Grisee08 From United States of America, joined Mar 2013, 414 posts, RR: 0 Posted (1 year 5 months 2 weeks 2 days 22 hours ago) and read 2649 times:
In 2010, my best friend was pretty much a non-smoker. She would smoke one cigarette MAYBE once every 2 months or so, and even then she would not inahle. In 2011, after we became roommates, she started smoking one every few weeks, again, not inhaling, I guess just for the taste of it. Then, in May 2011, she physically came up, and asked me how to inhale and exhale like I did. Not really thinking, and after telling her that it would certainly get her hooked, she said "Ok?" so I showed her, and she did it fairly well, without choking. She inhaled, exhaled a little through her nose, then inhaled oxygen and exhaled through her mouth.
It doesn't take an aeronautical engineer to know that she is, today, a full-on, NEED to have it, smoker. Instead of one every 2-3 weeks, she goes through ½ a pack to a pack a day (½ depending on if she works all day and 1 full pack if she is off.)
Each time I see her light up a cigarette, I feel guilty, because I keep thinking if I had refused to show her, she wouldn't have started. (She smoked her first cigarette at 16 after taking one out of my pack and, not knowing how to, not inhaling.) 4 years later, she smokes more than I ever have in my entire life.
I guess my question is: Am I responsible for her starting smoking, or would she have figured it out sooner or later?
I just feel really guilty, and I've tried buying her gum, patches, and even E-Cigs, and each time, she tells me she "Loves her cigarettes." Before she started, she would wake up in the morning, ready to go, like me. Now it takes her a couple of hours because she has ti have 2-3 cigarettes and a cup of coffee before she is ready to go. I just don't know what di--to say, or do... If Anything. Advice please.
P.S. It caught me quite by surprise when she came out that one day, I thought she would go through her normal bit of lighting one, not inhaling it, and putting it out ½-way through, but then after I taught her what she asked, she went throught 1, then 2, then 3 more, before going back inside, and the next thing I knew, she was back outside having 2 more within 30 minutes. So I knew she was addicted instantly. In the words of Anakin Skywalker, "What have I DONE!!!?"
Grisee08 From United States of America, joined Mar 2013, 414 posts, RR: 0
Reply 1, posted (1 year 5 months 2 weeks 2 days 22 hours ago) and read 2641 times:
Yes, she is aware, as I have told her, of all the dangers, how I have tried to quit (I am down to 6 or 7 a day, and slowly decreasing as she increases), and SHOWED her what it does to her "pretty pink lungs" and that seems to make her want to smoke more. I don't think I've ever met anybody who WANTS ugly black lungs.
Good point... Basically Reply #2 was what I had hoped to hear, but I am wondering if there is anyway I could talk to her about without sounding too forward about it. I get the feeling that she thinks its my fault she started, but she seems to be "happy" about it. (IOW, She looks at it as me teaching her, and she's glad I did, while at the same time I feel terrible.)
kiwiinoz From New Zealand, joined Oct 2005, 2166 posts, RR: 5
Reply 5, posted (1 year 5 months 2 weeks 2 days 17 hours ago) and read 2332 times:
She is the one responsible.
Smoking, a bad habit, but half the world smokes through their teens and twenties, then has an epiphany in the 30's and give up. I was one of these, am in great health, and wouldn't trade the joy of smoking for 10 years. Loved it.
The health issues are serious, but sometimes humans have to be humans as well, and go through a bit of a journey. There are a lot of far worse things that people her age are doing to themselves, both physically and emotionally. If this is her onlt weakness, I wouldn't worry.
RussianJet From Belgium, joined Jul 2007, 7749 posts, RR: 21
Reply 6, posted (1 year 5 months 2 weeks 2 days 16 hours ago) and read 2309 times:
Hard to know how to respond to this really. She asked you to show her, she could have found out anyway. Ultimately, she has to decide for herself. Addictive though it may be, it is the individual's choice whether or not to tackle that addiction. To be frank though, it's not a good thing to encourage others to smoke in any way, but worse things happen. There's no point in beating yourself up about it. It's happened, it's now up to her whether she wants to continue smoking or not.
✈ Every strike of the hammer is a blow against the enemy. ✈
DeltaMD90 From United States of America, joined Apr 2008, 8119 posts, RR: 51
Reply 7, posted (1 year 5 months 2 weeks 2 days 15 hours ago) and read 2233 times:
Quoting RussianJet (Reply 7): Hard to know how to respond to this really. She asked you to show her, she could have found out anyway. Ultimately, she has to decide for herself. Addictive though it may be, it is the individual's choice whether or not to tackle that addiction. To be frank though, it's not a good thing to encourage others to smoke in any way, but worse things happen. There's no point in beating yourself up about it. It's happened, it's now up to her whether she wants to continue smoking or not.
