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Have You Been Affected By Suicide?  
User currently offlineRussianJet From Belgium, joined Jul 2007, 7703 posts, RR: 21
Posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 5 days 8 hours ago) and read 4050 times:
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I came across this news item which reports the fact that suicide rates in the UK rose significantly in 2011.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-21141815

It states that the suicide rate was highest for males between the ages of 30 and 44. Without elaborating on how or why, I am sorry to say that this was nearly me too. Only after being lucky enough to recover fully did I start reading seriously around the subject, and I was shocked to see that the highest risk profile was exactly my demographic.

I had a colleague and good friend some years ago who took his own life after battling for years with depression, and although we always knew he struggled it was still an immense shock when it happened. Unfortunately though, when you are that unwell you simply do not think of how awful it will be for others, or how wrong a step it might be to take. Indeed, I suppose the only way I can describe it is that in your very worst state it can seem like the only option, however ridiculous that conclusion might be when rationally analysed. I think that what scares me most is the thought that one day you might find yourself in that state again if events spiral out of control, and you might not survive if there is a next time. Thus, the key is to 'nip things in the bud' and try at all costs not to get to point of crashing and burning. It's a tricky thing to do, because the desire to do that can result in over-analysis of everyday pressures, or overreaction from those close to you when you might not be 100%.

I know that some people have a very dispassionate approach to the subject - 'the coward's way out' is a very well-worn adage. From experience I know that people can take it as a personal betrayal, at least until the shock wears off. In some ways I suppose it is indeed that, but then the motives can be extremely complex and difficult if not impossible for the observer to understand. I do, however, think it is essential to try to better understand rather than simply condemn.

So, I ask - have you been directly affected by suicide? How have you helped others affected by it? What have you learnt from your experiences? What are the main drivers for the statistics we read?


✈ Every strike of the hammer is a blow against the enemy. ✈
62 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offline4holer From United States of America, joined Feb 2002, 3017 posts, RR: 9
Reply 1, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 5 days 7 hours ago) and read 4039 times:

The "coward's way out" line bothers me. I usually explain it that people who take their own life are no more of a coward than someone who drowns after a ship sinking. "Why didn't they keep treading water? What a coward!" Well, that person did fight until they could keep themselves above water no more. They are exhausted from the battle, and are defeated. Same with suicide. The fight has rendered them incapable of continuing the battle.
My experience?
My Best Friend Killed Herself Today.



Ghosts appear and fade away.....................
User currently offlineDesertJets From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 7780 posts, RR: 16
Reply 2, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 5 days 7 hours ago) and read 4021 times:

Quoting 4holer (Reply 1):
The "coward's way out" line bothers me.

It does with me as well. I think it diminishes the real problems that the person that took their own life had. And rather naively assumes that if that person would simply think about how sad their passing would make others they would find the will to live. Either way it ignores the problems facing people who decide to take their own life. Those of us who have never been to that point simply cannot understand it.


I had a good friend of mine from high school kill himself in his first semester of college (he was a year behind me). He was a likeable funny kid, though was always a little odd and off. But even then I think I even knew that he was troubled inside, there were random moments here and there where it was pretty obvious he wasn't happy. I really do think that in the end being pushed out of the house by his mom and step dad and not really being recognized by his father hurt a lot. Plus being at college way far away from his close friends hurt a lot too. It still saddens me to think about it more than a decade later and I still think fondly of him. His closest friend recently had a son and named his son after him.

But I don't judge him or call him a coward for his choice. In retrospect I can see the anguish he was in, and at times still feel like an asshole for pushing him away at times when he just wanted to hang out. But I don't really know, nor do I really want to, the pain he was going through.



Stop drop and roll will not save you in hell. --- seen on a church marque in rural Virginia
User currently offlineRussianJet From Belgium, joined Jul 2007, 7703 posts, RR: 21
Reply 3, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 5 days 7 hours ago) and read 4009 times:
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Quoting 4holer (Reply 1):
My experience?
My Best Friend Killed Herself Today.

Wow.

Have you managed to make any sense of that since it happened? I see it was a while back now.

I was struck by what you said here:

Quote:

If you have a friend, relative, whatever, and you feel as if they may be in need of an ear, a hand to hold, a hug, or a trip out of town. DO IT! Because you may make a difference.

I think that advice is great.



✈ Every strike of the hammer is a blow against the enemy. ✈
User currently offlineswissy From Switzerland, joined Jan 2005, 1734 posts, RR: 4
Reply 4, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 3995 times:

yep... my cousin a few years ago.

His life was a sad story, drugs for most of the part, ruined his body and by the time he got clean it was to late. Had cancer without hope so he went to Exit and ended it a day after x-mas in 07... RIP Martin


User currently offlineCO7e7 From United States of America, joined Dec 2004, 2849 posts, RR: 2
Reply 5, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 5 days 6 hours ago) and read 3974 times:

Quoting 4holer (Reply 1):
The "coward's way out" line bothers me

Me too. Cowardness and suicide should never be mentioned in the same line. I know some very brave people who took their own lives.

I have lost one of my buddies in the military to suicide. Without getting into details, he was one of the bravest Soldiers i've ever had the honor of serving with. Our unit was hit hard during our tour in Iraq. This particular Soldier had seen a lot of combat and was directly affected by an IED. Additionally, his spouse was not failthful while he was deployed and ultimately his marriage ended in a divorce. After we returned from Iraq he was diagnoseed with severe PTSD and TBI. He was treated by behavioral health specialists. Pills, counselings and the whole nine yards. After he got out of the military, he struggled with finding a good job. He fought his inner demons day in and day out. Finally, when he couldn't deal with it anymore and took his own life.

It was a combination of: PTSD + Depression + family problems (divorce) + post military adjustment (job).

Unfortunately, there are too many military veterans in the same boat. The Army announced that we lost more Soldiers to suicide in 2012 than we did in combat in Afghanistan.


User currently offlinetugger From United States of America, joined Apr 2006, 5588 posts, RR: 8
Reply 6, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 3905 times:

I had a lady friend that took her own life three years ago, it was a shocking loss, I had no real idea that she was near such a state though I did know she was depressed sometimes and suffered from depression. Her life was not what she wanted it to be, she was lonely and sad even though she was smart, good looking, had a great job, a house that she was remodeling, and had many friends and a good family. I have often enough thought about if I could have made a difference. though quite frankly what she wanted from me would have been detrimental in my personal life. When she took her her life it left me wondering forever if my actions had anything to do with it or if I could have changed anything and helped her. Ultimately I have realized that we all live our own life and deal with our own demons and can't protect others from, or be responsible for, theirs.

I still am saddened by this.

Tugg



I don’t know that I am unafraid to be myself, but it is hard to be somebody else. -W. Shatner
User currently offlineRussianJet From Belgium, joined Jul 2007, 7703 posts, RR: 21
Reply 7, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 3900 times:
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Thanks for all your replies so far. It is reassuring to see that you have all treated the subject with a good degree of sensitivity, and without judgement.

Quoting tugger (Reply 6):
I have often enough thought about if I could have made a difference. though quite frankly what she wanted from me would have been detrimental in my personal life. When she took her her life it left me wondering forever if my actions had anything to do with it or if I could have changed anything and helped her. Ultimately I have realized that we all live our own life and deal with our own demons and can't protect others from, or be responsible for, theirs.

At the end of the day, none of us can read minds. Often we have no way of really knowing how close to the edge someone might be. A general effort to treat people sensitively is probably the best thing we can do, but you can't sacrifice yourself just to try and make someone happy beyond the feelings that you have for them.



✈ Every strike of the hammer is a blow against the enemy. ✈
User currently offlinepropilot83 From United States of America, joined Jan 2001, 598 posts, RR: 0
Reply 8, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 5 days 1 hour ago) and read 3890 times:

Listen folks, I was struck with a major depression in November 2007 after several things changed in my life, first of all it was my fathers upcoming one year anniversary of his death from a massive heart attack in his sleep, I had a new mean rebellious manager at work, I was messing around with this girl at work who was a loser (nothing serious, no sex, Im still chaste thank God), and I moved from my old apartment to a new one with my mom and had a hard time adjusting to the new environment, so all these things took effect as the onset of my depression. Unfortunately I began feeling suicidal, I felt there was no hope left but to just die with overdosing on Tylenol pills, and even though I was feeling so depressed, angry, and wanted to kill myself, I just could not do it, I did not have the guts to pull the plug on my heart, I was too afraid. But anyway, eventually I called 9-11 and kept on hanging up and stuff, and eventually I told them that I was feeling suicidal and they checked me in a psychiatric hospital for an evaluation. Let me tell you, when you feel so depressed and has been diagnosed with a a major depression and you still dont know it yet quite well, you feel that not even a pill can help and you lost all patience. But for me, they would not release me, so I began taking Paroxetine at 10mg, then 20mg, then maxed out at 40mg, and I gotta tell you, after three days, they released me and I began feeling side effects of anxiety and hypertension due to the normal side effects of Paxil until your body adjusts to it. I have to tell you, within 2-3 weeks I began feeling a lot better, I slept easily, I had good nutrition, no more feeling depressed with anxiety and fear, it really worked really good. I had also learned that there was a chemical imbalance in my brain, less serotonin produced causes major depression like cannot sleep comfortably at night, being lazy and isolated, feeling worthless and suicidal. So the Paxil really helped thank God, and after only a month or so, I got a nice full time job, and life became so great, that I was feeling the bliss of my life. To those who feel suicidal and feel embarrassed about it or shy, its okay, dont be, because I felt shy and embarrassed too, but what can you do you know, I mean the benefits out weigh the risk, so dont procrastinate, dont let the situation get worse, there is help out there, because killing yourself will make you end in the blazing fire of hell, dont let that happen, everyone knows suicide is a great sin. I hope sharing my story helps those who feel suicidal or those who were in my footsteps. Were only human, so take advantage of what is good, and get back up in life, with Faith, medicine, and therapy, things will come back together, far better than ever before. Peace!!

