Matt D From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 9502 posts, RR: 50 Posted (10 years 5 months 1 week 4 days 7 hours ago) and read 1323 times:
Just a word to the wise here guys:
Beware of the woman that attemps to shower you with flattery. I know. I'm right in the middle of it right now, and am proceeding very, VERY cautiously.
Let me give you a little background.
There is this woman I know. She has had a lot of personal issues. But that's not really important as it relates to this.
Back in December, out of the blue, she called me up and wanted to chat. Now mind you, I hadn't talked to her for the better part of the year. All of my earlier calls and messages had gone unanswered. So I had basically just written her off.
But after about a week of talking, she said that she wanted to see me.
Then she hit me with it.
She wanted to borrow some money (I won't say how much, but it wasn't no twenty bucks) because she had lost her job (which I had already known about because her former employer happens to be someone I deal with all the time) and was in a pinch to meet her bills for the month.
I was a little reluctant, but I had known her for a long time, so I agreed to float her the loan. we made plans to get together in another week.
Well like clockwork, every single day during that week, she called me up, acting as my best friend, droppng little *hints*, if you catch my drift.
Finally, the day came, and I drove up there to see her. we went out to breakfast, and hung out for several hours. It was actually a nice visit. During that whole time, she never once made any mention about the loan. But she said that she'd like to 'hook up' "tomorrow".
She then goes on to say that she has to run a lot of errands, job interviews, and so on, but to call her the next day.
As we were getting eady to say goodbye, I pulled out the money and handed it to her. She asked "what was that?"
I told her..."ummm..it's the money you asked for".
Well she didn't have much else to say. She did seem genuinely humbled and/or embarrassed to ask for it.
So being a guy who's motto is "ass, gas, or grass: no one rides for free" (and I doubt that you'll find a guy anywhere who doesn't, on some level, practice this as well), I thought "well it's time to collect..."
so I called her up, the next day like she told me to, to set up our meeting.
By some mysterious bad luck, she had come down with bronchitis.
Right. I'll believe that as soon as I find a Rap Singer who believes OJ was guilty.
Not surprisingly, I didn't hear a word from her. This was back in December. She FINALLY called me back in May, offering to "pay the loan back".
I told her to just forget it because 1) I'm an idiot, 2) I really care about this girl, and 3) deep down inside, I do have a generous giving heart for those I care about. She argue with me for a few minutes, but I just told her to drop it.
Fast forward to last night.
I'm already laying in bed, falling asleep when my phone rings.
She went on for a good two hours telling me about her latest round of problems including her dad being in the hospital, her credit cards being delinquent, and how she needs new tires for her truck and can't afford them.
she followed up with a good 20 minute smooch session telling me about how "cool", "nice", "articulate", "beautiful eyes I (meaning me) have", and just on and on.
She kept up with this until almost midnight. Now she's calling me again. She's already called me twice this morning, and told me to call her this afternoon.
I know EXACTLY where this is going: Sooner or later (I;m guessing this afternoon, or tomorrow at the latest), she's going to hit me up for some cash again. But, I got burned on the last one with her. I'm not quite as eager to "help" her this time. Problem is, I haven't figured out how to sidestep this attack. Because although I care about her, it's not like helping a guy friend, or a family member, where there ARE no strings attached. After all, she is a "special" friend, so to speak. I expect some kind of 'benefits'. Not necessarily $ex, but at least a thank you card, or a homemade dinner, or even just a call once in awhile to say "hi".
Please keep in mind that I have, on more than one occassion offered to take this woman in and take care of her as my girlfriend, which is not something I would do for just anyone. So right away, you know she means a lot to me. She *claims* to be taking my offer *seriously* this time.
So now I have the following questions in my mind:
1. Does she really care, or is she just looking to get something for nothing (like so many women are notorious for doing)?
2. Do you think it's cheap or wrong for me to expect SOMETHING in return?
3. Men have been supporting women and chasing them in one way or another since the dawn of history. Even in todays so called "gender equal" environment, you still see men using money to get $ex and women using $ex to get money on a daily basis (keeping in mind that merely the THOUGHT of getting some is almost as good as a credit card.) Should I feel bad because of this-especially since I really DO care for her as a person, and not just a 'piece', even though I still don't really know how she feels. She's not stupid. She's going to try and kill me with kindness, and tell me what she thinks I want to hear so as to have easier access to my wallet.
Or so SHE thinks.
So just a word to the wise guys. If a woman you've known for a long time but ignoring you suddenly starts being a little TOO nice, chances are, she hasn't taken sudden notice to our charm or wit.
