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Anyone Get Divorced Lately?  
User currently offlineMax Q From United States of America, joined May 2001, 4515 posts, RR: 18
Posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 2681 times:

I just finalised mine after 28 years of marriage.


If there is a worse thing to experience in this world I have not found it.


Anyone else go through this lately ?


Thoughts, feelings ?


The best contribution to safety is a competent Pilot.
35 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently onlinejetblueguy22 From United States of America, joined Nov 2007, 2797 posts, RR: 4
Reply 1, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 2664 times:
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Although it isn't me directly my father just finalized his divorce with my evil stepmother of 10 years. It was tough at first for him because it was just like what now. But enjoy it. Divorces are unfortunate but use the time to do something you've always wanted to try. He took up marathon running and I've never seen him happier in his life. He has time to himself and he can enjoy time with his kids without the awkwardness of a tough marriage. Try to make the best of it!
Blue



You push down on that yoke, the houses get bigger, you pull back on the yoke, the houses get bigger- Ken Foltz
User currently offlineVenus6971 From United States of America, joined Dec 2004, 1443 posts, RR: 0
Reply 2, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 2638 times:

Old joke: You know why divorce is so expensive? Because it's worth it.


I would help you but it is not in the contract
User currently offlineMax Q From United States of America, joined May 2001, 4515 posts, RR: 18
Reply 3, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 2571 times:

Yes, Venus, V funny, heard it before. have you been through one ?


The best contribution to safety is a competent Pilot.
User currently offlineAaron747 From Japan, joined Aug 2003, 8149 posts, RR: 26
Reply 4, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 3 days 13 hours ago) and read 2532 times:

Mine was finalized a few months ago, though the process is somewhat easier in Japan since it is extra-judicial and involves just sending a mutually signed document to the city hall of last residence.

Having young children involved is definitely not ideal and has been hard on me. The ex and I are both going in better directions though, and I believe we can be better individuals around them without the previous atmosphere of belligerence and cold feelings.

It's difficult to actually muster the energy and courage to make such a drastic life change, but once it's over and done with, it really is a tremendous relief. And as my mother put it too well - if the well is poisoned, it's time to stop drinking from it.



If you need someone to blame / throw a rock in the air / you'll hit someone guilty
User currently offlinevikkyvik From United States of America, joined Jul 2003, 10022 posts, RR: 26
Reply 5, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 3 days 13 hours ago) and read 2516 times:
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Quoting Aaron747 (Reply 4):
Mine was finalized a few months ago

Holy crap dude, I completely did not see that one coming! Based on your posts over the years, I thought your marriage sounded quite happy. Sorry to hear it didn't work out.

Seems to be a rash of divorces occurring in the past year here (not all have been posted here, obviously). Or maybe I just never knew about them before this past year.

Anyway, hope all you guys (and girls) are managing to pull through OK.



"Two and a Half Men" was filmed in front of a live ostrich.
User currently offlineBirdwatching From Germany, joined Sep 2003, 3822 posts, RR: 51
Reply 6, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 3 days 12 hours ago) and read 2501 times:

I've never been married (I'm only 30) but I've seen quite a few divorces around me and sometimes involving people close to me, increasingly in my age group. I've come to realize that in most cases the reason for a divorce is that people marry too soon and too early. It's that crazy American thing where you propose to your gf/bf and then you have to get married within a year. If you want a long and healthy marriage, you don't propose. You are a couple for many years and during that time you figure out if marriage might work, and talk about it and discuss it a lot, and then at some point you both come to the conclusion that it might be time to take it to the next level. After about 5 years of being a couple.
But if you only know each other for 4 months and then the man pulls out a little box and goes to his knees, off course that's not going to work out.

Also I think many people marry because that's "what you do", one of the things on life's bucket list. But many people are not made for marriage and shouldn't be in one. Look at all the people getting married for the 3rd or 4th time. Why would you think it works out the 4th time?

I've been happily living in a relationship for many years now and maybe we'll get married in a couple of years. But then at least we've had time to think about it for a long time and get to know each other.