User currently offlinedarthluke12694 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 9, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 23 hours ago) and read 3835 times:

Quoting RussianJet (Thread starter):
Unfortunately though, when you are that unwell you simply do not think of how awful it will be for others, or how wrong a step it might be to take.

That's one of the main reasons why I don't commit suicide. I'd hate to see what it would do to my parents. I mean I'm not majorly depressed or anything, I just get into these moods where I get depressed. Wake up the next day I'm fine. I could never kill myself, but sometimes I do wish I would die in an accident (car, freak accident, etc.).

Sometimes I get into the these moods for no reasons, and sometimes there are reasons (won't get into here). However, as one person said above, moving away to college does have an affect, it's part of what I'm going through now.

I refuse to go to the doctor and get checked out. I know I might want to die at some points, but I feel as if I'm not a threat to myself. So I don't go to the doctor. Plus I don't want to be put on medicine.


User currently offlinestratosphere From United States of America, joined Sep 2007, 1653 posts, RR: 4
Reply 10, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 23 hours ago) and read 3830 times:

Quoting CO7e7 (Reply 5):
Me too. Cowardness and suicide should never be mentioned in the same line. I know some very brave people who took their own lives.

I have lost one of my buddies in the military to suicide. Without getting into details, he was one of the bravest Soldiers i've ever had the honor of serving with. Our unit was hit hard during our tour in Iraq. This particular Soldier had seen a lot of combat and was directly affected by an IED. Additionally, his spouse was not failthful while he was deployed and ultimately his marriage ended in a divorce. After we returned from Iraq he was diagnoseed with severe PTSD and TBI. He was treated by behavioral health specialists. Pills, counselings and the whole nine yards. After he got out of the military, he struggled with finding a good job. He fought his inner demons day in and day out. Finally, when he couldn't deal with it anymore and took his own life.

It was a combination of: PTSD + Depression + family problems (divorce) + post military adjustment (job).

Unfortunately, there are too many military veterans in the same boat. The Army announced that we lost more Soldiers to suicide in 2012 than we did in combat in Afghanistan.

I do have a friend who committed suicide thanksgiving 2004. He in my opinion had everything to live for..He had things I will most likely never have.. He had a beautiful wife a very young son and twins on the way and a very good job. But in his past he went through a bad divorce. The night he took his life he got in an arguement with his new wife she threatened to take the son and go back to her home country (Columbia) he locked himself in their bedroom and he was an avid gun collector took one of his pistols and blew his brains out. So my opinion is that it was an impulse thing I think if he hadn't been drinking and really thought it out after all suicide is kinda permanent. I don't think he would have done it. But he did and cannot take it back...So now 3 kids are without a father and a wife is without a husband. So in that sense yes its selfish.. But most people who do it are not in their right mind at the time they do it anyway. At least in my opinion. But what I was going to say is that our military and that story you just outlined I can very much understand why they get to the point they do..Very sad indeed...

[Edited 2013-01-22 17:48:38]


NWA THE TRUE EVIL EMPIRE
User currently offlineAesma From France, joined Nov 2009, 6648 posts, RR: 11
Reply 11, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 22 hours ago) and read 3806 times:

In my late teens I fell in love with that crazy girl and it was the ride of my life, good, bad and worse.

As a kid I'd already thought about the best suicide option and determined it was jumping from high ground or higher. Nowadays I jump from planes but with a way to stop the fall !

Anyway, one evening I was at the girl's 5th floor apartment (her parents in vacation), she had invited me so I was expecting a romantic diner, instead it was a gang bang... I went to the balcony to escape the situation, and once there I considered jumping, I almost went over, but I managed to regain some senses and ran away instead.

After that our sick relationship continued for some time, it even got worse, but I had determined that suicide would never be an option for me and I'm sticking with it (unless terminally ill or something similar, in cases like this it's not really suicide to me).



New Technology is the name we give to stuff that doesn't work yet. Douglas Adams
User currently offlineIMissPiedmont From United States of America, joined May 2001, 6292 posts, RR: 33
Reply 12, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 22 hours ago) and read 3803 times:

I had a friend many years ago who had pretty much lost the use of his lungs and his heart was not far behind. There was no way he would ever be on a list and would not have been able to afford a transplant anyway. He put a .38 against his temple one night. I wished at the time that I had been able to stop him but now I know it was probably his best option. I still miss him though.


Damn, this website is getting worse daily.
User currently offlineWarRI1 From United States of America, joined Sep 2007, 8883 posts, RR: 10
Reply 13, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 22 hours ago) and read 3797 times:

Quoting darthluke12694 (Reply 9):
That's one of the main reasons why I don't commit suicide. I'd hate to see what it would do to my parents

I cannot offer you advice, I am not qualified to do so. I can tell you as a parent who dearly loves his children, grandchildren and who worries and prays for his children and grandchildren everyday that it would ruin my life if I lost one of them. I would ask you to seek help for yourself.



It is better to die on your feet, than live on your knees.
User currently offlineaf773atmsp From United States of America, joined Aug 2006, 2688 posts, RR: 1
Reply 14, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 21 hours ago) and read 3774 times:

One of my friends took a bunch of Tylenol pills to get over a breakup back in the summer of 2011. I didn't really know him back then, and I found this out a long time later. Luckily he did survive. He also took some pills to keep himself awake (forgot what the pills are called). He didn't get any sleep for a week or more, and was definitely slowly killing himself, but he survived this as well. To be honest he can be quite a jerk some days, but at the end of the day we're like brothers.

I can get very depressed at times, and the thought of suicide has been in my mind from time to time. Some days I feel useless and unloved. However I don't think I could ever do it. I just tell myself to carry on. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and any problem I do have will sooner or later pass.



It ain't no normal MD80 its a Super 80!
User currently offlineqantas077 From Australia, joined Jan 2004, 5855 posts, RR: 39
Reply 15, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 20 hours ago) and read 3756 times:

My father tried about 7 times in the late 80s and finally took his own life in 87. I don't feel he was a coward, I actually feel he was incredibly strong to have survived as far as he did. He had major mental health issues and back then the support in Australia was basically zilch. He did what he did and we respect him for that.

Every situation is different and sitting in the comfort of your living room and passing judgement is incredibly insensitive.



a true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes, while everyone else believes the smile on your face.
User currently offlineAR385 From Mexico, joined Nov 2003, 6202 posts, RR: 30
Reply 16, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 19 hours ago) and read 3734 times:
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I have doubts about sharing this, but in the interest that someone may read this and change his mind, I´ll take the plunge.

Between 2005 and 2008 I had a terrible time. So in september 2008 I slashed the wrist of my right hand. I lost 2.5 liters of blood. The reason I survived, was because in the process of slashing my right wrist, I cut all the tendons too, so that hand became unusable and I was unable to slash my left hand wrist. I would surely have died, otherwise.

My reasons? Well, I was very depressed. Clinically depressed. I had this overwhelming emotional pain and tiredness that I suppose few people have experienced, otherwise we wouldn´t get the comments about suicide being "selfish" , "easy way out", "the cowardly way out" etc. Not saying these has been said here, but I´ve heard them. The pain of depression is so much, that you really can´t see a way out. You just want a way out of that darkness, out of that pain, out of the fatigue that the basic daily chores of life impose on you.

I´m not saying life is like that. But that was the way I saw it back then. And that is the way clinical depression makes you see things.

Am I glad I did not die? Sure. I love my life now. With all its challenges and all of its difficulties. But it took a few years of therapy, some medication (anti-depressants are not really the cure it all) I´ve learned to cope, I´ve learned to understand I´m not perfect, and I´ve learned to understand that I have a right to get angry, to get sad, to tell people to fuck off and to be happy.

The only advice I can give someone out there who feels ending it all is the only alternative, is to seek help. Have faith that there is so much more to life than the current darkness you feel you are surrounded by. Do not feel stupid, do not feel embarrased, and yes, do not feel emasculated. A lot of people, more than you imagine, care and love you, and since loving someone is a two way street, you will find non-judgemental people more than willing to help you.

Depression is serious business. Last time I checked, 15% of clinically depressed people off themselves. Life is not easy, but it´s not the hell people sometimes imagine it is.



