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On A Lighter Note: The Best Simpsons Quotes  
User currently offlineVirgin744 From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 923 posts, RR: 4
Posted (13 years 2 months 4 weeks 21 hours ago) and read 7689 times:

I have been reading way too many negative posts lately & wanted to distract everyone from the impending doom & gloom, so....Below is my all-time fav quotes from the Simpsons. Its no wonder its lasted soooo long! I have listed my top 10 that I have found on a good website and challenge anyone and everyone to come up with any better ones;

10: Homer: To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

9: Homer: God bless those pagans.

8: [Homer is applying for a job as a department store Santa Claus.]
Manager: Do you like children?
Homer: What do you mean, all the time? Even when they're nuts?

7: Dealer: 19.
Homer: Hit me!
Dealer: 20.
Homer: Hit me!
Dealer: 21.
Homer: Hit me!
Dealer: 22.
Homer: D'oh!

6: Homer: Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

5: Homer: Boy, everyone is stupid except me.

4: [Looking at Uruguay on a map]
Homer: Heehee! Look at this country! "You are gay."

3: [Praying heavenward]
Homer: I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!

2: Homer: God is teasing me! Just like he teased Moses in the desert!
Marge: *Tested,* Homer. God *tested* Moses.

And my all-time fav quote
1: Homer: Operator! Give me the number for 911!

 Laugh out loud

42 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
User currently offlineAMSMAN From Ireland, joined Jan 2002, 1016 posts, RR: 6
Reply 1, posted (13 years 2 months 4 weeks 20 hours ago) and read 7573 times:

Fat Homer: "the number can not be dialed bacause your fingers are too fat!"

Aer Lingus, Proud to be Irish.
User currently offlineSrbmod From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (13 years 2 months 4 weeks 19 hours ago) and read 7545 times:

Ralph: Sleep, that's where I'm a Viking!
Ralph: I bent my Wookie.
Ralph: Hi Supernintendo Chalmers.

Homer (to Marge): Do you remember when we used to make out to this hymn?
Homer (after building a barn instead of a pool) D'oeth!

User currently offlineAA61hvy From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 13977 posts, RR: 55
Reply 3, posted (13 years 2 months 4 weeks 19 hours ago) and read 7553 times:

It taste like burning
It tatse like Grandma
My freakin ears hurt

Go big or go home
User currently offlineDragon-wings From United States of America, joined Apr 2001, 4055 posts, RR: 0
Reply 4, posted (13 years 2 months 4 weeks 19 hours ago) and read 7532 times:

Homer: "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get."

Homer singing: "I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."

Homer: "Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?"

Homer: "Now, remember! As far as anyone knows, we're a nice, normal family."

Homer: "You heard me, I won't be in for the rest of the week. ... I told you! My baby beat me up! ... No, it is not the worst excuse I ever thought up. ..."

Homer: "Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike: you just go in every day and do it really half assed. That's the American way"

Don't give up don't ever give up - Jim Valvano
User currently offlineVirgin744 From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 923 posts, RR: 4
Reply 5, posted (13 years 2 months 4 weeks 18 hours ago) and read 7513 times:

Homer: The sun? That's the hottest place on Earth.

[Homer and Marge have been called in to the school to talk to Principal Skinner.]
Principal Skinner: Thank you for coming.
Homer: Thank you for getting me out of work.

Miss Hoover: Children, I won't be staying long. I just came from the doctor, and I have Lyme disease. Principal Skinner will run the class until a substitute arrives.
Ralph: What's Lyme disease?
Principal Skinner: I'll field that one.
[goes to blackboard]
Principal Skinner: Lyme disease is spread by small parasites called `ticks'.
[writes `TICKS' on blackboard]
Principal Skinner: When a diseased tick attaches itself to you, it begins sucking your blood...
Miss Hoover: [not calmed] Oh...
Principal Skinner: Malignant spirochetes infect your bloodstream, eventually spreading to your spinal fluid and on into the brain.
Miss Hoover: The brain!? Oh, dear God...
Class: Wow!

Lisa: All we found were these oozing berries, and they look pretty poisonous.
Ralph Wiggum: I ated the purple berries... oooh, oohh
[falls to ground]
Ralph Wiggum: ooohhh!
Lisa: How are they Ralph? Good?
Ralph Wiggum: They taste like...burning!

