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Fighting In A Relationship  
User currently offlineBigPhilNYC From United States of America, joined Jan 2002, 4077 posts, RR: 51
Posted (12 years 9 months 3 weeks 7 hours ago) and read 1941 times:

Arguments happen in any relationship. But how much is too much?

How often do you think an argument occurs in a healthy relationship?

At what frequency of arguments do you think the relationship is in jeopardy?

Phil Derner Jr.
15 replies: All unread, jump to last
User currently offlineAA61hvy From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 13977 posts, RR: 55
Reply 1, posted (12 years 9 months 3 weeks 7 hours ago) and read 1932 times:

I think it varies between relationships. It depends on the personalities, and other stipulations in the relationship.

Go big or go home
User currently offlineRNOcommctr From United States of America, joined Jan 2001, 834 posts, RR: 3
Reply 2, posted (12 years 9 months 3 weeks 4 hours ago) and read 1907 times:

Focus not so much on the number of fights, but how they are handled, and if good communication is occurring. Fights are bound to happen in all relationships, but are constructive or destructive depending on whether the individuals fight fairly.

Active loading only, ma'am, keep it moving!
User currently offlineCancidas From Poland, joined Jul 2003, 4112 posts, RR: 10
Reply 3, posted (12 years 9 months 3 weeks 3 hours ago) and read 1899 times:

If you end up on the counch night after night, run!  Smile/happy/getting dizzy
Oh, and take the advice from above.

"...cannot the kingdom of salvation take me home."
User currently offlineSeb146 From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 14014 posts, RR: 14
Reply 4, posted (12 years 9 months 3 weeks 2 hours ago) and read 1894 times:

And it depends on what the fights are about. If one person keeps fighting with the other over the same issue(s) time and again, move on!


Life in the wall is a drag.
User currently offlineKAUSpilot From United States of America, joined Jan 2002, 1976 posts, RR: 30
Reply 5, posted (12 years 9 months 3 weeks 2 hours ago) and read 1889 times:

I break up with a girl if she argues with me once a day. Usually she'll want to get back together in a few days, at which point the frequency of arguments goes down by at least 75%, at least for a while. Repeat the breakups as required until she loses the habit. If she doesn't try to get back in touch after the first split, no big loss.

User currently offlineBen From Switzerland, joined Aug 1999, 1391 posts, RR: 47
Reply 6, posted (12 years 9 months 3 weeks ago) and read 1878 times:

Its not about how many arguments you have... it's how you resolve them.

Being mature about it is important.

(a good making-up shag is always nice too..)

User currently offlineBobrayner From United Kingdom, joined Apr 2003, 2227 posts, RR: 6
Reply 7, posted (12 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 23 hours ago) and read 1868 times:

My former fiancee used to argue like clockwork; one hour per day.

She was quite a talented arguer too - at the end of the hour she'd say something like "If we can't resolve this, then there's no point in us living together". This worked very well for her, because I was young, gullible, and in love; and she usually started arguments like "If you loved me, you'd pay all my bills" or "Why do you need friends of your own? Aren't my friends good enough for you?".

Incredibly, she found one of my friends was even more susceptible, and had even more money. I'm sure they're very happy together. Haven't spoken to them for a couple of years.

Arguments are inevitable. Therefore, you need to accept it and find somebody who argues well - IE they don't just try to score points, they don't start slanging matches, they can back down if they're wrong, they can give you an easy exit if you're wrong, &c &c.

Cunning linguist
User currently offlineAirways1 From United Kingdom, joined Jul 1999, 563 posts, RR: 0
Reply 8, posted (12 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 22 hours ago) and read 1862 times:

Actually, I've been in my current relationship for almost three years, and we very rarely if ever have arguments. I guess it depends on how an argument is defined (ie. raising your voice at one another?).

So I think arguments are avoidable in a relationship, but you have to be careful that it is not at the expense of communication, in other words, try not to avoid issues which need raising just to avoid an argument.

If you respect each other, and are willing to listen to each other, arguing shouldn't be neccessary.


User currently offlineBigPhilNYC From United States of America, joined Jan 2002, 4077 posts, RR: 51
Reply 9, posted (12 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 22 hours ago) and read 1863 times:

Wow Bob, I hear ya. I can't stnad any sentence that begins with "If you loved me....."
There's a word for women like that. C U Next Tuesday!!!!