MGGS
User currently offlinePHX787 From Japan, joined Mar 2012, 7560 posts, RR: 18
Reply 17, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 19 hours ago) and read 3729 times:

A buddy of mine killed himself back in August, on the first day of classes, right after his girlfriend returned to Japan...

I myself have had a LOT of depression and was contemplating suicide a few years back...but after my buddy did it in August, I immediately thought to myself "This is NO way to go at all."

I feel like, after reading the works of Adam Darski, that there's more to life than people can imagine, and it's our own global-citizen duty to figure out what that is through life and simply make yourself better in the process...that's my advice for anyone ever contemplating this....myself, I find that there's more out there and I need to escape from the confines that are keeping me back. That does NOT mean killing yourself---that puts you in another prison- death.



次は、渋谷、渋谷。出口は、右側です。電車とホームの間は広く開いておりますので、足元に注意下さい。
User currently offlineRussianJet From Belgium, joined Jul 2007, 7703 posts, RR: 21
Reply 18, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 14 hours ago) and read 3694 times:
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Quoting af773atmsp (Reply 14):
and the thought of suicide has been in my mind from time to time. Some days I feel useless and unloved. However I don't think I could ever do it.

I used to think the same, then a point came where it got far worse.

Quoting af773atmsp (Reply 14):
any problem I do have will sooner or later pass.

This is key advice - you HAVE to tell yourself it will pass.



✈ Every strike of the hammer is a blow against the enemy. ✈
User currently offlineajd1992 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 19, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 12 hours ago) and read 3664 times:

The worst thing for me is "suicide is selfish. What about the people who have to deal with their loss?"

Okay, maybe it is hard to deal with somebody dying, but why should they keep themselves alive to please somebody else?

I have real sympathy for people who feel it's their only way out. It's not cowardly at all.


User currently offlineidealstandard From France, joined Apr 2009, 409 posts, RR: 0
Reply 20, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 11 hours ago) and read 3649 times:

Quoting 4holer (Reply 1):

That's a very good way to put it. Agree 100%.


User currently offline4holer From United States of America, joined Feb 2002, 3017 posts, RR: 9
Reply 21, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 3631 times:

Quoting RussianJet (Reply 3):
Have you managed to make any sense of that since it happened? I see it was a while back now.

No, there's no sense to it still. And I've had a long road recovering from that day. I think of her every day, and what she could have done with her life. Just a huge void where a shining light should be, so tragic.

I'll say again... If you ever are considering taking your own life, you simply can't. You cannot do that to the people who love you. You need to leave that path and do something else drastic: call for help. A friend, family member, or 911. You need to step out of that canyon and the hardest step is that first uphill stride out. But it's worth it. Do it.



Ghosts appear and fade away.....................
User currently offlineRussianJet From Belgium, joined Jul 2007, 7703 posts, RR: 21
Reply 22, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 4 hours ago) and read 3545 times:
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Quoting 4holer (Reply 21):
I'll say again... If you ever are considering taking your own life, you simply can't

The problem is that this relies on the capacity for rational thought, at least on a basic level. Sometimes that can be totally absent, and those are the times where it is desperately needed. As I said before, I think the most important thing is to recognise signs of deterioration early and deal with them.

I'm genuinely sorry to hear that it still hurts so much after all this time.



✈ Every strike of the hammer is a blow against the enemy. ✈
User currently offlineAF1624 From France, joined Jul 2006, 659 posts, RR: 0
Reply 23, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 3 hours ago) and read 3543 times:

I've had a lucky life and have never been even close to this. I've been lightly depressed from time to time and when that drepression lasts for long it sure becomes difficult to face life day after day, but it's never come to a very bad point.

However, a friend of a friend, which I knew because he made a lot of videos on Youtube (they were blogs, which allowed to connect with the person, hence why I feel this person was "close" to me) did kill himself.

What surprised and scared me most is how bloody surprising the news of him taking his own life was to me and everyone who knew him.

He had gone through a bad divorce a year or two before, but seemed like he had taken the right path back to a healthy life. He had two kids, a new girlfriend which was his first love (he had feelings for her before marrying his wife) and everything seemed fine. He had taken the time to go to the US for a good prolongated vacation in sunny Florida, riding motorcycles and drinking mojitos on the beach.

And then one day, when he was back in the UK where he lived, he lit fire to his own house and took his own life that way. There were no alerts. No-one felt like he was depressed, he seemed to be on the right path to happiness again but still, he lit his house on fire and died there alone.

There are not further details (as in, I don't know if he was under the influence when it happened) but the firemen confirmed it was a suicide and not an accidental fire.

So that's my experience with suicide - what I remember from it is that yes, if someone looks like they need a helpful hand, you shouldn't wait, you should give it right away. And this guy had all the help he needed for a while and seemed to really be fine. But sometimes, there's just strictly no alert. Everything seems fine and BAHM, it happens. I don't really know what to think of it but maybe some of you do.

It's an interesting topic this, so thanks for sharing.



Cheers
User currently offlinerwy04lga From United States of America, joined Jul 2005, 3176 posts, RR: 8
Reply 24, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 1 hour ago) and read 3521 times:

At 14, my best friend hung himself. No note, no nothing, just up and hung himself. 40 years later, his mother still grieves hard. To this day, we still have unanswered questions. Why??


Just accept that some days, you're the pigeon, and other days the statue
User currently offlinegift4tbone From United States of America, joined Dec 2004, 612 posts, RR: 0
Reply 25, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days 1 hour ago) and read 3593 times:

Some of you here seem to have been personally affected by suicidal thoughts as an adult, and seem upset at referring to suicide as a selfish act. I have never been suicidal in my adult life. So i cannot comment. But my dad killed himself 2 years ago next month, he had operable cancer. My 2 remaining parents (my mom and birth dad divorced when i was 8), are both suicidal, and have been for quite some time. For me, it is very selfish.

I am sorry if this offends, i don't mean to offend, just to add some of my insights to this discussion. The loss of my dad, was awful for me, my mother has since gone...well....crazy. she has tried to commit suicide at least 10x in the last 2 yrs, including one time, where the doctors called us, saying that she might not make it. Luckily she's still here, and me and my sister are just trying to find a reason for her to live.

My other dad, had some crazy things happen with his new(ish) wife, and it has led him to contemplate suicide. If all 3 of my close parents had committed suicide i would not have any family left. If you are feeling suicidal, PLEASE!!!!! think of those that love you, and seek help. I won't claim to know what its like, as I said when i was in HS i was very suicidal, the whole gay thing and all, but as an adult, i've been pretty good.

I have been severely depressed since my dad took his own life. But after experiencing the loss, i could never imagine doing that to the people i care about. Thats why I feel very strongly that it is a selfish act. I'm sorry if this offends anyone. I do not know what i would have done if all of my parents had succeeded. I understand depression is serious. I am going thru a 2 year bout of it myself. But PLEASE!!!! think of those that love you.

I was the last person my dad spoke with before he killed himself. All i thought about for months after....was what could i have done or said. I still wonder sometimes. And i often feel better after yelling at him, tho i do later apologize. Sounds silly, but it does help me work thru this. My entire life was changed the day i got that phone call.

The point of my sharing this story, is to 1. ask that you respect those of us who are left behind, after suicide, as our feelings to matter. And I KNOW, my dad would not want me to be in the pain that i am in. and 2. to ask that anyone reading this who is suicidal to PLEASE consider those who love you. They will do anything to help you thru this, versus having to bury you.

Thanks for reading this, and good luck, with such a sensitive and emotional issue.

-Tony@PVD



Top 3 airports: PVD 26.0%(115 flights), PHL 15.6%(69 flights), PHX 12.0%(53 flights)
User currently offlineRussianJet From Belgium, joined Jul 2007, 7703 posts, RR: 21
Reply 26, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days ago) and read 3566 times:
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Quoting gift4tbone (Reply 25):
Thanks for reading this, and good luck, with such a sensitive and emotional issue.

Thanks for sharing your insight - it is very valuable and greatly appreciated.

Quoting gift4tbone (Reply 25):
For me, it is very selfish.

It is, I would admit, an inherently selfish act. However, in many cases I would suggest not deliberately so. From my own experience, I can recount what I can only describe as being robbed of most if not all power of rational thought and consideration, gripped only by raw distress and powerful negative emotion. It is very hard in those times to really stop and think of the feelings of others, as you can't even get to grips with your own. This is why I am scared somewhat. Even though I have recovered, looking back it was a different person that did those things, and it is not always easy to understand how I became that person. Sure there are certain understandings I have gained of events, but a latent fear persists that one day I might find myself in a similar state. It's not a prediction, or a likeliehood necessarily, but a fear.

Quoting gift4tbone (Reply 25):
I am sorry if this offends

It doesn't. It's a valid perception, and you shouldn't worry about admitting it. When you're on the receiving end of other people's irrationality the extreme way you describe, it is nigh on impossible to make real sense of it or begin to fully understand what really happened.