Lisa: It was...a vampire!
Homer: Lisa honey, vampires aren't real! There's made up, like elves, goblins, and Eskimos!

Homer: Oh, no! We killed Mr. Burns! Mr. Burns is going to be so mad!

[The oil rig Homer's working on has caught on fire]
Homer: Oh no! This is how faceless Joe lost his legs!

User currently offlineBeefmoney From United States of America, joined Oct 2000, 1124 posts, RR: 3
Reply 6, posted (13 years 2 months 4 weeks 18 hours ago) and read 7513 times:

Homer to Apu: Hi Apu, can I have some of that beer with candy floating it in, ya know, Skittlebrau?

Apu: Such a beer does not exist sir, you must have dreamed it.

Homer: Oh......then just give me a 6 pack of beer and some skittles.

 Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile

User currently offlineVirgin744 From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 923 posts, RR: 4
Reply 7, posted (13 years 2 months 4 weeks 18 hours ago) and read 7504 times:

STOP! I'm pissing myself with laughter!!!!  Nuts

Homer: I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon! What was his name? Apollo Creed?

User currently offlineTWAL1011 From United States of America, joined Nov 2003, 228 posts, RR: 1
Reply 8, posted (13 years 2 months 4 weeks 18 hours ago) and read 7490 times:

User currently offlineVirgin744 From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 923 posts, RR: 4
Reply 9, posted (13 years 2 months 4 weeks 17 hours ago) and read 7488 times:

Homer's ghost: Marge you gotta help me, I have to do one good deed to get into heaven.
Marge: Well I got a whole list of chores: clean the garage, paint the house...
Homer's ghost: Whoa whoa whoa. I'm just trying to get in, I'm not running for Jesus.

Homer: Bad bees! Get away from my sugar! Ow! OW!! Oh, they're defending themselves somehow!

Homer: Look Marge, you don't know what it's like -- I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth?! You can't HANDLE the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown!  Nuts  Nuts

User currently offlineFltMech9 From United States of America, joined May 2001, 57 posts, RR: 0
Reply 10, posted (13 years 2 months 4 weeks 17 hours ago) and read 7481 times:

Homer (to Lisa): So your never eating meat again?!
Lisa: That's right Dad
Homer: What about pork chops?
Lisa: No!
Homer: ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: bacon?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal
Homer: Yes, Lisa........ a magical, wonderful animal!

User currently offlineQANTAS747-438 From United States of America, joined Jan 2001, 2076 posts, RR: 2
Reply 11, posted (13 years 2 months 4 weeks 16 hours ago) and read 7471 times:

Homer immitating a voice on the phone...

Homer: Hello, will you drive up to Widow's Peak to plow my house? There's a $10,000 bill in it for you.
Barney: Oh yeah? Which President is on it?
Homer: Uhhh, all of them. They're having a party. Jimmy Carter is passed out on the couch.
Barney: WOW!


Jane: We're having a free get aquainted session at our resort this weekend.
Homer: How much is this free resort weekend?
Glen: It's free.
Homer: And when is this weekend?
Glen: It's this weekend.
Homer: Uh huh, and how much does it cost?
Glen: Umm, it's free.
Homer: I see, and when is it?
Glen: It's this weekend.
Homer: And what are you charging for this free weekend?

My posts/replies are strictly my opinion and not that of any company, organization, or Southwest Airlines.
User currently offlineC172Akula From Canada, joined Mar 2001, 1017 posts, RR: 3
Reply 12, posted (13 years 2 months 4 weeks 16 hours ago) and read 7462 times:

Homer: "You know me Marge. I like my coffee hot, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming!!"

Homer at the post office: "Hello...my name is Mr.Burns, I believe you have a package for me."

Postman: "Ok sir, and your first name is?"

Homer: "I don't know."

User currently offlineL-188 From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 30408 posts, RR: 57
Reply 13, posted (13 years 2 months 4 weeks 10 hours ago) and read 7428 times:

Remember when the Germans bought the power plant?

"We regret to announce the following layoffs, in alphabetical order, Simpson, Homer........................That is all."

