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Letting Friends Go...?  
User currently offlineLehpron From United States of America, joined Jul 2001, 7028 posts, RR: 21
Posted (10 years 2 months 4 weeks 21 hours ago) and read 863 times:

Odd question, IMO, I know.

But like all friends who are or may get married, contact gets lost and rather than mull about it then, I'm slowly trying to go on with life now but it's hard. Essentially it should be easier since some barely have the time. One in particular, I know her boyfriend is likely to propose, she'll say yes and she'll fall off radar cuz next year she graduates -- I can't do it. I don't like the feeling, but I know I have to as I'll just get in the way.

Pardon my ignorance having never been in love, I believe that once it happens, all time is devoted to that special someone and if friends complain, assume their jealous. Yeah kinda...jealous of lost time I'll admit that, just not anything unrealistic.

Any thoughts? I know some of you folks have been through this.


The meaning of life is curiosity; we were put on this planet to explore opportunities.
15 replies: All unread, jump to last
 
User currently offlineConcordeBoy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 1, posted (10 years 2 months 4 weeks 20 hours ago) and read 840 times:

Pardon my ignorance having never been in love


I believe that once it happens, all time is devoted to that special someone


oh man, have you got a lot to learn!  Laugh out loud  Laugh out loud


User currently offlineCaptaingomes From Canada, joined Feb 2001, 6413 posts, RR: 56
Reply 2, posted (10 years 2 months 4 weeks 20 hours ago) and read 838 times:

Yeah, that's common, but what I find is that if this happens, often there is a weakness in the friendship to begin with. Not saying that makes it any easier, it doesn't, but try to reflect and find out why the friendship isn't working any longer. Were you truly friends, or was it based on some interest instead?

I've recently lost a friend because of certain issues, one of them being money, and no, it's not easy to deal with. While I may want to think that he had more to lose, I still feel like I'm the one who lost more in the end, only because I'm the one who feels like crap, and not him. Hope that helps.



"it's kind of like an Airbus, it's an engineering marvel, but there's no sense of passion" -- J. Clarkson re: Coxster
User currently offlineRoberta From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 3, posted (10 years 2 months 4 weeks 20 hours ago) and read 828 times:

They can get lost if they think im going to be devoting all my time to them.

User currently offlineCaptoveur From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 4, posted (10 years 2 months 4 weeks 20 hours ago) and read 818 times:

I think the women want us to devote every second of every day to them.

Fact is the time requirement drops signifigantly over time. Fact is people of the opposite sex who are legally bound to each other get sick of seeing the other one 24/7 every day. If the person in question is really a good friend you might not hear from them much in the weeks before and after the wedding but things should be fine after that.

Unless their signifigant other has labled you as one of the "bad" friends and wants you excluded from their life.


User currently offlineLehpron From United States of America, joined Jul 2001, 7028 posts, RR: 21
Reply 5, posted (10 years 2 months 4 weeks 20 hours ago) and read 808 times:

Somehow I have the tendency to run into really busy people, when I ask if they wanna hang out, the answer is always negative. Most of my friends, once in a month contact is all I get. For her, once a month email is all I get, and she' not too wordy either. It's always been like that, I've known her for 4 years. When I knew her before her current boyfriend, I got the impression of her having more time, one time we had a dinner and another time we saw a movie, it was fun. It was fun, don't get to do that with anyone anymore.  Sad

I wasn't allowed to be social when I was younger (traditional parents against dating, came from India, don't know jack 'bout 'mericun culture), but I find it ironic is has become the case.



The meaning of life is curiosity; we were put on this planet to explore opportunities.
User currently offlineEA CO AS From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 13518 posts, RR: 62
Reply 6, posted (10 years 2 months 4 weeks 20 hours ago) and read 804 times:
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If you think about it, relationships with friends and family are always undergoing changes.

People move to different parts of town, making seeing each other more difficult. Sometimes people move out of town or out of state entirely. Sometimes a change in jobs can make it more difficult to spend time together, or even change in a person's health.

The point is that developing a relationship with a significant other isn't the only thing that can change the dynamics of a friendship. In very successful relationships, you can find ways to integrate your significant other into your circle of friends.

