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Lack Of Marriages And The Best Age To Get Married?  
User currently offlinePHX787 From Japan, joined Mar 2012, 7210 posts, RR: 17
Posted (1 year 11 months 3 weeks 9 hours ago) and read 3540 times:

Sup guys!

Well I have a story to share and a question that needs to be answered.

As you all know, a lot of nations in the far east (Japan, Korea, China) are struggling with one thing: lack of childbirth to support the aging population that came about from a post-war baby boom. The reasons are far-flung between the nations but I think this is starting to become an issue for many nations. (developed nations, at least.)

In Japan it's for this reason, as I've found in my research: Lack of marriages. A lot of my Japanese friends are older than I am (I am 20 years old) but only about 4, of them (out of the 200+ contacts I have) are married. Out of those 4, only one of them is below the age of 35. The other three are 35, 45, and 52. The ones over 35 have one kid each. The couple under 35 (they're both 26) have no kids and apparently "no plan to for quite some time."
here's the reason why: In Japan, traditionally, after childbirth the woman leaves her profession to raise her kid full time. Since many girls in Japan are becoming college grads (my latest report said one in 4 or 1 in 3? I'll have to check up on that but many girls are in college these days due to societal pressures) they develop aspirations to be successful in their jobs, as they rightfully should be. Because of this, many women in Japan are reluctant to have kids, or even marry at all.

The whole "leaving the job" thing is beginning to become taboo as of late but the stigma is still attached.

That being said, however, during my trips to Japan, I've developed rather personal friendships with a lot of these girls, and with 2, I've had full-fledged relationships with (one was my age and one was 27 while I was 19 at that time.) and the girl who was 27 began to send me rather strange, stalkerish, and crazy emails to me when I returned to America. One in particular said that I (and I quote) "must return to Japan right now. Not later, NOW," which disturbed me. I thought she was pregnant but I recalled that she had gotten her monthly after I had returned, so that wasn't it.

I found out about a month ago (2 weeks before I went to Japan this year) from a friend that she actually wanted to marry me. I was pretty much shell-shocked. But seeing as most of the girls I talk to are between 21-25, I began to think that this wasn't too surprising. My ex is getting older and wanted to begin a family, I guess it's understandable.

SO, As I continue my back-and-forth between AZ and Japan, it makes me wonder- when is the best age for someone to get married? Obviously age differences are present, but still, I always saw myself getting married at or around 30.

What do you guys think (about all this and my story here)? Do you think 20 is too young? (note-I'll never get married at this age, obviously) or what about my friend who is married at 25?

Sorry for the long winded post-


One of the FB admins for PHX Spotters. "Zach the Expat!"
50 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineintothinair From Germany, joined Mar 2005, 392 posts, RR: 2
Reply 1, posted (1 year 11 months 3 weeks 9 hours ago) and read 3514 times:

Hi PHX787,

Have a read, should answer a lot of your questions.

http://www.economist.com/node/21526350

http://www.economist.com/node/21526329

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
That being said, however, during my trips to Japan, I've developed rather personal friendships with a lot of these girls, and with 2, I've had full-fledged relationships with (one was my age and one was 27 while I was 19 at that time.) and the girl who was 27 began to send me rather strange, stalkerish, and crazy emails to me when I returned to America. One in particular said that I (and I quote) "must return to Japan right now. Not later, NOW," which disturbed me. I thought she was pregnant but I recalled that she had gotten her monthly after I had returned, so that wasn't it.

Haha, i am sorry but i have to laugh. I too was 19, and was dating a 27 year old Malaysian Chinese lady for 2 years, and share much of the same thoughts that you have described. Having lived in Asia for over 10 years, and having dated several Asian ladies in their mid to late 20s, the reason that in advanced Asian economies such as Korea, or Japan some 30% of ladies over 30 are single and have never married (see the Economist article) is because of expectations. It is socially unacceptable for an Asian lady to date (let alone marry) any man who earns less money than them. This all used to be fine and well back in the old days when women did not work. However nowadays all those career oriented fashionable Asian lady managers or directors you see walking around in Seoul, Hong Kong or Tokyo with their LV bags and iPhones all expect to find a man who earns even more than them. Problem with this is that it is precisely many of these very rich successful men that prefer very pretty dolls from China who can take care of them (rather than working 12 hours at the office) which explains why especially Hong Kong is known as the city of lonely hearts, and also explains why there are all these ladies over 30 who cannot find a husband. Feel free to flame me for these comments, just talking from personal experience. Its a sad sight to see, as some of these ladies are so sweet and caring.


Cheers.

intothinair


User currently offlinePlymSpotter From Spain, joined Jun 2004, 11615 posts, RR: 60
Reply 2, posted (1 year 11 months 3 weeks 8 hours ago) and read 3498 times:

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
SO, As I continue my back-and-forth between AZ and Japan, it makes me wonder- when is the best age for someone to get married? Obviously age differences are present, but still, I always saw myself getting married at or around 30.

