KAUST From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Posted (5 months 1 week 1 day 7 hours ago) and read 2353 times:
....sooooooo as advertised, yet another meaningless love stor-ehh to be scrutinized by the ranks o' Anet.
Here goes nuttin': I have long known a really sweet and nice lady (that is cliche' fodder, right?) and we really get along AMAZINGLY well. She lives here in my town, however is also a US Marine and travels a lot, PLUS she is currently taken. We flirt all the time, and we even have pet names for each other. She has said she would die for me, because she cares so much for me, and she has vastly appreciated the welcomed the mutuality of the emotion. We even Skyped on video chat at midnight on New Years Eve and I introduced her to all of my relatives, which she loved.
And here is where it gets interesting: next month when she gets really interesting: we are going on a road trip next month. Will be starting here in town and then heading to the lake house where I live part time with two uncles , staying overnight, and from there on to a pretty romantic small local town by the name of Fredricksburg.
I am DYING to use the trip to spill my heart and soul to her, but not sure if I or the ettiquite of the doing so.
Stop it. I've been on the other side of this, it's not fun and it's not right.
If that is not enough to get you to stop (it should make any decent person stop) I'll just share a quick story. My wife's best friend started hanging out with a guy whose gf was at Army basic training. She would go on motorcycle rides and it was really suspicious. Everyone she talked to said she was an awful person and needed to stop. She also claimed she wasn't gonna do anything, but if he was single she'd go for him. She eventually kept going and basically alienated all of her friends. Before she stopped talking to me, I told her:
"he's being sketchy and hanging out with you while he's taken, he can do the same for you."
Fast forward, he dumps the gf, and then my friend and him get together. Very low. But the best part was a few months into their new relationship, she spends spring break at his mom's house with him, and he decides he wants to go "see his dad" (at his house.) So he's gone and comes back the next day. Turns out, he was actually at a hotel with his ex! My friend and him break up and he gets back with the ex. Ultimate karma. My friend is really ashamed, and we are on good terms, but now she learned her lesson, though we don't mention it.
Her being with someone else should be a reason enough to stop it, or at the very least, make her break it off with the other poor guy. I hope you never get in the situation you are creating, OP, it is a lousy feeling, and you should be ashamed of yourself
TSS From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 3, posted (5 months 1 week 1 day 7 hours ago) and read 2323 times:
Let's look at the big picture here- She's currently "taken" by another guy, yet she's "very flirty" with you and is willing to go on a romantic road trip with you. Are you ready to accept the possibility, nay probability, that one day when/if she's "taken" by you she'll be "very flirty" with another guy and will be planning to take a romantic road trip with him? Also consider what you're going to do when the guy by whom she's currently "taken" decides to confront you, possibly in a dark parking lot with a few of his buddies along for backup.
The way I see it, right now you're standing on a railroad track with a fast-moving freight train getting closer and closer every second and you're asking if you should spread your arms and try to embrace the train or just step off the tracks and let it go speeding by.
KAUST From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 4, posted (5 months 1 week 1 day 7 hours ago) and read 2303 times:
Actually from what I hear, the trip was HIS idea; along with a story that I recently went on an RV road trip she wishes she could have been on........HOWEVER.......that being said: point taken everyone. Thanks for the advice. I'll be careful.
xjramper From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 5, posted (5 months 1 week 1 day 7 hours ago) and read 2294 times:
Just so I get this right, you made all of your relatives pass by one by one by the camera on Skype to introduce them to this girl who can't be your girlfriend?
No. For the love of god, no. Not only will that be an uncomfortable car ride, but that will only make it worse.
flyingturtle From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 8, posted (5 months 1 week 1 day 5 hours ago) and read 2222 times:
Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 1): My friend and him break up and he gets back with the ex. Ultimate karma. My friend is really ashamed, and we are on good terms, but now she learned her lesson, though we don't mention it.
I really hope that a recent similar story will turn out the same for me.
Act in such a way that your actions can serve as a universal law for the whole mankind. Think about it, and have a beer with one of Europe's foremost philosophers.
