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Lack Of Marriages And The Best Age To Get Married?  
User currently offlinePHX787 From Japan, joined Mar 2012, 7959 posts, RR: 19
Posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 23 hours ago) and read 3726 times:

Sup guys!

Well I have a story to share and a question that needs to be answered.

As you all know, a lot of nations in the far east (Japan, Korea, China) are struggling with one thing: lack of childbirth to support the aging population that came about from a post-war baby boom. The reasons are far-flung between the nations but I think this is starting to become an issue for many nations. (developed nations, at least.)

In Japan it's for this reason, as I've found in my research: Lack of marriages. A lot of my Japanese friends are older than I am (I am 20 years old) but only about 4, of them (out of the 200+ contacts I have) are married. Out of those 4, only one of them is below the age of 35. The other three are 35, 45, and 52. The ones over 35 have one kid each. The couple under 35 (they're both 26) have no kids and apparently "no plan to for quite some time."
here's the reason why: In Japan, traditionally, after childbirth the woman leaves her profession to raise her kid full time. Since many girls in Japan are becoming college grads (my latest report said one in 4 or 1 in 3? I'll have to check up on that but many girls are in college these days due to societal pressures) they develop aspirations to be successful in their jobs, as they rightfully should be. Because of this, many women in Japan are reluctant to have kids, or even marry at all.

The whole "leaving the job" thing is beginning to become taboo as of late but the stigma is still attached.

That being said, however, during my trips to Japan, I've developed rather personal friendships with a lot of these girls, and with 2, I've had full-fledged relationships with (one was my age and one was 27 while I was 19 at that time.) and the girl who was 27 began to send me rather strange, stalkerish, and crazy emails to me when I returned to America. One in particular said that I (and I quote) "must return to Japan right now. Not later, NOW," which disturbed me. I thought she was pregnant but I recalled that she had gotten her monthly after I had returned, so that wasn't it.

I found out about a month ago (2 weeks before I went to Japan this year) from a friend that she actually wanted to marry me. I was pretty much shell-shocked. But seeing as most of the girls I talk to are between 21-25, I began to think that this wasn't too surprising. My ex is getting older and wanted to begin a family, I guess it's understandable.

SO, As I continue my back-and-forth between AZ and Japan, it makes me wonder- when is the best age for someone to get married? Obviously age differences are present, but still, I always saw myself getting married at or around 30.

What do you guys think (about all this and my story here)? Do you think 20 is too young? (note-I'll never get married at this age, obviously) or what about my friend who is married at 25?

Sorry for the long winded post-


Follow me on twitter: www.twitter.com/phx787
50 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineintothinair From Germany, joined Mar 2005, 392 posts, RR: 2
Reply 1, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 22 hours ago) and read 3700 times:

Hi PHX787,

Have a read, should answer a lot of your questions.

http://www.economist.com/node/21526350

http://www.economist.com/node/21526329

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
That being said, however, during my trips to Japan, I've developed rather personal friendships with a lot of these girls, and with 2, I've had full-fledged relationships with (one was my age and one was 27 while I was 19 at that time.) and the girl who was 27 began to send me rather strange, stalkerish, and crazy emails to me when I returned to America. One in particular said that I (and I quote) "must return to Japan right now. Not later, NOW," which disturbed me. I thought she was pregnant but I recalled that she had gotten her monthly after I had returned, so that wasn't it.

Haha, i am sorry but i have to laugh. I too was 19, and was dating a 27 year old Malaysian Chinese lady for 2 years, and share much of the same thoughts that you have described. Having lived in Asia for over 10 years, and having dated several Asian ladies in their mid to late 20s, the reason that in advanced Asian economies such as Korea, or Japan some 30% of ladies over 30 are single and have never married (see the Economist article) is because of expectations. It is socially unacceptable for an Asian lady to date (let alone marry) any man who earns less money than them. This all used to be fine and well back in the old days when women did not work. However nowadays all those career oriented fashionable Asian lady managers or directors you see walking around in Seoul, Hong Kong or Tokyo with their LV bags and iPhones all expect to find a man who earns even more than them. Problem with this is that it is precisely many of these very rich successful men that prefer very pretty dolls from China who can take care of them (rather than working 12 hours at the office) which explains why especially Hong Kong is known as the city of lonely hearts, and also explains why there are all these ladies over 30 who cannot find a husband. Feel free to flame me for these comments, just talking from personal experience. Its a sad sight to see, as some of these ladies are so sweet and caring.