AA61hvy From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 13977 posts, RR: 58 Reply 11, posted (10 years 5 months 1 week 4 days 5 hours ago) and read 1210 times:
I am not sure about KROC and Matt D being "main man [men]" together, but Matt I would not give her the money, it seems like she just wants money, I would not give money unless I was very close to this person. Good thread though, nice reading.
KROC From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 13, posted (10 years 5 months 1 week 4 days 3 hours ago) and read 1180 times:
Just an expression AA61hvy, but iteresting as to what you associate it too....
As for being close and such, Matt has already stated they are close or that he at least cares about this Gold Digger ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR girl. He gave her loot once before, and it took her 5 months to decide to pay him back. He didn't even get his surf board waxed for his effort!
Now again, out of the blue, its the same old story again. She is being super nice and calling and such. Sadly I saw this during my 'troubled' marriage, and even deal with it to this day. I still care about my ex, we are on good terms, friends even, but for the most part, if I help her out, I till end up getting shafted.....
Av8rPHX From United States of America, joined Mar 2003, 713 posts, RR: 9 Reply 16, posted (10 years 5 months 1 week 4 days 3 hours ago) and read 1160 times:
Been there,done that. My advice is to let her go. There are thousands of other women out there that have much (to an extent) less drama than it sounds like this woman does. For all you know she may be using the money to pay her "bills" (nights out on the town,shopping,etc). Just my $.02
VonRichtofen From Canada, joined Nov 2000, 4624 posts, RR: 38 Reply 19, posted (10 years 5 months 1 week 4 days 2 hours ago) and read 1140 times:
You should have taken the pay back when she offered. She probably only hoped to sucker you into lending her money, but now that you didn't make her pay it back she thinks she can sucker you into giving her money.
Matt D From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 9502 posts, RR: 50 Reply 20, posted (10 years 5 months 1 week 4 days 2 hours ago) and read 1139 times:
Well now she can't reach me while I'm online, so maybe we need to start another discussion. I just got off the phone with my friend in NYC (had she called 30 seconds later, when I dialed in, she wouldn't have gotten through), and she said pretty much the same thing: stay way from her.
I think I'll hide my wallet in a safe place-like inside my pants. Since she doesn't seem to want to go there, it won't get reached into.
Leezyjet From United Kingdom, joined Oct 2001, 4041 posts, RR: 54 Reply 23, posted (10 years 5 months 1 week 4 days 1 hour ago) and read 1116 times:
Stay away is my first instinct.........
You should have taken the money back when she offered the last time. Now she thinks she can just take money from you.
You could however hook up with her, have a few drinks and take her back to your place for a little "payback"
Or say to her that actually you are in need of money (say your car engine has gone and you have to get a new one or something else that is expensive to fix has happened) and you will actually need the money you lent her back - see how long she sticks around for then - that will show what she is after !!.
"She Rolls, 45 knots, 90, 135, nose comes up to 20 degrees, she's airborne - She flies, Concorde Flies"
JAT From Canada, joined Feb 2000, 1101 posts, RR: 10 Reply 24, posted (10 years 5 months 1 week 3 days 23 hours ago) and read 1090 times:
Have you ever confronted her about your concerns? I mean have you mentioned to her that she doesn't call for months and that it appears she's only interested in you when she requires money? Did you ever ask her to go into detail about exactly what she needs the money for and how she's using it (I do realize that could be very uncomfortable for both of you)? Has she found a job yet? I figure if she has a job she may be more likely to pay you back in the future. Also, you seem to be, dare I say it, in love with her. Perhaps you should clear up your personal relationship before you give her any more money. Although, I guess the bottom line is can you afford to have another loan (whatever amount she's asking for this time) turn into another gift? If you can afford it without hurting yourself financially, then perhaps you could take a gamble and see how she reacts. Play around the situation if you can afford it... Has she by any chance asked any of her other friends, especially female friends for loans? How did they react to her requests? Ask yourself (and her) all these questions, and whatever you do make sure you think about it until you're totally comfortable with your decision. Don't jump the gun and regret it later.
25 Pacificjourney: Shag her rotten baby yeah ... then stay well clear !
26 KROC: Matt. You are taking the wrong approach. If anyone knows how to habdle a woman, its me. Here is what you do..... Signed, Mx5_boy
27 BNE: Woman only want you for your money and your car. My suggestion is don't have any money spare in your wallet that way you don't feel so guilty not givi
28 L-188: You love a lot of things if you live around them. But there isn't any woman and there isn't any horse, not any before, nor any after, that is as lovel
29 GDB: All I have to add to this is that I'm impressed with the use of 'arse', the proper slang for posterior, as opposed to 'ass'. Well done Matt!