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How Was Your Parents' Marriage?  
User currently offlinePs76 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (2 years 2 months 4 weeks 15 hours ago) and read 1238 times:

Hi!

I have been thinking quite a lot about my parents' marriage recently and was interested if anyone else wanted to share their experiences.

Nearly everyone who's friends with us think my parents have had the perfect marriage. However the fact is my mum was never in love with my dad. She even told me this once. When she was young she was very beautiful and had many suitors. She told me of this one guy she liked who wanted to marry her. He was handsome and charming but she chose my Dad because she felt safe around him. My Dad worked like crazy to provide for his family and extended family his whole life. He did very well for himself in business and now my family live in a big house and stuff. But from the age 60 he started to suffer from motor neurone disease which has pretty much disabled him. He now is in a wheelchair and can barely talk and move. My Mum has taken care of him for years out of a sense of duty which is admirable but it's quite obvious her heart is not really in it. I sometimes wonder if this is what made my Dad ill, being in love with a woman who isn't in love with you back and who would rather be with someone else. I don't know. Anyway more recently my Mum has found a home to put my Dad in for a while. She says it's not permanent. I feel so bad for him being all alone with people he can barely communicate with and not with his family. He worked so hard all his life and is the nicest most gentle man I know. He is my hero.

Anyway would love to hear people's stories about their parents' marriage. Was it happy? Did they stay together? Did they get divorced? The only thing I've learnt is that real life sure ain't like Hollywood!

Pierre

22 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineAirPacific747 From Denmark, joined May 2008, 2376 posts, RR: 21
Reply 1, posted (2 years 2 months 4 weeks 14 hours ago) and read 1210 times:

They got divorced right after I was born.. my dad wanted to get out of it and he also won the child custody.. pretty rare since the mother usually wins those here.

User currently offlinePHX787 From Japan, joined Mar 2012, 7226 posts, RR: 17
Reply 2, posted (2 years 2 months 4 weeks 14 hours ago) and read 1196 times:

I'm sorry to hear about your family....must be rough!


Unfortunately, my parents just divorced after 26 years. I'm 20 and out of the house and both parents have solid jobs, so financially, it's nothing to worry about... But It's sad, because on my mom's side, I'm her only child, only grand child in that line of the family....and both her brother and sister also ended up getting divorced too... I feel really sorry for my mom.


My dad, on the other hand, I'm happy for him. Mom always got on my dad's nerves, and same with dad. He is just like me, he desires freedom and to be active without someone yelling at him. He travels everywhere and always gets shit from my mom for not being home for whatever.

Since I'm moved out, I really can't do anything to help, and it seems like both of them are happy, so I guess it's not a bad thing. I just completely lost what the true definition of "love" is.

I just wish my mom would lay off my ass now --she's been channeling the negative energy normally used towards dad and using it against me. Sometimes, I wish I could go a day without her screaming at me over the phone. I moved to Phoenix for a reason -_- Hopefully, in Japan, she won't run up a $800 phone bill by calling me every day like she did last time.


But i digress.

My parents' divorce more or less proves the fact that 51% of marriages these days end in divorce. Sad and true. People need to really figure out what "love" really is.



One of the FB admins for PHX Spotters. "Zach the Expat!"
User currently offlineidealstandard From France, joined Apr 2009, 409 posts, RR: 0
Reply 3, posted (2 years 2 months 4 weeks 14 hours ago) and read 1168 times:

Quoting Ps76 (Thread starter):
But from the age 60 he started to suffer from motor neurone disease which has pretty much disabled him.

Pierre,

Really sorry to hear about your Father suffering from MND. My Aunt died in 2009 after a short 18 month battle and I have since been active in the Reading and West Berkshire Branch - fundraising and generally learning more about the disease.

If you need and help or advice, anything at all, please give me a PM. MND is a cause very close to my heart.

IS.


User currently offlinePs76 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 4, posted (2 years 2 months 4 weeks 13 hours ago) and read 1153 times:

Quoting idealstandard (Reply 3):
Pierre,

Really sorry to hear about your Father suffering from MND. My Aunt died in 2009 after a short 18 month battle and I have since been active in the Reading and West Berkshire Branch - fundraising and generally learning more about the disease.

If you need and help or advice, anything at all, please give me a PM. MND is a cause very close to my heart.

Hi!

Many thanks for the kind words and offer. Thankfully my dad's case (Primary Lateral Sclerosis) is a disabling but non-fatal form of MND. I am so sorry to hear about your aunt though. We also go to MND lunches and stuff sometimes. It's always interesting to hear about the lives people led before they were hit with and how they deal with it now.

