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Life Lesson (According To Dave Barry)  
User currently offlineMxCtrlr From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 2485 posts, RR: 35
Posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 5 days 7 hours ago) and read 2323 times:

For those who know and have read Dave Barry (a humor columnist for the Miami Herald http://www.herald.com, here are 19 life lessons he has learned:

NINETEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN
By Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want
you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories,
decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual
who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy
people who are not in them.

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

19. Your friends love you anyway.

MxCtrlr  Smile/happy/getting dizzy
Freight Dogs Anonymous - O.O.T.S.K.  Smokin cool



DAMN! This SUCKS! I just had to go to the next higher age bracket in my profile! :-(
21 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineTbar220 From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 7013 posts, RR: 26
Reply 1, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 2279 times:

That's really cool, I like it  Smile

Is this the same guy that does the bathroom reading?



NO URLS in signature
User currently offlineMD-90 From United States of America, joined Jan 2000, 8502 posts, RR: 12
Reply 2, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 4 days 20 hours ago) and read 2260 times:

Now that is good humor.

User currently offlineLHMark From United States of America, joined Jan 2000, 7255 posts, RR: 47
Reply 3, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 4 days 19 hours ago) and read 2257 times:

Dave Barry is my favorite writer. In my writing career, he's my idol and my unknowing mentor. Get his books in the 'humor' section of any bookstore.


"Sympathy is something that shouldn't be bestowed on the Yankees. Apparently it angers them." - Bob Feller
User currently offlineMxCtrlr From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 2485 posts, RR: 35
Reply 4, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 4 days 19 hours ago) and read 2243 times:

His first book was turned into a movie starring Tim Allen, Rene Russo and Dennis Farina, called "Big Trouble". I laughed my ass off at that movie...

MxCtrlr  Smile/happy/getting dizzy
Freight Dogs Anonymous - O.O.T.S.K.  Smokin cool



DAMN! This SUCKS! I just had to go to the next higher age bracket in my profile! :-(
User currently offlineL-188 From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 29791 posts, RR: 58
Reply 5, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 4 days 15 hours ago) and read 2239 times:

That was a good movie....

Too bad it didn't do that well at the box office.

Correct me if I am wrong but that is one of the flicks that had it's release date held up because of 9/11

The other really big one was Collateral Damage with Arnold.



OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
User currently offlineMxCtrlr From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 2485 posts, RR: 35
Reply 6, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 4 days 15 hours ago) and read 2232 times:

I think it was delayed for 9/11 but it was funny as hell. I love Dennis Farina's work and his role in Big Trouble was funny!  Big thumbs up

MxCtrlr  Smile/happy/getting dizzy
Freight Dogs Anonymous - O.O.T.S.K.  Smokin cool



DAMN! This SUCKS! I just had to go to the next higher age bracket in my profile! :-(
User currently offlineL-188 From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 29791 posts, RR: 58
Reply 7, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 4 days 15 hours ago) and read 2229 times:

Dennis Farina, He does a Miami Mobster very well, Remember him in Got Shorty?

Same character type.

Don't you just hate those automatic seat belts.

My brother thinks it is helarious but he owns a GEO.



OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
User currently offlineMxCtrlr From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 2485 posts, RR: 35
Reply 8, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 4 days 15 hours ago) and read 2230 times:

There was so much about that movie that I liked, it has to rank among the best I've seen. The scene between Tim Allen and Rene Russo in Tim Allen's office was great! The scene with Dennis Farina and his partner in the car outside of the seedy bar talking about Gator fans was classic. I could go on and on about that movie!

MxCtrlr  Smile/happy/getting dizzy
Freight Dogs Anonymous - O.O.T.S.K.  Smokin cool



DAMN! This SUCKS! I just had to go to the next higher age bracket in my profile! :-(
User currently offlineL-188 From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 29791 posts, RR: 58
Reply 9, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 4 days 15 hours ago) and read 2224 times:

Hey, you guys got room for a third  Laugh out loud


No harm in asking  Laugh out loud



OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
User currently offlineMxCtrlr From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 2485 posts, RR: 35
Reply 10, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 4 days 15 hours ago) and read 2229 times:

That and the scene with Dennis Farina and that fat slob at Joe's Stone Crabs with their cigars! GREAT stuff!

