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Best Way To Stop A Wedding?  
User currently offlineusflyer msp From United States of America, joined May 2000, 2180 posts, RR: 0
Posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 3231 times:

Anyone out there have any experience stopping or sabotaging weddings? I need some advice on the best techniques.

I have a family member that is engaged to man that just got out of jail for drug trafficking. No one in our family is in love with the idea but we thought "she is a grown woman and can do what she wants" up until her engagement party this past weekend. Now we have resolved to stop this wedding by any means necessary.

It was the most appalling event I have ever attended in my life. His ex-girlfriend (who the heck invited her?) gets up during the toasting period and starts taking about (i am paraphrasing ... she was much more graphic) how he was the best lover she ever had and no one ever made her scream like he did and that she hopes my family member enjoys it. It gets worse. Then his cellmate from prison gets up and starts talking about how the fiancee "took care of him when he was missing his girl" and "was the only one on the inside that made him full like a full man." I (and just about everyone else I know) took this to mean that they were gay lovers in prison. The restaurant had grown silent in shock by this point but somehow this revelation flew completely over my family member's head.

I just shook my head.

43 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlinearmitageshanks From UK - England, joined Dec 2003, 3645 posts, RR: 15
Reply 1, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 3216 times:

You can't without causing serious rifts between you and her.

Have you actually sat down with her and talked about it with a level head? You might just say as long as you're married to this man I will not be a part of your life- period.


User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 20334 posts, RR: 59
Reply 2, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 3217 times:

Sorry, but I promise that there is nothing you can do. Anything you do will make the situation worse.

Besides, I think your only options for guaranteed success would involve homicide. Now, you might be thinking: "Well, gee, there's an idea!"    But I would point out that such a course of action would expose you to certain bureaucratic and legal hassles to a degree that it's probably not worth it.  

Sucks to be powerless in a situation like this, but it is what it is.


User currently offlinecasinterest From United States of America, joined Feb 2005, 4786 posts, RR: 3
Reply 3, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 3203 times:

Just level with her. If she does not catch the drift and disagrees, so be it.
However there can be many mitigating details that are not being presented here.

The above seems like a setup for tragedy. She is marrying an ex-con that is still buddies with his ex, and ex-cellmate.

Not to delve into her history much, but is she being abused or not dealing with a full deck?



Older than I just was ,and younger than I will soo be.
User currently offlineBMI727 From United States of America, joined Feb 2009, 15831 posts, RR: 27
Reply 4, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 3203 times:

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 2):
Besides, I think your only options for guaranteed success would involve homicide.

Don't bother with that. Just get him to violate his parole. If you want to be humane about it you can do the same to the shower buddy so he won't get lonely.



Why do Aerospace Engineering students have to turn things in on time?
User currently onlinemt99 From United States of America, joined May 1999, 6674 posts, RR: 6
Reply 5, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 3163 times:
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Just be honest:

"We love you and that is why we are saying this: We do not think that this guy is for you.Love is based on honesty - we are just letting you know how we feel about this situation That being said, you are a grown woman and you can make whatever choice you want and we will support unconditionally you whatever that choice is. We want you to be happy/."



Step into my office, baby
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 20334 posts, RR: 59
Reply 6, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 3159 times:

Quoting BMI727 (Reply 4):
If you want to be humane about it you can do the same to the shower buddy so he won't get lonely.

  

BMI, get over here and clean up the chicken salad you just made spit all over my monitor.


User currently offlineBMI727 From United States of America, joined Feb 2009, 15831 posts, RR: 27
Reply 7, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 3148 times:

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 6):
BMI, get over here and clean up the chicken salad you just made spit all over my monitor.

Just call them over for a guys' night (maybe don't use those words, exactly, just get them to hang out with you) and do a couple lines. Then drop a dime to the parole officer and it's done. Who knows, enough quality time with the Ticklemonster and maybe he'll forget about the girl entirely.



Why do Aerospace Engineering students have to turn things in on time?
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 20334 posts, RR: 59
Reply 8, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 3131 times:

Quoting BMI727 (Reply 7):
Just call them over for a guys' night (maybe don't use those words, exactly, just get them to hang out with you) and do a couple lines. Then drop a dime to the parole officer and it's done. Who knows, enough quality time with the Ticklemonster and maybe he'll forget about the girl entirely.

OK, stop, dude. I'm hyperventilating here!

Um... how do you know so much about this?

BTW, I'd make it smoke a few joints, rather than do a few lines. THC has a much longer half-life for detection in the urine than cocaine.

I mean... I don't actually recommend any illegal activity or drug use.   