I used to think pretty much the same, married by late 20s and kids around 30 or very early 30s. Now I just don't overly care, when it happens it happens, but I'm not putting timescales on it because I don't know what the future holds.


Dan  



...love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again...
User currently offlinekiwiandrew From New Zealand, joined Jun 2005, 8544 posts, RR: 13
Reply 3, posted (1 year 11 months 3 weeks 8 hours ago) and read 3496 times:
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In a world with 7 billion people, and counting, I am not sure if people opting out of having kids is necessarily a terrible thing. Not that kids and marriage automatically go together of course.


Moderation in all things ... including moderation ;-)
User currently offlineAesma From France, joined Nov 2009, 6530 posts, RR: 9
Reply 4, posted (1 year 11 months 3 weeks 8 hours ago) and read 3494 times:

I don't believe in marriage, something common here in France. However people still have kids without caring one bit about marriage, in fact a lot of people end up marrying when they have one or several kids already so it's even more meaningless. More children are born out of wedlock than in.

However women working is clearly the culprit, and we have strong labor laws protecting women. Strong fiscal incentives also help, I can compare with Italy where I have lots of family and 1 kid families are the norm even though it's more Catholic than France, it has everything to do with the costs associated with having children and the weak economy.

I also hear Germany's demography is in trouble but have no specific knowledge on the matter.



New Technology is the name we give to stuff that doesn't work yet. Douglas Adams
User currently offlinecmf From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 5, posted (1 year 11 months 3 weeks 8 hours ago) and read 3478 times:

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
As you all know, a lot of nations in the far east (Japan, Korea, China) are struggling with one thing: lack of childbirth to support the aging population that came about from a post-war baby boom.

Don't we have too many humans on this planet as it is? Let's not make the problem bigger by having kids for this reason.

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
when is the best age for someone to get married

There is no such thing as best age. It is all about circumstances. Ignore what everyone else is doing and do what is right for you and your partner.

Get married because it is right for you. Same, get kids because it is right for you. Don't get married and have kids because that is what others expect from you. Don't even get married because you get kids and even more importantly don't get kids because you got married.

Just make sure that if you get married you treat your partner right. If you have kids make sure you treat them right.


User currently offlinePHX787 From Japan, joined Mar 2012, 7210 posts, RR: 17
Reply 6, posted (1 year 11 months 3 weeks 8 hours ago) and read 3469 times:

Quoting cmf (Reply 5):
Don't we have too many humans on this planet as it is? Let's not make the problem bigger by having kids for this reason.
Quoting kiwiandrew (Reply 3):
In a world with 7 billion people, and counting, I am not sure if people opting out of having kids is necessarily a terrible thing. Not that kids and marriage automatically go together of course.

It's not about the world, it's about those countries. For example, the populations of China and Japan, if those two nations continue at this current birthrate, will have their populations halved (!!!!) in the next 40 years.

Quoting intothinair (Reply 1):
Feel free to flame me for these comments, just talking from personal experience. Its a sad sight to see, as some of these ladies are so sweet and caring.

Why would I flame you? these make perfect sense! thanks!



One of the FB admins for PHX Spotters. "Zach the Expat!"
User currently offlinecmf From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 7, posted (1 year 11 months 3 weeks 8 hours ago) and read 3462 times:

Quoting PHX787 (Reply 6):
It's not about the world, it's about those countries. For example, the populations of China and Japan, if those two nations continue at this current birthrate, will have their populations halved (!!!!) in the next 40 years.

Is that a bad thing? I think the world would be a better place if we could half the population over the next 40 years by just reducing child birth,


User currently offlineKiwiRob From New Zealand, joined Jun 2005, 7136 posts, RR: 3
Reply 8, posted (1 year 11 months 3 weeks 8 hours ago) and read 3455 times:

Quoting kiwiandrew (Reply 3):
In a world with 7 billion people, and counting,

I'd say there are too many people in certain countries and not enough in others, ie far too many in Africa, which we keep throwing money into, far too many in India.


User currently offlineKen777 From United States of America, joined Mar 2004, 8189 posts, RR: 8
Reply 9, posted (1 year 11 months 3 weeks 8 hours ago) and read 3440 times:

Don't focus on what age you should marry. wait until you meet someone who you know you want to marry. It's really the person, not the age.

Other issues that are important? Money. Hate to say it but that is the cause of many divorces. Children - Yes, No or How Many. And religion can be important in that there should be no serious conflicts about religion.


User currently offlineRevelation From United States of America, joined Feb 2005, 12340 posts, RR: 25
Reply 10, posted (1 year 11 months 3 weeks 7 hours ago) and read 3436 times:

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
Do you think 20 is too young?

I guess what I'm not hearing from you is things like "I know she's the one", "I have strong feelings for her", etc.

All I'm hearing is "she's available".

So, in that case, my guess is that you should move on.

