and read 2249 times:

You say you're bad with people and that may be one reason you're having difficulties finding a job. Depression or no depression, try to focus on your people skills. Taking Myers Briggs really helped for me. I'm not naturally a people person, so finding out my personality type, seeing unique quirks that I had and then adapting really helped.

One example: people of my personality type, myself included, neither need or expect very much praise. One complement makes my day, much more and I get very uncomfortable. So, when I was working in groups I'd just dole out criticism, not to be rude or mean, but just because that seems like the logical thing to talk about. Once I found out that not everyone operates like this (actually, few people do), I made sure to always complement at least some components of the person's work before delving into criticism.

MBTI comes under a lot of fire for being psuedoscience, and it certainly isn't fail proof, but I think it helped me a lot.

As far as depression, read up on it. Look here: http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Sec...ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=89096 . If you think you have it, or might have it, go talk to someone.

Quoting aloges (Reply 1):
Get professional help and allow yourself time to get out of this - it must have taken a long time to get to this point. That may or may not include medication, but don't rule it out right from the start. You wouldn't be doing yourself a favour with that.

I agree wholeheartedly. Consider medication with an open mind. Anti-depressants have really helped so many people. Better to take a pill every morning than feel miserable all day. But that isn't to say you should rush into medication therapy. Read up on it, talk to your doctor and then make an informed decision that's right for you.


User currently offlineStarAC17 From Canada, joined Aug 2003, 3335 posts, RR: 9
Reply 7, posted (2 years 4 days 14 hours ago) and read 2194 times:

Quoting QFA380 (Reply 4):
I've recently started on a fairly modern one and it does seem to work. It took about 2 weeks to kick in but after that you notice a difference. Had no side effects other than my jaw randomly clenching and shivering for the first few days.

I had a diminished sex drive and my doctor as a joke nearly gave me a prescription for Viagra but there was no need at the time because I wasn't having any sex.

Quoting darksnowynight (Reply 5):
Quoting Ps76 (Thread starter):

Thought I'd ask if anyone else on this forum has ever had any experience with long term depression.

Nope. You're the only one ever.   

I know you are joking but the depression rates in Men are very comparable to women and I reckon that it is far more destructive for men because of societal preconceptions about male pride and strength. This makes men afraid to talk about it which women will do with less difficulty. Men are ashamed of it because they feel they should be stronger and women being more emotional will seek support being much more inclined to do it.

Also the suicide rate is far higher in men with depression than women because of the fact they are more agressive beings and men are more likely to hide the symptoms of suicidal tendencies and they will kill themselves in methods that are more aggressive (ie. shooting themselves (men) vs pills(women)).

Quoting aa757first (Reply 6):
You say you're bad with people and that may be one reason you're having difficulties finding a job. Depression or no depression, try to focus on your people skills. Taking Myers Briggs really helped for me. I'm not naturally a people person, so finding out my personality type, seeing unique quirks that I had and then adapting really helped.

I'm guessing here but the OP is probably better with people than he thinks. Depression has a knack for making people think that they are worse than they are. However the best cure for this is to get ones self out there and to be social.



Engineers Rule The World!!!!!
User currently offlineHT From Germany, joined May 2005, 6525 posts, RR: 24
Reply 8, posted (2 years 4 days 13 hours ago) and read 2193 times:

Quoting StarAC17 (Reply 3):
Here is one big way to know you are depressed and just not sad. If the things you once enjoyed no longer appeal to you then that is a sign of depression.

Not necessarily.
There are too many circumstances in one's life that can have an effect here.
Just because the fun of flying (as pax) has faded not necessarily mean that one is depressed; it also just may have worn off due to many returns of the action - or one used to fly for fun earlier, but now needs to travel for business. Concluding from my own situation, I was an afficionado for standard ans exotic flying, but hated to travel ba aircraft for business.
Meanwhile I omitted that job assignment that required me to travel for business.
-HT



Carpe diem ! Life is too short to waste your time ! Keep in mind, that today is the first day of the rest of your life !
User currently offlineStarAC17 From Canada, joined Aug 2003, 3335 posts, RR: 9
Reply 9, posted (2 years 4 days 13 hours ago) and read 2171 times:

Quoting HT (Reply 8):
Just because the fun of flying (as pax) has faded not necessarily mean that one is depressed; it also just may have worn off due to many returns of the action - or one used to fly for fun earlier, but now needs to travel for business.

To clarify.

