Ual747 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Posted (9 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 3 hours ago) and read 1619 times:
Forgive me, I need to rant...
And so the drama goes on in my dysfunctional family. Well, after a long talk with my 78 year old grandmother last night, I found out she is talking to a lawyer and perhaps getting ready to divorce my Grandfather. I don't know what to think.
My Grandfather, AND Father are both alcoholics. My Grandfather, BIG TIME. My grandparents were born into poor families in Oklahoma early in the 20th century. They lived through the depression, etc. Then, my grandfather started his own business in the early 60's and since then his company has expanded to locations all up and down the mid-west. They were the true American success story.
They were also the true American marriage as well. My grandfather started drinking a lot, and has had MANY affairs. My grandmother, being the proper woman she is, knew about it, but said nothing. She rather concentrated on making her house immaculate, hosting the Nichols Hills women's book club, organizing charity events, attending country club meetings, etc. She dressed in her Chanel suits and was the lady of the town. Also, for 78, she looks to be about 50 years old. She is beautiful, and absolutely fabulous. However, the entire town was talking about her and my grandfather behind their backs. They would say nasty things about her especially.
I didn't know of my grandfather's affairs until about two years ago. Hell, the man is 80 years old. Turns out, all his girlfriends have been YOUNGER than my mother, and one of them being my mother's good friend. Anyway, turns out most of the people in the town knew about them all along. I found out from someone I hardly even knew.
Well, my Grandmother has been getting sick of my Grandfather's drinking, as it has gotten worse. Two weeks ago, he came home after "work" drunker than a skunk. They have a circular driveway in front of their house, and within the circle is a fountain. My grandfather was so drunk, he drove his car into the fountain, and my grandmother came out and found him passed out laying in the water. Thank god he was face up.
After that, my grandmother disappeared to her place in California for a week, and surfaced only to say that she is leaving.
EVERYONE who's been married in my family, ON BOTH SIDES has been divorced. I hate this, and I don't know what to do anymore. I mean, I guess she is justified, but I just don't get it when you are that old.
Anyway, sorry, I just needed to get this out...I'm so frustrated.
Stretch 8 From United States of America, joined May 1999, 2561 posts, RR: 19 Reply 1, posted (9 years 8 months 2 weeks 2 days 3 hours ago) and read 1603 times:
I am sorry about your family trouble. Use your grandfather's experiences as a guide for what NOT to do when you are a husband and father some day. You can be the first to be happily and faithfully married. And if you yourself have a drinking problem, try and get counseling.
Maggs swings, it's a drive deep to left! The Tigers are going to the World Series!!!
Ual747 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 4, posted (9 years 8 months 2 weeks 1 day 23 hours ago) and read 1538 times:
Oh trust me, I've had my troubles with alcohol already, and cocaine. Used to think I had this fabulous lifestyle of suits, champagne and rockstar parties, when in reality I was just trying to deal with my problems with substance abuse. I was using drugs and alcohol to take away the pain and stress my family put on me to be perfect. In fact, I WAS that perfect kid all my life until about a year ago. I was VERY accomplished in riding horses. Won 5 world championships for my age division, and was invited to ride on the world cup team when they went to South Africa. I play classical piano, and worked on several well known concertos. I speak 3 languages. Made perfect grades. Oh yeah, I was definitely perfect, on the outside. Just like my family. But, it's shit on the inside. Then I Spent 28 days at Sierra Tucson Recovery Center. Not that I'm saying I don't enjoy a glass of wine or a cocktail now, but I don't get drunk everyday to deal with my problems. I found that I was wasting my life away and that I could do much better things with my time. I still struggle emotionally sometimes, but I try and find ways to channel that negative energy. I also have learned to distance myself from my family.
Personally, I think both my Dad and my Grandfather are weak individuals. I haven't spoken to my father in 6 months. Every exchange we have goes through his secretary. Not that it wasn't that was a long time before, it's kind of always been that way, I've just chosen to let him go from my life. He's been mad at me since my experience at rehab, and hasn't talked to me much. Oh he throws money at me to keep me out of his hair. Of course I accept it, I'd be fool not to, being a college student and not having a job. But it sucks. I think his dad was the same way to him.
TNboy From Australia, joined Mar 2002, 1131 posts, RR: 22 Reply 6, posted (9 years 8 months 2 weeks 1 day 23 hours ago) and read 1518 times:
Just because your grandmother is 78, doesn't mean she feels 78. She probably believes she has quite a few years ahead of her and would like to enjoy them in some sort of stability and peace. Why should she continue to put on a facade - seems like she has given him plenty of chances. Although I guess with all the legal and property hassles, she would probably be better off just moving out (or moving him out) and living independently. But let them sort it out for themselves.