Cheers.

intothinair


User currently offlinePlymSpotter From Spain, joined Jun 2004, 11708 posts, RR: 60
Reply 2, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 22 hours ago) and read 3684 times:

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
SO, As I continue my back-and-forth between AZ and Japan, it makes me wonder- when is the best age for someone to get married? Obviously age differences are present, but still, I always saw myself getting married at or around 30.

I used to think pretty much the same, married by late 20s and kids around 30 or very early 30s. Now I just don't overly care, when it happens it happens, but I'm not putting timescales on it because I don't know what the future holds.


Dan  



...love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again...
User currently onlinekiwiandrew From New Zealand, joined Jun 2005, 8626 posts, RR: 13
Reply 3, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 22 hours ago) and read 3682 times:
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In a world with 7 billion people, and counting, I am not sure if people opting out of having kids is necessarily a terrible thing. Not that kids and marriage automatically go together of course.


Moderation in all things ... including moderation ;-)
User currently offlineAesma From France, joined Nov 2009, 6933 posts, RR: 12
Reply 4, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 22 hours ago) and read 3680 times:

I don't believe in marriage, something common here in France. However people still have kids without caring one bit about marriage, in fact a lot of people end up marrying when they have one or several kids already so it's even more meaningless. More children are born out of wedlock than in.

However women working is clearly the culprit, and we have strong labor laws protecting women. Strong fiscal incentives also help, I can compare with Italy where I have lots of family and 1 kid families are the norm even though it's more Catholic than France, it has everything to do with the costs associated with having children and the weak economy.

I also hear Germany's demography is in trouble but have no specific knowledge on the matter.



New Technology is the name we give to stuff that doesn't work yet. Douglas Adams
User currently offlinecmf From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 5, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 22 hours ago) and read 3664 times:

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
As you all know, a lot of nations in the far east (Japan, Korea, China) are struggling with one thing: lack of childbirth to support the aging population that came about from a post-war baby boom.

Don't we have too many humans on this planet as it is? Let's not make the problem bigger by having kids for this reason.

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
when is the best age for someone to get married

There is no such thing as best age. It is all about circumstances. Ignore what everyone else is doing and do what is right for you and your partner.

Get married because it is right for you. Same, get kids because it is right for you. Don't get married and have kids because that is what others expect from you. Don't even get married because you get kids and even more importantly don't get kids because you got married.

Just make sure that if you get married you treat your partner right. If you have kids make sure you treat them right.


User currently offlinePHX787 From Japan, joined Mar 2012, 7959 posts, RR: 19
Reply 6, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 3655 times:

Quoting cmf (Reply 5):
Don't we have too many humans on this planet as it is? Let's not make the problem bigger by having kids for this reason.
Quoting kiwiandrew (Reply 3):
In a world with 7 billion people, and counting, I am not sure if people opting out of having kids is necessarily a terrible thing. Not that kids and marriage automatically go together of course.

It's not about the world, it's about those countries. For example, the populations of China and Japan, if those two nations continue at this current birthrate, will have their populations halved (!!!!) in the next 40 years.

Quoting intothinair (Reply 1):
Feel free to flame me for these comments, just talking from personal experience. Its a sad sight to see, as some of these ladies are so sweet and caring.

Why would I flame you? these make perfect sense! thanks!



Follow me on twitter: www.twitter.com/phx787
User currently offlinecmf From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 7, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 3648 times:

Quoting PHX787 (Reply 6):
It's not about the world, it's about those countries. For example, the populations of China and Japan, if those two nations continue at this current birthrate, will have their populations halved (!!!!) in the next 40 years.

Is that a bad thing? I think the world would be a better place if we could half the population over the next 40 years by just reducing child birth,


User currently offlineKiwiRob From New Zealand, joined Jun 2005, 7834 posts, RR: 5
Reply 8, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 3641 times:

Quoting kiwiandrew (Reply 3):
In a world with 7 billion people, and counting,

I'd say there are too many people in certain countries and not enough in others, ie far too many in Africa, which we keep throwing money into, far too many in India.


User currently offlineKen777 From United States of America, joined Mar 2004, 8478 posts, RR: 9
Reply 9, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 3626 times:

Don't focus on what age you should marry. wait until you meet someone who you know you want to marry. It's really the person, not the age.

Other issues that are important? Money. Hate to say it but that is the cause of many divorces. Children - Yes, No or How Many. And religion can be important in that there should be no serious conflicts about religion.


