Rabenschlag From Germany, joined Oct 2000, 993 posts, RR: 0 Posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 15 hours ago) and read 1275 times:
this is a tough question to answer, because most of us - me included, are neither married, nor do or would they cheat. however...
i heard from some people that after some years of marriage and living a monogamic lifestile, human nature calls for sexual diversity. if someone decides to live according to his drives, would you recommend to go and visit prostitutes? or would you reccomend to have occasional affaires? what would hurt you more if you were the cheated on person? what do you think is healthier, more moral? note that women will have a hard time finding male prostitutes, as far as i know, there is basically no market in europe. this adds a twist to the question, because once more, women appear to be disadvantaged, having fewer options.
Jcs17 From United States of America, joined Jun 2001, 8065 posts, RR: 43 Reply 1, posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 15 hours ago) and read 1267 times:
Heres a grand question: If you do not feel comfortable with staying with the same person all your life then why the hell waste your time getting married?!
Airlinelover From United States of America, joined Jun 2001, 5580 posts, RR: 27 Reply 3, posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 15 hours ago) and read 1261 times:
I think JCS hit it right there.. If you cannot be happy with the SAME person for life, then DO NOT get married!!
Chris
Lets do some sexy math. We add you, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply
Jamesag96 From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 2095 posts, RR: 9 Reply 5, posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 15 hours ago) and read 1240 times:
ok...just a hypothetical as I am not married....I marry a young woman, whom I truly believe to the one, and can see myself staying, and being happy with her for the rest of my days...then her ass gets big, feels sex is more of a chore than a gift and doles it out only upon completion of the yard, roof, kitchen. etc....she is on a type of med that tanks her sex drive and really doesn't feel the need to change because once a month should be enough for me. I would still love her, and she would still be my best friend, but what outlet do I have? Would/should I be stuck with Rosy and her five?
Haven't lived it, but boy oh boy have I seen/heard all of the above in friends and relatives marriages.
Jamesag96 From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 2095 posts, RR: 9 Reply 6, posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 14 hours ago) and read 1219 times:
Hmmm...I am a bit surprised no one had any comments about my post.
ModernArt From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 7, posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 14 hours ago) and read 1209 times:
The only comment I have is that I agree with you 100%. I believe Texags has covered the "Fat Bomb" and its repercussions in some detail.
I cringe everytime I watch Everybody Loves Raymond. This show reveals plenty of the underlying truths about married life. Its kept me looking a little while longer.
Jamesag96 From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 2095 posts, RR: 9 Reply 8, posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 13 hours ago) and read 1202 times:
Ah yes...the "Fat Bomb"... the mythical explosive weight gain phenomena...has in fact been proven to exist...
Goingboeing From United States of America, joined Dec 1999, 4875 posts, RR: 19 Reply 9, posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 12 hours ago) and read 1167 times:
This may come as a shock to many, but there is more to marriage than sex. But...if you're of the mindset that you'd be willing to let the weenie wander should the wife gain a few pounds...don't get too upset if the wife manages to stay "cute" while you grow an ever increasing beer gut and she decides that the cute guy at work can meet her sexual needs without having to put up with the spare tire pressing against her.
Also, bear in mind that after 20 years, the wife won't just share your bed...she'll share your bank account, house, retirement account and other things that the loss of can make life miserable for you and your new honey after she takes her "fair share".
I don't worry myself though...my wife of 15 years is in better shape today than she was the day I married her...she can wear a pretty skimpy bikini and put many women half her age to shame. And my life has got everything I want...why screw it up giving my dick a little change of pace? The best advice I can give is this: If you do more thinking with the head on your penis and not the head on your shoulders...don't get married. You'll live to regret it.
Jamesag96 From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 2095 posts, RR: 9 Reply 10, posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 11 hours ago) and read 1154 times:
I agree with GB, however, the question I posed is this:
"I would still love her, and she would still be my best friend, but what outlet do I have? Would/should I be stuck with Rosy and her five?"
GB, I realize the coin can flip both ways, but what I am talking about is what to do in the situation presented.
EA CO AS From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 12556 posts, RR: 64 Reply 11, posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 10 hours ago) and read 1138 times:
The solution to the problem is to ensure that you marry the right person. This means doing quite a bit of background investigation, though:
Does she make a point of working out and staying in shape? If so, great. If she gains five pounds and her solution is buying bigger pants, run.
What does her mom look like? Very good indicator of what you can expect in 20 to 30 years.
The bottom line is that you need to keep her interest level in you extremely high, even after you're married. A woman who feels a high interest level will make sure she stays in shape and looks good for her man.