✈ Every strike of the hammer is a blow against the enemy. ✈
User currently offlineraffik From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2006, 1716 posts, RR: 4
Reply 27, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days ago) and read 3620 times:

My neighbour and friend jumped infront of a train, she was at the time mid twenties and was suffering a mental disorder.
She had stopped taking her medication. It was a big shock



Happy -go- lucky kinda guy!
User currently offlinegift4tbone From United States of America, joined Dec 2004, 612 posts, RR: 0
Reply 28, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days ago) and read 3600 times:

Quoting RussianJet (Reply 26):
It doesn't. It's a valid perception, and you shouldn't worry about admitting it. When you're on the receiving end of other people's irrationality the extreme way you describe, it is nigh on impossible to make real sense of it or begin to fully understand what really happened.

Thanks for saying that. It is irrational to have those thoughts i guess. Reading some of yours and others thoughts in this thread, has given me a little bit of insight into how he may have felt, and how my other parents feel currently. But honestly it doesn't make it any better, nor any easier to deal with. Suicide is such a finite decision. There is no regretting it. Only for those left behind. I wish there was a better system to help deal with depression, so that suicide would become less of an option. But i fear that it is something mankind, will have to deal with for millennia to come.

-Tony@PVD



Top 3 airports: PVD 26.0%(115 flights), PHL 15.6%(69 flights), PHX 12.0%(53 flights)
User currently offlineRussianJet From Belgium, joined Jul 2007, 7703 posts, RR: 21
Reply 29, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 days ago) and read 3585 times:
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Quoting gift4tbone (Reply 28):
But honestly it doesn't make it any better, nor any easier to deal with

That I can certainly believe. To be honest, I will have to live with the severe guilt of putting my family through some very traumatic times (twice) for the rest of my life - and it's not pleasant. It does, however, help me understand how important it is to head symptoms off before they become too serious. Another significant emotion is one of major embarrassment, and that has been present since the first time I awoke from coma. What helps with that is when colleagues, for example, say how proud they are to see me thriving one year on from returning. It's a few words but it means an awful lot. It helps keep me moving forward rather than getting angry at myself.



✈ Every strike of the hammer is a blow against the enemy. ✈
User currently offlinegift4tbone From United States of America, joined Dec 2004, 612 posts, RR: 0
Reply 30, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 3 days 23 hours ago) and read 3569 times:

Quoting RussianJet (Reply 29):
It helps keep me moving forward rather than getting angry at myself.

That is really good to hear. Thinking about what you've said. I really hope nothing I have said has added to those negative emotions. It was meant more to show the other side of the coin. The fact that your still here, means you've been given a second chance. Don't take it for granted, and don't let the past bog you down, just keep moving forward. I hope that you are looking to a bright future.



Top 3 airports: PVD 26.0%(115 flights), PHL 15.6%(69 flights), PHX 12.0%(53 flights)
User currently offlineRussianJet From Belgium, joined Jul 2007, 7703 posts, RR: 21
Reply 31, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 3 days 22 hours ago) and read 3562 times:
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Quoting gift4tbone (Reply 30):
That is really good to hear. Thinking about what you've said. I really hope nothing I have said has added to those negative emotions.

Not at all. It all helps really, and I'm fairly realistic about things. It's what I started the discussion for - to see other dimensions and share experiences. I realised very early that there are at least two sides to this thing, and I saw I did wrong by my family and friends. In any case, you have to get thick-skinned to an extent. You wouldn't believe the number of times people make throw-away comments about suicide in the course of the average day, and you really can't get hung up on every single word like that. If anything it just makes me giggle a bit sometimes, as I think to myself 'if only they knew'! Having said that, it's pretty evident both from here and from the stats that an awful lot of people out there are touched by this issue, so it's likely a lot of people may know far better than I suspect they might.

Very grateful for your input here.



✈ Every strike of the hammer is a blow against the enemy. ✈
User currently offlinegift4tbone From United States of America, joined Dec 2004, 612 posts, RR: 0
Reply 32, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 3 days 22 hours ago) and read 3562 times:

Quoting RussianJet (Reply 31):
You wouldn't believe the number of times people make throw-away comments about suicide in the course of the average day

This is so true. The first few months I was so sensitive to EVERY SINGLE comment made. I have learned to dismiss them. But any of the specific ones, that deal with the exact situation, I still get a little unnerved. (my dad used a gun, so just think of all the people who hold up there hands as a pistol to there head) I guess over time, it becomes just a part of you, and u learn to deal. Thanks for sharing and starting this topic. Sometimes just talking about it, even a little helps.



Top 3 airports: PVD 26.0%(115 flights), PHL 15.6%(69 flights), PHX 12.0%(53 flights)
User currently offlineRussianJet From Belgium, joined Jul 2007, 7703 posts, RR: 21
Reply 33, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 3539 times:
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Quoting gift4tbone (Reply 32):
Thanks for sharing and starting this topic. Sometimes just talking about it, even a little helps.

Glad to hear it.   



✈ Every strike of the hammer is a blow against the enemy. ✈
User currently onlineAeroWesty From United States of America, joined Oct 2004, 20625 posts, RR: 62
Reply 34, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 3538 times:

Quoting ajd1992 (Reply 19):
The worst thing for me is "suicide is selfish. What about the people who have to deal with their loss?"

A good friend of mine used to volunteer at a suicide hotline. She said that the staffers were trained to ask a point-blank question early on in the conversation: "Who do you want to find your body?"

She said that that would hone in on whom the caller wanted to punish, if that was their motivation. She said that this strategy was very effective, as it was usually the first time someone was actually listening to why this person felt so hurt, that they'd consider taking their life as an act of revenge.

Oddly enough, the first time I ever saw a dead body was that of someone who'd committed suicide. When I was about 11 or 12, I delivered the local penny saver paper once a week before school. I came upon one house in the neighborhood just as the police were in the garage opening up the car door of a lady who'd hooked up a hose to the exhaust pipe. I don't remember much about it other than the visual image of it still to this day, and that one of the cops escorted me home to talk to my parents, so they'd know what I'd just seen.



International Homo of Mystery
User currently offlineSuperfly From Thailand, joined May 2000, 39873 posts, RR: 74
Reply 35, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 3 days 4 hours ago) and read 3429 times:

Wasn't sure if I was going to reply to this thread or not.
Just two weeks ago, one of my best friends and former roommate in San Francisco committed suicide.
I knew he was battling some demons before I had moved away almost 3 years ago. He had been a heavy drinker for many years and decided to quit 3 years ago. From that point onward, he was a very difficult person to be around. None of us were sure of what demons he was battling. We were all supportive of his decision to stop drinking. What ever problems he was facing, he had to deal with head on without alcohol to mask his problems.
We were roommates for 7 years but it was only the last 3 months when he stopped drinking.
We had a falling out right when I moved out and hadn't spoke to him since but I wanted to reach out to him again at some point.
Then I found out about his suicide 2 weeks ago and spoke to his friends and ex-wife that has known him for many year before me. Within the last 3 years, he had a falling out with everyone he knew. He was lashing out at everyone he knew to make every he know angry at him before he took his life. When my other roommate found him dead 2 weeks ago, he had left suicide notes, some of them dated 3 years ago.
He had been planning on killing himself for many years. Since I was moving out, he felt that was a good time to pick a fight with me to make me angry and cut me out of his life. Those closest to him that he's known his entire life he had made violent threats against them within the last two months to make them angry and cut them out of his life.
This was all too sad. Me and him had a lot of the same interest. Cars, aviation, women, politics, music, you name it. We had the same taste in just about everything. The guy was insanely intelligent too.
Bring up any topic and he'd be able to engage in a deep discussion about it.
I even dragged him to an Airliners.net gathering. It was when Emirates flew their A380 to SFO on August 4th, 2008.
I included this photo because he was at this A.net gathering and met some famous A.net photographers at that gathering.


View Large View Medium
Click here for bigger photo!

Photo © Ben Wang




His parents were very loving and nice people as well. He never had money problems either. Just not sure what was bothering him.
My guess is that he was lashing out at all of us to make us no longer be friends with him so we wouldn't know or miss him if he took his life.
Alcohol was replaced by Valium and he purposely took an entire bottle to kill himself.
In his suicide notes, apparently he wasn't angry at me at all when I moved out and mentioned me in his suicide note. He wants me to have his airline model collection. It was him that got me in to collecting 1:500 model aircraft 14 years ago.
I still can't make sense of why he chose to take his life.



Bring back the Concorde
User currently offlineEY460 From United States of America, joined Jan 2012, 268 posts, RR: 0
Reply 36, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 1 day 4 hours ago) and read 3293 times:

I am now 36 and I've been suffering from severe depression since I can remember it. I've tried tons of different medication, therapy and so on but nothing seems working. To be honest, I can't say I've ever been really happy and no matter what happens to me, I'm unhappy. The worst part is that I had a successful life: no health problems (well, a motorbike accident one year ago made things worst), got a degree and a master with top marks, no money problems, a well paid job, a family who loves me, and still I can't feel happiness. And this just make me more upset. I was very close to commit suicide about two years ago. I was about to jump to death, and I know that it sounds very selfish, but I didn't do it because I was scared of those few seconds necessary to hit the ground. I regretted many times not having jumped but I know that it is not an option because of the pain I would cause to my family. And now every day is so hard, every little thing seems so difficult to do. I know that this is not living, but I really don't see any solution.