Why are you even considering this? If she wants to be with you, she is the one who has to act and not be taken anymore.
I think I agree with this. I'm a firm believer that most people who get cheated on have it coming for one reason or another, so I would never pass the kind of judgement some folks seem to enjoy doing here. Having that been said, KAUST, the question really is how much do you want to be involved with all that? If it were me, and I really liked/had to have, etc, her that much, I'd insist that she dump the turkey she's seeing first. Cleaner that way, plus you know you're not just being used as her "emotional cheat"*.
Good call. Like I said, your best bet is to get her to clear that other wreck off her runway first, so to speak, and then go for landing rights.
If you think you can make that happen before your trip, that's really what you want to have happen.
Quoting flyingturtle (Reply 8): Think about it, and have a beer with one of Europe's foremost philosophers.
This is an idea that sounds like it never hurt anyone,
* What's this, you may ask. I'll tell you if you want (just wanted to keep my reply short is all), but it's bad news. And honestly, kind of what this looks like...
Fast forward, he dumps the gf, and then my friend and him get together. Very low.
Why would that be low? She wasn't getting the job done, and she got let go. That's all I see.
I could go in details if you want. I get where you are coming from but it wasn't like that. She was creeping and the girlfriend was in basic training of all places. Instead of waiting for a break up she crossed the line
I'm sure it isn't necessary. There are surprisingly few variations on this theme.
I am curious though... Why do you think it matters a damn that broad A was in Basic? Joining the military is pretty much asking to get cheated on.
Part of the reason I don't do full-on committed relationships is that it's unreasonable to ask a woman to try and keep up with my schedule. Based on experience, it's slightly more demanding and a bit less predictable than what you find in the military, but the concept holds up the same. Did this not occur to your friends' girl before she volunteered?
I will say, as I did above, that I think it's unwise to involve oneself with an involved party. That isn't for moral reasons (which IMO really just amounts to jealousy with a halo); I just don't like a mess. But there's nothing wrong with getting that party to un-attach itself first.
DeltaMD90 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 17, posted (5 months 1 week 22 hours ago) and read 1999 times:
Quoting Darksnowynight (Reply 18): I am curious though... Why do you think it matters a damn that broad A was in Basic? Joining the military is pretty much asking to get cheated on.
Hardly makes it right, does it?
Quoting Darksnowynight (Reply 18): Did this not occur to your friends' girl before she volunteered?
Well we went to a military school so most of us were in the military. Not saying that military couples make long lasting relationships often, but sleezing around isn't right (actually, my wife and I are both military officers and are making it work)
Quoting Darksnowynight (Reply 18): But there's nothing wrong with getting that party to un-attach itself first.
The way she was going about everything was pretty bad, but yeah, I'd prefer it if she wasn't hitting on a taken guy.
Trust me, I know exactly where you are coming from, and I agree with your argument. But it wasn't like that, it was wrong and she knows that now herself.
Question: do you think OP should be doing what he's doing to a taken woman? I still think this option is kinda sleazy, but it's better: make her break up with the bf or stop pursuing her
Darksnowynight From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 18, posted (5 months 1 week 22 hours ago) and read 1986 times:
Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 22):
Question: do you think OP should be doing what he's doing to a taken woman? I still think this option is kinda sleazy, but it's better: make her break up with the bf or stop pursuing her
I don't see anything wrong with it, per se. Like I said, I think it's asking for trouble, and personally, I do not deal with other people's problems.
But, if it's less complicated than all that, then sure, go for it. The OP may not be looking for a long term deal, and in this case, she could be very well suited for it. But, if he has feelings for her, as indicated, it's really better to push that other guy overboard first.
What KAUST needs to figure out is whether this is worth it or not. This broad is obviously his for the taking. The real question is does she like him enough to do this smoothly and cleanly, or will she continue to equivocate with him. If the former, he just needs to encourage her to make the space. If the latter, he needs to decide if he's only worth being a spare boyfriend. Life 'aint always easy that way...