I see where you were coming from and "The law of diminishing returns," does occur on occasion but the greater point remains. I love volleyball but if I played it every day I would grow tired of it and the fact that I once enjoyed it beforehand might be completely rational, I have just gotten sick of it.. People whom are depressed might have the sense to know in their heads that they enjoy the activity but said activity might not make them feel any better. You are very out of character when depressed an not just sad is what I'm trying to get at. An example being, most if not all healthy people enjoy sex and it takes a long time for sex to ever get boring to the point that you would rather do without it, even if its the same partner. So a good way to tell if someone is depressed is to notice a rapid drop in their sex drive with a sad demeanour.

If he loses interest is sex without a change in demeanour he is cheating   .



Engineers Rule The World!!!!!
User currently offlineEY460 From United States of America, joined Jan 2012, 262 posts, RR: 0
Reply 10, posted (2 years 4 days 8 hours ago) and read 2127 times:

I'm 35 and I've suffering from depression most of my life, even if I realised it was depression only a couple of years ago. Even if I had a successful life (no problems as a kid, I did well with my studies, I had a good job), I was never satisfied with what I had. Then I split with my partner one year ago and that was a very big blow. I started slowly rebuilding my life and when things were a bit better I had a bad motorcycle accident. Now I'm recovering from the bike accident and luckily I have all the support from my family. I tried the cognitive behaviour technique and it didn't work with me. I've tried several medications (I'm trying the fourth one) but they don't have any positive effect on me.

Ps76, I really understand how you feel, loosing interests for everything, the physical pain you feel when you are really down. I won't be telling you that things will get better because I would be lying. Just do your best. Try some medication. I haven't been lucky but maybe they will work with you.


User currently offlineKlaus From Germany, joined Jul 2001, 21353 posts, RR: 54
Reply 11, posted (2 years 4 days 8 hours ago) and read 2124 times:

Quoting EY460 (Reply 10):
I won't be telling you that things will get better because I would be lying.

You also can't say they couldn't get better, however.

There is nothing automatic about it, so nobody can make absolute promises. But in most cases it's also not inescapable, so don't give up.

Even when things suck in general, make an effort to appreciate the smaller things that still can make you happy or which can at least make you feel better, so you still remember what that feels like.


User currently offlineDesertJets From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 7737 posts, RR: 16
Reply 12, posted (2 years 4 days 6 hours ago) and read 2105 times:

A big part of getting better is acknowledging you have a problem and seeking solutions for it. Admitting it on a public forum is a big deal and I commend you on it.

Quoting Ps76 (Thread starter):
I don't believe in anti-depression medication and would rather not waste my precious savings on it. I know this is just a phase and things will get better but wondering if anyone else has had similar low points of life. What did you do while you were in it to get through it? How did things eventually change for the better?

I wouldn't completely discount medication for depression if you are diagnosed as such, but I don't believe it should be the only thing you do.

Quoting Klaus (Reply 2):
I'm a bit sceptical about "professional help" in such matters, but if there are the right people available, they may in fact be able to give you useful feedback and perspectives and possibly even actual help.

I really believe that if you are really facing serious personal issues seeking professional help from a therapist, psychologist, counselor, etc is key. Frankly I think friends and family are rubbish in these regards. You may get lucky but I think you end up finding people that are either judgmental or want to try and help fix you. When what you really need is somebody to just listen and perhaps share their own experiences with you. The benefit of a professional is that they are true disinterested third-parties that have the professional training and knowledge to help you out. I was in therapy for a year not too long ago and found the process to be pretty helpful. Sometimes you just need somebody to talk to that will just listen without saying anything. And when you need some guidance and strategies they can offer that to you.

Quoting StarAC17 (Reply 7):
This makes men afraid to talk about it which women will do with less difficulty. Men are ashamed of it because they feel they should be stronger and women being more emotional will seek support being much more inclined to do it.

There is a stigma for sure amongst men. Thankfully I feel that mental health issues are getting more and more exposure and that the realization that your mental health is a critical part of your overall health.



A few recommendations. I've found that books can be really hit or miss.... a lot of really bad self-help type books out there. But one book I found useful for learning about myself is "The Introvert Advantage" http://www.amazon.com/The-Introvert-...ooks&ie=UTF8&qid=1334943738&sr=1-1

I suspect a lot of folks here are introverts and some of what you describe leads me to believe you are an innie as well. I liked the book in that it helped me better understand who I was and it gives you useful strategies in a variety of situations.

