...when your pony slobbers over you, is it a horse spittle case?
I overheard my wife talking to her friend yesterday......
I have my own system for labeling homemade freezer meals.
Forget calling them "Veal Parmigiana" or "Turkey Loaf" or "Beef Pot Pie."
If you look in my freezer you'll see "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know,"
and, my favorite, "Food."
That way when I ask my husband what he wants for dinner, I'm certain to have
what he wants."
A guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in
the middle of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The
storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly he saw a car coming toward him and stop.
Without thinking about it, the guy got into the back seat, closed the door
and then realized there was nobody behind the wheel! The car started
slowly; the guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared,
he started to pray begging for his life. He hadn't come out of shock, when
just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved
the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared
every time right before a curve.
Gathering his strength, the guy finally jumped out of the car and ran to the
nearest town. Wet and in shock, he went to a restaurant and started telling
everybody about the horrible experience he went through.
A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was serious.
About half an hour later, two guys walked in the same restaurant. They
looked around for a table when one said to the other,
"Look John, that's the dummy who got in the car when we were pushing it."
An Australian woman was having a shower and slipped over on the bathroom
Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped over, did the
splits and suctioned herself to the floor.
She yelled our for her husband Jacko, "Jacko! Jacko!" she yelled.
Jacko came running in.
"Jacko, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor" she said.
"Strewth!" Jacko said and tried to pull he up. "You're too heavy girl. I'll
go across the road and get Bluey" (his mate).
They came back and the both tried to pull her up.
"No. We can't do it"
Bluey said "Let's try Plan C"
"I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we'll break the tiles under
"Spot on" Jacko said. "Whilst your doing that, I'll stay here and play with
"Play with here tits"? Bluey said, "Why the hell would you want to do that"?
Jacko replied, "Well, I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her
into the kitchen were the tiles aren't so expensive to replace"
The other day I heard that the Iraqis are getting
upset because people keep referring to them as "towel heads".
Apparently, they do not wear towels on their heads, they wear
sheets. In the future, when you refer to them, please use their
correct name "sheet heads".