My $0.02 about the age thing: Yes, 20 is too young. You are undergoing rapid changes right now. You are quite probably a very different person than you were at 16 and will be another very different person at 24. You will keep changing an awful lot into your early 30s and in many cases quite beyond. It's hard for another person to hang on for the ride unless there are some incredibly strong bonds, and usually a familial support network too. At 20 you'll find it difficult to take on all the different roles that a husband has to take on (some times daddy, some times kiddie, some times boyfriend, on top of being hubby 24/7). Unless you feel deep in your bones that this is "the one" and you'll be kicking yourself in the butt for the rest of your life if you don't marry this girl, stay away!

[Edited 2012-08-12 13:24:19]


Inspiration, move me brightly!
User currently offlinebjorn14 From Norway, joined Feb 2010, 3387 posts, RR: 2
Reply 11, posted (1 year 11 months 3 weeks 6 hours ago) and read 3393 times:

Quoting Ken777 (Reply 9):
It's really the person, not the age.

Unless you want kids and yes then men have a biological clock too. What 75-year old wants to deal with a teenager that he can't send back to his parents.

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
Lack Of Marriages

As Elvis Presley said "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free"



"I want to know the voice of God the rest is just details" --A. Einstein
User currently offlineLTBEWR From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 13040 posts, RR: 12
Reply 12, posted (1 year 11 months 3 weeks 5 hours ago) and read 3368 times:

I would suggest in many places in the world, 5 factors are at play:

1) Major social changes, less religious pressures and improved birth control means you don't have to be married to have sex,

2) Gay and Lesbian relationships are more acceptable as are single parents, some live as if married but don't get that legal status so for financial reasons.

3) Many young adults are not able to get decent paying jobs and in the USA, many have huge student loan debt, so are not in a sufficiently secure financial position to get married or even find a mate and don't see where they can ever afford any children.

4) Too many had parents who divorced or should have so are afraid of making that commitment.

5) There is no longer the stigma of living with parents or on your own due to the current economic times.

As to an age to get married, it can vary from person to person. Generally in Western/westernized societies, It is probably best to be in your late 20's-30 for a guy, mid-20's for a woman.


User currently offlineRevelation From United States of America, joined Feb 2005, 12340 posts, RR: 25
Reply 13, posted (1 year 11 months 3 weeks 4 hours ago) and read 3335 times:

Quoting LTBEWR (Reply 12):
but don't get that legal status so for financial reasons.

Certainly working in the legal space, you should add in "don't get that legal status for legal reasons" too.

Meaning they have been #^(!*% over by divorce courts, or by divorce lawyers, or both, and won't ever get married again because of it, or have seen friends/relatives treated the same way.

I've seen both straight men and women say as much, but it's mostly men. I don't know any gay/lesbian divorced people, yet.



Inspiration, move me brightly!
User currently offlineus330 From United States of America, joined Aug 2000, 3867 posts, RR: 14
Reply 14, posted (1 year 11 months 3 weeks 1 hour ago) and read 3286 times:

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
What do you guys think (about all this and my story here)? Do you think 20 is too young? (note-I'll never get married at this age, obviously) or what about my friend who is married at 25?

I think people should get married whenever they want. Doesn't mean it will be a successful marriage, though.

Quoting Revelation (Reply 10):
All I'm hearing is "she's available".

So, in that case, my guess is that you should move on

Yep. Same vibe I'm getting. My parents have been happily married for 30+ years...but they have both said that there is no need to rush into it. If you don't feel that you are ready for marriage, then don't get married. It's that simple. And getting married because everyone else is doing it is a horrible reason.


User currently offlineTheRedBaron From Mexico, joined Mar 2005, 2191 posts, RR: 8
Reply 15, posted (1 year 11 months 3 weeks 1 hour ago) and read 3279 times:

I think getting married should be done after playing the field and knowing what you want, what you can endure and also after finishing a Career and a extra diploma and getting a good job. If you are not a slacker it should fall between 28 and 32 years. If you do it before you risk missing out a lot of stuff, and probably not getting to your full potential as a worker and academically. If you do it AFTER you become too self centered and selfish, because lets face it there are way too many fish on the Ocean !!! and tons of stuff you like and WILL buy....travel etc.

If you do It and have kids lets say from 30 to 33 years its perfect because family will prevent you to be so self centered and also give you the urgency and pressure to build a house, and save for education and stuff. YES ITS A DRAG but in the end by the time they are out of college you are like 50 to 53 and you then can use your wealth and enjoy being a couple again and being young enough to be of utility to your kids and not old enough that you can't enjoy 20 to 30 years of fun.... married or not...

I have seen tons of people married later that 38 even at 40, most of them have divorced before 4 years...

My advice live as much as you can and settle before you become too self centered...

my .02 (that may be totally wrong lol)



The best seat in a Plane is the Jumpseat.
User currently offlineDeltaMD90 From United States of America, joined Apr 2008, 7831 posts, RR: 52
Reply 16, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 6 days 4 hours ago) and read 3127 times:

Married at 22 (2 days ago!  )

And I don't get this overpopulation fear talk... I don't think that the entire world has 1 carrying capacity that we'll magically hit one day, I think some parts of the world are ALREADY overpopulated and some parts of the world have plenty of room for expansion. The US and Europe cutting their birthrate down will not help Africa at all, and in fact, I can see an extreme case where there can be too low of a birthrate in the US and Europe with too high a birthrate in other areas...