But I really recommend finding yourself a therapist to start off with and work with them to help set some goals for yourself.



Stop drop and roll will not save you in hell. --- seen on a church marque in rural Virginia
User currently offlinecasinterest From United States of America, joined Feb 2005, 4158 posts, RR: 2
Reply 13, posted (2 years 4 days 3 hours ago) and read 2063 times:

Quoting DesertJets (Reply 12):
I really believe that if you are really facing serious personal issues seeking professional help from a therapist, psychologist, counselor, etc is key. Frankly I think friends and family are rubbish in these regards. You may get lucky but I think you end up finding people that are either judgmental or want to try and help fix you. When what you really need is somebody to just listen and perhaps share their own experiences with you. The benefit of a professional is that they are true disinterested third-parties that have the professional training and knowledge to help you out. I was in therapy for a year not too long ago and found the process to be pretty helpful. Sometimes you just need somebody to talk to that will just listen without saying anything. And when you need some guidance and strategies they can offer that to you.

  

I completely agree,

Quoting Ps76 (Thread starter):
What did you do while you were in it to get through it? How did things eventually change for the better?

You ponder on it, you dwell on it, and eventually you come to accept the fact that you need to do something about it.
Things change for the better when things change for the better. In my case it was when I decided to talk to a counseler about things I couldn't talk too my friends or family about.

The counselers/psychologists/therapists are there to help you work through your thoughts. Their insights through clinical experience and personal experience can help you understand a bit more about why you feel this way, and help you understand what you need to do to get going past these issues. You have to be honest in the process, and be open to their suggestions. Bases on your above issues, I think you really need to see one just for your own sake, and I would also suggest 3-5 sessions minimum spread out over a few weeks just so you have time to mull each session over.



Older than I just was ,and younger than I will soo be.
User currently offlineCadet985 From United States of America, joined Mar 2002, 1515 posts, RR: 5
Reply 14, posted (2 years 4 days 2 hours ago) and read 2050 times:

I've been dealing with depression since I was 19. I'm 26 now. I have nowhere to go for support. I've lost almost all my friends, I'm not getting along with my family, I stopped medication because it wasn't working...same reason I quit counseling. My life is going nowhere. Every job application I submit either gets ignored or rejected, and I recently came up with the following mantra to explain my current outlook on life.

"I am the plane on a transoceanic flight losing fuel. I can't make my destination, and I can't get back home either. It's not a matter of if I will crash and burn, it's just when."


User currently offlineKlaus From Germany, joined Jul 2001, 21353 posts, RR: 54
Reply 15, posted (2 years 4 days 1 hour ago) and read 2036 times:

Quoting Cadet985 (Reply 14):
"I am the plane on a transoceanic flight losing fuel. I can't make my destination, and I can't get back home either. It's not a matter of if I will crash and burn, it's just when."

Yes, that is a horrible feeling. But contrary to a meticulously planned commercial flight we really don't have precise maps nor reliable fuel gauges, so that conclusion is most likely wrong.

The worse one feels the more one tends to believe only in the worst possible outcomes, even when those aren't really the most likely or even plausible.

Depression lies about things; It skews perception downwards and still claims that it was "the truth".

The feeling is real, but the expectations and conclusions it presents mostly aren't.

Most likely there are in fact more paths to go ahead and to get out of that funk than depression lets you see. Don't stop trying to punch through the fog. It's not really the concrete wall it pretends to be, and it's not as endless as it claims to be either.

One of the main things depression loves to lie about is that you were somehow worthless or that you could never get anything right. Both claims are absolutely, definitely wrong.

Nobody is perfect, but you still are a person with every right to be here, just like any one of us.

And we all screw up things to some degree and sometimes fail to reach our goals, but you still have positive contributions to make to this world and achievements to accomplish for yourself.

On a really fundamental level, nobody and nothing can take that away from you. Religions may be largely hocus pocus in many respects, but in many cases they tap into this very basic truth which is much more fundamental than any of them and more true than any ideology could ever be.

There's never really nothing – there is always a core that's fundamentally sound which you can build on.