Soren   



All the things you probably hate about travelling are warm reminders that I'm home
User currently offlineAaron747 From Japan, joined Aug 2003, 8149 posts, RR: 26
Reply 7, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 3 days 11 hours ago) and read 2467 times:

Quoting vikkyvik (Reply 5):
Holy crap dude, I completely did not see that one coming! Based on your posts over the years, I thought your marriage sounded quite happy. Sorry to hear it didn't work out.

Thanks - it was for awhile, but things change. Some people don't handle stress well, my ex being one of them.



If you need someone to blame / throw a rock in the air / you'll hit someone guilty
User currently offlinena From Germany, joined Dec 1999, 10733 posts, RR: 9
Reply 8, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 3 days 10 hours ago) and read 2440 times:

I got divorced two years ago, after 10 years of marriage. We had no kids. No fight, no money hassle, and my ex-wife is still a good friend.

User currently offlineMax Q From United States of America, joined May 2001, 4515 posts, RR: 18
Reply 9, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 21 hours ago) and read 2288 times:

Quoting Birdwatching (Reply 6):


I've never been married (I'm only 30) but I've seen quite a few divorces around me and sometimes involving people close to me, increasingly in my age group. I've come to realize that in most cases the reason for a divorce is that people marry too soon and too early. It's that crazy American thing where you propose to your gf/bf and then you have to get married within a year. If you want a long and healthy marriage, you don't propose. You are a couple for many years and during that time you figure out if marriage might work, and talk about it and discuss it a lot, and then at some point you both come to the conclusion that it might be time to take it to the next level. After about 5 years of being a couple.
But if you only know each other for 4 months and then the man pulls out a little box and goes to his knees, off course that's not going to work out.

You are right but when you are young you don't think all that clearly sometimes.

Quoting Aaron747 (Reply 4):


It's difficult to actually muster the energy and courage to make such a drastic life change, but once it's over and done with, it really is a tremendous relief. And as my mother put it too well - if the well is poisoned, it's time to stop drinking from it.

You have a good point and it's good you feel relief.



I was married for a very long time, almost 30 years, despite the last few being disastrous with my ex's alcohol issues I find it very, very difficult to let it go.



The best contribution to safety is a competent Pilot.
User currently offlineAaron747 From Japan, joined Aug 2003, 8149 posts, RR: 26
Reply 10, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 19 hours ago) and read 2261 times:

Quoting Max Q (Reply 9):
ex's alcohol issues

That played a large part in my situation as well.



If you need someone to blame / throw a rock in the air / you'll hit someone guilty
User currently offlineMax Q From United States of America, joined May 2001, 4515 posts, RR: 18
Reply 11, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 19 hours ago) and read 2245 times:

Quoting Aaron747 (Reply 10):

That played a large part in my situation as well.

Sorry to hear that.



Dealing with someones alcohol problem varies between difficult to impossible.



You have my most profound empathy.



The best contribution to safety is a competent Pilot.
User currently offlineSeptember11 From United States of America, joined May 2004, 3623 posts, RR: 21
Reply 12, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 18 hours ago) and read 2238 times:

Personally speaking, I am against divorce. I think any men should be allowed to marry 2 or more women.


Airliners.net of the Future
User currently offlineHAWK21M From India, joined Jan 2001, 31684 posts, RR: 56
Reply 13, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 11 hours ago) and read 2174 times:

Quoting na (Reply 8):

I got divorced two years ago, after 10 years of marriage. We had no kids. No fight, no money hassle, and my ex-wife is still a good friend.

Then why.....



Think of the brighter side!
User currently offlinespeedbird217 From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2012, 337 posts, RR: 0
Reply 14, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 11 hours ago) and read 2165 times:

Quoting HAWK21M (Reply 13):
Then why.....

I don't want to speak on his behalf, but it should be obvious that love and friendship isn't the same thing!?!


User currently offlinena From Germany, joined Dec 1999, 10733 posts, RR: 9
Reply 15, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 2095 times:

Quoting HAWK21M (Reply 13):
Then why.....