User currently offlinestlgph From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 9507 posts, RR: 26
Reply 9, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 3132 times:

Are you nuts? If that all really happened do *NOT* try and stop this wedding. It could turn into one of the best nights of your life and you'll have plenty of stories for years.


if assumptions could fly, airliners.net would be the world's busiest airport
User currently offlineBMI727 From United States of America, joined Feb 2009, 15831 posts, RR: 27
Reply 10, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 3102 times:

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 8):
BTW, I'd make it smoke a few joints, rather than do a few lines. THC has a much longer half-life for detection in the urine than cocaine.

Coke's a little bit classier. I'm sure they wouldn't want to come off as being trashy.

There's also a scenario where they live happily ever after in Happy Valley, PA. Some illicit rhythmic slapping sounds don't seem to be a big hangup for people there.



Why do Aerospace Engineering students have to turn things in on time?
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 20334 posts, RR: 59
Reply 11, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 3100 times:

Quoting BMI727 (Reply 10):
I'm sure they wouldn't want to come off as being trashy.

Dude, I think they passed "Trashy" about 3,000 NM back.

Quoting stlgph (Reply 9):
If that all really happened do *NOT* try and stop this wedding. It could turn into one of the best nights of your life and you'll have plenty of stories for years.

You know, he does have a point...


User currently offlinecasinterest From United States of America, joined Feb 2005, 4786 posts, RR: 3
Reply 12, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 3080 times:

Quoting DocLightning (Reply 11):

Quoting stlgph (Reply 9):If that all really happened do *NOT* try and stop this wedding. It could turn into one of the best nights of your life and you'll have plenty of stories for years.
You know, he does have a point...

I think this is true. Maybe this should be shopped to Jerry Springer. It has all the makings of a great trash show.



Older than I just was ,and younger than I will soo be.
User currently offlineMaverick623 From United States of America, joined Nov 2006, 5732 posts, RR: 6
Reply 13, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 20 hours ago) and read 3057 times:

Quoting usflyer msp (Thread starter):
"she is a grown woman and can do what she wants"

This.

All you can do is talk to her about it. If she doesn't want to listen, let her go. The only other way to stop it is by doing something illegal, and there's no reason for your family to be dragged down that low by her stupidity. Instead of one person throwing their life away, you will be throwing yours away as well pursuing this vendetta.

I've recently made the decision to cut off contact with a significant chunk of my extended family, because I'm watching what happens when you try to fix something (or someones) that doesn't want to be fixed. It sucks, but if they're not going to put their well-being first and take me with them... I'm not having it.



"PHX is Phoenix, PDX is the other city" -777Way
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 20334 posts, RR: 59
Reply 14, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 3016 times:

Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 13):
I've recently made the decision to cut off contact with a significant chunk of my extended family, because I'm watching what happens when you try to fix something (or someones) that doesn't want to be fixed. It sucks, but if they're not going to put their well-being first and take me with them... I'm not having it.

     

This.


User currently offlineBMI727 From United States of America, joined Feb 2009, 15831 posts, RR: 27
Reply 15, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 3016 times:

Quoting casinterest (Reply 12):
Maybe this should be shopped to Jerry Springer.

Will Jerry take a case that doesn't include at least one transvestite?



Why do Aerospace Engineering students have to turn things in on time?
User currently offlinevikkyvik From United States of America, joined Jul 2003, 10331 posts, RR: 26
Reply 16, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 2998 times:

Quoting Maverick623 (Reply 13):
I've recently made the decision to cut off contact with a significant chunk of my extended family, because I'm watching what happens when you try to fix something (or someones) that doesn't want to be fixed. It sucks, but if they're not going to put their well-being first and take me with them... I'm not having it.

And that, as they say, is pretty much that.

You can express your concerns, you can yell, scream, cry, you can do whatever you think it might take. But ultimately, the only thing you can control is your own actions. And that might mean you simply have to let go and not be a part of her life, if this is the way she is going.



How can I be an admiral without my cap??!
User currently offlineOA260 From Ireland, joined Nov 2006, 27295 posts, RR: 60
Reply 17, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 2975 times:

This sounds like a comedy on TV !! Seriously though nothing anyone can do people have to make their own mistakes in life and if she is an adult she has to learn the hard way .

User currently offlinetugger From United States of America, joined Apr 2006, 5770 posts, RR: 10
Reply 18, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 2948 times:

Quoting usflyer msp (Thread starter):
Anyone out there have any experience stopping or sabotaging weddings? I need some advice on the best techniques.