User currently offlineDocLightning From United States of America, joined Nov 2005, 19682 posts, RR: 58
Reply 37, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 1 day 4 hours ago) and read 3289 times:

My 21-yo nephew, struggled with depression and narcotic addiction and eventually wound up jumping off the 6th floor of a parking structure. The fact that he also had to manage his sexuality (although his family and friends were very accepting; we knew he was gay when he was about 3).

Depression sucks.


User currently offlineRussianJet From Belgium, joined Jul 2007, 7703 posts, RR: 21
Reply 38, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 1 day 4 hours ago) and read 3268 times:
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Quoting DocLightning (Reply 37):
Depression sucks.

  
Truer words never spoken.



✈ Every strike of the hammer is a blow against the enemy. ✈
User currently offlinehOmsAR From United States of America, joined Jan 2010, 1183 posts, RR: 0
Reply 39, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 1 day ago) and read 3233 times:

This is a tough subject to deal with, because there are so many issues out there that you really can't point to one of them and say "well, that's why he did it."

Back when I was a kid, I used to be more of a loner/awkward person. I never hung out in large groups or anything, preferring to have just one or two close friends (a few years ago, I figured out I probably have mild aspergers, but whatever). I remember times when I just wouldn't feel happy, but I couldn't specifically figure out why. I never considered myself depressed or anything, but I just found it difficult to be extremely happy about stuff.

Some time in high school, I was summoned to meet with the school's guidance counselor. There had been an anonymous report from one of the teachers (I never did figure out which one), who said that I "seemed depressed." I didn't know what to make of it. I didn't realize I was depressed, I just didn't see a reason to be overly happy about stuff (and that's just the way my brain works; if things seem "normal" to me, then I don't show very much emotion, again the whole aspergers thing). But, in any event, he had my mom take me to a psychiatric specialist for an evaluation.

After about 7 seconds of talking with this doctor, he tells me that there's a chemical imbalance in my brain that's causing the electrical impulses from neurons to not be transmitted properly, and that's what's making me depressed, and that it's a condition I'll have to live with for the rest of my life and the only way to make it better is to be medicated for the rest of my life.

So he goes ahead and prescribes Zoloft, which I, not knowing any better, start taking. It wasn't two weeks later that I was seriously ready to kill myself, and wound up going into a psychiatric hospital. (As a side note, some years later I read that Zoloft was actually linked with an increase in suicidal tendencies in teenagers.)

This pattern actually repeated itself a couple of times, with different antidepressants, until one day I got so pissed off at how desperate I'd become that I threw all my medication in the garbage and never took it again. I never looked back.

For a while after that I was angry at that first doctor for being such a goddamned fool. But now I realize there's nothing to be gained from holding grudges from 15 years ago. Still, it makes me concerned that there are so many *legal* drugs out there to treat depression, and I'd be willing to bet that most "depression" out there is not a physical thing at all, and cannot be treated with any kind of medication.

But so much is invested in medication that people (apparently even some doctors) just automatically conclude that medication is the only way to do it.



I was raised by a cup of coffee.
User currently offlineDreadnought From United States of America, joined Feb 2008, 8840 posts, RR: 24
Reply 40, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 1 day ago) and read 3221 times:

A friend of mine killed himself when we were in high school. He was normally a very upbeat, outgoing and friendly guy - nobody disliked him. But he was given to occasional fits of depression for no particular evident reason. After his death I heard that it was due to some condition of which I forget the name. It was truly a shock to everyone at school because he was the very antithesis of the loner rejects that you might expect this from.

On a slightly lighter note, when I was in grad school a friend started having an affair with a married woman. The husband was a serious badass ex-cop, and I begged him to stop - he was basically committing suicide if he was ever caught. Sure enough, he was caught, "red-handed" to put it politely, and a scene ensued that must have been straight out of some bawdy comedy, except that the husband managed to kill him.

His funeral was memorable. I spoke for his eulogy, and said that his death proved that there was no such thing as safe sex, as he was wearing a condom when he was shot. The whole church was in stitches in spite of the occasion.



Veni Vidi Castratavi Illegitimos
User currently offlineMax Q From United States of America, joined May 2001, 4506 posts, RR: 18
Reply 41, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 19 hours ago) and read 3184 times:

No judgement's here, I know it's terrible for those left behind but imagine the hell someone has to be in to actually end it all.


At the end of the day it is your decision, the ultimate one I suppose.


As tragic as it is maybe the survivors can take comfort in their loved one's pain being over.



The best contribution to safety is a competent Pilot.
User currently offlineseb146 From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 11648 posts, RR: 15
Reply 42, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 17 hours ago) and read 3150 times:

Quoting 4holer (Reply 1):
The "coward's way out" line bothers me.

Yes, but some people suffer in silence. They think people notice without them saying anything or they don't want to bother anyone with what they believe are trivial problems. Also, there are still segments of society who believe that anyone who visits a psychologist are crazy and that is really, really bad. The only time I have ever been affected by it is when I took ibuprofin. It is a very rare condition, but it has been reported.



Life in the wall is a drag.
User currently offlineSkydrol From Canada, joined Oct 2003, 969 posts, RR: 10
Reply 43, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 16 hours ago) and read 3143 times:

Ah, the topic which is usually kept in silence!

One family member's long-term clinical depression lead to suicide; meds didn't help. Another two family member's financial and relationship disasters have had them attempt suicide on a few occasions, and threaten it all the time - and now they have basically isolated themselves from the rest of the family due to their bitterness and depression. We know it is only a matter of time...

Our family has also experienced several deaths recently from serious health issues. My girlfriend has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Many consecutive bad events have taken their toll on me. Now I am depressed too.. so many loved ones are gone (and close to it), life seems pretty worthless most of the time. Two years ago, I was very close to jumping over Niagara Falls. I got onto the rocks in the upper rapids, sat there for an hour or two and then changed my mind. I was thinking about many of the comments I had read from family members and friends of suicide victims on this site, where they are not afraid of the topic:

http://www.skywaybridge.com/2012.htm#120930

Even some survivors have commented that at the last instant after jumping, they actually realized that they really wanted to live, but of course there's no turning back from gravity. Only a rare few survive...


This movie is kind of similar, interviewing friends, family members, and witnesses of suicide victims, and a survivor:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnpb_Q4osyY

I guess the website and movie helped me to realize as bad as things get, there are many others who have it much worse, and their extreme act results in a lifetime of grief for loved ones. When I start feeling depressed, I read on the web site about different people of all ages who are gone, and all the family and friends saying: "Why, Why?"





  

LD4

[Edited 2013-01-27 00:15:36]


∙ ---{--« ∙ ----{--« ∙ --{-« ∙ ---{--« ∙ --{--« ∙ --{-« ∙ ----{--« ∙
User currently offlinetype-rated From United States of America, joined Sep 1999, 5029 posts, RR: 19
Reply 44, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 15 hours ago) and read 3130 times:

Back in the early 80's I went to lunch with a good friend of mine and we talked about the latest computers that were becoming available. We both had Apple's at the time and we discussed when we would make the jump to IBM PC's. Nice lunch nothing strange about it. We both returned to work.

When I got home from work that night there was a message on my answering machine to call his wife ASAP. I did and she said that her husband, my friend was dead by suicide. She found him at home when she got in. It was way to late to help. He had left a note, but it was a lot of jibberish that didn't make any sense to anyone.

Obviously this friend had gone straight home from the restaurant instead of returning to work. Quite a number of people asked me about lunch and what was discussed, etc. Obviously I was the last person to see him alive. All I could say was that he was kind of upbeat and talked about the next computer user group meeting we would attend. He didn't seem down at all.

At first I was really freaked out by this and it really was a cause to pause. His coworkers said that he was behaving normally that afternoon and wasn't having any excessive stress on the job. He had recently completed a large project.

He had no history of drinking, drugs or anything like that. Just a straight up kind of guy. Nobody saw this coming. And to this day I'm sure nobody knows why it happened. Every now and then I think about this and feel sorry for all the life he missed out on.



Fly North Central Airlines..The route of the Northliners!
User currently offlineRussianJet From Belgium, joined Jul 2007, 7703 posts, RR: 21
Reply 45, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 10 hours ago) and read 3101 times:
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Quoting Skydrol (Reply 43):
This movie is kind of similar, interviewing friends, family members, and witnesses of suicide victims, and a survivor:

I watched 'The Bridge' some time ago - I thought it was a very interesting piece.



✈ Every strike of the hammer is a blow against the enemy. ✈
User currently offlinegreasespot From Canada, joined Apr 2004, 3084 posts, RR: 20
Reply 46, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 5 hours ago) and read 3061 times:

Yes. Two months ago I responded to a kid who tried to kill himself. He ended up shooting his entire face off an missing his brain. It was gory graphic and right out of a horror movie only it was real.