User currently offlineAC320 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 14, posted (13 years 2 months 4 weeks 8 hours ago) and read 7405 times:

One of the best scenes ever from Season 5, Episode 4 where Homer performs stand-up comedy at Mr. Burns' birthday party:

Homer: You know Mr. Burns is so cheap
Burns: What?!
Homer: I mean, you know, Mr. Burns is so old...
Burns: How dare you!
Homer: ummm, tough crowd. Better break out the big guns. *Clears throat*, here's an impression of Mr. Burns you mind find a bit "cheeky"

*Homer pulls down his pants and moons the audience revealing a badly drawn face on his ample derriere

Homer: I'm Mr. Burns, blah, blah, blah, do this do that, blah blah blah, I think I'm so big, blah blah blah.

Burns: *gestures to his security guards* (in a quiet, cold voice) Destroy him.

*Guards grab Homer and club him over the head*

Burns: This party is over

*Burns and Smithers get up and leave as riot police storm in, and for no reason what-so-ever begin beating the crap out of the party guests with batons.

Classic Homer combined with classic Simpsons insanity.

User currently offlineVirgin744 From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 923 posts, RR: 4
Reply 15, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 6 days 23 hours ago) and read 7363 times:

a couple more.......

Homer: Did you hear that, Marge? She called me a baboon! The stupidest, smelliest ape of them all!

Homer: English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

 Laugh out loud

User currently offlineGocaps16 From Japan, joined Jan 2000, 4410 posts, RR: 17
Reply 16, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 6 days 22 hours ago) and read 7347 times:

This is all from one episode.

Back at Moe's Tavern, a man in a top hat with a mustache walks in. He
looks and sounds like Homer, only he has a British accent.

Guy: Greetings, good men. Might I trouble you for a drink?
Moe: Oh, get out of here, Homer.
Guy: Homer? Who is Homer? My name is Guy Incognito.
[he gets beaten up and tossed out, unconscious]
Homer: [walks up, looks at Guy] [gasps] Oh my God! This man is my exact
double. [gasps] Oh my God! That dog has a puffy tail!
[he chases it, giggling] Here, Puff! Here, Puff!

Homer's quest takes him to the airport.

Homer: The last bar in Springfield...if they don't let me in
here, I'm going to have to quit drinking!
Homer's liver: Yay!
Homer: Shut up, liver! [punches it] Ow! My liver hurts...
[walks in] I'd like a beer, please.
Bartender: Uh, sorry, you gotta be a pilot to drink in here.
Homer: Um, but I _am_ a pilot.
Bartender: Where's your uniform?
Homer: Um...I stowed it safely in the overhead compartment.
Bartender: Well, you talk the talk. Here's a loaner. [gives him a

Here is my favorite.

A man bursts in, breathless.

Man: We need a pilot, pronto! Who wants to fly to the Windy City?
[pilots all go, "Oh, I'll go!", "Me", "I'm your man", etc.]
Man: Conditions are a little windy.
[pilots all go, "Well", "I dunno", "Never mind", etc.]
Man: [to Homer] You!
Homer: [now dressed as a pilot] But I --
Man: Hey...you're not just impersonating a pilot so you can drink
here, are you?
Homer: Yeah. That's exactly why I'm here.
Man: [laughs] You fly boys, you crack me up.
Homer: [being pushed into the cockpit] But I keep telling you I'm not a
Man: And I keep telling you you fly boys crack me up!
-- "Fear of Flying"

Alan: Hi, I'm Alan. I'm your copilot.
Homer: Uh, yeah, uh, hmm. Er, uh, as a change of pace, I'm going to let
you do most of the work. I think you're ready for it, Alan.
[Alan makes a face]
And, um, I'll just get us started.
[flips a switch randomly]
Alan: Uh, we'll need that to live.
[Homer flips another switch; the wheels retract and the plane
smashes into the runway]

Homer: So, Marge, pretty sweet, eh?
Marge: Hmm. Oh, I forgot to clean the lint basket in the dryer. If
someone broke into the house and did laundry, it could start a
[a baby starts crying]
Bart: Oh, great. I specifically asked not to be seated next to a baby.
[camera pulls back to reveal Maggie crying]
Abe: [looking out window] Wow...we must be _really_ flying high!
Those people down there look all tiny and blurry...just like the
inside of a cataract.
-- Conversation while the plane is on the ground, "Fear of Flying"

Stewardess: [over PA] Attention passengers. Due to our policy of
overselling flights, this flight has been oversold. In
accordance with FAA rules, the first two people to the front
will be upgraded to first class.
[everyone rushes madly; Bart and Lisa climb over everyone]
Stewardess: OK, you two!
Lisa: Come on, Bart! They're going to pamper us!
Bart: [gasps]
Lisa: Not _literally_, of course.
[in first class, someone fills Bart's martini glass with
Bart: I come for the service, [sigh] but I stay for the leg room.
[Lisa roasts marshmallows over a mini-fire on her tray]
-- "Fear of Flying"

The pilot announces, "Flight crew, prepare for takeoff." Marge starts
hyperventilating and shredding a napkin. When the seatbelt sign comes
on, she panics.

