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10 Really Bad Puns  
User currently offlineCanadi>nBoy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Posted (11 years 7 months 1 week 2 days 16 hours ago) and read 3775 times:

10 REALLY, REALLY BAD PUNS

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen only one
carrion allowed per passenger."


2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
lesser of two weevils.


3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire
in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it, too.

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up
to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."


5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.


6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour,the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't
stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."


7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband
responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."


8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up
a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can
prevent florist friars.


9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him.... what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's
good!) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in-ten-did.











11 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineHepkat From Austria, joined Aug 2000, 2341 posts, RR: 2
Reply 1, posted (11 years 7 months 1 week 2 days 15 hours ago) and read 3753 times:

If it makes you feel any better, I LAUGHED MY HEAD OFF!!!

User currently offlineTbar220 From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 7011 posts, RR: 26
Reply 2, posted (11 years 7 months 1 week 2 days 15 hours ago) and read 3752 times:

ROFLMAO!!! These are genious!  Laugh out loud  Laugh out loud


NO URLS in signature
User currently offlineFlyingbronco05 From United States of America, joined May 2002, 3840 posts, RR: 2
Reply 3, posted (11 years 7 months 1 week 2 days 15 hours ago) and read 3745 times:

Number 10 is great Big grin

GREAT!  Smile



Never Trust Your Fuel Gauge
User currently offlineEGGD From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2001, 12443 posts, RR: 36
Reply 4, posted (11 years 7 months 1 week 2 days 15 hours ago) and read 3743 times:

Aha, hahahaha, ahaha, ohhh dear...

I read these, and gave up after 3 caus they were so terrible. I just came in again and read the rest, very damn clever lol  Big thumbs up.


User currently offline707cmf From France, joined Mar 2002, 4885 posts, RR: 30
Reply 5, posted (11 years 7 months 1 week 2 days 15 hours ago) and read 3737 times:

LOL LOL LOL and LOL. I must have laughed at 6 or 7. Not bad considering English is not my mother tongue !

User currently offlineRedngold From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 6907 posts, RR: 45
Reply 6, posted (11 years 7 months 1 week 2 days 10 hours ago) and read 3684 times:

Twin brothers, Frank Sam and Sam Frank, died. Frank Sam had always been the good one and ended up in heaven, but even though his brother had been wicked, he missed him.

So Frank Sam asked St. Peter if he could go check on his brother, and St. Petergave him permission so long as he returned by midnight.

Frank Sam descended to Hell and asked around until he found Sam Frank, who was operating a dance bar amid the flames. Frank Sam and Sam Frank talked for a long time, so long that Frank Sam lost track of time. Finally, Frank Sam heard the crashing gong of Hell telling him that it was midnight, and he hurried back to heaven.

But in his haste he did not check his appearance, and when he arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter gave him the once over...

"Frank Sam, look at you! Your robes are covered in soot, your halo is all bent from the heat, and your heart... where is your heart?"

Frank Sam replied, "Oh my! I left my heart in Sam Frank's disco!"



Up, up and away!
User currently offlineArsenal@LHR From United Kingdom, joined Mar 2001, 7792 posts, RR: 20
Reply 7, posted (11 years 7 months 1 week 2 days 9 hours ago) and read 3677 times:
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9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him.... what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's
good!) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


Excellent! That was a classic.  Big thumbs up




In Arsene we trust!!
User currently offlineLubcha132 From United States of America, joined Feb 2001, 2776 posts, RR: 7
Reply 8, posted (11 years 7 months 1 week 2 days 9 hours ago) and read 3671 times:

that was a great list..as soon as i saw the title i was like "MUST SEE!"

keep 'em coming Big grin Big grin Big grin


User currently offlineTrickijedi From United States of America, joined May 2001, 3266 posts, RR: 5
Reply 9, posted (11 years 7 months 1 week 2 days 9 hours ago) and read 3666 times:

Haha! Those were excellent!  Smile

Try these...

1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed. If you then pay them you get dispossessed.
9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
17. Every calendar's days are numbered.
18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
24. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.



Its better to be on the ground wishing you were in the air than be in the air wishing you were on the ground. Fly safe!
User currently offlineCanadi>nBoy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 10, posted (11 years 7 months 1 week 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 3596 times:

LOL!, great stuff, Trickijedi & Redngold.  Smile/happy/getting dizzy

User currently offlineJamieD From UK - England, joined Apr 2002, 613 posts, RR: 10
Reply 11, posted (11 years 7 months 1 week 1 day 14 hours ago) and read 3582 times:

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour,the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't
stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."


ROFLMAO!!!! That's excellent, mate.  Nuts


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