I had to physically hold him down as he kept sitting up to try and drain the blood from what was left of his throat. This was all going on while paramedics treated him.

It was by far the most horrible thing I have been involved in. (I have been first to murders but usuaally it bad guys killing bad guys).

This is a ghost I will probably have for the rest of my career. So yeah it's affected me.

Gs

Note: the kid died eight days later from infection. It was for the best.



Sometimes all you can do is look them in the eye and ask " how much did your mom drink when she was pregnant with you?"
User currently offlineRussianJet From Belgium, joined Jul 2007, 7703 posts, RR: 21
Reply 47, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 5 hours ago) and read 3057 times:
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Quoting greasespot (Reply 46):
Yes. Two months ago I responded to a kid who tried to kill himself. He ended up shooting his entire face off an missing his brain. It was gory graphic and right out of a horror movie only it was real.

I had to physically hold him down as he kept sitting up to try and drain the blood from what was left of his throat. This was all going on while paramedics treated him.

Sounds utterly horrendous. I hope that your department provides counselling should you feel you need it. Not going to be an easy one to forget.



✈ Every strike of the hammer is a blow against the enemy. ✈
User currently offline3DoorsDown From United States of America, joined Oct 2005, 376 posts, RR: 0
Reply 48, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 5 hours ago) and read 3050 times:

I never saw her after Junior high school but my very first girlfriend from 30 years ago, committed suicide three years ago. Kind of depressing. Who knows what went wrong in her life to make her do that. Especially since she had kids.
On a less traumatic way of affecting me, a lot of bridges and other structure that I could photograph from have catch fences on them now to prevent suicides. The mesh is narrow enough to prevent getting a lens through it so that's a problem. I would like to think the fences helped but most likely if they really want to do it, they will just go somewhere else.


User currently offlineEY460 From United States of America, joined Jan 2012, 268 posts, RR: 0
Reply 49, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 4 hours ago) and read 3040 times:

I want to add something for those of you affected by a suicide, even if I am sure not everybody agrees with my words.

When a person gets to the point of killing himself, it is because the pain is unbearable and you don't see a way out (and I am talking about pain because when you are deeply depress you feel physical pain too). When a person next to you kills themselves, you need to think about their sense of freedom they have achieved.

Every day of my life feels so heavy with no solution in sight, and as I said suicide is not an option because that would affect my family too much. But this is how I see it: euthanasia should be allowed also for severe depression. I would like to end my life in a clinic, with the people who loves me around, explain them that living has become unbearable and that it's not their fault, and then fall asleep, forever.

In this way a lot of lives would be saved as medications and counseling would be available as a first resource and a lot of pain would be spared for family, friends and rescue services (I have a lot of respect for them).

Life sucks, then you die.


User currently offlineflyingturtle From Switzerland, joined Oct 2011, 2403 posts, RR: 13
Reply 50, posted (1 year 7 months 3 weeks 2 hours ago) and read 3016 times:

I dedicate my 1001st post to two friends and colleagues I have lost.


In 1996 or so, a female girl I went to school with killed herself when she was 16. Killed herself on the railway line.

The one thing I heard was that she liked to stay the nights on the cemetery, and that she was obsessed with death. The other thing was that her family had lots and lots of issues to begin with.

When six or seven years later an old neighbour of mine died, I visited our cemetery, and then I sought the grave of the school girl. I was saddened to see that her grave was extended to include her brother. And beside their grave, there was the grave of another neighbour of mine - who died as a 102 years old.


When I was supervising an internet chatroom, I got to know a girl who was 18, and she told me that she was regularly beaten by her father, and forced to have sex with various friends of her father's. She told me she was forced to stay in her room. I did not know what to believe, because... there was nothing in her tale that contradicted anything.

Together with a friend I went to her region anyway to do some sledding, so I asked her if she could flee. Then, at the railway station there, I saw a girl that visibly shaked, was very afraid, and railway passengers had already called the ambulance.

Later in the evening, I went to the hospital and was allowed to visit her in the ER. Her father called me (I gave my mobile number to the police earlier), and he asked me what happened. She took my phone and said... "Sorry". She was making up the whole stuff. She explained to the doctor how she made the bruises on her back.

Her parents and her older sister went both to fetch her at the hospital. There, the reunion was quite hearty, and I was told that she was mentally disabled. She made the stuff up to get attention at the chatroom. She and the friend I went sledding with became good friends, but about a year later, that older sister committed suicide.

I've only seen her once, but still... somebody isn't there anymore. Gone. No chance to have some questions answered.



David



Keeping calm is terrorism against those who want to live in fear.
User currently offlinetommy767 From United States of America, joined Aug 2003, 6584 posts, RR: 8
Reply 51, posted (1 year 7 months 2 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 2916 times:

I was hospitalized for depression this past fall for a week -- intensive care then outpatient for 2.5 months. I often thought of getting into a brutal car accident in order to end things (consequently, I got into a car wreck anyway also this fall but by accident.)

Reasons leading up to this was being put on probation at work, girlfriend lying to her friends and family about abuse which suddenly cut her off from my life, and my Mom and I butting heads over general issues, add in also to the fact that I never forgave my parents for divorce 10 years ago. It led to an incident which caused me to essentially have a mental breakdown. I have to say that as a state, NJ needs to get it's act together with mental health. The diagnosis at the clinic was rushed and not thorough -- and they tend to shut down all social services on the weekends.

Resolution? Getting out of NJ and going back to CA this summer for grad school. I used to live out there, but all of these depression related issues started when I moved back to NJ 2.5 years ago. It's time to leave and not look back.

EDIT: worst part about this was how it happened the night before the EWR airport show -- I missed it.

[Edited 2013-01-28 10:22:55]


"Folks that's the news and I'm outta here!" -- Dennis Miller
User currently offlineAirPacific747 From Denmark, joined May 2008, 2404 posts, RR: 24
Reply 52, posted (1 year 7 months 2 weeks 6 days 5 hours ago) and read 2905 times:

A friend of my sister committed suicide on the 12/12/12. He hanged himself from a tree in a forest. He was depressive often, but he had everything to have a good life. He was a civil engineer, had a nice girlfriend, a nice apartment, a loving family and a few but close friends.

User currently offlineSkydrol From Canada, joined Oct 2003, 969 posts, RR: 10
Reply 53, posted (1 year 7 months 2 weeks 6 days 4 hours ago) and read 2885 times:

Rare for a family to decide to make a 20 year-old suicide victim's final words public, but this can give some insight into the pain inside of an otherwise intelligent, outgoing, popular person. It is long, but a very thought-provoking read, should the site mods not choose to remove the post:


''Lead a good life, everyone. The water looks beautiful.''

This is heavy stuff, but shows just how fast things can go bad, even for good kids...


On June 15, 2012, Trey Malone hosted a block party which resulted in his arrest:
http://florida.arrests.org/Arrests/Thomas_Malone_8070255/

Hard to imagine 5'6" 135 LB Trey Malone "beating" on a police officer. Guess his aspirations for a bright future were now shattered with a criminal record.

Two days later he jumped 190 feet to his death in Tampa Bay:

A Bradenton man who had been arrested Friday by the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office and charged with battery on an officer, holding an open house party and resisting arrest, apparently on Sunday jumped to his death from the Sunshine Skyway Bridge. Thomas Malone III, 20, parked his gray four-door vehicle in the southbound lanes of the center span of the bridge at approximately 3:25 p.m. Sunday and jumped over the side, according to the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office. The Hillsborough report identifies Malone and gives his date of birth as Dec. 19, 1991, the same name, address and date of birth listed for a man in a Manatee County Sheriff’s Office arrest report from Friday. At 11:26 p.m. Friday, a deputy was sent to investigate a noise complaint in the **** block of ******* Drive in Manatee County, the Manatee report states. The deputy found the street completely blocked by people and vehicles and more than 100 people in the house and in the backyard, the report states. A suspect later identified as Malone quickly came forward, shoved the deputy backwards and said he was not welcome in the house, the report states. Malone was then taken from the house, handcuffed and put in the deputy’s car, the report states. Upon further investigation, deputies discovered several minors had been drinking alcohol in the home, according to the report. One minor told deputies she had been consuming vodka and Gatorade, the report states. About 15 minutes after he jumped from the bridge, the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office Marine Unit recovered Malone’s body in the water.


On November 12, 2012, Trey Malone's suicide note was published, when his family decided to make it public. Trey was an ace student, athlete, musician and valedictorian. All any parent would wish their son or daughter could achieve academically. But as you will read below, outward appearance does not always show what is really going on with one's well-being.

Talk to your kids! Find out what's wrong, and listen!