Anyway so sorry to hear about your loss.

Pierre


User currently offlinegreasespot From Canada, joined Apr 2004, 3078 posts, RR: 20
Reply 5, posted (2 years 2 months 4 weeks 7 hours ago) and read 1034 times:

If they did not divorce one of them would have ended up killing the other. I am not sure who that would be.

MY mom actually thinks that we(Kids) wish our parents did not get divorced but you know even at the young age we were glad they divorced.

They are both great parents and will do anything for the kids but damn they sure hated each other. But they never bad mouthed each other to us growing up.
GS



Sometimes all you can do is look them in the eye and ask " how much did your mom drink when she was pregnant with you?"
User currently offlineajd1992 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 6, posted (2 years 2 months 4 weeks 4 hours ago) and read 976 times:

My parents were married for just under 12 years when my mum passed away from Septicaemia and Meningitis in April 2000.

If she was still here they'd be married now - I would bet my life on it. As it stands, my dad is currently in the process of divorcing the bitch I have to still call my step mother.

Bitch is justified - she ran up 31k on my dads credit card (she's been declared bankrupt so no credit cards for her), stole 6 grand off my younger brother (life insurance money from our mum) and pawned her wedding ring when they were still (apparently happily) married.


User currently offlineDesertJets From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 7760 posts, RR: 16
Reply 7, posted (2 years 2 months 4 weeks 4 hours ago) and read 965 times:

My parents will be married 42 years this June. They are both in their 60s now.

Two years ago my GF and I were visiting them and as we headed out to drive back home she turned to me and asked if I think they are still in love. I had to stop and think about it for a bit because I honestly don't know what it should look for a couple of that age that has been together that long to show they are in love. The fact that I couldn't give a definitive answer troubled me (and troubled me in the context of our relationship at the time).

In part I think there is a certain comfort and ease that two people that have been together for so long have. But at the same time I don't see them challenging each other and pushing each other to change bad behaviors and improve in other ways. Probably part of the reason I faced issues in my current relationship.



Stop drop and roll will not save you in hell. --- seen on a church marque in rural Virginia
User currently offlinebigorange From United States of America, joined Apr 2004, 2364 posts, RR: 3
Reply 8, posted (2 years 2 months 4 weeks 3 hours ago) and read 962 times:

Quoting AirPacific747 (Reply 1):
They got divorced right after I was born

Mine too..my father went back to Vienna and my mother re-married when I was 3. I lived my life as though my stepfather was my father and was always accepted as his son by both him and his family.

My mother divorced him when I was 19 and I continued living with my stepfather, while my mother went off with the next door neighbor. Eventually I accepted the new marriage and then my mother got divorced for a 3rd time. She then married some guy from the Gambia.

She has since died without getting any money from the 3rd marriage as he ex-husband has not been able to sell the house. I am now convinced that the first 3 marriages were just shams to get divorce money, and not sure what the 4th one was about.

As for my real father, he's just an a**hole. I went to Vienna to meet him and he was supposed to meet me at the airport and take me to a hotel. I had no money but my paternal grandmother gave my father the money to pay for the hotel and food, and he didn't meet me at the airport and spent the money. I didn't speak a word of German and my grandmother didn't speak much English. I had to get a worker in the post office to find my grandmother's phone number (I didn't have her address, I only knew the village name and there were 3 or 4 of the same name in the country. The post office worker had to translate for me on the phone with my grandmother and she had to send friends to get me from the airport.

I met my father the following day and spent the day with him and left him at the end of the day feeling as though he was still a stranger and have not spoke to him since

[Edited 2012-05-03 11:30:27]

User currently onlinesignol From United Kingdom, joined Oct 2007, 2996 posts, RR: 8
Reply 9, posted (2 years 2 months 4 weeks 3 hours ago) and read 950 times:

My parents separated when I was 10, even though they stayed married. For some years we didn't see my dad, we were told stories of the things he did (of which I remember none actually happening...). My dad died of a stroke 2 months before the birth of my first child, a shame he never got to meet his grandson, especially after getting him several gifts (Thomas toys and books, etc). The worst thing was at the funeral my mum said that he was going to move back into the "family" home - which would never have happened, he was well liked and had many friends of all ages in the community where he lived, about 30 mins from my mum's village.

signol



Flights booked: none :(
User currently offlinephotopilot From Canada, joined Jul 2002, 2719 posts, RR: 18
Reply 10, posted (2 years 2 months 4 weeks 1 hour ago) and read 928 times:

53 years of Marriage until the death of my mother separated them. Like any relationship of that length, they had their ups and downs, good times and bad times. But they stuck together and worked it out. That's the way it should be IMHO.