User currently offlineRevelation From United States of America, joined Feb 2005, 12961 posts, RR: 25
Reply 10, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 3622 times:

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
Do you think 20 is too young?

I guess what I'm not hearing from you is things like "I know she's the one", "I have strong feelings for her", etc.

All I'm hearing is "she's available".

So, in that case, my guess is that you should move on.

My $0.02 about the age thing: Yes, 20 is too young. You are undergoing rapid changes right now. You are quite probably a very different person than you were at 16 and will be another very different person at 24. You will keep changing an awful lot into your early 30s and in many cases quite beyond. It's hard for another person to hang on for the ride unless there are some incredibly strong bonds, and usually a familial support network too. At 20 you'll find it difficult to take on all the different roles that a husband has to take on (some times daddy, some times kiddie, some times boyfriend, on top of being hubby 24/7). Unless you feel deep in your bones that this is "the one" and you'll be kicking yourself in the butt for the rest of your life if you don't marry this girl, stay away!

[Edited 2012-08-12 13:24:19]


Inspiration, move me brightly!
User currently onlinebjorn14 From Norway, joined Feb 2010, 3685 posts, RR: 2
Reply 11, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 3579 times:

Quoting Ken777 (Reply 9):
It's really the person, not the age.

Unless you want kids and yes then men have a biological clock too. What 75-year old wants to deal with a teenager that he can't send back to his parents.

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
Lack Of Marriages

As Elvis Presley said "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free"



"I want to know the voice of God the rest is just details" --A. Einstein
User currently offlineLTBEWR From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 13198 posts, RR: 15
Reply 12, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 3554 times:

I would suggest in many places in the world, 5 factors are at play:

1) Major social changes, less religious pressures and improved birth control means you don't have to be married to have sex,

2) Gay and Lesbian relationships are more acceptable as are single parents, some live as if married but don't get that legal status so for financial reasons.

3) Many young adults are not able to get decent paying jobs and in the USA, many have huge student loan debt, so are not in a sufficiently secure financial position to get married or even find a mate and don't see where they can ever afford any children.

4) Too many had parents who divorced or should have so are afraid of making that commitment.

5) There is no longer the stigma of living with parents or on your own due to the current economic times.

As to an age to get married, it can vary from person to person. Generally in Western/westernized societies, It is probably best to be in your late 20's-30 for a guy, mid-20's for a woman.


User currently offlineRevelation From United States of America, joined Feb 2005, 12961 posts, RR: 25
Reply 13, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 3521 times:

Quoting LTBEWR (Reply 12):
but don't get that legal status so for financial reasons.

Certainly working in the legal space, you should add in "don't get that legal status for legal reasons" too.

Meaning they have been #^(!*% over by divorce courts, or by divorce lawyers, or both, and won't ever get married again because of it, or have seen friends/relatives treated the same way.

I've seen both straight men and women say as much, but it's mostly men. I don't know any gay/lesbian divorced people, yet.



Inspiration, move me brightly!
User currently offlineus330 From United States of America, joined Aug 2000, 3877 posts, RR: 14
Reply 14, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 14 hours ago) and read 3472 times:

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
What do you guys think (about all this and my story here)? Do you think 20 is too young? (note-I'll never get married at this age, obviously) or what about my friend who is married at 25?

I think people should get married whenever they want. Doesn't mean it will be a successful marriage, though.

Quoting Revelation (Reply 10):
All I'm hearing is "she's available".

So, in that case, my guess is that you should move on

Yep. Same vibe I'm getting. My parents have been happily married for 30+ years...but they have both said that there is no need to rush into it. If you don't feel that you are ready for marriage, then don't get married. It's that simple. And getting married because everyone else is doing it is a horrible reason.


User currently offlineTheRedBaron From Mexico, joined Mar 2005, 2329 posts, RR: 9
Reply 15, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 14 hours ago) and read 3465 times:

I think getting married should be done after playing the field and knowing what you want, what you can endure and also after finishing a Career and a extra diploma and getting a good job. If you are not a slacker it should fall between 28 and 32 years. If you do it before you risk missing out a lot of stuff, and probably not getting to your full potential as a worker and academically. If you do it AFTER you become too self centered and selfish, because lets face it there are way too many fish on the Ocean !!! and tons of stuff you like and WILL buy....travel etc.

If you do It and have kids lets say from 30 to 33 years its perfect because family will prevent you to be so self centered and also give you the urgency and pressure to build a house, and save for education and stuff. YES ITS A DRAG but in the end by the time they are out of college you are like 50 to 53 and you then can use your wealth and enjoy being a couple again and being young enough to be of utility to your kids and not old enough that you can't enjoy 20 to 30 years of fun.... married or not...