Editor’s note: We want to open this article with a warning: we are reprinting, in full, the suicide note left by a young man named Trey Malone, who killed himself when he was unable to cope any longer with the sexual assault he had suffered as a student at Amherst College. Trey’s family support the publication of his final words. They have provided the text of the note to us, and we are publishing it with their approval. More importantly, we are publishing it because it was written to educate. He writes to a society that, in the end, couldn’t help him enough. He wanted the things he was saying to be heard, and so, in accordance with that wish, we are publishing his words:


"I suppose, in a lot of ways, this was how it was meant to end. The water tried to take me once and I’m drawn back to this day. Especially on a day like today. There is a certain sense of irony involved in choosing to end my life in the one thing that’s always pushing forward. Even in this awful polluted bay, the water licks the seaweed and barnacle-covered pieces of rock. There’s some tortured metaphor in everything isn’t there? When I was in elementary school, I often wondered if I’d get to be like Dad. I spent hours imagining my own reconstructed version of those stories. Initially, the base of these dreams was King Arthur. Endeared by months spent on that bed reading back and forth with mom, then it turned to Zelda, a black and white Gameboy game. The landmarks of St. Maarten all became transplants from that 2” by 2” screen. By the end of 2nd grade, however, it became your stories dad. All those years reading and imagining developed into that one strong fanciful King Arthur of New York. There is a special level of humility to all those tales. The triumphs and failings of a damaged man, certainly no less broken than the rest of us, but human, none the less. My dreams and hopes have shifted since then, but that base has always been there. King Malone in the Volvo P1800 (with the broken headlights). These days, I’ve become more tired of remembering the past and wondering about the future. I’ve slowly watched that future collapse in on itself whether by my own actions or those of others and now I’m simply tired. My future is rubble and while below that rubble, there is still a foundation, my arms are weak and my tools are broken. My job is gone, relationships strained, and mugshot posted. Entropy is a funny thing I suppose. A house of stone may take a millennia to collapse, but it will collapse. Unfortunately, it would appear the imaginary building blocks of my future were far less sturdy. Even absent that natural collapse, the sexual assault was too much. There was no adequate form of preparation available for that and no repair afterwards. What began as an earnest effort to help on the part of Amherst, became an emotionless hand washing. In those places I should’ve received help, I saw none. I suppose there are many possible reasons for this. But in the end, I’m still here and so too is that night. I hold no ill will nor do I place an iota of blame upon my family. I blame a society that remains unwilling to address sexual assault and rape. One that pays some object form of lip service to the idea of sexual crimes while working its hardest to marginalize its victims. One where the first question a college president can pose to me, regarding my own assault is, “Have you handled your drinking problem?” My story is far from exceptional in this regard. Every two minutes there is another victim. 97% of rapists will never spend a day in jail. 1 in every 6 woman in the US has been a victim of rape and 1 in 33 men. Despite this, every awful myth about rape persists. Society will continue to blame women for the clothes they wear (despite hard evidence showing no link) and continue to say, “You shouldn’t have been there” when 73% of rapes are committed by non strangers and more than 50% take place within one mile of the victims home. (4 in 10 take place at their home) Sexual crime is viewed as inconsequential unless the fabled “dark alley with a gun” assault occurs and even then, women face the eternal, “why were you there? What were you wearing?” badgering. To hear men and women speak of our culture as some Feminazi PC nightmare is embarrassing. To act as though we are not to be held accountable for our words and language is even worse. Free speech has never nor will it ever mean immunity from criticism. Words and languages have meaning. If you don’t think what you say or how you phrase it matters, look up Frank Luntz. The next time you carelessly use the N-word or any other derogatory term, the next time you call some man a bitch or a pussy, try to think about the repercussions of casual slurs. If you’re angry about political correctness or whatever other worthless phrase you feel is necessary, ask yourself why you feel not only entitled to the usage of slurs but compelled to. Read some real freaking feminist literature and stop listening to Rush Limbaugh too. “Feminism is for Everybody” by bell hooks is a good start. Sorry I ranted a bit, but please have someone read the last two paragraphs to whomever comes to say goodbye. I love all of you and I know this will hurt you more than anything else I could have done, but I’m tired and the water looks beautiful. Pithy a statement as it may be, “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” is certainly accurate. I’d take my own advice, but I stopped listening nine months and six days ago. Mom, I’m sure you will blame yourself for any number of things, but I want you to know it is not nor was it ever your fault. If it were not for you, dad, Dan, Callan, and everyone else, I never would have lasted this long. I love you more than I will ever be able to tell you. Please go to Costa Rica. You deserve every minute of it. Besides, I hear they pack your lunch for you in heaven. Dad, I imagine this will hit you the hardest . I want you to know that I still have that dream. Even if I’ll never get to see it. Please take care of your health. Callan will need you and so will everyone else. I love you dad. Dan, Sorry about the $300. I’d pay you back if I could. You were right about most of the things you told me and I’m sorry that you’ll have to buy a ticket down as well. Take a break please. Find some way to spend time with everyone. I love you I’m sorry. Callan, What happened over the last week has nothing to do with this, if nothing else, it was one helluva way to end it. Please study and work, You’re every bit as capable as I ever was. You can finish what I couldn’t. Spend the time you need to, please get A’s. I always wanted to name a son after dad and if you could for me, I’d be thankful. You are by no means required or even expected to. Do what you want to. Pet the dog too, she’s very nice. I love you Callan. You’re a beautiful girl and going to be a stunning woman. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. Listen to dad and write down his stories cause I never could. Sheng, Sorry I fell out of touch dude. You’re a great guy and I’m sorry that I’ll miss the parties. Make them count for me and even if it annoys you, try to take some Women and genders study classes. Tell nick I say hey (or bye I guess) as well. I’m not drunk enough to rant about politics right now, sorry. Either way, it meant more than you will ever know that you were such a good friend to me when I got back to Amherst. Nathan- Freshman, you’re far too nice for your own good. No one dude, should be so willing to listen and talk. Sorry that I can’t give you the full story now, but I imagine the police report is funny as hell. Keep reading and do something important. Do me a favor and tell Sara Simonsson that my fake ID came in as well. Everyone else, I’m sorry, my hand is falling off. If we were friends, remember me for at least a week or so. Please listen to what I said about sexual assault. There are millions more just like me that need help and no, someone who is drunk cannot give consent, f**kers. Remember me however you’d like. I hope it’s a positive memory. If not, I swear to god I will haunt you. I don’t know how that works, but I figure I’ll have plenty of time to figure it out. Lead a good life, everyone. The water looks beautiful."



- Thomas Francis Malone, III (Trey) December 19, 1991 – June 17, 2012 Trey was born on St. Eustatius, Netherland Antilles. In 1999, he moved with his family to Sarasota, Florida and joined The Out-of-Door Academy community. Trey was the Valedictorian of the ODA class of 2009. An avid musician, he played the violin in the orchestra and in all of the spring musicals. As a varsity athlete, he competed as a member of the Varsity Swimming, Soccer, and Track teams. In 2009, his 4x800m relay placed 8th in the State track meet. He attended Amherst College. He was known for his wit, his intelligence, his ease, his thoughtfulness, and his kindness. For this, he will be missed by all.



∙ ---{--« ∙ ----{--« ∙ --{-« ∙ ---{--« ∙ --{--« ∙ --{-« ∙ ----{--« ∙
User currently offline4holer From United States of America, joined Feb 2002, 3017 posts, RR: 9
Reply 54, posted (1 year 7 months 2 weeks 6 days 2 hours ago) and read 2845 times:

What seems to be a recurring theme here, not in all, but often, is an issue with substance abuse. Whether it is the cause, or a manifestation of, their inner demons, it is a familiar companion. My best friend Jaela, whose suicide I discussed in the link in Reply 1, had past, and possibly returning issues. As had Billy, my childhood best friend (who hanged himself), Karen a very good friend's wife (who intentionally ODed on pills and whose funeral was at the same time as Billy's), Jacob (a dear friend, just a few weeks ago, likely, pending toxicology)... Alcohol and drugs, it would seem, don't make problems disappear.