Doesn't make it right (or wrong), just makes it what it is. I personally wouldn't mess with a woman who's attached to gov't property like that, but again, this is not a moral issue. Such women have a nasty tendency to feel all guilty about these endevours, at very inconvenient times (even though, truth be told, they are being somewhat neglected), and I really don't have a lot of patience for that bag.
Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 22): Not saying that military couples make long lasting relationships often, but sleezing around isn't right (actually, my wife and I are both military officers and are making it work)
Hmmm... Married? Your profile says you're a young dude, and you're in the Navy. Alright, well at least you picked the right branch. I'll spare you more of what you've undoubtedly heard about your odds, given your age and profession, and just wish you luck instead. You'll need lots of it.
DeltaMD90 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 19, posted (5 months 1 week 21 hours ago) and read 1998 times:
Quoting Darksnowynight (Reply 23): Hmmm... Married? Your profile says you're a young dude, and you're in the Navy. Alright, well at least you picked the right branch. I'll spare you more of what you've undoubtedly heard about your odds, given your age and profession, and just wish you luck instead. You'll need lots of it.
Hahaha I know, I've heard a ton about it. I'll add that she is a 12 hour drive away from me too, and will be for at least a year at a minimum We are pretty content people and we're doing fine. We've been with each other for 4 years next month, but I've seen longer divorce so I guess that doesn't really prove much... well in 20 years I'll PM you and tell you if we're still together, deal?
About OP, I'm just not a fan of girl stealing. She's either not faithful or just very, very friendly, I'm leaning towards the former. I'm against poaching girls, but you are right... it seems like the girl and her bf aren't meant to be. But OP should not be flirting and adopting pet names while she is still together. I'd still look down on it, but it would be a million times better if he told her to break it off with him or knock it off all together. It just ain't right IMO
mal787 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 21, posted (5 months 1 week 19 hours ago) and read 1936 times:
Sorry but the original post looked like it was written by an 18yr old Anetter who never had any , not somebody in the 36>45 age bracket
Quoting KAUST (Thread starter): We flirt all the time, and we even have pet names for each other. She has said she would die for me, because she cares so much for me
Grow up act your age, your brains in the head on your shoulders. Unless she dumps the guy she is with, and not just being a prick tease with a guy who has fallen for it, give up
vikkyvik From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 22, posted (5 months 1 week 18 hours ago) and read 1924 times:
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Quoting Darksnowynight (Reply 12): I'm a firm believer that most people who get cheated on have it coming for one reason or another, so I would never pass the kind of judgement some folks seem to enjoy doing here.
He/she may have it coming, but it doesn't make it right. Break up with him/her first, then you can go sleep with whomever you want. And you won't have to hide it!
I've been cheated on once; maybe she thought I had it coming, but I sure didn't (and still don't). Just don't do it; you're NOT going to help anything.
That's my view, anyway. Along with that, it takes two to cheat, assuming the 3rd party knows what he/she is doing.
andrej From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 23, posted (5 months 1 week 13 hours ago) and read 1852 times:
Have to agree with the rest, if she is taken do not do anything and rather leave. It is not fair to the other person, nor to you as I am sure that you have bigger moral standards than that!
There is a golden rule that I follow: Bros before hoes!
Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 1): I've been on the other side of this, it's not fun and it's not right.
Never cheated, but have been on other side as well. Not fun at all.
I did learn one thing from it though. Long distance relationship are destined to fail.
LFutia From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 24, posted (5 months 1 week 9 hours ago) and read 1790 times:
Adam,
You can't do that to someone else. She is taken! Open your eyes. She is playing you like a deck of cards!!! I'm sure she doesn't care about you but cares more about the other person in her life. I don't know what your story with her is and how long you guys have known each other but you are better off finding someone else.
AirframeAS From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 25, posted (5 months 1 week 9 hours ago) and read 1837 times:
Sorry, KAUST..... But I must ask: what makes you think that she's even into you at all while she's currently taken? Just because you and her hang out a lot, it doesn't mean anything.