Now...once you've married someone and they STILL put on 50lbs and their sex drive tanks? Obviously you need to do EVERYTHING to get things back on track.
If you have absolutely no recourse whatsoever, and the "five knuckle shuffle" doesn't satisfy your needs...an affair is the LAST thing you should do. An affair involves matters of the heart in most cases, and if it's truly just a physical act you want, then avoid romancing someone else.
Pay for it, and try your damndest not to get arrested in the process.
And for what it's worth, this is only if you absolutely cannot tolerate it anymore and MUST stray. I personally never would, though.
"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem - government IS the problem." - Ronald Reagan
NormalSpeed From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 12, posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 10 hours ago) and read 1115 times:
I'm not married, nor have I ever been, so I can't speak from experience. However, it seems to me that a functional, monogamous relationship only comes by BOTH partners working towards it. A dysfunctional relationship is what occurs by default. Sure, you should be ready to marry, and marry the right person, but those two factors alone will not provide for a successful relationship. And they do not relieve the couple from the responsibility of service and sacrifice for each other.
AA61hvy From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 13975 posts, RR: 59 Reply 13, posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 9 hours ago) and read 1102 times:
Exactly right, don't get married if you can't stay faithful. Sure people want to mix it up, but thats what porn is for.
Jamesag96 From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 2095 posts, RR: 9 Reply 14, posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 8 hours ago) and read 1088 times:
Right on EA CO AS...I see where you are coming from, great post.
Ryanb741 From United Kingdom, joined Mar 2002, 3219 posts, RR: 17 Reply 16, posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 7 hours ago) and read 1076 times:
Well if you want to look outside your marriage for sex then that is your choice - just don't get all affronted when your wife does the same to you. It is your responsibility just as much as your wife's to keep your sex life strong. Often if one parter becomes uninterested in sex or puts on weight there is an underlying reason. Try and sort that out before looking elsewhere - it really is very selfish.
I used to think the brain is the most fascinating part of my body. But, hey, who is telling me that?
Matt D From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 9502 posts, RR: 51 Reply 18, posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 7 hours ago) and read 1052 times:
Bruno:
I would like to expound on your post. My high school psychology teacher once posed a classic classroom debate question that has stuck in my mind all these years and now I'd like to hear all of your thoughts on it:
Do you think that women use sex to get love and men use love to get sex?
JetService From United States of America, joined Feb 2000, 4798 posts, RR: 13 Reply 19, posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 6 hours ago) and read 1049 times:
Oh damn!! Alpha 1 and Jcs17 agree!! Isn't that the 6th sign of the apocolypse??!!!
I happen to agree with them. If you can't keep it in your pants, don't get married. If its too late, then either get a divorce or buy a Fleshlight.
Bruno From United States of America, joined Jan 2000, 853 posts, RR: 3 Reply 20, posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 6 hours ago) and read 1032 times:
Matt D:
Well I can't completly speak for the French but maybe some married couples look at it as fun or 'spiceing' things up. There is WAY too much pressure from our society for people to get married. Being in my 30s, I get the "when are you going to get married?" question too much! I know it's even worse for women our age. Married folks get too many breaks and really too many people get married for the wrong reason. If a dumb broad finds a rich lawyer or Doctor to sucker in to getting married, she is prasied as being a smart woman for 'stricking gold'. If she married a janitor, people would say, 'Oh I am sure she could have done better'.
So what if a guy just want to have a little fun for one evening. I don't think it compromises his love for his wife. He just wants a break.
If a loyal Harley Davidson biker rides a Honda Goldwing for a few hours, is he dis-loyal to Harley?
EA CO AS: Does she make a point of working out and staying in shape? If so, great. If she gains five pounds and her solution is buying bigger pants, run.
I have to disagree. I think if you love someone, you should love them no matter how much she gains. 5 pounds? Man you are harsh! Leaving a woman for gaining a few pounds is worse than having a fling as long as she dosen't find out.
I know most will disagree with me on this but I just feel someone has to speak what a lot of guys feel but are too ashamed to admit.
I can already tell which members have wives & girlfriends that spy on them here.
AA61hvy From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 13975 posts, RR: 59 Reply 22, posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 6 hours ago) and read 1026 times:
Matt D- I think some women use sex to get love, but not all. I think some guys use love to get sex, not all. Some people still wait to mariage to have sex. I personally think sex is a bonus to love, you get love, and you get laid.
EA CO AS From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 12556 posts, RR: 64 Reply 23, posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 6 hours ago) and read 1020 times:
I have to disagree. I think if you love someone, you should love them no matter how much she gains. 5 pounds? Man you are harsh! Leaving a woman for gaining a few pounds is worse than having a fling as long as she dosen't find out.