Ironically I have never flown a Delta MD-90 :)
User currently offlinetugger From United States of America, joined Apr 2006, 5421 posts, RR: 8
Reply 17, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 6 days 4 hours ago) and read 3119 times:

Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 16):
Married at 22 (2 days ago! )

Congratulation!!!   

But aren't you supposed to be on your honeymoon    somewhere   ?

What the heck are you doing posting on A.net?   

Tugg



I don’t know that I am unafraid to be myself, but it is hard to be somebody else. -W. Shatner
User currently offlineDeltaMD90 From United States of America, joined Apr 2008, 7831 posts, RR: 52
Reply 18, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 6 days 4 hours ago) and read 3115 times:

Quoting tugger (Reply 17):

Navy won't let me go on one. Class today and the rest of the week. But we're together and happy. About a month until she has to report to the Army for training. We take what we can get 



Ironically I have never flown a Delta MD-90 :)
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 19411 posts, RR: 58
Reply 19, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 6 days 3 hours ago) and read 3108 times:

Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 18):
Navy won't let me go on one.

*Gets Married*

*Post on A.net instead of getting it on*
    

(Mazel Tov, MD90!)


User currently offlineDeltaMD90 From United States of America, joined Apr 2008, 7831 posts, RR: 52
Reply 20, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 6 days 3 hours ago) and read 3101 times:

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 19):
Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 18):
Navy won't let me go on one.

*Gets Married*

This is what everyone says! When we finally make it to SFO you can meet her... she's no psycho chick! (In before "well she will be now that yall are married!   )

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 19):
*Post on A.net instead of getting it on*

Hey hey, I haven't been on since Friday, I took a break! (A good break it seems, filled with more gun control threads I'm tired of and about Paul Ryan... yawn...)



Ironically I have never flown a Delta MD-90 :)
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 19411 posts, RR: 58
Reply 21, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 6 days 3 hours ago) and read 3093 times:

Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 20):
Hey hey, I haven't been on since Friday, I took a break! (A good break it seems, filled with more gun control threads I'm tired of and about Paul Ryan... yawn...)

You remembered that consummate and consomme are two different things, right?  


User currently offlineDeltaMD90 From United States of America, joined Apr 2008, 7831 posts, RR: 52
Reply 22, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 6 days ago) and read 3065 times:

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 21):
You remembered that consummate and consomme are two different things, right?  

Yes yes, the marriage has been consummated... 

Airliners.net is a guilty pleasure I cannot be away from for too long, even if it does piss me off sometimes lol



Ironically I have never flown a Delta MD-90 :)
User currently onlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39702 posts, RR: 75
Reply 23, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 21 hours ago) and read 3035 times:

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
In Japan it's for this reason, as I've found in my research: (out of the 200+ contacts I have) are married. Out of those 4, only one of them is below the age of 35.

THAT's the one I want to meat then! 
Hook us up when we hang out in Japan.  
Quoting DocLightning (Reply 19):
*Gets Married*
*Post on A.net instead of getting it on*

  
That was a good one!
Sorry DeltaMD80 but this doesn't sound like it's getting off to a good start.




The best age for a guy to take the plunge and get married is in his early 40s.
The best age for a lady to get married is as soon as possible - early to mid 20s.



Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlineaerorobnz From Rwanda, joined Feb 2001, 7166 posts, RR: 13
Reply 24, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 20 hours ago) and read 3026 times:

Quoting kiwiandrew (Reply 3):
In a world with 7 billion people, and counting, I am not sure if people opting out of having kids is necessarily a terrible thing. Not that kids and marriage automatically go together of course.

Agreed. It is up to the individual - provided they can support a family without subsidies or support.

Quoting bjorn14 (Reply 11):
As Elvis Presley said "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free"

Well quite.

It might be nice in theory, but in reality most marriages are founded on superficial BS these days, and although they might be married it doesn't make them more trustworthy, stable and positive than any unmarried relationships. There are many that refuse to admit that marriage for them is never going to be successful.

Personally I think the age is around retirement, once superficial ambition and pressure to reproduce has long since died out. It then becomes a case of companionship, friendship and just enjoying the time that you have left together.

I have no ambition to breed, nor marry. Nothing is going to stop me from being happy and content in myself without the need for stage props like marriage and children to make me feel some deluded sense of achievement in the performance of life. Billions of people through hundreds of generations of hominid have done just that since prehistory and it is nothing special. It is just a very basic instinct that requires nothing more than an active reptillian portion of the brain...


User currently onlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39702 posts, RR: 75
Reply 25, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 19 hours ago) and read 3065 times:

Quoting aerorobnz (Reply 24):
Agreed. It is up to the individual - provided they can support a family without subsidies or support.


  
Amen to that!

Quoting aerorobnz (Reply 24):
Personally I think the age is around retirement, once superficial ambition and pressure to reproduce has long since died out. It then becomes a case of companionship, friendship and just enjoying the time that you have left together.