The way I'm seeing it, you're just a "friend" to her. No more, no less. I suggest you forget this girl and look for someone else. This whole scenario spells disaster.
My advice? STOP HANGING OUT WITH HER!!!!
Quoting andrej (Reply 30): There is a golden rule that I follow: Bros before hoes!
That is a very tired and abused line that only goes so far to an extent. And this isn't a college dorm, Andrej.
AF1624 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 26, posted (5 months 1 week 8 hours ago) and read 1801 times:
KAUST...
You are in the friendzone. It is a real thing. There is such a thing as a friendzone. You will share much more than anyone else on the planet with her. Have pet names and all that. Even flirt all the time. But you are in the friendzone.
One does not escape the friendzone unfortunately.
My advice, and i'm sorry in advance for saying so:
Make your intentions clear to her. You will be faced (99% probability of this happening) with rejection. This will remove you from the friendzone but also from her "friends". Then stop hanging out with her. You still have that 1% though.
Agreed stop it. You being a d-bag isn't going to get her. You are just spending your time getting your hopes up while screwing over some other dude.
Quoting KAUST (Thread starter): Will be starting here in town and then heading to the lake house where I live part time with two uncles , staying overnight, and from there on to a pretty romantic small local town by the name of Fredricksburg.
She needs to get her sh!t together. If she wants to be with you, then she dumps him. Until that time, you make no other moves. You stay friendly, professional, and distant.
There are other women in the world just as beautiful as this one who don't have attached men. Go after one of them.
sccutler From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 29, posted (5 months 1 week 5 hours ago) and read 1747 times:
Read DocLightning's post immediately above. Succinct, proper advice, well-stated.
---
But if you go to Fredericksburg, by all means have a meal at Crossroads - best food in town, by my reckoning. You might also try Hilltop, which can be excellent when they are "on."
Don't fall into the August E's trap; decent enough, but you don't go to FBG for tech-looking surroundings and sushi; you can get that in Austin.
AirframeAS From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 30, posted (5 months 1 week 3 hours ago) and read 1709 times:
Quoting 3DoorsDown (Reply 27): You are just spending your time getting your hopes up while screwing over some other dude.
....and your friends and her friends, too...... If I may add. This will not end well for you, KAUST. Trust me, it won't if you don't stop pursuing her. Your reputation is on the line here. Don't look like an ass.
Quoting AF1624 (Reply 26): One does not escape the friendzone unfortunately.
That so true. Once you are really good friends, it generally stops there and can go no further. If you tell her how you feel about her, the friendship will be strained beyond repair, and that leads to you looking like a complete ass, KAUST. So, to prevent this, the following advice MUST happen if you still want any sort of friendship with her:
JoeCanuck From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 31, posted (5 months 1 week 2 hours ago) and read 1681 times:
Taking a new beau out for a test drive is pretty low. Either she's with the other guy or she's not...full stop. Before starting a new relationship, decency, (and being a marine, honour), dictates that she end the old one first.
...and here's the rub; if she's willing to cheat on this other guy, (whom she presumably loved with all her heart at some point), what's to say she wouldn't do that to the next guy...?
Look at it this way; what if her guy was a friend of yours...would you do it then? Imagine how you'd feel if you trusted your woman enough to be ok with her travelling with another dude and she broke that trust by screwing around?
No good can come of cheating. Man up or forget it.
andrej From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 32, posted (5 months 6 days 20 hours ago) and read 1600 times:
Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 25): That is a very tired and abused line that only goes so far to an extent. And this isn't a college dorm, Andrej.
Let's agree to disagree, as in this situation this line applies perfectly. You simply don't 'take over' someone else's significant other. You don't have to apply this to only a college scenario.