Our marriage was childless and my wife couldnt accept that. Also our relationship slowly slipped from love to friendship. It was a slow decline nobody could stop. So speedbird was right guessing somehow.


User currently offlineDreadnought From United States of America, joined Feb 2008, 8840 posts, RR: 24
Reply 16, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 2085 times:

Quoting September11 (Reply 12):

Personally speaking, I am against divorce. I think any men should be allowed to marry 2 or more women.

Hey, Charlie Sheen, how ya doin'?

Quoting Max Q (Thread starter):
If there is a worse thing to experience in this world I have not found it.

Well, there is. Losing a child. I haven't gone through a divorce, but I did lose my son. I think it's safe to say that's worse.

Regardless of that, I know it must be very painful for you. The most important thing for you to do is avoid staying in the house and wasting away on blogs like here. Get out of the house. Play golf, where you get paired up with people. Visit your friends and relatives.

Keep your chin up.



Veni Vidi Castratavi Illegitimos
User currently offlineRevelation From United States of America, joined Feb 2005, 12543 posts, RR: 25
Reply 17, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 8 hours ago) and read 2071 times:

Quoting Max Q (Thread starter):
If there is a worse thing to experience in this world I have not found it.

That pretty much sums up how I felt when my marraige went into crisis mode.

I was in a severe state of depression, I stopped eating, I just stopped living for a few days to the point of almost getting checked into the looney bin, and continued to drop weight and was an emotional wreck for months.

As things happened, we stayed in crisis mode for the better part of two years. She was OK with living in limbo, but by then I wasn't, so I put an end to it.

I think the saying above about drinking from the poisoned well is apt. I'd had my fill of poison by then.

Quoting na (Reply 8):
I got divorced two years ago, after 10 years of marriage. We had no kids. No fight, no money hassle, and my ex-wife is still a good friend.

A lot of that was similar with me. She hated lawyers, so we did our divorce paperwork ourself (ironically, one of the finest points of our marraige!) and we parted as friends.

I wouldn't say we are still friends. We stayed friendly at first, but she got angry at me because I had to cancel a visit at short notice, and my apology wasn't accepted.

So, last I knew, she had left town and moved to the other side of the country, and I hope she's doing well, but we don't speak, and that's fine with me.



Inspiration, move me brightly!
User currently offlinebjcc From United Kingdom, joined Jan 2005, 327 posts, RR: 4
Reply 18, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 2 hours ago) and read 1983 times:

My divorce was 16 years ago now, I remember it fondly!

User currently offlinena From Germany, joined Dec 1999, 10733 posts, RR: 9
Reply 19, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 2 hours ago) and read 1981 times:

Quoting Revelation (Reply 17):
I was in a severe state of depression, I stopped eating, I just stopped living for a few days to the point of almost getting checked into the looney bin, and continued to drop weight and was an emotional wreck for months.

As things happened, we stayed in crisis mode for the better part of two years. She was OK with living in limbo, but by then I wasn't, so I put an end to it.

When our marriage went downhill, when my wife realised that we could not have kids (which I also regretted as I love children, but other than her I could manage the thought not having one), we both fell into different kinds of depression. Mine wasnt serious though, and as I had so much work I pushed it away, had many business journeys etc, which let to a situation we didnt spend so much time together anymore. Then I got seriously ill for some time (not related to our marriage condition, at least not in the first place), and somehow lost, well, sexual interest in the process, which was the final nail to the coffin. We still lived together for another two years, slowly parting. In the last months I realized she had found a new partner, but that didnt really hurt me anymore. With her new partner and the help of the medical wonders of today she finally became pregnant after a year or so and I´m now even the godfather of the baby, which is a damn cute little girl. I know that this long decline was not how others would have handled the situation but it was the right thing for us not to come to a premature, abrupt halt.


User currently offlineRevelation From United States of America, joined Feb 2005, 12543 posts, RR: 25
Reply 20, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 2 hours ago) and read 1960 times:

Quoting na (Reply 19):
With her new partner and the help of the medical wonders of today she finally became pregnant after a year or so and I´m now even the godfather of the baby, which is a damn cute little girl.