[Edited 2012-04-20 16:19:34]

User currently offlineNewark727 From United States of America, joined Dec 2009, 1315 posts, RR: 0
Reply 16, posted (2 years 4 days 1 hour ago) and read 2019 times:

I've had problems with it. Began when I moved across the country and lost touch with a lot of my friends, I think, That was about twelve years ago. I have good days and bad ones. It's only my personal case, but I find I'm actually very sensitive to changes in the medicine I take for it- as in, I go off one for a week and I start having regular panic attacks. Advice? I don't have much, I'm not over it yet myself. But don't go over the edge, don't stay hopeless. People do care about you.

User currently offlinekiwiinoz From New Zealand, joined Oct 2005, 2165 posts, RR: 5
Reply 17, posted (2 years 3 days 22 hours ago) and read 1975 times:

Are you clinically depressed? If you are experiencing long term depression, it is worthwhile at least seeking some kind of professinal consultation. Even if you are against medication, they can at least manage it somehow. Going completely unsupported, if you do have clinical depression, can be quite dangerours, (unless you're a Scientologist!!)

I do not suffer it, but know plenty of people who have. It sounds that, thrown into the mix, you are going through a bit of an identity crisis. You seem to spend a lot of time comparing yourself to others, particularly on levels of success.

Everyone defines success in different ways. However, it is a fair assessment that if you are without employment, living at home, and unable to productively maintain the key relationships in your life, then you need something of a kick start.

I am not an expert and am by no means qualified to give advise on how to treat depression. However, on the job front, I can give a little advise.

It sounds to me like you are an introvert. I am also an introvert in a (professionally) extrovert world and struggle with this occasionally. More than anything it is extremely energy sapping. I stumbled across this article recently which really captured how I felt very well:

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/...03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/

I think, particularly when starting out, selecting the right job for an introvert is very important, (eg I think your choice of Hotel Receptionisit was a poor choice). Most of the highly visible, publically successful people/jobs are extroverts, however there are some great and lucrative fields that are more suited to introverts, such as Analytics, research, skilled trades, etc

And I know it's probably a financial issue, but get out of your parents house and live on your own as soon as you can. Even if it means living in a shoe box for a while, the freedom of that independance is far more valuable than the financial freddon of saving a bit of rent. I love my parents and we get along very well. But if I had to stay for more than 2 weeks with them, I would gouge my eyes out with a dirty spoon.

All the best with it. No doubt with the right approach and support you can come out of it all fairly well


User currently offlineG-CIVP From United Kingdom, joined Mar 2001, 1288 posts, RR: 10
Reply 18, posted (2 years 3 days 8 hours ago) and read 1912 times:

Out of the all the Anet discussion threads, this is probably the most important one I've read. Some advice.

i) I think you should see out GP for a medical consultation. There is no crime or stigma in taking medication for depression or other mental illnesses. If you are worried about the cost, the only financial cost will be the cost of of prescription, which if you are unemployed you don't need to pay (would need to check first though).

ii) You need to get a job of sorts. It may not be the one you desire but having a job will provide you with social interaction with others and get you out of the house. By commuting to and from work, you will get a modicum of exercise which will help you bothe physically and mentally. I'm aware the economy is poor and employment is tough to find but where's there's a will, there's a way. If you need specific CV and interview advice, send me a private mail and I will recommend some books which you can read (borrowed from your local library for free) which may help be more successful at obtaining interviews and the possibility of a job.

iii) As for friends 'looking down on you', if they were true friends they wouldn't be doing this. However, if you are continually espousing a tale of 'woe is me' they may tire, so you have to be careful who you confide in and how you present yourself. Everyone has 'worries' but people have different ways in dealing with them, some are more vocal than others!

Hope this helps.


User currently offlinejwhite9185 From United Kingdom, joined May 2007, 1155 posts, RR: 4
Reply 19, posted (2 years 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 1881 times:

Im in a similar boat. Been going on for years, and only this year I've come to realise i don't actually need other people to do the things i want. I still have my moments when I'm at home doing nothing for the entire weekend, but i try and look forward to the trips I've booked. Obviously without a job its difficult to do much. I know this because i had a long stint unemployed too and i know how should destroying it is getting letter after letter from potential employers saying, 'on this occasion etc.'

Theres plenty of things that can be done with little money though - even if its a walk round a park/shopping centre or whatever.

I also found that medication didn't do much and the help you get is pretty useless.

Its a difficult one, but as others have mentioned its an illness. Just a shame not everybody sees it the same way. When i was having episodes, people who i knew - even family members attitude were that theres far worse going on in the world so shut up and get on with it. Although to you, your problems are far worse. And i still feel the same if I'm honest.