In the grand scheme of things, five pounds isn't a lot...until you take into consideration that it's 5 pounds a year, and each year, she finds some way to justify not doing anything about it.
So you're on a slippery slope downwards. Each year, the girl puts on more weight and solves the problem by buying bigger clothes rather than arresting her weight gain.
So ten years later, she's 50lbs heavier. Twenty? One hundred pounds. And my main concern wouldn't be her physical appearance, but the health concerns that come from carrying around all that extra tonnage! A great example is my (now former) girlfriend. When we got together, she was 5'4'' and weighed 110lbs. Three months later she was at 135lbs. And she still looked great, but I voiced concern. Why? Because 25lbs is a LOT to gain in just three months.
And no, we didn't break up over weight concerns.
Anyway, if I'm lucky enough to marry my best friend, I want her to be around for the long haul. It shouldn't be cut short because of lack of discipline.
And that's really what this is about; lack of discipline. Sure, you have people who have glandular disorders and whatnot that result in rampant weight gain, but someone who slowly lets themselves go over time does so solely because they lack the drive or discipline to stay in shape.
"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem - government IS the problem." - Ronald Reagan
Kevi747 From United States of America, joined Apr 2001, 1056 posts, RR: 13 Reply 24, posted (9 years 8 months 4 weeks 5 hours ago) and read 1013 times:
I'm kind of torn on this one. I think love and sex are two completely separate things, and its great when they both intertwine. But men love to have sex with lots of different partners. (Or real men do anyway.)
Maybe guys just need to have a lot of sex in their 20's and get it out of their systems before they decide to settle down. I guess that's how it normally works. But where I was rasied (that hellishly backward place known as Texas) all the straight people are married with kids by the time their 20 years old. And then they start cheating and sleeping around and all end up divorced with a bunch of little brats running around all over the place and its just a mess.
I'm going to reveal a little industry secret to you guys: All pilots cheat. (OK, maybe that wasn't such a secret.) It's a well-known fact. You should see these guys down in Buenos Aires. They go in droves to the brothels. They don't love the women they're screwing, its just sex. And I think a lot of them really do love their wives, but they're not attracted to them anymore.
I've slept with several married men. I don't feel bad about it either because I didn't know at the time that they were married, and plus I have no respect for marriage (seeing as how its an institution that excludes me).
I guess cheating or having an "open" relationship works for some people. I wouldn't really want someone that I was committed to cheating on me though.
"Reality has a well-known liberal bias." --Stephen Colbert
25 ScarletHarlot: Man. I'm a bit depressed after reading this thread! When you get married, it's for life, for better and for worse, and all that. If you can't keep tha
26 Sleekjet: I don't think there are many young folks left who understand commitment. In our disposable society, it's just too easy to treat relationships like bro
27 Alpha 1: But men love to have sex with lots of different partners. (Or real men do anyway.) Well, then I guess Gene Simmons of the rock group Kiss is just as R
28 Jamesag96: Kev...I take offense to the idea that Texas is hellishly backward...though I can understand why you in particular might feel that way. Does frowning u
29 Jamesag96: Oh...and let me qualify that previous post...I don't have a problem with your lifestyle, though I am fully aware that there are places that do. What I
30 Kevi747: "Oh...and let me qualify that previous post...I don't have a problem with your lifestyle" MmmmmHmmmm, honey. I may have been raised in Texas, but I've
31 Alpha 1: I don't care if you're a gay man or not. It makes no difference to me, but if you think "real men", gay or straight, like to sleep around and bag trop
32 Qb001: It makes no difference to me, but if you think "real men", gay or straight, like to sleep around and bag trophy's, then you have a warped sense of wha
33 Jamesag96: Kev...so my use of the word lifestyle offends you...if you take that in a manner to describe your sexuality than I can understand your position. Howev
34 Rabenschlag: i realize that many of you think that if you cannot be faithful, marriage makes no sense. thus, most of you are reluctant to answer my original questi
35 Boeing4ever: I don't care if you're a gay man or not. It makes no difference to me, but if you think "real men", gay or straight, like to sleep around and bag trop
36 Sophiemaltese: an actual affair would hurt me much more. The prostitute, while dangerous, would be almost a step up from masturbation and porn....no emotional attach
37 Dc10guy: Sooner or later you will realize that the "screw'in you get" isn't worth the "screw'in you get".
38 Mirrodie: Sophiemaltese, can I marry you? Damn, seriously though, Has Tom Leykis seen this thread yet? As someone soon to be engaged for a year now, well, I'm i
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