Ghosts appear and fade away.....................
User currently offlineaf773atmsp From United States of America, joined Aug 2006, 2688 posts, RR: 1
Reply 55, posted (1 year 7 months 5 days 21 hours ago) and read 2526 times:

Sorry for bringing up an old thread but my friend just sent me this on Facebook and I feel it deserves to be on this thread:

"Here's the thing about life. On the one hand, none of it matters. Many philosophers come to this conclusion and cannot figure out why anyone should care either way. Human beings will expand from Earth to the next galaxy and the next and then what? Our technology will increase without bounds. Life will constantly change for our species but, as a whole, we don't have a goal nor a well-defined purpose nor a mission statement for humanity. We are just trudging through the universe one day at a time. This is why people war. They don't think things through. They crave purpose and meaning. They are incapable of projecting far enough into the future to do something useful. They are irrational, always, and they often cause more trouble than is needed. You could look at all of that and decide you don't want to live in such a world. But, if you do that you neglect a key aspect of it all–being a human being is a highly unique experience.
Really think about that: no one will ever have a brain like yours, or your quirks, or your combination of experiences. Even your fellow INTJs differ from one another despite many similarities. Expand that– humans are different from you. Consider even more the unlikeliness that you would be here in the first place. We humans take life for granted because it is all around us but you should not be here, statistically speaking. Neither should I. We are that one in a billion sperm that made it into the highly elite University of Mommy's Egg. In our case, the penalty for not getting into that university was not sulking and licking wounds or retaking the entrance exams–it was death. Right off the bat, many of the potential replacements for you never got the chance to come into existence and as such never got the privilege to truly experience being a human being. They never got the opportunity to develop a brain that is better than any supercomputer pound per pound. They never got the opportunity to reason. They were never able to use those hundreds of thousands of sensors we call rods and cones in conjunction with the world's best, all-natural, dynamically adjusting, camera lens (eyes) and the processing centers of our brain to interpret the energy given off by a sunset and translate it all into the beautiful image we know. Think about that. When you SEE, you are translating waves of energy into colors. That's insane. When you HEAR, you are translating pressure waves into the audio you are perceiving. The other sperm never even got the opportunity to hear the most gorgeous note which is capable of sending chills down your spine.
Why is being a human so great? Because as a species, we are not only complex but are statistically anomalies. We go from hydrocarbon blueprints redundantly encoded in biological structures to sacks of meat to children who very quickly figure out for themselves how to take random sensory input like sight, sound, balance, etc. and make sense of it in real time. We are self-aware and dynamically adjust to life's curve balls. Why should you want to live? Because you have eternity to be dead. That's a hell of a lot longer than the 70-100 years you will be alive on this planet. As long as you are going to die anyway in the future, you may as well enjoy the privilege of being a human now while you can appreciate it because it is a gift that you would be a fool to squander."



It ain't no normal MD80 its a Super 80!
User currently offline4holer From United States of America, joined Feb 2002, 3017 posts, RR: 9
Reply 56, posted (1 year 7 months 5 days 9 hours ago) and read 2461 times:

Quoting af773atmsp (Reply 55):
Why should you want to live? Because you have eternity to be dead. That's a hell of a lot longer than the 70-100 years you will be alive on this planet. As long as you are going to die anyway in the future, you may as well enjoy the privilege of being a human now while you can appreciate it because it is a gift that you would be a fool to squander

That's a pretty good way to put it.



Ghosts appear and fade away.....................
User currently offlinePHX787 From Japan, joined Mar 2012, 7560 posts, RR: 18
Reply 57, posted (1 year 7 months 4 days 21 hours ago) and read 2396 times:

I saw someone kill themselves today by jumping off of a building on campus. She's the same age as me, and it was quite tragic. I didn't know her thankfully, but it puts your own life in perspective.


Do what Adam Darski does- scream at the top of your lungs, "It feels great to be alive!!!!!!"



次は、渋谷、渋谷。出口は、右側です。電車とホームの間は広く開いておりますので、足元に注意下さい。
User currently offlinelightsaber From United States of America, joined Jan 2005, 13109 posts, RR: 100
Reply 58, posted (1 year 7 months 4 days 19 hours ago) and read 2368 times:
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A hard thread to read, but I'm glad I did.

I've had three brushes with people who tried/committed suicide.

1. A kid who looked almost *exactly* like me in high school committed suicide. That was weird... In particular since I knew his sibling and had briefly met his parents.
2. I talked a gun out of a friend's mouth about a year after the above. (Both of us are glad I dropped by un-announced.)
3. A relative who had just gone through the worst of cancer. When the pain recedes enough for them to realize how bad it is... the doctor knew it would be a problem and had recommended the right course of action. But instead of 'committing' my relative, their spouse mistakenly thought it would be kinder to watch them at home... Watch her die unfortunately.  
Quoting AR385 (Reply 16):
Between 2005 and 2008 I had a terrible time.

I thank you and everyone else for sharing.

Lightsaber



Societies that achieve a critical mass of ideas achieve self sustaining growth; others stagnate.
User currently offlineME AVN FAN From Switzerland, joined May 2002, 13920 posts, RR: 25
Reply 59, posted (1 year 6 months 4 weeks 1 day 23 hours ago) and read 2171 times:

It depends. A schoolfriend of my older brother did suicide. The chap had an bicycle accident and became paraliyzed. He not only saw that there was no chance of improvement, he also saw that girlfriends of his younger brother "vanished" after having seen HIM. He always was a superb planner and arranger, what I always admired, and so he planned his suicide perfectly well, with a well written farewell address. Everybody fully accepted his way out and his explanation. A neighbour of us got epylepsy, and realized that his stays in the mental home became more and more frequent and longer and longer. He finally three himself under a train of the Gotthard-Line. We all understood it very well.

The son of a business partner did suicide. He just left a short note "I am fed up. IT no longer makes sense. All the best". The mother of that jolly lad of course was totally devastated.

I do not regard either of the three as COWARD, definitely not.

Death is the ultimate destiny of all of us.


User currently offlineRussianJet From Belgium, joined Jul 2007, 7703 posts, RR: 21
Reply 60, posted (1 year 6 months 4 weeks 1 day 22 hours ago) and read 2172 times:
Support Airliners.net - become a First Class Member!

Quoting PHX787 (Reply 57):
I saw someone kill themselves today by jumping off of a building on campus. She's the same age as me, and it was quite tragic. I didn't know her thankfully, but it puts your own life in perspective.

That's awful. I hope you're ok after seeing it.

Quoting PHX787 (Reply 57):
Do what Adam Darski does- scream at the top of your lungs, "It feels great to be alive!!!!!!"

Well, I appreciate that having a PMA helps and all, but the fact is - it doesn't always feel great at all. Sometimes it does though, and that's what you have to cling to I guess.



✈ Every strike of the hammer is a blow against the enemy. ✈
User currently offlineME AVN FAN From Switzerland, joined May 2002, 13920 posts, RR: 25
Reply 61, posted (1 year 6 months 3 weeks 3 days 19 hours ago) and read 1995 times:

There also are INdirect ways. My brother suffered from consequences of both two major cancer operations and his own way of neither taking care of the matter nor accepting serious advice from the docs. He in the end, in September 94, refused intensive care and died at 8pm on 27th Sep. 1994. He already back in Nov-93 in Triemli Zürich told me that the "next time" would refuse "intensive care"

Far worse, there was a chap who took part in a kind of ball-play which turned ugly, back in 1959. He and Rico and Elizabeth had played a bit of football on the road which then was THE road to Zug and Luzern and the Gotthard and the Ticino.. The ball, pushed by the chap in question, rolled onto the road and Rico, one of my best friends ever, tried to get it back and was rolled over by a truck and died 11 days later. The lad thereafter on intent did anything risky possible and finally succeeded some 12 years later and died. A coward ? No, Herbert was not a coward, but simply could not cope with his position.


User currently offlinezkojq From New Zealand, joined Sep 2011, 1208 posts, RR: 1
Reply 62, posted (1 year 6 months 3 weeks 15 hours ago) and read 1865 times:

One of my closest friends has severe depression (as well as several other mental illnesses). He has a very bad relationship with his step-dad and has been struggling for quite a while to find work. In the time that I've been friends he has made three attempts on his life (that I know about). The first two attempts involved an overdose of painkillers/prescription medicine which resulted in reasonably serious kidney damage, but thankfully no death.

The third attempt happened in October last year. One evening he had an argument with one of his parents, got fed-up so went out. Another friend who he had been texting heard about this so decided to take him out for a late-night drive in the hopes of cheering him up. They were out for a few hours and, on while on the motorway, something happened that caused him to reach breaking point. He got out a scalpel that he keeps in his backpack and began stabbing at his arm very deeply/violently. A fist fight ensued as the friend driving tried to make him stop by taking the scalpel, his hand got cut, but he eventually managed (without crashing) to get it and threw it into the back seat. An ambulance was called and it was decided to meet it at my house as it was quite close-by. I got a call at 0300 telling me to come outside and bring a towel, I did so and together me and the non-suicidal friend wrapped a bath-towel around the damaged arm, trying to stop the blood-flow. The ambulance arrived reasonably promptly. The suicide attempt was thankfully unsuccessful, though plenty of damage was done and he spent a while in hospital.

Since then the friend driving has stopped all contact with the other, which is quite sad as they have known each other since the beginning of high school. I haven't properly talked about the incident, other than to the friend who was driving and to my parents. Despite having more than ten times the victims of homicides, suicide is unfortunately a taboo subject that hardly ever gets talked about. Here there are laws that tightly regulate the way that the media reports suicide, unfortunately this means that a difficult topic gets talked about even less.

Other than the above incident, there are some cliffs closeish to home where someone took their life in 2011 and in 2008 one of the students at school did the same.

Quoting RussianJet (Thread starter):
I came across this news item which reports the fact that suicide rates in the UK rose significantly in 2011.

Same in this part of the world, sadly.
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10831455
http://www.stuff.co.nz/auckland/loca...02/Auckland-suicide-rate-increases

Quoting RussianJet (Thread starter):
'the coward's way out' is a very well-worn adage.

A weird thing to say considering that it surely takes quite a lot of strength to fight a person's most basic incident of self-preservation.

Quoting greasespot (Reply 46):

This is why I wouldn't want to be a police officer. I truly hope those memories don't frequent you.


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