Whatever is on your mind won't disappear, which is another thing that others don't seem to understand. All that you can do is find other things to put in front of it.



A300,A319,A320,A321,A333,A343,A346,A388,732,733,734,735,738,741,742,744,752,763,772,77W,788,Q400,DC10,E145,E170,E175,E19
User currently offlineCadet985 From United States of America, joined Mar 2002, 1515 posts, RR: 5
Reply 20, posted (2 years 3 days 1 hour ago) and read 1865 times:

Quoting G-CIVP (Reply 18):
You need to get a job of sorts. It may not be the one you desire but having a job will provide you with social interaction with others and get you out of the house.

The issue with that which I, myself run into is that I have physical conditions which keep me from doing some jobs, such as just about anything retail. Then it becomes an issue of if I work so much, I lost my medical insurance...which is a necessity right now. So that only jobs that I could handle right now would be where I could sit, and get medical benefits.

Marc


User currently offlineus330 From United States of America, joined Aug 2000, 3842 posts, RR: 14
Reply 21, posted (2 years 3 days 1 hour ago) and read 1857 times:

I've dealt with depression and anxiety for over the past decade--since adolescence. First step, go to a practitioner and get diagnosed. Several other things that have been mentioned but that I will echo--you should feel ashamed to have been diagnosed with depression. Depression isn't a feeling--it's an illness, one that can be treated and combatted.

Second, do not expect instantaneous results with any treatment that you pursue. If you decide to pursue medication, it takes time to calibrate both the medication and the dosage needed. You have to take it one day at a time.

Third, educate yourself as much as possible about depression. Medication and therapy can only do so much--you have to develop your own tools and coping mechanisms for dealing with depression--and by tools and coping mechanisms, I mean healthy ones. Plenty of people resort to alcohol or other forms of self destruction to combat/cope with depression. When you are feeling depressed absolutely do not under any circumstances drink alcohol--it will only worsen the symptoms, and make coping that much harder.

Fourth, do something. Find some way to get engaged with the wider community as a whole. Get physical exercise. Even if its just walking for 30 minutes, that's better than nothing.

In terms of getting out of a particular low point of my life, I just took it one day at a time. I forced myself to keep making progress in some way shape or form


User currently offlineKlaus From Germany, joined Jul 2001, 21353 posts, RR: 54
Reply 22, posted (2 years 2 days 12 hours ago) and read 1775 times:

Quoting us330 (Reply 21):
you should feel ashamed to have been diagnosed with depression.

I'm pretty sure you meant to say: "you should not feel ashamed to have been diagnosed with depression."


User currently offlineCadet985 From United States of America, joined Mar 2002, 1515 posts, RR: 5
Reply 23, posted (2 years 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 1750 times:

Quoting us330 (Reply 21):
Third, educate yourself as much as possible about depression. Medication and therapy can only do so much--you have to develop your own tools and coping mechanisms for dealing with depression--and by tools and coping mechanisms, I mean healthy ones. Plenty of people resort to alcohol or other forms of self destruction to combat/cope with depression. When you are feeling depressed absolutely do not under any circumstances drink alcohol--it will only worsen the symptoms, and make coping that much harder.

Does taking frustrations out on the family count as a coping mechanism? How about screaming at and cursing out the dog (who I have hated since I met him)?

Marc


User currently offlinealoges From Germany, joined Jan 2006, 8621 posts, RR: 44
Reply 24, posted (2 years 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 1743 times:

Quoting Cadet985 (Reply 23):
Does taking frustrations out on the family count as a coping mechanism?

I would characterise that as one of many

Quoting us330 (Reply 21):
forms of self destruction

because it only makes your situation worse. The stress that causes your frustrations comes (most ikely) from the depression. Other coping mechanisms include alcoholism ("drink to forget"), whose destructive power is obvious, and escaping reality so that you don't have to confront it - think computer games and internet forums. You will not get better and your frustrations will not go away until you summon up the courage to fight the root of the problem.

Family and friends can help you if you let them know that you're ill, most of them will listen if you tell them. Consider this: you're dealing with depression 24/7/365, they may be completely unaware that you even have it and wondering why you're acting so out of character. If they never learn the reason, they are much more likely to be annoyed, so tell them what's going on an which of their actions are helpful/unhelpful. While there are some aspects of your depression that you and only can solve, others can easily improve with a little help from your friends.