Oh man. I must say its not worth it. This coming from personal experience of being with an engaged woman for the better part of 6 months. In the moment you think "oh hey this may work out" or maybe she says things that would lead you to believe. But in the end it probably won't. If you were a better fit and/or person she would have left him by now. If you can go into with the mindest of just to get laid and have fun by all means. Also a matter of your morals and how you feel about the situation. But if you really like this girl and hope for something I wouldn't. I look back on my own experience of a similar situation and laugh but not everyone can do so. Best of luck man
AirframeAS From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 37, posted (5 months 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 1337 times:
Quoting mikeology (Reply 35): This coming from personal experience of being with an engaged woman for the better part of 6 months.
Wait.... Did you know she was engaged before you started dating her or....did you find out after 6 months of dating her. If you knew she was engaged before starting to date her, then I agree with the following:
DeltaMD90 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 38, posted (5 months 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 1333 times:
Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 37): . You're probably lucky you didn't get your sorry ass kicked by the guy she was engaged to, Mikeology!!!
Well creeping on his a.net profile and seeing his FB account, it seems like he wouldn't get his ass kicked lol. But really man, I'm not really a fan of girl stealing but sometimes 2 people are meant to be even if one of them is in a relationship... but at least wait until relationship #1 has broken off before, well, screwing the other guy over! It's only right...
AirframeAS From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 39, posted (5 months 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 1317 times:
Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 38): I'm not really a fan of girl stealing but sometimes 2 people are meant to be even if one of them is in a relationship... but at least wait until relationship #1 has broken off before, well, screwing the other guy over! It's only right...
This is why I have a rule that says "If the girl just got out of a relationship within the last 11 months, RUN!!!!" I know that's kinda a pretty high standard but it keeps the drama to a minimum so that I don't have to deal with the girl's ex.
varigb707 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 40, posted (5 months 5 days 5 hours ago) and read 1305 times:
Quoting KAUST (Thread starter): small local town by the name of Fredricksburg.
Is that Fredericksburg, TX? Because if it is, ya'll are in for a nice treat. I was out there a few years ago, during the summer. Hot and hot. First place in the U.S. that I ever drank a beer on the streets, legally. I know, there may be others, but that's the only one I have ever been to.
Anyway, good luck and have fun with your new gal/pal. Cheers and Semper Fi ...
mikeology From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 41, posted (5 months 5 days 4 hours ago) and read 1298 times:
Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 36): Wait, you were dating a girl who was engaged to someone else? That's pretty despicable...
Not my proudest moment
Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 37): Wait.... Did you know she was engaged before you started dating her or....did you find out after 6 months of dating her. If you knew she was engaged before starting to date her, then I agree with the following:
Actually a mutual friend of both of ours introduced and neglected to tell me. Pretty weird I know. I found out about a month in and let it continue.
Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 37): You're probably lucky you didn't get your sorry ass kicked by the guy she was engaged to, Mikeology!!!
I actually met him once don't think that would have happened
Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 38): Well creeping on his a.net profile and seeing his FB account, it seems like he wouldn't get his ass kicked lol. But really man, I'm not really a fan of girl stealing but sometimes 2 people are meant to be even if one of them is in a relationship... but at least wait until relationship #1 has broken off before, well, screwing the other guy over! It's only right...
Thanks lol. Yeah as I stated above I always thought of myself as the "nice guy" shy and not good with women and never thought I would enter into such a awful circumstance. Not a highlight. But life throw's curveballs and I found myself in a situation that I let continue and my morals were put aside.
DeltaMD90 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 42, posted (5 months 5 days 3 hours ago) and read 1291 times:
Quoting mikeology (Reply 41): Actually a mutual friend of both of ours introduced and neglected to tell me. Pretty weird I know. I found out about a month in and let it continue.
Ah well, I know, lame excuse, but sometimes when you are already into it, it's hard to shake off. I thought you knew from the get go.
AirframeAS From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 43, posted (5 months 5 days 3 hours ago) and read 1290 times:
Quoting mikeology (Reply 41): Actually a mutual friend of both of ours introduced and neglected to tell me.
Not much a friend, huh? That "Friend" should have told you. That wouldn't be your fault then.
But......
Quoting mikeology (Reply 41): I found out about a month in and let it continue.