It doesn't always work, but when it does, it's a wonderful thing.

But you have to accept the fact that sometimes friendships slowly fade or people drift off over time.




"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem - government IS the problem." - Ronald Reagan
User currently offlineUAL747DEN From United States of America, joined Dec 2003, 2392 posts, RR: 11
Reply 7, posted (10 years 2 months 4 weeks 20 hours ago) and read 808 times:

Lehpron,
Is this a friend that you know from the I-Net?? If that is the case, its not a true friendship, If you have only been "out" a few times I would never call that a true friend.

Now to address the topic, I have been married for a little over a year now and let me tell you EVERYTHING CHANGES! Before getting married I was with my friends all the time. I was always very popular in school, then owned my own business and you meet a lot of people that way, so I was always out with my friends. I moved in with 2 of my best friends. After proposing to my then girlfriend we started the whole having to travel around and meet all the family thing, we had to plan for a wedding, then after that we had a child. After starting a family your priorities change and being at all the parties is on the bottom of the list. I am in a management position so im at work all the time so any free time I get I like to spend with my son and wife. I still do talk to my friends and do hang out with them when I have a chance but that is only about once a month lately. I feel that I still have a very good relationship with them because they understand that my family has to come first and one day they will be the same way. You will also find as your friends start to have familles or you do that you talk more to the ones that are like yourself with a family. It is amazing how one ring can change so much. Everything changed for me literally the moment the ring was put on my finger. I got married in Naples, FL and 2 hrs before my wedding my friends and I were swimming and checking out the women, 2 hrs later I was dancing with my wife and she was the most important thing, with the exception of my son, Nothing has changed since that moment.....

YAY YAY POST # 400



/// UNITED AIRLINES
User currently offlineVaporlock From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 8, posted (10 years 2 months 4 weeks 16 hours ago) and read 752 times:

Lehpron, as we grow older and gain wisdom.... we may loose friends along the way but I don't think we ever loose good friends. As our lifestyles change and our goals and dreams start to fall in place ~~ or out of place depending on the circumstances we learn who our real friends are.

The following is something someone sent to me... a few years ago. We have been friends since we were 2 years old.... we don't see each other very often, but we both know that we will always be friends.

A Keeper

I grew up in the fifties with practical parents - a mother, God love her, who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then resused it. She was the original recycle queen, before they had a name for it.....

A father who was happier getting old shoes fixed rather than buying new ones. Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, a tee shirt and a hat. Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, dish towel in the other.

It was the time for fixing things - a curtain rod, the kitchen drawer, a radio, a screen door, or the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things that we "keep"...

It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, reheating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.

But then my mother died, and on that clear summer's night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any "more"...

Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away... never to return.

So... while we have it... it's best we love it... and care for it... and fix it when it's broken... and heal it when it's sick.

This is true... for friendship.... for marriage... for old cars.... for children with bad report cards... and dogs with bad hips... and aging parents... and grandparents.

We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.

Some things we "keep"...........

Like a best friend that moved away - or - a classmate we grew up with.

There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special... and so, we "keep" them close!

I received this from someone who thinks I am a "keeper"....

So remember "GOOD FRIENDS" are like Stars.......... you don't always see them, but you know they are always there!!

Now ain't that the truth!!

Phyllis  Smile/happy/getting dizzy


[Edited 2004-05-06 01:14:01]

User currently offlineEA CO AS From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 13518 posts, RR: 62
Reply 9, posted (10 years 2 months 4 weeks 16 hours ago) and read 745 times:
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At first glance of the title I thought this thread would require this reply:

You'll live - they're all over the tube in syndication. Besides, E.R. is still a part of "Must-See TV" on Thursdays.  Big grin



"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem - government IS the problem." - Ronald Reagan
User currently offlineCactus739 From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 2442 posts, RR: 31
Reply 10, posted (10 years 2 months 4 weeks 15 hours ago) and read 727 times:

EA CO AS... I was kinda thinking the same thing. Although I'll admit I will miss the gang when the new episodes are gone. I was going to try to go to that party at Desert Ridge tomorrow for the last episode, but I have to work at one of our stores in Mesa tomorrow night.