I have seen tons of people married later that 38 even at 40, most of them have divorced before 4 years...

My advice live as much as you can and settle before you become too self centered...

my .02 (that may be totally wrong lol)



The best seat in a Plane is the Jumpseat.
User currently offlineDeltaMD90 From United States of America, joined Apr 2008, 7978 posts, RR: 51
Reply 16, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 2 days 17 hours ago) and read 3313 times:

Married at 22 (2 days ago!  )

And I don't get this overpopulation fear talk... I don't think that the entire world has 1 carrying capacity that we'll magically hit one day, I think some parts of the world are ALREADY overpopulated and some parts of the world have plenty of room for expansion. The US and Europe cutting their birthrate down will not help Africa at all, and in fact, I can see an extreme case where there can be too low of a birthrate in the US and Europe with too high a birthrate in other areas...



Ironically I have never flown a Delta MD-90 :)
User currently offlinetugger From United States of America, joined Apr 2006, 5785 posts, RR: 10
Reply 17, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 2 days 17 hours ago) and read 3305 times:

Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 16):
Married at 22 (2 days ago! )

Congratulation!!!   

But aren't you supposed to be on your honeymoon    somewhere   ?

What the heck are you doing posting on A.net?   

Tugg



I don’t know that I am unafraid to be myself, but it is hard to be somebody else. -W. Shatner
User currently offlineDeltaMD90 From United States of America, joined Apr 2008, 7978 posts, RR: 51
Reply 18, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 2 days 17 hours ago) and read 3301 times:

Quoting tugger (Reply 17):

Navy won't let me go on one. Class today and the rest of the week. But we're together and happy. About a month until she has to report to the Army for training. We take what we can get 



Ironically I have never flown a Delta MD-90 :)
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 20342 posts, RR: 59
Reply 19, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 2 days 17 hours ago) and read 3294 times:

Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 18):
Navy won't let me go on one.

*Gets Married*

*Post on A.net instead of getting it on*
    

(Mazel Tov, MD90!)


User currently offlineDeltaMD90 From United States of America, joined Apr 2008, 7978 posts, RR: 51
Reply 20, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 2 days 17 hours ago) and read 3287 times:

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 19):
Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 18):
Navy won't let me go on one.

*Gets Married*

This is what everyone says! When we finally make it to SFO you can meet her... she's no psycho chick! (In before "well she will be now that yall are married!   )

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 19):
*Post on A.net instead of getting it on*

Hey hey, I haven't been on since Friday, I took a break! (A good break it seems, filled with more gun control threads I'm tired of and about Paul Ryan... yawn...)



Ironically I have never flown a Delta MD-90 :)
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 20342 posts, RR: 59
Reply 21, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 2 days 16 hours ago) and read 3279 times:

Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 20):
Hey hey, I haven't been on since Friday, I took a break! (A good break it seems, filled with more gun control threads I'm tired of and about Paul Ryan... yawn...)

You remembered that consummate and consomme are two different things, right?  


User currently offlineDeltaMD90 From United States of America, joined Apr 2008, 7978 posts, RR: 51
Reply 22, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 2 days 14 hours ago) and read 3251 times:

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 21):
You remembered that consummate and consomme are two different things, right?  

Yes yes, the marriage has been consummated... 

Airliners.net is a guilty pleasure I cannot be away from for too long, even if it does piss me off sometimes lol



Ironically I have never flown a Delta MD-90 :)
User currently offlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 40069 posts, RR: 74
Reply 23, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 2 days 10 hours ago) and read 3221 times:

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
In Japan it's for this reason, as I've found in my research: (out of the 200+ contacts I have) are married. Out of those 4, only one of them is below the age of 35.

THAT's the one I want to meat then! 
Hook us up when we hang out in Japan.  
Quoting DocLightning (Reply 19):
*Gets Married*
*Post on A.net instead of getting it on*

  
That was a good one!
Sorry DeltaMD80 but this doesn't sound like it's getting off to a good start.




The best age for a guy to take the plunge and get married is in his early 40s.
The best age for a lady to get married is as soon as possible - early to mid 20s.



Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlineaerorobnz From Rwanda, joined Feb 2001, 7392 posts, RR: 16
Reply 24, posted (2 years 4 months 1 week 2 days 9 hours ago) and read 3212 times:

Quoting kiwiandrew (Reply 3):
In a world with 7 billion people, and counting, I am not sure if people opting out of having kids is necessarily a terrible thing. Not that kids and marriage automatically go together of course.