Whatever the family hassles, it's all their own problems. You're old enough now to be able to take some control of your own life. Don't focus on them, focus on your own needs, aims and goals, and, however difficult, make a determined effort to NOT perpetuate the same mistakes. You don't have to follow down the same path, and it sure seems you don't want to. And having a rant is a good thing - beats keeping it inside.
AWspicious From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 7, posted (9 years 8 months 2 weeks 1 day 22 hours ago) and read 1496 times:
Dude. Don't mean to seem cynical, but, this sound to me like an episode right out of Dallas... or Dynasty!
I do sympathize, though. I'd be kinda weirded-out too if my pushing 80 grandparents were about to go splitsville. Then again, when my parents split, I hardly knew a thing... Mainly because I didn't pay much attention to all that nonsense - My advice to you.
I know it's probably gonna be difficult, but, you've got to keep your head securely upon your shoulders when those around you are loosing theirs.
Take care, man.
Oh damn... I just read your profile. You ARE in Dallas! Aww geeze, man - No pun intended. :-}
Ual747 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 8, posted (9 years 8 months 2 weeks 1 day 22 hours ago) and read 1477 times:
OH MY! HAHAHA! My therapist told me a few days ago that my family has the keen ability to play out "Dallas" in real life. That's hilarious. To even make it sound more like a soap opera, several of the men in my family, including my father and grandfather and several of their business partners were investigated by the FBI in 1990-1991 along with the Oklahoma governor elect David Walters for giving and accepting illegal campaign contributions. They, including the Governor appeared before a grand jury. All men got off with a misdemeanors however, but for a period of 6 months, we were regularly on regional news channels, with reporters camped out in our front yards. Hell, I was in fourth grade and couldn't even go out on recess because reporters were coming to my school to video. God, what an awful time. Everyone was tense and pissy and drunker than ever. I don't have a subscription to the Daily Oklahoman news archives or I'd post some of the news clippings. All in the name of politics and business....
Virgin744 From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 903 posts, RR: 5 Reply 13, posted (9 years 8 months 2 weeks 1 day 16 hours ago) and read 1406 times:
I know it may sound harsh but maybe a divorce would actually be a good thing. Maybe thats the only thing that will wake them all up??? Sometimes, peole need a shock to their systme to actually make them realise what they are doing to their loved ones...I am not a believer in divorce but there are certain instances where it has to be condoned, and maybe this is one of them. Its an awful situation but kinda funny when you think about old people wanting to divorce, it gives you the impression 'they've been together THIS long and want to get a divorce after all these years?' but I have exoerienced stuff similar to that, and I say to myself, well, they aren't kids anymore, and maybe its for the best, and besides, meybe they (your grandma) will enjoy the twilight years of her life now, who knows?
P.S You seem intelligent enough to have learned that you dont need drink and drugs to enjoy yourself or to help you to forget your problems!! I'd ditch those habits quicktime.
Goingboeing From United States of America, joined Dec 1999, 4875 posts, RR: 19 Reply 14, posted (9 years 8 months 2 weeks 1 day 11 hours ago) and read 1377 times:
Sorry UAL747, but after your "I'm better than you" posts in other threads, based on your station in life, perhaps you can see that the "elite" often times share the same problems that those folks on Jerry Springer have. And a lot of us "lesser" beings have endured their fair share of problems in life. A lot of us haven't had to escape to the world of drugs and alcohol either. Maybe you might think twice before you post about how you are living at the "highest point in Dallas" and are able to "look down" on everybody else.
Stretch 8 From United States of America, joined May 1999, 2561 posts, RR: 19 Reply 15, posted (9 years 8 months 2 weeks 1 day 10 hours ago) and read 1366 times:
UAL747: Your personal experience reminds me of a good friend who had a similar sruggle. It is good to hear that you are getting professional help. Feel free to email me and I can provide some additional insight, as I myself have travelled a similar path.
Maggs swings, it's a drive deep to left! The Tigers are going to the World Series!!!
Ual747 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 19, posted (9 years 8 months 2 weeks 1 day 5 hours ago) and read 1317 times:
Greg and Goingboeing........
If you couldn't tell that half the stuff I said on that thread about WN was "tongue in cheek" then you're pretty dense. Do I think I can look down on people? No. Again, a joke. Pull your head out of your ass.
Greg, I hardly doubt I caused my Grandfather to start having affairs when I was 2 years old. Or have him start drinking about 20 years before I was born.
I'd hardly say it's Jerry Springer material either. Not unless my Grandfather is screwing family members, or unless my grandmother has been quoted saying, "Bitch, I'm gonna beat yo ass."
Airlinelover From United States of America, joined Jun 2001, 5580 posts, RR: 27 Reply 21, posted (9 years 8 months 2 weeks 19 hours ago) and read 1276 times:
I have a friend who has a similar story, except it's her parents.. THey're split, and to this day she still finds half-brothers and half-sisters that never knew about her or vice versa.. It's sad.. My best to you int his tough time..
Lets do some sexy math. We add you, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply