GDB From United Kingdom, joined May 2001, 12701 posts, RR: 80 Reply 9, posted (9 years 10 months 5 hours ago) and read 4710 times:
Recently a work colleague was out in the evening at a restaurant, at the bar there was a stuffed sheep, which he called 'A Welsh Leisure Centre', turning to a guy next to him he asked "your not Welsh are you?'
"Yes" came the reply.
Then there is this old joke;
A TV crew were making a documentary on life in the farming community in the Outer Hebrides, off the Scottish coast.
They spoke to a prominent local farmer, had he a nickname, like Jock The Farmer or something?
"Funny you should say that" he replied. "see all that land? I farm that, but do they call me Jock The Farmer? No they don't
See that barn over there, I built that with my own bare hands, but do they call me Jock The Builder? No they don't.
Who delivers all the milk that I produce to the village? I do, in all weathers, but do they call me Jock The Milkman? No they bloody well don't.
See those old Roman built walls? who shows tourists around them, explains the history behind them? I do, but do they call me Jock The Tour Guide? No they don't.
I shagged just one sheep!"
A ventriloquist noticed a farmer tending to his animals and decided to have some fun.
Ventriloquist: "Excuse me. Are those your horses"?
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to them?"
Farmer: "Hell, horses don't talk!"
Ventriloquist: "Hello, horses. Is the farmer good to you?"
Horses: "Yep. He feeds us all we can eat. He provides a nice barn to protect us, and we get to run and play on the farm".
The farmer, obviously puzzled, just stares at the ventriloquist. So, the ventriloquist asks: "Those your pigs?"
ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to 'em?"
Again the farmer insists: "Boy, pigs don't talk!"
So, the ventriloquist addresses the pigs: "Hello, pigs. Does the farmer treat you good?"
Pigs: "Yep. He feeds us well. He provides us with shelter when the weather is bad. We can laze about in the mud all day. We're happy here."
By now the farmer is scratching his head. Talking horses. Talking pigs. WTF?!!
So, then the ventriloquist notices the sheep. He asks the farmer if he can talk to them. That's when the farmer stammers out "Th-Th-THEM SHEEP AIN'T NUTTIN BUT LIARS!"