True but most retired men in their 60s don't want women in their 60s. They want women in their 20s. 
Althought I have seen women in their late 30s & 40s marry men in their 60s and they work out very well together.

Quoting aerorobnz (Reply 24):
It is just a very basic instinct that requires nothing more than an active reptillian portion of the brain...


The reptilian portion of our brain brings out our wild, animalistic, erotic side which brings lots of pleasure.



Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlineaerorobnz From Rwanda, joined Feb 2001, 7166 posts, RR: 13
Reply 26, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 19 hours ago) and read 3062 times:

Quoting Superfly (Reply 25):
The reptilian portion of our brain brings out our wild, animalistic, erotic side which brings lots of pleasure.

Sure, the breeding propagating of the species part is deeply animalistic that we share with all animals. Of course the fact that I can't keep it in my pants is distinctly animalistic too.. 
Quoting Superfly (Reply 25):
True but most retired men in their 60s don't want women in their 60s. They want women in their 20s.

yeah true, but age has nothing to do with it, it is the state of mind, the inherent confidence and security in oneself that helps obtain a partner (no matter what their age)


User currently onlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39702 posts, RR: 75
Reply 27, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 19 hours ago) and read 3092 times:

Quoting aerorobnz (Reply 26):
the breeding

No, no, no!
Wear a condom and/or use birth control.
You can still be an animal. Just be a smart animal.  
Quoting aerorobnz (Reply 26):
yeah true, but age has nothing to do with it, it is the state of mind, the inherent confidence and security in oneself that helps obtain a partner (no matter what their age)

True.



Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlineaerorobnz From Rwanda, joined Feb 2001, 7166 posts, RR: 13
Reply 28, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 18 hours ago) and read 3080 times:

Quoting Superfly (Reply 27):
Wear a condom and/or use birth control.

of course....I want to survive long enough to be the 60yo banging the 20yo... 


User currently offlinecomorin From United States of America, joined May 2005, 4896 posts, RR: 16
Reply 29, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 17 hours ago) and read 3063 times:

Quoting Superfly (Reply 25):
The reptilian portion of our brain brings out our wild, animalistic, erotic side which brings lots of pleasure.

Word.


User currently offlineMD11Engineer From Germany, joined Oct 2003, 13968 posts, RR: 63
Reply 30, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 17 hours ago) and read 3062 times:

Quoting Superfly (Reply 25):
True but most retired men in their 60s don't want women in their 60s. They want women in their 20s.

Nope. I´m 45 and give me a woman between 27 and 50 (or, in some cases a little bit older). I see those young chicks we have as hosties at our airline and I can´t connect with them. Sure, they would be fun in bed, but what to do with them afterwards?

I also went through a relationship where I had to do the thinking for both of us and I simply got fed up with it. I like women who know what they want and are confident about themselves, and if their aims and mine match, perfect.
So far I´m very happy with my girlfriend for the last 12 years, who is successful in her profession and who is 8 years younger than me.

Jan


User currently offlineRevelation From United States of America, joined Feb 2005, 12340 posts, RR: 25
Reply 31, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 16 hours ago) and read 3046 times:

Quoting us330 (Reply 14):
And getting married because everyone else is doing it is a horrible reason.

And bringing another human into this world for the same reason is 10x worse.

It's interesting that Superfly used the expression "take the plunge" above.

To a large degree, marriage and child-raising is taking a huge leap of faith that your partner will stay the course.

In my case, I got married in my late 20s and was willing to have kids early on, but then as I got to know her better and better, I realized the only time she had any motivation to have kids was after her mother pressured her. In short, as time passed I realized more and more that she just wasn't mommy material, and am darn glad I didn't have kids with her, even if that means I'll probably never be a parent. She didn't want kids because she wanted to raise them (she told me she'd never change a diaper and we'd need nannies 24x7), she wanted kids just to keep her mother off her back.

Quoting MD11Engineer (Reply 30):
Nope. I´m 45 and give me a woman between 27 and 50 (or, in some cases a little bit older). I see those young chicks we have as hosties at our airline and I can´t connect with them. Sure, they would be fun in bed, but what to do with them afterwards?

I also went through a relationship where I had to do the thinking for both of us and I simply got fed up with it. I like women who know what they want and are confident about themselves, and if their aims and mine match, perfect.
So far I´m very happy with my girlfriend for the last 12 years, who is successful in her profession and who is 8 years younger than me.

My thinking is in line with yours. Personally I find it hard to connect with someone who isn't of my age group. That's not to say such connection is impossible for others, but one just has so little in common with someone outside of one's age group. If all you are after is a physical relationship, it makes no sense to be thinking of marriage, because chances are good you will want to play the field and/or switch to a younger one sooner or later.



Inspiration, move me brightly!
User currently offlineSW733 From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 6301 posts, RR: 9
Reply 32, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 13 hours ago) and read 3007 times:

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
when is the best age for someone to get married?