Well you have to consider if you are trying to disrupt the setting the wedding is to take place in, or if you are trying to impact the people attending, or the happy couple themselves.

You can do things that affect the location arrangement, the person with the marriage authority etc. With guests you can disrupt what they do to get to site or whether they plan to attend at all (emails that suddenly copy everyone can be effective). This same thing can be done between the happy couple if you can get one or the other to starting finding out about the dirt of the other one (though it sounds she and he are already so dirty as more won't matter). Arguments may ensue and things may get called off. Who knows.

While the naysayers here are right that you ultimately can't stop someone that is determined to get married, you can do a lot that will ruin a carefully planned day. And sometimes that can either create the friction needed to break things up or give the time needed for things to change. Bad weddings days do lead to a greater chance of a marriage ending. Also don't forget that depending on how obviously involved you are, you may be a pariah in future family events. Though it sounds like that might actually be desirable.

But do think about what you are doing and whether it is worth it versus the chances it will work. It certainly is a mean thing to do in most situations and will likely be seen as such. And don't forget that terrible marriage choices have been made throughout history and somehow most people manage through them. Sometimes the happy couple surprise everyone and go one to a great marriage and wonderful family. And other times the marriage ends and the parties involved move on (but not always to better choices).

In other words: You will probably be better off letting things happen and letting the chips fall where they may (though I know how you feel, it is hard to watch a family member make what you believe/know is a bad choice. Take it from someone that has watched something similar in his own family. Two "minuses" together only make a positive for certain in mathematics, not life).

Tugg

[Edited 2012-10-08 16:09:29]


I don’t know that I am unafraid to be myself, but it is hard to be somebody else. -W. Shatner
User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 20334 posts, RR: 59
Reply 19, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 18 hours ago) and read 2943 times:

Quoting BMI727 (Reply 15):

Will Jerry take a case that doesn't include at least one transvestite?

There's a male-male-female triangle going on here. That's unusual enough that Jerry might just be interested...

Quoting mt99 (Reply 5):
"We love you and that is why we are saying this: We do not think that this guy is for you.Love is based on honesty - we are just letting you know how we feel about this situation That being said, you are a grown woman and you can make whatever choice you want and we will support unconditionally you whatever that choice is. We want you to be happy/."

Oooh! Guilt! I like it! You aren't Catholic or Jewish, perchance, are you? Because that was actually very good!

But it's true. You can light the wedding hall on fire the night before and make their nuptial bed with cayenne pepper, but if they're determined to go ahead, then it is what it is.

BTW, I know of a few bisexual men who are married and whose wives knowingly let them pursue their "other interests" on the side (let's not discuss how I know these men...  angel&nbsp Wink. I also know of fully open marriages. There is no one rule about how a marriage works and what works in my marriage may or may not work in yours.

[Edited 2012-10-08 16:07:42]

User currently offlineHOMsAR From United States of America, joined Jan 2010, 1211 posts, RR: 0
Reply 20, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 2908 times:

The way it sounds, either this "family member" is not quite mature enough to make decisions on her own, or she's just unfixable.


I was raised by a cup of coffee.
User currently offlineltbewr From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 13193 posts, RR: 15
Reply 21, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 2908 times:

Maybe do some research to see if he is still legally married and not divorced. He can't legally get married to your sister unless he is legal to do so.
Check with his parole officer to see if he is meeting his conditions of parole.
Get all of your family and her real fiends together and make it clear they will not attend any functions related to the wedding or the wedding itself, not one will give any gifts or money if she chooses to continue to marry this jerk. Just everyone just disown, ignore or withdraw any way to reach them.
Also make it clear that if she makes the decision to withdraw from marrying him, welcome her back with open arms and all legal ways to protect her.


User currently offlineDeltaMD90 From United States of America, joined Apr 2008, 7978 posts, RR: 51
Reply 22, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 2899 times:

I can see 2 ways of going about this:

Option #1: tell her how you feel, show her you care, etc like everyone has said. Low odds of it working but if it does, the problem will be fixed for good

Option #2: plan a way to sabotage the wedding. Pretty high odds of getting this to work, probably at the expense of your standing with this family member, the criminal/fiancee will be pissed and you might get whacked (or by the sounds of this guy, whacked ...... eh, won't go there   ) and in the long run, the problem won't be solved and they'll just plan another wedding, without you and probably many others, and if/when they do divorce, she'll still be pissed you didn't do option #1.