Marge: [panicked] I think I'll go get a picture of the plane taking off.
[struggles with her seat belt]
Homer: Marge, what's wrong? Are you hungry? Sleepy? Gassy? Is it
gas? It's gas, isn't it?
Marge: Homer, I've never told you this before, but I'm not a good flyer.
[pants, gasps] I have to get off the plane. Let me off the
plane. [stands up] I'm asking you nicely to open the doors!
Homer: Take it easy, Marge. How about if we dope you up real good?
Marge: [screaming] Let me off let me off let me off let me off let me
off let me off -- [runs up and down the aisle]
[the plane takes off as the family watches]
Homer: It's OK, Marge. We don't need to go on a trip; we'll just wait
for the killer bees to come to us.
-- Homer, consoling, "Fear of Flying"

[End of Act One. Time: 8:33]

The family unpack their suitcases at home.

Bart: You know, I have this feeling that we forgot something...
Abe: [still on the plane] Aaaaah!


The family finally get on a plane together.

Homer: Don't worry about a thing, honey. I'm going to help you through
[he and Marge sit down; some noises occur]
Those are all normal noises. Luggage compartment closing...cross
checking...just sit back and relax.
[shot from outside the plane]
That's just the engine powering up...that's just the engine
[the plane drives off the runway into a swamp]
That's just a carp swimming around your ankles...
Marge: Mmm...

User currently offlineGocaps16 From Japan, joined Jan 2000, 4410 posts, RR: 17
Reply 17, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 6 days 22 hours ago) and read 7341 times:

Oh yea, this is to our friends in Down Unda.

Bart grabs the phone book and looks under "International Dialing". He
dials 577562374257635623567462357736257635725 (those darn country codes)
for Antarctica and awaits an answer.

Bart: Hello, Southern hemisphere? Which way does the water go in your
Man 1: [sighs] Just a minute, I'll check.
[walks into bathroom; toilet water is frozen]
Man 2: [walking in with a magazine] Aw, nuts.
-- Bart checks with Antarctica, "Bart vs. Australia"

Next, Bart dials a palatial-looking building in a jungle. {The view of
the building is cut for one second.}

Aide: Please to repeat again and I will translating for the el
Bart: [slowly] Which way does the water turn in your toilet?
Aide: [in Spanish] He says the tide is turning!
Presidente: Ay, caramba! Then the rebels will soon take the capital. I
must flee! [dives out window]
-- Bart checks with Argentina, "Bart vs. Australia"

Bart rues his luck.

Bart: I can't get a straight answer out of this crazy hemisphere.
[tries another number]
[a phone rings in a car in a foreign country]
Adolf: Eine minuten, eine minuten! [ringing stops]
Ach! Das facken phone ist ein...nuisance phone!
Man: [riding by on penny farthing bicycle] Buenos notches, mein
Adolf: Ja, Ja.
-- Bart checks with Argentina, "Bart vs. Australia"

A pay phone sticking out of a sea of lava rings. A man sitting on the
roof of his house floats by; he reaches for the phone but falls
screaming into the lava.