Gosh, who knows. There is no magic number. My parents were married at 22/20 (father/mother) and they were an incredibly strong marriage that lasted to his death. I am getting married next year at 29 to a 27 year old, which seems like the perfect age to me - we both have all of the partying out of our system, we have good jobs, and we're ready to spend a few years together and then start a family in our early 30s. BUT, what's perfect to me is not necessarily perfect to anyone else.

Quoting KiwiRob (Reply 8):
far too many in Africa

If it makes you feel better, I left Africa and now live in the US  
Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 16):
Married at 22 (2 days ago! )

Congrats yo!

Quoting tugger (Reply 17):
But aren't you supposed to be on your honeymoon somewhere ?

Hey now...m'lady and I are getting married in April 2013 but not taking our honeymoon until late July/early August 2013 (Hong Kong & Thailand). I don't always see the point in rushing from the altar straight to the plane.


User currently offlinePHX787 From Japan, joined Mar 2012, 7210 posts, RR: 17
Reply 33, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 13 hours ago) and read 2999 times:

Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 16):
Married at 22 (2 days ago! )

Omedetou~~~~~~~~ 
Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 20):
Hey hey, I haven't been on since Friday, I took a break! (A good break it seems, filled with more gun control threads I'm tired of and about Paul Ryan... yawn...)

THANK YOU! Sick of the political threads these days   

Quoting Superfly (Reply 23):

THAT's the one I want to meat then!
Hook us up when we hang out in Japan.

Oh dear god 'Fly -__- You sound like those guys who hang out in Takeshita Street trying to pick up 14 year old girls

Quoting Superfly (Reply 27):
Wear a condom and/or use birth control.
You can still be an animal. Just be a smart animal.

Thank you! Too many idiots born in the world today (overpopulation? Underpopulation?)

In regards to my thread's point- get married if you're smart. reproduce if you have brains.



One of the FB admins for PHX Spotters. "Zach the Expat!"
User currently onlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39702 posts, RR: 75
Reply 34, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 9 hours ago) and read 2958 times:

Quoting MD11Engineer (Reply 30):
Nope. I´m 45


Which means you're not in your 60s.

Quoting PHX787 (Reply 33):
Oh dear god 'Fly -__- You sound like those guys who hang out in Takeshita Street trying to pick up 14 year old girls


  
You said you had one friend under 35? How did you get a whole 21 years off?

Quoting PHX787 (Reply 33):
Too many idiots born in the world today


True but we have no control over other people's decisions.



Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 19411 posts, RR: 58
Reply 35, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 8 hours ago) and read 2932 times:

Quoting MD11Engineer (Reply 30):

Nope. I´m 45 and give me a woman between 27 and 50 (or, in some cases a little bit older). I see those young chicks we have as hosties at our airline and I can´t connect with them. Sure, they would be fun in bed, but what to do with them afterwards?

The same thing you just did again! And again! And again! Jeeezis, man, do I have to give you a PowerPoint lecture?  
Quoting SW733 (Reply 32):
Gosh, who knows. There is no magic number.

It's true. But I will also say that when you find that person... you *KNOW.* There is no doubt in your head. No cold feet. No "I'm pretty sure." It's a love like you've never experienced before. It goes beyond romance and becomes like family (except with benefits). And that's a sign that you should become a family.

I think too many people jump the gun because of a number of bad reasons.


User currently offlineMD11Engineer From Germany, joined Oct 2003, 13968 posts, RR: 63
Reply 36, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 8 hours ago) and read 2923 times:

Quoting Superfly (Reply 34):
Quoting MD11Engineer (Reply 30):
Nope. I´m 45


Which means you're not in your 60s.

This means I don´t have to make an ass out of myself while trying to "prove" what a "young stud" I am.
I know such a guy. breaking all health and safety rules at work just to show that he could work more than "the young ´uns", creating an absolute hectic at work and when he is off he has a whole harem of 20 year old Russian girls to show "how good he is". That those girls are just after his dosh and are probably laughing about him behind his back, is another matter.

It falls in the same area as older women nicking their daughter´s clothes to go out.


Jan


User currently offlineMD11Engineer From Germany, joined Oct 2003, 13968 posts, RR: 63
Reply 37, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 8 hours ago) and read 2922 times:

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 35):
Quoting MD11Engineer (Reply 30):

Nope. I´m 45 and give me a woman between 27 and 50 (or, in some cases a little bit older). I see those young chicks we have as hosties at our airline and I can´t connect with them. Sure, they would be fun in bed, but what to do with them afterwards?

The same thing you just did again! And again! And again! Jeeezis, man, do I have to give you a PowerPoint lecture?

After a while even THIS becomes boring.

Jan


User currently offlinePHX787 From Japan, joined Mar 2012, 7210 posts, RR: 17
Reply 38, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 7 hours ago) and read 2912 times:

Quoting Superfly (Reply 34):

You said you had one friend under 35? How did you get a whole 21 years off?