User currently offlineALTF4 From United States of America, joined Jul 2010, 1207 posts, RR: 4
Reply 11, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 6 days 2 hours ago) and read 826 times:

Mine are 28 years and still going strong. Have they had the same feelings ever since they first got married? I doubt it - but like anything in life, if you work on something, you are naturally drawn to whatever it is you're doing or working on. That's why it is important to address issues as they come up and you'll be drawn deeper towards that person. They've been excellent role models, and my goal is to be as committed to somebody in the future as they are to each other.

I truly wish everybody could say the same thing I can say about my parents.

[Edited 2012-05-04 12:45:27]


The above post is my opinion. Don't like it? Don't read it.
User currently offlineYVRLTN From Canada, joined Oct 2006, 2444 posts, RR: 0
Reply 12, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 17 hours ago) and read 766 times:

Mine have just had their 33rd anniversary and they are still together. My dad drives my mum absolutely nuts and I have no idea how she copes - but she does, shes a very quiet, forgiving, soak up all the crap sort of person. Is it love? I guess so...

They run their business together, so it would be financial disaster for both of them to go their own ways at this point.



Follow me on twitter for YVR movements @vernonYVR
User currently offlinestasisLAX From United States of America, joined Jul 2007, 3280 posts, RR: 6
Reply 13, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 16 hours ago) and read 763 times:

My parents were married 27 years - many of those years were, shall we say, turbulent. They owned a business together for many years - which is why they stayed married so long. They loved each other in their own ways, but it was such a "forced" relationship, with little public display of affection. And towards the end of their marriage, they lived seperate lives and both had long-term affairs. In the end, my Mom wanted my father to leave their house, but my father refused to do that. So, my Mom moved out into an apartment with what would soon become my stepfather. Unfortunately for my Mom, my stepfather was a sociopath. She stayed married to him until her death from cancer - 17 years. My stepfather completely disconnected with me after my Mom died - he got remarried about a year later to a cocktail waitress that worked at a bar he was frequently at while married to my Mom. I personally believe he was having an affair before my Mom was dying with cancer, and continued the relationship with the waitress (wife number 3 for him!). My sister and her husband have been married 33 years, and they have a solid, loving relationship. It's good to see that. My Dad has gotten remarried and he's been remarried for 21 years - he has a strange relationship with his wife - she was a widow with 3 teenage children when she met my Dad, Dad helped raise these 3 kids and today. They fight constantly, and nag each other endlessly - but they are stuck with each other now (both are in their 70s)......


"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety!" B.Franklin
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 19415 posts, RR: 58
Reply 14, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 16 hours ago) and read 762 times:

They fought tooth and nail and were constantly irritated at each-other.

And yet... they loved each-other. It was a good marriage, in spite of the fact that the constant bickering droves me nuts. My dad died nine years ago this summer and I wear his wedding ring now.

My marriage is pretty damned good.


User currently offlineRobertNL070 From Netherlands, joined Sep 2003, 4532 posts, RR: 10
Reply 15, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 693 times:

Good, like most couples with their marital ups-and-downs. They were married almost 61 years.
My father died in April 2007 aged 85 and my mother died last month aged 89.
It feels strange being an orphan.



Youth is a gift of nature. Age is a work of art.
User currently offlineMCOflyer From United States of America, joined Jun 2006, 8664 posts, RR: 15
Reply 16, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 4 days 21 hours ago) and read 659 times:

My dads first wife died in 96' at 43. My dad and my mom were very close. In the final years of her life, my mom had cancer and suffered as she spent her last year and two or three months in the hospital. My dad never left her side unless it was to go to work or take care of my sister and I. My mom died in September of 96. Very sad and unfortunate loss. My dad got remarried in 99 to Dee,, my step mother. We at first clashed heads and only in my late teens began to realize she was not there to replace my mother, but be a part of my life. I truly believe that my mom brought my step mom and my dad together. They needed each other is ways they did not know. My step mom had gotten out of a nasty divorce and had her daughter Aimee with her. My dad raised both my step moms kids like they were his own. They have been happily married for 13yrs and it is my belief that they will not divorce. I will not let them and they play a big part in my life.