KAUS, I was in an "on and off" relationship once, and I can tell you that is not stable and not the kind of thing I want to be in. It's a waste of time and affects the relationship in the long run. I've never seen an on and off relationshipwith people breaking up and getting back together over and over work.

If she talks back, punch her square in her fucking nose. Don't let no women say a- Ok, I'm kidding, sorry. lol

Yeah, the method of arguing is important. If she lowers it to insulting and personal attacks and a lot of "I didn't mean to say what I siad earlier"'s, then it's not going to work.

Maturity, fact and logic are what I go by.


Phil Derner Jr.
User currently offlineZrb2 From United States of America, joined May 2000, 903 posts, RR: 0
Reply 10, posted (12 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 21 hours ago) and read 1854 times:

I've been married over two years now and you can count the number of real arguments on one hand. These were mainly annoyance things not real fights. It's all about personalities. In my single days, I had serious relationships with laid back women and very outgoing one's. The outgoing girls were fun and exciting to be with but they tended to be overly dramatic and it caused lots of fighting. It was draining. They mostly ended in a ball of flames. I married a more laid back "normal" person and she's awesome. Not the life of the party but when it comes to a marriage we're both very rational and we can deal with the daily occurrences with out having screaming matches.

User currently offlineLindy field From United States of America, joined Mar 2001, 3170 posts, RR: 11
Reply 11, posted (12 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 21 hours ago) and read 1852 times:
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Occasional arguments are fine. The question for you is - does this relationship still make you happy?

User currently offlineGreg From United Kingdom, joined May 2005, 0 posts, RR: 0
Reply 12, posted (12 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 19 hours ago) and read 1834 times:

Discussions? Yes.
Debate? Yes.
Arguments? Hit the highway.
I spend most my days arguing in court or with opposing counsel---no room in my life to have it spill over into a relationship--that's not what their about.

User currently offlineFlyGirl757 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 13, posted (12 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 14 hours ago) and read 1802 times:

GOD DAMMIT! I knew I would crack...I wasn't going to post on here...but I do have something to say...

A relationship shouldn't be on a "point" or number system...meaning...

"Gee, we got into X-number of fights...I think we should call it quits."

A relationship is based on love and passion people have for one another. Of course some arguements can get pety and stupid...but the bottom line is how the two people involved feel about one another. You have the best of times AND the worst of times. My parents have fought a lot throughout their marriage and while it hurt to see and hear that...I saw a lot of the best memories they have had together too. They have been married for 30 years and they are the BEST example to me of what LOVE is. It isn't always a walk in the park and things don't always turn up rosy...But bottom line..if you have a connection with someone...you work things out...

Again...someone mentioned this...COMMUNICATION is key...the two people need to talk when things get rough and REALLY listen to one another. If you put it off or ignore the problem...IT ONLY MAKES SENSE...that the situation will get worse...and in that case...you bring it upon yourself.

I know that when I have fought in relationships of my past...I only got really heated because of what I felt for that person. I mean, Do you think I would actually waste my breath for someone I knew wasn't worth the time or energy? NO.

I am a very old fashioned girl and I guess I believe in following your heart and what it tells you. If you feel it...fight for it. Cause it SHOULD be that important when love is involved.


User currently offlineBigphilnyc From United States of America, joined Jan 2002, 4077 posts, RR: 51
Reply 14, posted (12 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 1786 times:

Sometimes people argue jsut because one or both parties are going through a tough time. That needs to be taken into account also.

Or if you are ab out to hang out with your mate, and before you meet him/her or when you first lay your eyes on him/her, and your first thought is something negative pertaining to a fight or you feel angry already for no particular relevent reason at that time, you probably dont like that person at all, and it would be time to reevaluate.

Or maybe you're gay.

Phil Derner Jr.
User currently offlineFlyGirl757 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 15, posted (12 years 9 months 2 weeks 6 days 13 hours ago) and read 1788 times:

Yeah...I went out with this Gay Guy once...

He kept trying to cover it up by saying how Happy he was all the time...

But I just didn't buy it.

God that was lame. LOL

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