I think you misread me :P



One of the FB admins for PHX Spotters. "Zach the Expat!"
User currently onlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39702 posts, RR: 75
Reply 39, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 7 hours ago) and read 2904 times:

Quoting MD11Engineer (Reply 36):
This means I don´t have to make an ass out of myself while trying to "prove" what a "young stud" I am.
I know such a guy. breaking all health and safety rules at work just to show that he could work more than "the young ´uns", creating an absolute hectic at work and when he is off he has a whole harem of 20 year old Russian girls to show "how good he is". That those girls are just after his dosh and are probably laughing about him behind his back, is another matter.




Sounds like you're working with a weird character. My guess is that he was just as much as a chump when he was younger.
I don't like to make judgements on the people based on their choice in mates.



Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 19411 posts, RR: 58
Reply 40, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 2892 times:

Quoting MD11Engineer (Reply 37):

After a while even THIS becomes boring.

Well, then you say something really jerkish or patronizing, get slapped in the face, and she leaves!
(Where DID I put that PowerPoint?)  


User currently offlineYVRLTN From Canada, joined Oct 2006, 2444 posts, RR: 0
Reply 41, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 4 days 23 hours ago) and read 2854 times:

I was married at 24, I am now 31. Heres my life experience so far on the subject  

We got married when we did for immigration purposes, we were not common law partners before so she could not join me in Canada unless she was my spouse. It has worked out absolutely fine so far when all is said and done.

When I was your age, I was desperate to get into a relationship and settle down because I didnt want to leave it too late and end up on the shelf (I had a few friends who had much older brothers who were destined to be batchelors for ever!)

I tried to do this, but was by no means ready to settle down and make any sort of commitment and I still feel bad for the girl I messed around to this day.

You need your fun and "do your stuff". At 20, you have probably had 2-4 years of "fun" and think you are now all ready to move on. Nope, I think you still have a few years to get out of your system yet...   At 24 after being in a long distance relationship for about a year, I was still not really ready to get married and it was even harder coming to a new country with lots to explore (the talent here is amazing...) so I was trying to carry on with my old life for the first two years of our marriage. I have to say she was amazing in dealing with it, but if you are not ready to make any changes and are enjoying your life without the commitment (because that is what it is) then dont do it.

Fast forward 6.5 years and a lot of my new friends here are single and having a great time. I cant do things they do. I wonder what it would be like to be single, there are a couple of people who I feel I would give anything to be in a relationship with. Then I realize I would just be in the same boat and I realize that all my wife does for me and all she is as a person really is worth the "hardship" after all. You have to over ride any of those other feelings. With 11 years of experience over you now under my belt I can tell you wont possibly be able to consider these things at this time s- dont rush into it and only do it when it feels right. IMO, 24 was too young but we are all different of course and there are all sorts of factors involved in our marriage and emigration most couples would not have.

As for kids, I would be happy with never just because neither of us can be bothered to deal with the stress & noise. It really does also cement each other into your lives for the next 18+ years even if you go your own ways, at least it should for the sake of the kid. Then there is the cost. Its expensive to live here in YVR, but I earn way above average salary and I cant think what it must be like to try and raise a family - I know millions do, but I dont want to think about it..... so we dont   But a decision to have a child should be between you if it feels right, not for maintaining the worlds population or because grandmother in law feels that after 6.5 years of marriage you are long over due to procreate!



Follow me on twitter for YVR movements @vernonYVR
User currently offlinemandala499 From Indonesia, joined Aug 2001, 6767 posts, RR: 76
Reply 42, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 4 days 22 hours ago) and read 2829 times:

Quoting Revelation (Reply 10):
I guess what I'm not hearing from you is things like "I know she's the one", "I have strong feelings for her", etc.

All I'm hearing is "she's available".

So, in that case, my guess is that you should move on.

I take it these are not his buddies ex's?   

Quoting aerorobnz (Reply 24):
It might be nice in theory, but in reality most marriages are founded on superficial BS these days, and although they might be married it doesn't make them more trustworthy, stable and positive than any unmarried relationships. There are many that refuse to admit that marriage for them is never going to be successful.

Yes, a lot are based on "expectations"... I know friends who got married before truly knowing who their marriage partners really is... I mean, beyond the superficial. These marriages usually end up as expensive (monetarily and socially) divorces with a very high propensity for them to have kids before they realized they gotta close the show.

PHX787, my wife has a nice way of putting it... "shop around, try before you buy... and only buy the right one and when you're ready!"    Thereafter, you're confined to "rentals", "window shopping" or "robbery"    (although she did tell me, "go and buy another one... if you can afford it!" LOL)



When losing situational awareness, pray Cumulus Granitus isn't nearby !
User currently offlineaerorobnz From Rwanda, joined Feb 2001, 7166 posts, RR: 13
Reply 43, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 4 days 20 hours ago) and read 2823 times:

Quoting YVRLTN (Reply 41):
At 20, you have probably had 2-4 years of "fun" and think you are now all ready to move on.