Amazing story of how things can be OK if you just accept them for what they are.

Quoting na (Reply 19):
I know that this long decline was not how others would have handled the situation but it was the right thing for us not to come to a premature, abrupt halt.

I too am thankful for the time I had to deal with the shock of figuring out how badly our relationship had deteriorated, and to then see if we could find a way to move forward as a couple, and to ultimately realize that we couldn't and so we both had to move on, and that I had to be the one to make that happen.



Inspiration, move me brightly!
User currently offlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39880 posts, RR: 74
Reply 21, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 2 hours ago) and read 1957 times:

Marriage seems to be an outdated concept. Not sure why gays want to do it today.
There are far more rewarding things to focus on instead of family, kids, wife & minivans.
Things such as cars, high-end vacuum tube audio gear, set of golf clubs, top shelf spirits, 1st class & business class travel to far away places are much more rewarding.



Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlineRevelation From United States of America, joined Feb 2005, 12543 posts, RR: 25
Reply 22, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 1 hour ago) and read 1946 times:

Quoting Superfly (Reply 21):
Marriage seems to be an outdated concept. Not sure why gays want to do it today.
There are far more rewarding things to focus on instead of family, kids, wife & minivans.
Things such as cars, high-end vacuum tube audio gear, set of golf clubs, top shelf spirits, 1st class & business class travel to far away places are much more rewarding.

Marriage is more about finding someone you want to live with and committing to being a life partner to.

Unfortunately I didn't realize fully this until after I was married and divorced!  

Unfortunately marriage quite often is also about paying someone else's bills for the rest of their life.

I think that's a big part of why marriage is declining, despite the fact that gays want in.



Inspiration, move me brightly!
User currently offlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39880 posts, RR: 74
Reply 23, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 1 hour ago) and read 1936 times:

Quoting Revelation (Reply 22):
Unfortunately marriage quite often is also about paying someone else's bills for the rest of their life.

I'm better off being a playboy.



Bring back the Concorde
User currently online4holer From United States of America, joined Feb 2002, 3017 posts, RR: 9
Reply 24, posted (2 years 2 months 3 weeks 2 days 1 hour ago) and read 1928 times:

Quoting September11 (Reply 12):
I think any men should be allowed to marry 2 or more women.
From The Addams family:
Morticia: Gomez, do you know what the penalty is for Bigamy in this state?
Gomez: Yeah! Two wives!

Quoting na (Reply 15):
na
Yours sounds like mine.
Except my ex had a tendency to sleep with other men. But that was more a symptom of the underlying disease.

Quoting Max Q (Thread starter):
If there is a worse thing to experience in this world I have not found it.
The foundation of how you pictured your life has just been demolished. Your hurt is normal. But as you rebuild you will see that you did the right thing and find happiness.



Ghosts appear and fade away.....................
25 Post contains images Revelation :
26 Max Q : You have my heartfelt and sincere condolences. I cannot imagine how hard that must have been. You are right, I am trying to do that. Thank you. And t
27 HAWK21M : I guess thats the best way then.....
28 na : I am not of your opinion, or not in that absolute way you describe it, but I was a little bit like that until my late 30s (though I never was a woman
29 Post contains images Rara : Interesting, of all the things you listed I find it hard to decide which one is the least unappealing to me.
30 daviation : Yes, I got divorced in 2000. Twelve years ago. It was ugly and there were young children involved. It takes quite a while to get over. And in many way
31 Max Q : The process, and it's aftermath is a special slice of hell, as you say you can't believe it until it happens to you. My opinion is, regardless of the
32 Post contains links Superfly : That is why it's best for men to wait until their 40s to get married IF they really feel a need to do so. This used to be a better site before they a
33 Post contains images na : Thats indeed an experience no one likes to have, and, although my divorce was smooth, the thought that this could happen to me next time makes it qui
34 Charles79 : One of my best friends filed for divorced after only 9 months of marriage...and with a child on the way. Needless to say, it was messy and it played w
35 daviation : I think that's very true, although I may sound paranoid for saying it. My ex-wife, who served a short time in prison, also became morbidly obese and
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