Now, this is your fault. Why in gods name would you let it continue? If it were me, the minute I find out about that, I would have severed ties with the girl immediately. This is why I have the rule that I have now.
Quoting mikeology (Reply 41): I actually met him once don't think that would have happened
mikeology From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 44, posted (5 months 5 days 3 hours ago) and read 1288 times:
Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 43): Not much a friend, huh? That "Friend" should have told you. That wouldn't be your fault then.
But......
Yeah I was pretty taken back when I found out. Needless to say we aren't friends anymore.
Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 42): but sometimes when you are already into it, it's hard to shake off
Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 43): Now, this is your fault. Why in gods name would you let it continue? If it were me, the minute I find out about that, I would have severed ties with the girl immediately. This is why I have the rule that I have now.
As stated by DeltaMD90 I guess when you are in the thick of things you don't see otherwise. I'll spare the detail of the relationship but its just weird when you and her and your friends and our mutual friend would be out all the time. As if he didn't exist. Which he somewhat didn't because he traveled a lot.
Trust me I know its not a good thing. And on some level I feel bad it happened. But these situations happen every day around the world. We don't choose to enter into them. Trust me. But people make connections and its hard to let go.
Pretty confident he wouldn't stand a chance but point taken.
I should point out that this was like 2 years ago I saw this woman. Not a current thing. And I was the one to end it if that maes anyone feel any better
As stated many times before, she will do that to you as easily as she is doing it to the guy she is with now. Plus, love triangles rarely end well
Quoting AF1624 (Reply 26):
One does not escape the friendzone unfortunately.
You can but it takes more willpower than most men usually have left when they are thrown into the pit. And further deep you are into the zone, the harder it will be and its a one way street, since there's a high chance that the friendship will end.
vikkyvik From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 47, posted (5 months 4 days 23 hours ago) and read 1245 times:
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Quoting AirframeAS (Reply 25): Quoting andrej (Reply 30):
There is a golden rule that I follow: Bros before hoes!
That is a very tired and abused line that only goes so far to an extent.
Well, AirframeAS, we've had our many differences on here, but for once I completely and utterly agree with you. I absolutely despise "bros before hoes".
Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 38): but at least wait until relationship #1 has broken off before, well, screwing the other guy over! It's only right...
You only live once but! as others have said proceed with caution. A hottie Marine, that's nice and if you were going to go for it I'd chance it with one of the few the proud the Marines. But her mate could be a psycho (obsessed) So, I say "probe" learn more about her current situation. Meaning ask questions about "your competition." If you still feel the same it's a go. Go with your intuition! Usually your intuition is the right path. Best of luck!
DeltaMD90 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 49, posted (5 months 4 days 6 hours ago) and read 1160 times:
Quoting zippyjet (Reply 48): Go with your intuition! Usually your intuition is the right path. Best of luck!
Um, men chasing women throughout history have often followed their "intuition" and caused lots of death and mayhem. Terrible advice zippy. Use rationality and common decency: Would you want this happening to you? Could she do the same to you (she's obviously willing to blow off a bf) ?
Like I said, I saw someone in a very similar situation and she ended up getting cheated on by the douchebag and he went with the girl she stole him from
Darksnowynight From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 50, posted (5 months 4 days 1 hour ago) and read 1133 times:
Quoting zippyjet (Reply 48): But her mate could be a psycho (obsessed) So, I say "probe" learn more about her current situation. Meaning ask questions about "your competition."
Well, maybe. But that could happen anywhere. The only run in I ever had with some broad's psycho turned out to be a guy she dumped four years before. I totally found that guy in my kitchen one night.
That said, yes, proceed, but with caution. I'd hate to see him fall all the way in love with this dame.
Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 49): Um, men chasing women throughout history have often followed their "intuition" and caused lots of death and mayhem. Terrible advice zippy. Use rationality and common decency:
The problem with this is that you can't just tell someone to use common decency or morality. The reason why those are generally bad words in my universe is that, frankly, they represent extremely lazy and non-critical thinking. To put it as Bob Heinlein once did, "One man's morality is another's belly laugh." I firmly believe this to be the case, which is why posts like that sound to me like nails on a chalkboard would to you. I don't know why this isn't the case for more people, but it's really hard for me to be that judgemental.