Everything RussianJet said.
Just think about it, what if you said no? You aren't the only one in the world that knows how in inhale and exhale. To be honest, I'm not even sure what that means... I don't think it takes more than just common sense to learn how to smoke a cigarette. She would have found out either way.
What you can do is be supportive of her. I wouldn't go to the point of annoying her--she's a grown adult and can do what she wants--but you can make it known that you're there for her if she wants to quit.
Get a grip man. You are not responsible in any way.
If you are upset that she's smoking i can only suggest gently encouraging/helping her to quit. Those electric cigarettes seem to be a good way to go. But at the end of the day it's her life an her choice to smoke.
Dude, get some new friends, or lower the drama level a little. She can make her own decisions, and so can you. I realize you taught her to smoke effectively, but so what? If you'd taken her virginity and she'd become a sex addict, would you be so bothered about that?
I guess the only reason I feel bad is because when I met her, smoking in general disgusted her. I would never smoke around her until we became roommates, at which point, she would light one up only if I went outside, and she just wanted to make conversation. It was shortly after that, she asked me how to exhale through her nose. Looking back, I should have said "You'll most certainly become hooked." But instead, I showed her. D'OH!! Some role model Iam.
solarflyer22 From US Minor Outlying Islands, joined Nov 2009, 1182 posts, RR: 2
Reply 14, posted (1 year 5 months 2 weeks 1 day 7 hours ago) and read 1599 times:
I mean the way you describe her personality, it sounds like shes low on self control and probably has an addictive personality. Even if you hadn't introduced it to her at 16, she definitely would have been introduced to it at 18, 20 or whenever she went out and started partying and probably would have gotten addicted then. If you told her its a bad habit, not to start etc, then you've done your due diligence in my opinion and I would not sweat it.
I agree with you, but sometimes I can't help but look back on the bad things I've done, as well as the good. I do a lot of remembering the good as well, but you can't always look back on one and ignore the others. Those who fail to remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
Quoting solarflyer22 (Reply 16): I mean the way you describe her personality, it sounds like shes low on self control and probably has an addictive personality
Somewhat. Her parents are not alcoholics or smokers, but her brother is an alcoholic and a heavy user of smokeless tobacco. At 22, she just smokes cigarettes fairly heavily (more than I ever could have). She rarely drinks, but when she does she cannot control herself. She drinks hardcore maybe once a month, and that's it (maybe twice). She does not abuse any drugs.
I know I'm probably worrying over nothing, but for someone who has done so much good for me, and helped me out in so many ways, I'm afraid of letting her down, and not being the kind of friend I should be.
mandala499 From Indonesia, joined Aug 2001, 7010 posts, RR: 77
Reply 20, posted (1 year 5 months 1 week 6 days 19 hours ago) and read 1212 times:
Getting some nicotinamide helps me reduce my nicotine addicition... it came in my multivitamins my doctor gave to me... Since then, the physiological longing for "getting high on nicotine" got substituted by a daily dose of nicotinamide... (yeah, I cheat !)
Enjoy the freedom of being able to smoke when you want to, not because your body is begging for it (being enslaved to nicotine).
Whenever I get younger people asking me about starting smoking, I just tell them, "don't bother, if it don't eat your health, it'll eat your wallet, or both... heck, my wallet's lighter because of this habit!" "Hitting your wallet" is probably a better way to get through into their heads than "hitting your health"... Smoke more = less money for booze... Yeaps, it usually works.
But let me give you advise, if your friend starts becoming sick from smoking, get away as far as possible... she might want to sue you!
When losing situational awareness, pray Cumulus Granitus isn't nearby !
RyanairGuru From Australia, joined Oct 2006, 6025 posts, RR: 6
Reply 21, posted (1 year 5 months 1 week 6 days 16 hours ago) and read 1176 times:
To the OP: in another life I could well have been the "she" you refer to. I started in eerily similar circumstances, and now whenever my friend who introduced me sees me light up she apologises. Each time I tell her it wasn't her fault, I am an adult and started of my own volition. Admittedly socialising with people who smoked prodded me into "trying it", but I choose my own friends.
Seriously, you have nothing to worry about.
Quoting virginblue4 (Reply 2): In my personal opinion, it isn't your fault. She's old enough to know the dangers and at the end of the day it was HER choice to begin smoking, not yours.
Quoting Aesma (Reply 9): You'd think that past the early teens people wouldn't start smoking
Actually university is a big time. Even though by your late teens/twenties everyone is aware of the health risks, alcohol fuelled socialising isn't conducive to a healthy lifestyle!
Quoting mandala499 (Reply 21): I was like that... smoking disgusted me... but then, I ended up smoking a pack a day until recently
Quoting solarflyer22 (Reply 16): it sounds like shes low on self control and probably has an addictive personality