I'm at 29, still single. I think the "fun" gets better with age. Now I'm the perfect age to get a 20yo or a 40yo and the options have increased all the time....:-p


User currently onlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39702 posts, RR: 75
Reply 44, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 4 days 20 hours ago) and read 2816 times:

Quoting aerorobnz (Reply 43):
I'm at 29, still single. I think the "fun" gets better with age. Now I'm the perfect age to get a 20yo or a 40yo and the options have increased all the time....:-p

  
It gets better and better with age. Stay single as long as you can.



Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlineflipdewaf From United Kingdom, joined Jul 2006, 1562 posts, RR: 1
Reply 45, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 4 days 12 hours ago) and read 2788 times:
Support Airliners.net - become a First Class Member!

Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 16):
Married at 22 (2 days ago! )

Congratulations, I still have 8.5 days of freedom remaining.

Quoting Superfly (Reply 23):
THAT's the one I want to meat then!

Meat or meet? As its you fly I think you probably do want to meat them!

Quoting Superfly (Reply 23):
The best age for a guy to take the plunge and get married is in his early 40s.

Are you in your early 40's?

Quoting Superfly (Reply 23):
The best age for a lady to get married is as soon as possible - early to mid 20s.

Do you want a girl in her 20's?  
Quoting mandala499 (Reply 42):
PHX787, my wife has a nice way of putting it... "shop around, try before you buy... and only buy the right one and when you're ready!" Thereafter, you're confined to "rentals", "window shopping" or "robbery" (although she did tell me, "go and buy another one... if you can afford it!" LOL)

My response to my fiance when she asks if I will ever cheat on her is "I have enough trouble with you, why would I want another one", she see the funny side.

Fred


User currently onlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39702 posts, RR: 75
Reply 46, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 4 days 12 hours ago) and read 2785 times:

Quoting flipdewaf (Reply 45):
Meat or meet?

Ooops.  
Quoting flipdewaf (Reply 45):
Are you in your early 40's?

Nope. I'm still 30-something.
Although I can see myself slowing down within the next 5 - 10 years. Who knows?

Quoting flipdewaf (Reply 45):
Do you want a girl in her 20's?

Well of course.  
Yes there are some amazing women in their 30s but I'll leave them alone for the guys older than me.
Now women in their 40s are fantastic for fun.   
They've already got the whole wedding and marriage thing out of their system and already have kids that they can't wait to leave the house.
All they want from me is one thing.....



Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlinefalstaff From United States of America, joined Jun 2006, 6075 posts, RR: 29
Reply 47, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 4 days 9 hours ago) and read 2755 times:
Support Airliners.net - become a First Class Member!

What is the best age to get married? Never!


My mug slaketh over on Falstaff N503
User currently offlinecorocks From United States of America, joined Feb 2001, 1213 posts, RR: 0
Reply 48, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 4 days 4 hours ago) and read 2715 times:

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
Do you think 20 is too young?

Yes. I have never seen anyone I know get married this young and had their marriage last. Keep in mind, I mean people in their 20's now - not 50 years ago. I think at age 20 there is too much life left to experience and people to meet. 50 years ago when everyone go married in their 20's the world was much smaller. People did not meet as many people, women went straight to the kitchen and did not work, and travel was not as common.

I got married at age 29 and it was just about perfect. Was mature enough to know I was ready and had my shit together.

I agree that kids vs. marriage should be mutually exclusive, but in reality they are not, especially in the US. I know a couple that had a child without being married and then the mother died. Created all kinds of legal issues, especially over custody between the father and the mothers family.


User currently offlineMD11Engineer From Germany, joined Oct 2003, 13968 posts, RR: 63
Reply 49, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 2668 times:

Quoting falstaff (Reply 47):
What is the best age to get married? Never!

This is what my Canadian uncle used to say (he emigrated to Canada as a young engineer in the early 1970s and later had his own engineering company there in Vancouver).
Until, after he retired to become a silent partner in his company, he suddenly married his Chinese longtime secretary.

Jan


User currently offlinegocaps16 From Japan, joined Jan 2000, 4338 posts, RR: 21
Reply 50, posted (1 year 11 months 2 weeks 3 days 16 hours ago) and read 2633 times:

My wife was 24 and I was 25 when we got married in Japan. 3 years later and still in Japan we are still together with a 6 month old baby. Before we decided to get married, we both wanted to be married before we hit 30 years old. The majority of my JN friends as well my wife's are married and have children too. Before I met my wife when I first moved to Japan in 2007, I have met some wonderful Japanese and as well not so quite wonderful ones. I was even talking to one that is a flight attendent for JAL but that ended up being a friendship relationship rather then a personal one. It's personal choice and I can understand why as it conflicts with their professions.

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
As you all know, a lot of nations in the far east (Japan, Korea, China

I am from South Korea and most of my family and friends my age are still single. Very common.

Quoting PHX787 (Thread starter):
lack of childbirth to support the aging population that came about from a post-war baby boom.

The reason why the Japanese Government cuts the family a check for every baby that is born in Japan. We recieved $7,000 USD from the City Hall after the birth of my daughter as well, our local city hall sends us a 20,000 yen check a month to support us. Something the USA will never do to us.


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