Agreed. It is up to the individual - provided they can support a family without subsidies or support.

Quoting bjorn14 (Reply 11):
As Elvis Presley said "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free"

Well quite.

It might be nice in theory, but in reality most marriages are founded on superficial BS these days, and although they might be married it doesn't make them more trustworthy, stable and positive than any unmarried relationships. There are many that refuse to admit that marriage for them is never going to be successful.

Personally I think the age is around retirement, once superficial ambition and pressure to reproduce has long since died out. It then becomes a case of companionship, friendship and just enjoying the time that you have left together.

I have no ambition to breed, nor marry. Nothing is going to stop me from being happy and content in myself without the need for stage props like marriage and children to make me feel some deluded sense of achievement in the performance of life. Billions of people through hundreds of generations of hominid have done just that since prehistory and it is nothing special. It is just a very basic instinct that requires nothing more than an active reptillian portion of the brain...


25 Post contains images Superfly : Amen to that! True but most retired men in their 60s don't want women in their 60s. They want women in their 20s. Althought I have seen women in thei
26 Post contains images aerorobnz : Sure, the breeding propagating of the species part is deeply animalistic that we share with all animals. Of course the fact that I can't keep it in m
27 Post contains images Superfly : No, no, no! Wear a condom and/or use birth control. You can still be an animal. Just be a smart animal. True.
28 Post contains images aerorobnz : of course....I want to survive long enough to be the 60yo banging the 20yo...
29 comorin : Word.
30 MD11Engineer : Nope. I´m 45 and give me a woman between 27 and 50 (or, in some cases a little bit older). I see those young chicks we have as hosties at our airlin
31 Revelation : And bringing another human into this world for the same reason is 10x worse. It's interesting that Superfly used the expression "take the plunge" abo
32 Post contains images SW733 : Gosh, who knows. There is no magic number. My parents were married at 22/20 (father/mother) and they were an incredibly strong marriage that lasted t
33 Post contains images PHX787 : Omedetou~~~~~~~~ THANK YOU! Sick of the political threads these days Oh dear god 'Fly -__- You sound like those guys who hang out in Takeshita Street
34 Post contains images Superfly : Which means you're not in your 60s. You said you had one friend under 35? How did you get a whole 21 years off? True but we have no control over othe
35 Post contains images DocLightning : The same thing you just did again! And again! And again! Jeeezis, man, do I have to give you a PowerPoint lecture? It's true. But I will also say tha
36 MD11Engineer : This means I don´t have to make an ass out of myself while trying to "prove" what a "young stud" I am. I know such a guy. breaking all health and sa
37 MD11Engineer : After a while even THIS becomes boring. Jan
38 PHX787 : I think you misread me :P
39 Superfly : Sounds like you're working with a weird character. My guess is that he was just as much as a chump when he was younger. I don't like to make judgemen
40 Post contains images DocLightning : Well, then you say something really jerkish or patronizing, get slapped in the face, and she leaves! (Where DID I put that PowerPoint?)
41 Post contains images YVRLTN : I was married at 24, I am now 31. Heres my life experience so far on the subject We got married when we did for immigration purposes, we were not comm
42 Post contains images mandala499 : I take it these are not his buddies ex's? Yes, a lot are based on "expectations"... I know friends who got married before truly knowing who their mar
43 aerorobnz : I'm at 29, still single. I think the "fun" gets better with age. Now I'm the perfect age to get a 20yo or a 40yo and the options have increased all t
44 Post contains images Superfly : It gets better and better with age. Stay single as long as you can.
45 Post contains images flipdewaf : Congratulations, I still have 8.5 days of freedom remaining. Meat or meet? As its you fly I think you probably do want to meat them! Are you in your
46 Post contains images Superfly : Ooops. Nope. I'm still 30-something. Although I can see myself slowing down within the next 5 - 10 years. Who knows? Well of course. Yes there are so
47 falstaff : What is the best age to get married? Never!
48 corocks : Yes. I have never seen anyone I know get married this young and had their marriage last. Keep in mind, I mean people in their 20's now - not 50 years
49 MD11Engineer : This is what my Canadian uncle used to say (he emigrated to Canada as a young engineer in the early 1970s and later had his own engineering company t
50 gocaps16 : My wife was 24 and I was 25 when we got married in Japan. 3 years later and still in Japan we are still together with a 6 month old baby. Before we de
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