Or how about - "Hope the don't have a dog." "They've got a dog!"  Smile

MxCtrlr  Smile/happy/getting dizzy
Freight Dogs Anonymous - O.O.T.S.K.  Smokin cool



DAMN! This SUCKS! I just had to go to the next higher age bracket in my profile! :-(
User currently offlineL-188 From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 29791 posts, RR: 58
Reply 11, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 4 days 14 hours ago) and read 2223 times:

Was that a goat?



 Laugh out loud






OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
User currently offlineMxCtrlr From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 2485 posts, RR: 35
Reply 12, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 4 days 12 hours ago) and read 2213 times:

How about...

"We play golf with someone who cheats."  Smile

MxCtrlr  Smile/happy/getting dizzy
Freight Dogs Anonymous - O.O.T.S.K.  Smokin cool



DAMN! This SUCKS! I just had to go to the next higher age bracket in my profile! :-(
User currently offlineL-188 From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 29791 posts, RR: 58
Reply 13, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 4 days 12 hours ago) and read 2215 times:

"Well Miami sucks, but the cops are kinda nice


Classic scene  Laugh out loud



OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
User currently offlineMxCtrlr From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 2485 posts, RR: 35
Reply 14, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 4 days 11 hours ago) and read 2219 times:

STRIP SEARCH!

MxCtrlr  Smile/happy/getting dizzy
Freight Dogs Anonymous - O.O.T.S.K.  Smokin cool



DAMN! This SUCKS! I just had to go to the next higher age bracket in my profile! :-(
User currently offlineL-188 From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 29791 posts, RR: 58
Reply 15, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 4 days 10 hours ago) and read 2210 times:

"Your not supposed to have a gun on duty!"

"I ain't supposed to be drinking on duty either"



OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
User currently offlineMxCtrlr From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 2485 posts, RR: 35
Reply 16, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 4 days 7 hours ago) and read 2200 times:

Let's reconoiter back here at 2100 hours. Ten o'clock!  Smile

MxCtrlr  Smile/happy/getting dizzy
Freight Dogs Anonymous - O.O.T.S.K.  Smokin cool



DAMN! This SUCKS! I just had to go to the next higher age bracket in my profile! :-(
User currently offlineMxCtrlr From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 2485 posts, RR: 35
Reply 17, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 4 days 7 hours ago) and read 2202 times:

Let's reconoiter back here at 2100 hours. Ten o'clock!  Smile

MxCtrlr  Smile/happy/getting dizzy
Freight Dogs Anonymous - O.O.T.S.K.  Smokin cool



DAMN! This SUCKS! I just had to go to the next higher age bracket in my profile! :-(
User currently offlineLHMark From United States of America, joined Jan 2000, 7255 posts, RR: 47
Reply 18, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 3 days 22 hours ago) and read 2190 times:

(sings, under his breath) "I can feel it coooomin' in the air tonight, oh lord.."

Anyone read Big Trouble the book?



"Sympathy is something that shouldn't be bestowed on the Yankees. Apparently it angers them." - Bob Feller
User currently offlineMxCtrlr From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 2485 posts, RR: 35
Reply 19, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 3 days 22 hours ago) and read 2195 times:

Anyone read Big Trouble the book?

No. Was it as funny as the movie? Sometimes Dave Barry comes across as stupid in his columns but Big Trouble was one funny movie.

MxCtrlr  Smile/happy/getting dizzy
Freight Dogs Anonymous - O.O.T.S.K.  Smokin cool



DAMN! This SUCKS! I just had to go to the next higher age bracket in my profile! :-(
User currently offlineL-188 From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 29791 posts, RR: 58
Reply 20, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 2 days 9 hours ago) and read 2178 times:

Frankly I would be a little afraid to read the book now that I have seen the movie.

That is how "Enemy at the Gates" was ruined for me.



OBAMA-WORST PRESIDENT EVER....Even SKOORB would be better.
User currently offlineLHMark From United States of America, joined Jan 2000, 7255 posts, RR: 47
Reply 21, posted (11 years 2 months 2 weeks 1 day 10 hours ago) and read 2159 times:

Good point. The book TOTALLY excluded the "Stalingrad Erotica" that made Enemy at the Gates great.


"Sympathy is something that shouldn't be bestowed on the Yankees. Apparently it angers them." - Bob Feller
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