Walk together, talk together all ye peoples of the earth. Then, and only then, shall ye have peace.
25 Cadet985 : My family knows about my depression - been battling it for almost 7 years now. Friends - don't have any. I came back after college, and they had all
26 RussianJet : Superb advice. Although one person's experience is invariably different from another's, there are certain basic things which will always help. Trying
27 babybus : By the sounds of it you have got yourself into a spiral or circle of negativity. It can happen to us all. I'm not a fan of professional help or help o
28 RussianJet : There comes a point where it is the only sensible option. That point obviously varies from person to person, as do their respective support circles,
29 Post contains images aerdingus : Yes I've seen others through depression & had it pretty bad meself. All I can say is take one day at a time. Good luck
30 Pu : Some good ideas here already and here is my take: 1. You say you are not a people person. That's great! We need more of you around. Do you like anima
31 us330 : It depends on how strong your relationship with your family is. The problem w taking them out on the family is that you have to recognize that it tak
32 Max Q : Well said, good advice. The last four years of my life have been personally catastrophic for me and major depression is just part of my daily life. Y
33 aa757first : Psychiatric medications are notorious for requiring a trial and error approach. If you have others in your family with depression or anxiety that too
34 FlyboyOz : I'm not a doctor, counsellor or pscyologist...whatever. Here's my advice:- I'm sorry to hear about your feeling. I was thinking about exactly the same
35 L-188 : Sorry for my late comments, but I spent a couple of days trying to figure out what I was going to say-if anything. It doesn't pay to be to open on the
36 autothrust : Well i had over three years a heavy depression, because i had no job (similar circumstances like you)my grandparents and my mother died and other med
37 aa757first : It definitely wouldn't have helped. That's a good story, thanks for sharing. It would be nice if mental health could come out of the basement, consid
38 Post contains images cpd : First step is a job, keep applying - stay positive, however hard it might seem. You like biking? Which I assume is cycling. Get out on the bike and pu
39 Ps76 : Thanks. Have applied for a job in a chain hotel near Gatwick airport and am thinking of applying for Easyjet check in handler as they told me they ar
40 autothrust : Depends, if you take other medication there can be adverse effects. What do you mean with minor? I don't think that anti-depressants are always the s
41 RussianJet : Of course they are not always the answer, but certainly they can be sometimes. A good psychiatrist will not leap to force medication on someone, part
42 cpd : Hurt box is the pain barrier, pushing yourself to a point just past your limits, and finding that you've got that little bit extra left in the tank.
43 us330 : Do you have an MD (medical degree) or are you a licensed psychiatrist, able to practice in your own country? If the answer is no, then there's no bas
44 Ps76 : That's good to know I'm not alone. I'm sure some people don't work and live perfectly happily though although I can bet they have friends and maybe a
45 aa757first : I agree with this 100%. Maybe anti-depressants aren't something you want to take, even if you have depression. That's fine. But don't go around makin
46 Post contains images KAUST : I myself have as well had a past history of depression. Actually, it is from whence my poetry stems. All must have some outlet, after all. Have you co
47 Ps76 : Hi! Thanks for the reccomendation I will keep it in mind. Currently the only writing I do is in A.Net and Facebook! But maybe I can do something more
48 Post contains images KAUST : You are most very welcome, Pierre. You're in good hands here. Keep that good mood up, buddy!! filler filler KAUST
49 Cadet985 : I've pretty much taken to shutting myself off from going out most of the time. I'd rather sit in my house, surf the net, and make use of FSX then go o
50 aloges : I guarantee you that nobody is always being judged when they go outside. There is of course interaction with other people, but most of them have no r
51 Aesma : Ps76, I saw you post threads about skydiving, BASE, etc. Several years ago I was depressed after a nasty breakup, I wouldn't shave for 3 months, thing
52 Ps76 : Hi! Not sure about skydiving but I am a member of a gliding club and have been doing that for a few years. I've kinda stopped now though which might b
53 aloges : Definitely! IMHO, losing interest in the things you love, which is a symptom of depression, starts a vicious circle. You stop doing what you love and
54 Ps76 : You make some excellent points. You know a few years ago I was gliding a lot and going on day trips all over Europe and I was very happy. Depression
55 vegetables2001 : I, personally, have been hospitalised with depression. My advice would be: 1. Most importantly remember depression always goes - eventually. 2. Get a
56 aloges : Absolutely, but that is true for all cures of all conditions. While ADs are a help, the effort is still for the patient to make - but if the medicati
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