Lisa: [walking in] Bart, you can't actually _call_ these places.
Don't you know how expensive international calls are?
Bart: [dials] Hello, Operator? I'd like to make a collect call to
[in Australia, a phone rings; a koala electrocutes itself]
Operator: This is the international operator. Will you accept a collect
call from --
Bart: [lowering voice] Uh, yes. Uh, ahem, this is Dr. Bart Simpson
of the International Drainage Commission. It's an emergency.
Tobias: If it's an emergency, then.
Bart: We understand some drains in your area have been
malfunctioning, sucking in people and...whatnot.
Tobias: Willikers! That's awful.
Bart: [gravely] Indeed. We need you to check your sinks and toilets
and tell us which way the water is going, and please! Stand
[Tobias checks sink and toilet]
Tobias: [breathless] The fixtures...they're all draining clockwise,
Bart: D'oh, she was right, stupid Lisa science queen.
-- Bart forgets his sisters' mental superiority, "Bart vs. Australia"

Bart: Look, why don't you just check your neighbor's drains? I'll
[Tobias rides trike off down long dirt road]
Milhouse: [at the window] Hey, Bart! The bakery caught fire and all of
downtown smells like cookies! Wanna go smell?
Bart: Yes...yes, I do. [leaves phone off hook]
[later that night, Bart walks back into the kitchen]
["Hello! Sir! Sir!" is heard from phone, still off the
Bart: [picking up phone] Huh?
Tobias: I've returned from the Koolamuggerys' place...they're draining
clockwise too!
Bart: Draining? I don't care about that any more.
Tobias: Are we in any dang --
[Bart hangs up]

So the family take a flight on Transhemispheric Airlines. The camera
pans through a cross section of the Earth, past coffins for humans and
dinosaurs, through the center of the planet where Vishnu operates
machinery and wipes sweat from his brow.

The family arrive at customs looking bedraggled.

Homer: Oh. We left at 1:30pm Monday. What time is it now?
Lisa: It's 6:45am next Wednesday. You may also be interested to know
that it's summer here, not winter.
Homer: Oh! [throws his sled away]
Bart: What does that sign say? ["Advisory: foreign florae and faunae
prohibited!"] I thought they spoke English here!
Lisa: It says you can't bring in outside plants or animals. Any
foreign creature you bring in could upset the environmental
Bart: Oh. [removes toad from bag] Sorry, girl. I don't want to get
into any more trouble down here. I'll pick you up on the way
home. [puts it on the edge of a fountain]
-- Bart, ecosystem havoc-wreaker, "Bart vs. Australia"

At the US embassy, the family walk inside the wrought-iron gates. Homer
spots a marine standing guard.

Homer: Hey! Are you like one of those English guards who can't laugh
or smile or anything? [makes noises and faces at him]
[gets punched in the face] Ow!
Marine: No, Sir! US Marine Corps, Sir!

The family walk out of the embassy. Bart passes a sign saying "Now
Entering Australia."

Bart: Hey, G.I.Joe: your sign's broken. We're already in Australia.
Marine: Actually, Sir, the embassy is considered American soil, Sir!
Homer: Really? Look, boy, now I'm in Australia...[hops over the line]
Now I'm in America...Australia! America!
Bart: I get it, Dad.
Homer: Australia! America!
Marge: Homer, that's enough!
Homer: Australia! America! [gets punched] Ow!
Marine: Here in America we don't tolerate that kind of crap, Sir!

User currently offlineJFKTOWERFAN From United States of America, joined Sep 2001, 1100 posts, RR: 13
Reply 18, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 6 days 20 hours ago) and read 7321 times:

Homer: "Doughnuts.....is there anything they can't do?"

Homer: "MMMM....beer"

Ralph: "I ate the red berries, they taste like burning"

and a great site to go along with it

C'mon Man
User currently offlineLPL From United Kingdom, joined Oct 2001, 1055 posts, RR: 0
Reply 19, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 6 days 20 hours ago) and read 7319 times:

A Classic:

Homer: Hello. My Name is Mr Burns.

Bank Clerk: OK Mr Burns, what's your first name?

Homer: (pause)........I don't know

User currently offlineAC320 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 20, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 6 days 6 hours ago) and read 7271 times:

Homer walks into his kitchen in the middle of the night, wearing only his underwear and grabs something from the fridge:

Homer: Mmmmmmmmmm, 64 slices of American cheese. 64 (munch), 63 (munch).............

*hours later*

....2 (munch).....................1 (munch)........

Marge: Have you been up all night eating cheese?!

Homer: I think I'm blind.

User currently offlineGreg From United Kingdom, joined May 2005, 0 posts, RR: 0
Reply 21, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 6 days 1 hour ago) and read 7258 times:

Ralph: "Me fail English? That's Unpossible."