KH



Never be afraid to stand up for who you are.
User currently onlinejetblueguy22 From United States of America, joined Nov 2007, 2762 posts, RR: 4
Reply 17, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 4 days 19 hours ago) and read 625 times:
AIRLINERS.NET CREW
HEAD MODERATOR

My parents divorced when my brother and I were young. I believe I was 5 or 6. From what I remember they never fought or anything but just grew apart. My father is a stubborn man so I think that didn't help things. My dad quickly ran off and remarried to this evil woman who thought she was actually there to replace my mother. She tried to control my brother and I and be that evil stepmother. Even her daughter thought she wasn't fit to be a parent. They did have 2 children together. They were the only good parts of the marriage. They got divorced almost two years ago now and it has been great. Their kids are actually happier because they can escape. Plus my brother whom I am 10 years older than idolizes me, I have no idea why but it drives her nuts and I LOVE IT. Not to mention my dad is much more carefree and relaxed. I haven't seen him this happy in my life.
My mother on the other hand took her time. After seeing what was happening with my dad she wanted something that made her happy and worked for my brother and I. She found a great guy and they married about 5 years after her divorce to my father. He is a fantastic guy that does a lot for my brother and I. He found a perfect balance between being a father and not. I'm lucky because he isn't like many stepparents I've seen. Many I know will buy something for the kid and expect a reimbursement for the good deed. That man buys my plane tickets home, makes sure I have everything in school I need, and helps me out when I'm in a grind with flight fees. Not to mention his family has taken us in as if we had been there forever. He treats my mother like a queen as well. Even without all the other stuff that is all that matters to me. I'm very fortunate.
Blue



You push down on that yoke, the houses get bigger, you pull back on the yoke, the houses get bigger- Ken Foltz
User currently offlinetommy767 From United States of America, joined Aug 2003, 6584 posts, RR: 11
Reply 18, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 3 days 6 hours ago) and read 515 times:

Parents got divorced when I was 15. A very, very rough age to get divorced at let me tell you. They are clearly not the same people they were pre-divorce.

Initially it seemed good as everybody seemed relieved, then they got consumed and it was left up to my sister and I to regulate communication between the two. Led to me moving to California for college, and upon coming back here to work (and a failed relationship around here) I felt a lot of the family stresses and aggravation started up again very quickly. I don't have the stomach to deal with them. I've changed and it's now time to start a new generation, leaving the failed one to learn from.

Long term for myself? Move the F out of here again soon and let my immediate family live their lives.



"Folks that's the news and I'm outta here!" -- Dennis Miller
User currently offlinebabybus From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 19, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 3 days 6 hours ago) and read 504 times:

Quoting Ps76 (Thread starter):
However the fact is my mum was never in love with my dad. She even told me this once.

Isn't that just the way of the world? I've been in loads of relationships where I been in love with them but they are not with me and vice versa. Kinda thought it was natural.

Ma and da were together for 50 years. I guess they were in love. Both being great parents to us.


User currently offlineJJJ From Spain, joined May 2006, 1794 posts, RR: 1
Reply 20, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 3 days 6 hours ago) and read 500 times:

Happy and still going strong, despite some early setbacks (mostly unplanned parenthood and early financial troubles). They love doing things together most of the time, but each also keeps his share of friends with whom they do stuff separately.

I hope I'm half as lucky in my much younger marriage as they are.


User currently offlinedaviation From United States of America, joined Sep 2008, 595 posts, RR: 2
Reply 21, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 7 hours ago) and read 419 times:

My parents' marriage was dreadful. They remained together for 25 years, although I don't know why. They both ended up getting remarried to lovely people and seemed very happy.

I didn't want to end up like them, so I waited until my 30s to find the girl I loved. We had two children and all seemed well enough. Until I found out that she stole thousands and thousands from my bank, opened up credit cards in my name, kidnapped the kids when I discovered this, and simply left me.

This could really make a good book, although I think it happens quite often. At any rate, we are cordial to each other even today, the kids are pretty grown now. And I take great satisfaction that I have aged well and she is morbidly obese! She is only 5'1" and weighs between 300-325 pounds.

That makes me happy!!!



PlaneFlown:717,727,737,747,757,767,777,DC8,DC9,DC10,L1011,F100,A300,319,320,321,330,340,CRJ,ERJ,E190,Av85,DH8,Beaver,ATR
User currently offlineAlias1024 From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 2748 posts, RR: 2
Reply 22, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 4 hours ago) and read 396 times:

Celebrated 40 years this last January. I think it's better now than it was when I was growing up, likely a result of not having me around to terrorize them   


It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems with just potatoes.
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