Matt D From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 9502 posts, RR: 50 Reply 1, posted (10 years 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 22 hours ago) and read 1008 times:
1. Life is not fair.
2. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for. But don't fight someone who is scared that your dick might be bigger than his, unless there is no way out for you, in which case you kick him in the balls. No asshole is worth going to jail for.
3. There is no such thing as a free lunch, unless you are a worthless lazy welfare recipient.
4. A woman who isn't good in bed is a woman not worth keeping.
5. You are not going to be rich by the time you're 25, unless you win the Lottery. We all "paid our dues" by working shitty jobs to get work experience and money. Work your way up.
6. Algebra, calculus, and trigonometry will serve absolutely no purpose in your life whatsoever, unless you become a building engineer or astronomer, and even then, the computers will do the work for you.
7. You don't see horses f---ing zebras. You catch my drift?
8. If you see something you want that will make you happy, and you can get it without doing anything illegal or immoral, GET IT. YOu can worry about the consequences later.
9. I don't care what any politician, school teacher, or anyone else says, there ARE absolute rights and wrongs. Anyone that believes in moral relativism is soeone for you to steer clear of.
10. Not to contradict myself with #9, but we all must respect everyones right to an opinion, even if the other persons is wrong. When disagreements escalate to belittlement and violence, then BOTH sides are wrong. If you can't reach an amiable conclusion, then agree to disagree and walk away.
11. Don't be a social conformist. Learn to think and act for yourself.
12. Vote in every election. Don't vote your conscience. Vote your brain and your wallet. God put your head above your heart and dick for a reason. And most of all, vote for who you feel is best, not who the "projected winner" is.
13. Obey the law, even if you disagree with it. If you break it, and get caught, you will have to deal with the consequences. Don't look to me or anyone else to bail you out of your self-inflicted jam.
14. No matter how sophisticated the woman you are dating is, she IS still a woman at heart. Bring flowers, open the door, and pay for her meal.
15. Respect your elders. Especially widows and orphans. You mess with them, and God will show you no mercy.
16. Always say "please" and "thank you".
17. You can get by on charm for about 5 minutes. After that, you better know something.
And the most important one of all is the rule for all ages:
"Treat everyone else the way you want to be treated.
Mandala499 From Indonesia, joined Aug 2001, 6410 posts, RR: 74 Reply 2, posted (10 years 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 21 hours ago) and read 1003 times:
1. Life's sh1t, but it's the only one we have, so make the best of it.
2. Life is like a river we have to cross... the problem is, the river is not one of water but sh1t... Our challenge is to cross the river with the least amount of sh1t stuck to us when we reach the other side.
3. Never think it can get anyworse, it will... all you can do is hope for a better day.
4. We do not inherit the earth from our forefathers, we're merely borrowing it from our grandchildren.
5. Before you decide to be religious, be a good person. Otherwise your zeal will be in vain as God will laugh at you.
And following #5...
6. Be a good person, because, if you happen to be in the wrong religion, you got your good behaviour to weigh your life with...
When losing situational awareness, pray Cumulus Granitus isn't nearby !
Matt D From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 9502 posts, RR: 50 Reply 3, posted (10 years 11 months 2 weeks 5 days 20 hours ago) and read 995 times:
18. Keep your ears open for new music. But never forget the beat of the old classics.
19. Always listen to your mother. When you're 5 years old. When your 15 years old. When you're 30 years old. When she's on her deathbed.
20. Book smarts is not a substitute for street smarts or common sense. Being a whiz at Flight Simulator does NOT make you a pilot. Only time and experience will make you wise versus smart.
21. If a woman can't or won't cook for you at some point, then forget about her.
22. If you are caught in the middle of a love triangle, let the other guy take her. It means that she is not loyal to you. Even if you win round one, you'll still lose because she WILL cheat on you eventually.
23. (For a future son) I know how life works. When you are 14 you will get a lock for your door and a subscription to Playboy. Also with that in mind, you will not leave the house until I know that you have condoms in your posession. When you're 16, you will be treated to a weekend at Mustang Ranch. Some facts of life cannot be taught by the father.
24. Never take credit for someone elses achievements. Never let someone take credit for YOUR achievements.
25. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. In order to get a good woman, you will need to pay for it. Love alone isn't going to cut it when it comes down to birthday/anniversary presents, and-if the time comes-a wedding and a house and family. Women are "gold diggers". That's fine. But they have to earn it. Don't buy her a new car on your 1 month anniversary. If you don't want to pay for it, then you're going to have to settle for some fattie with a face that looks like she kissed a beehive. Get the best looking (and acting) woman you can get. Get someone that will make your parents proud.
26. The end never justifies the means if it involves lying, cheating, or stealing. Even lying on a job application WILL catch up to you and bite you in the ass eventually.
Ovelix From Greece, joined Aug 1999, 639 posts, RR: 4 Reply 7, posted (10 years 11 months 2 weeks 4 days 11 hours ago) and read 892 times:
Never blame a person for something he cannot possibly change on himself.
Idiots are not responsible for their condition.
Idiots tend to team up and support each other so be careful.
Whoever deals with shit he ends up dirty. And smelly.
Books can never teach you wisdom.
One woman is never better than two women.
Never let your mind speak for your heart. Never let your heart speak for your mind.
You are never too old to learn new things.
The smallest the dick the bigger the car.
Grow smart. If you cannot, grow strong. If you cannot, grow rich. But never let yourself grow illiterated, weak and poor.
This is not mine but it is my favorite:
"Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will die. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death. In Africa it doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle; when the sun comes up, you'd better be running."
BlatantEcho From United States of America, joined Sep 2000, 1890 posts, RR: 1 Reply 9, posted (10 years 11 months 2 weeks 4 days 7 hours ago) and read 869 times:
Are you trying to tell me, that over the entire African continent, everyday, the sumnation of the entire population of ALL lion prides will coordinate themselves and their hunger and opportunity to catch prey in such a manner that dictates that certain days, hunting and catching prey are to be avoided?
With this coordination, only on, say tuesday and friday of the coming week will it occur to EVERY SINGLE LION to hunt for food?
You should read many of the above pieces of wisdom, many seem to apply to you personally. Or you could just stop being a smartass.