User currently offlineTrent_800 From United Kingdom, joined Jan 2002, 136 posts, RR: 0
Reply 22, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 6 days 1 hour ago) and read 7256 times:

Homer looking for a peanut under the sofa

Homer: (fumbling around under sofa finding a $20 bill) "Doh! twenty dollars but i wanted a peanut"
Homers Brain: "Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts"
Homer: "Explain how"
Homers Brain: "money can be exchanged for goods and services"
Homer: "Woohoo!"

User currently offlineCPH-R From Denmark, joined May 2001, 6535 posts, RR: 3
Reply 23, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 6 days 1 hour ago) and read 7249 times:

That reminds me of something from The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons

At the Kwik E-Mart. Apu is fast asleep on the counter desk, and Homer is
holding unpurchased Lotto tickets up against the light so he can cheat
and get a certain winner.

Homer: Loser.. Loser.. Loser.. $500! Apu! Wake up! I want to buy a yodel
and this lottery ticket. I have this much.
Apu: I am sorry but you do not have enough for both.
Homer: [groans, thinks] I'll take the yodel.

 Big thumbs up

User currently offlineLPL From United Kingdom, joined Oct 2001, 1055 posts, RR: 0
Reply 24, posted (13 years 2 months 3 weeks 5 days 22 hours ago) and read 7240 times:

On a Haloween Special:

(Walking into Ned's funeral)

Homer: Don't look too sad, it'll seem suspicious.

Here's two from the same episode, the Hulabolooza (spelling?) one.

Tour Manager: Homer, I am so concerned about the health of our freaks, that I'm sending you to a vet.

Curny: Hey, it's like his guitars talking!
Otto: Yeah. It looks my shoes are talking too!

Vet: With one more cannonball flying into you're stomach, you'll die!
Homer: Got any messages for Jimi Hendrix?
Vet: Yeah. Take back you're dog! (he then points to 'Rover Hendrix'.)

25 DesertJets : Homer: No TV and no beer make Homer go something something. Marge: Go crazy...? Homer: Don't mind if I do [Homer goes crazy].
26 AA61hvy : Open face club sandwich
27 Kolobokman : Ooh, I love your magazine. Especially the 'Enrich Your Wordpower' section. I think it's really...really... really...good.
28 N79969 : "mmm...forbidden donut"
29 Soren-a : Hi Slightly off topic I know, but I haven't watched Simpsons for a few years, until I saw some episodes around Christmas and boy have things changed!!
30 Canadi>n : Lisa (calling out bingo numbers at the old folks' home): B-10! Grandpa Simpson: You sank my battleship!
31 Galaxy5 : IRS Auditor: You won't see any prison movies where you're going....PRISON! Homer: Ohhhh, please! I'll do anything! (IRS auditor steps out and FBI agen
32 LPL : Soren-a, Maude Flanders died in a 'terrible' NASCAR accident. God knows how.
33 Ybacpa : Soren-a, Maude was hit with a tee-shirt shot out of a cannon at a NASCAR race by "Fandemonium" cheerleaders.
34 Post contains images Soren-a : Ybacpa "Maude was hit with a tee-shirt shot out of a cannon at a NASCAR race by "Fandemonium" cheerleaders." Yes that sounds silly enough to happen on
35 L-188 : Remember the "Plow King" episode. He is driving home from Moes and can't see out the windshield, then he slams into a car infront out of him. "Well at
36 JamieD : Homer: "I wish somebody would call me "sir" without adding "you're making a scene" afterwards."
37 Homer71 : Marge: "Your work called...they say if you don't show up tomorrow, don't bother coming in on Monday." Homer: "Woohoo! Four-day weekend!"
38 Homer71 : (Homer is the driver on a runaway monorail) Marge (over the radio): "Homer! I got someone who can help." Homer: "Is it Batman?" Marge: "No, he's a sci
39 Virgin744 : Homer: Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the Bible. Lisa: Really? Where? Homer: Eh, somewhere
40 BO__einG : Homer and Apu are in India climbing up that mountain to meet the ulrimate Head of the Kwiki Mart hindu guy with 4 legs. Welcome, I will answer three q
41 Marcus : Krusty: Kids..........we are going to the happiest place on earth.........TIJUANA!!!!
42 BartiniMan : Lisa: Mum Dad, Bart and and Stampy are gone !! Homer: huh? Bart too!?! (waves fist at air) That wasnt part of the deal Blackheart, THAT WASNT PART !!!
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