As for death and mayhem... Shuh, maybe, but not anything like the scale that religion, firearm proliferation, and a number of other popular things that no one's making a serious effort to take a whack at.
Quoting DeltaMD90 (Reply 49): Like I said, I saw someone in a very similar situation and she ended up getting cheated on by the douchebag and he went with the girl she stole him from
Soooooooo, that happens all the time? I think we're making a bigger deal out of this than we should. Notice how we've completely chased KAUST away from responding?
Quoting vikkyvik (Reply 22):
I've been cheated on once; maybe she thought I had it coming, but I sure didn't (and still don't). Just don't do it; you're NOT going to help anything.
I wanted to respond to this b/c it brings up an interesting point. I'm sure you don't feel that you should have been cheated on. But the problem there is that that perception is at the sole discretion of the cheater, not the cheated on. If I'm with someone, and she steps out, so to speak, there's no opinion of mine that can prevent that. It's up to her whether that happened.
I don't "cheat" on the women I'm with per se, but that's not out of any moral confusion. Just that it's easier to keep track of things when everyone knows the score. If I have a woman who's not cutting it, she'll know after I let her go, but I'm almost certain not to lie to her about it, given that's a mess I don't feel like cleaning up.
Quoting Darksnowynight (Reply 50): I think we're making a bigger deal out of this than we should.
A guy trying to get with a taken girl? It's obvious you and me don't see eye to eye here, but I find this despicable. At the very least, he should not do anything while they are together (basically, he is an accessory to an affair)
Quoting Darksnowynight (Reply 50): If I'm with someone, and she steps out, so to speak, there's no opinion of mine that can prevent that. It's up to her whether that happened.
Again, I'm not saying the girl and the bf are meant to be. I even said earlier that OP and the girl may be destined for each other! But doing something with a taken girl, IMO, is inexcusable
AR385 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 54, posted (5 months 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 1104 times:
Quoting zippyjet (Reply 48): Go with your intuition! Usually your intuition is the right path. Best of luck!
Meh. Following my intuition was what as I teenager got me into trouble. Nowadays, I do exactly the opposite of what my intuiton tells me. And the following is very important:
Quoting RussianJet (Reply 51): Whatever happens - just make sure you don't try and hump her arm.
vikkyvik From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 55, posted (5 months 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 1095 times:
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Quoting Darksnowynight (Reply 50): But the problem there is that that perception is at the sole discretion of the cheater, not the cheated on. If I'm with someone, and she steps out, so to speak, there's no opinion of mine that can prevent that. It's up to her whether that happened.
Yes. Which is part of the reason I responded to your statements in the first place. I may "have it coming", but it's her decision. And it certainly doesn't help the situation, and I will never agree with it. If you're driven to cheat on someone, you probably shouldn't be with them anyway. So do the right thing and break up first.
Quoting Darksnowynight (Reply 50): I don't "cheat" on the women I'm with per se, but that's not out of any moral confusion.
Where's the confusion? I'm quite clear on the matter.
Quoting RussianJet (Reply 51): Whatever happens - just make sure you don't try and hump her arm.
CanadianDC10 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 56, posted (5 months 1 hour ago) and read 946 times:
DON'T DO IT. This girl clearly has other motives and is a b**** if she were to go behind her current partner's back and do this. This is not someone you want to be with. She's a bad person and she is clearly dishonest as well. IF you decide to go on this little trip with this sly and sketchy girl, be sure she has ended it with her current partner. But again, why would you want to be with someone like that who would go behind her lover's back and get into things she shouldn't be doing?
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We are pretty content people and we're doing fine. We've been with each other for 4 years next month, but I've seen longer divorce so I guess that doesn't really prove much... well in 20 years I'll PM you and tell you if we're still together, deal? 
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