Following on to Option #1, assuming it doesn't work, don't pester her but let her know you still support and love her. If/when they divorce, be the first one to be there for her, NOT as an in-you-face/told-ya-so douche but with actual support, maybe dropping subtle references about how he's no good. JMO



Ironically I have never flown a Delta MD-90 :)
User currently offlineusflyer msp From United States of America, joined May 2000, 2180 posts, RR: 0
Reply 23, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 16 hours ago) and read 2840 times:

Thanks for the replies everyone. We feel as though the time for talking is over, as the wedding is 12/12/12. It is time for action. We realize that she might be angry with us at first but e think she will get over it as she realizes that we saved her from herself. Her brother actually sends her link to his mugshot and record on the FL Dept of Corrections website at least once a week just to remind her of what she is getting herself into.

Quoting casinterest (Reply 3):
Not to delve into her history much, but is she being abused or not dealing with a full deck?

She is overweight and has some resultant self-esteem issues but other than that she is normal.

She actually left the (okay) guy that is the father of her 11 year-old daughter for this guy. Let him move into her house, let him traffick drugs through her house which eventually led the police to raid her house and arrest both them both (she got away a plea deal and probation) and then actually waited 8 years for him to get out of prison.

Quoting armitageshanks (Reply 1):
Have you actually sat down with her and talked about it with a level head?

I am the closest person to her in the family besides her brother and we have had this discussion several times over the last 8 years.

Her reasons for wanting to be his wife boil down to this:

* He makes her feel special
* He is anatomically gifted and dynamite in the sack
* Everyone has a past and he has changed his ways
* She is in her 30's and no one else is interested in her
* She wants a man to help her raise her daughter
* She can help him with his kids (4 kids with 4 different women)
* She doesn't care if he can't find work - she makes enough to take care of him
* She has invested too much time and money in him to give up now (She is actually paying for laser treatments to remove his facial tattoos before the wedding)

It is really sad.


User currently offlineDeltaMD90 From United States of America, joined Apr 2008, 7978 posts, RR: 51
Reply 24, posted (2 years 2 months 1 week 3 days 15 hours ago) and read 2822 times:

Quoting usflyer msp (Reply 23):
waited 8 years for him to get out of prison.

Oh wow, I just assumed it was one of those 1 month relationships to marriage... 8 years is pretty tough to undo, prison or not



Ironically I have never flown a Delta MD-90 :)
25 Post contains images DocLightning : I'm sorry man. All jokes aside, there is nothing short of killing the man that is going to end this relationship. And I am of the firm opinion that w
26 vikkyvik : Yup, I had assumed it was relatively short-term as well. Honestly, I don't know why you guys are still around for the wedding. Damn, how does her dau
27 MD11Engineer : You might be in for a surprise: My daughter (who moved to the US when she was ten with my ex, who had married an American after our divorce), ran away
28 Post contains images StarAC17 : Who gets married on a Wednesday*, that should be reason enough to make sure this doesn't happen . Make sure everyone in the family goes to work. * It
29 Post contains images SSTeve : Those people-- the 47%-- they take no responsibility for themselves.
30 Post contains images PHX787 : Why hasn't someone said "Have superfly go after the girl" yet Oh my god Ohhhhhhhh dear god -_- this is what Match.com is for -_- First of all, with al
31 Maverick623 : Highly unlikely. Listen to the people posting in here....
32 EA CO AS : First off, this thread is already on track to a.net "Legend" status! Having said that: Right here, this is where mt99's suggestion needs to be tried,
33 KiwiRob : Sounds like an epsiode of some reality tv program, seriously let her marry the guy, they might actually be in love with each other, you just don't kno
34 Post contains images Nimish : I understand you mean well, but sometimes you've got to think about the other person as well. If she feels so strongly about this guy (8 years and wai
35 CXfirst : I would say that you've missed your boat on this one. The opportunity for you to convince her to move on was while he was in jail, and towards the sta
36 tugger : Yeah, you're screwed. The only chance you have (for what you desire) is that the longer they live together the more likely they will get on each othe
37 bohica : Smith and Wesson.
38 BMI727 : You could also let the wedding go off as planned and spend the whole time making smartass comments like "This wine is great. Which toilet did it come
39 slider : Just think of how much fun the holidays will be! LOL!
40 bongodog1964 : So your overweight low self esteem single parent relative with a drugs conviction is about to marry a bisexual heavily tattooed drug dealer with 4 chi
41 EA CO AS : ...because she's wasted 8 years waiting on him.
42 Flighty : Great story! Just ask them for advice. Sounds like are much cleverer than you at sabotaging this wedding! That's black belt-level sabotaging right the
43 DocLightning : Hmm... I hadn't thought about it that way.
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