Anyway, back to the topic. Relationships are hard work. Its even harder when your best friend has a new love in their life. Getting them away to hang out with just your friend, sans new love, can be tough. I'll admit though, that when me and my current significant other first got together last year, I started to fall into the trap of not spending time with my friends. My best friend quickly corrected me on that. Since then we've had many nights where we all go out in a group. Always a lot of fun.

Its harder though, when a good friend packs up and moves to a different town. I've had to deal with this recently. One of my really good friends had to move to Las Vegas in March for his job. He had a choice of move to Vegas, or not have a job with them anymore. He opted to move. I haven't seen him since before he left, and probably won't see him for a couple of months, as our vacation schedules clash. In the meantime, we make due with emails, phone calls, text msg's... etc.

I guess what I'm saying is that it is hard to maintain a friendship under cicrumstances... but if you work at it (and anything good requires hard work), you'll get what you want and will be happy with the result.




You can't fix stupid.... - Ron White
User currently offlineArtsyman From United States of America, joined Feb 2001, 4745 posts, RR: 34
Reply 11, posted (10 years 2 months 4 weeks 15 hours ago) and read 717 times:

oh man, have you got a lot to learn!
****

Coming from a man who rates Penis size more important than anything else in establishing any form of a relationship, not sure you are ready to play Dr Ruth just yet...

J


User currently offlineLehpron From United States of America, joined Jul 2001, 7028 posts, RR: 21
Reply 12, posted (10 years 2 months 4 weeks 15 hours ago) and read 715 times:

my friend ain't from the net, we had a class together (in spring of Y2K) and she's still in town no more than 8 miles away at any one time, 'less i go back to Riddle, then it's 360 miles.

If my life were a TV series, then a majority of my friends would be season guests or cameos. I got only one other lead actor, he's a keeper, I knew him since the second day of the 9th grade and that was a decade ago last September! That's the longest I ever knew anyone, I grew up with that fairycake. My friend Justin is just like me, niether of us have dated  Laugh out loud but when we hang out, we talk like girls for hours bout shit like his car, this girl at he's work, roommates -- it's cool. I still hear from him once a couple of months, but I don't bum like I do with this person. I guess It's cuz he's not taken, I know he won't just fall off the face of the Earth. That girl is the longest I've ever known a female, I wish I knew her like Justin. I wish it were cool and that wishing won't let me forget. I know it'd be healthier if I did, but I can't replace her, there is no one else. Oddly enough, this semester I was more or less blessed to be talk to just girls in class, but it is a curse too, they leave at semester's end. Their all taken, which makes them budybodies, just can't hang out.  Insane




The meaning of life is curiosity; we were put on this planet to explore opportunities.
User currently offlineLehpron From United States of America, joined Jul 2001, 7028 posts, RR: 21
Reply 13, posted (10 years 2 months 4 weeks 15 hours ago) and read 710 times:

My friend leaves with her bf for Thailand for the summer break, 3 whole months. Is there anything I should say before they leave? Not that'll make a difference.


The meaning of life is curiosity; we were put on this planet to explore opportunities.
User currently offlineEA CO AS From United States of America, joined Nov 2001, 13518 posts, RR: 62
Reply 14, posted (10 years 2 months 4 weeks 15 hours ago) and read 704 times:
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My friend leaves with her bf for Thailand for the summer break, 3 whole months. Is there anything I should say before they leave? Not that'll make a difference.

Depends on what you want to be:

ANGRY - "Fine. Go do Southeast Asia with your boyfriend. BE that way."

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE - "Have a nice life. Maybe I'll see you when you get back...if you even remember me."

A SABOTEUR - "I hope he doesn't cheat on you while you're there."

A GOOD FRIEND - "I'll miss you. Have a great time, and be safe."

Take the high road and use number 4, even though you may be tempted to whip out the other ones.




"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem - government IS the problem." - Ronald Reagan
User currently offlineLehpron From United States of America, joined Jul 2001, 7028 posts, RR: 21
Reply 15, posted (10 years 2 months 4 weeks 14 hours ago) and read 692 times:

Yup, I edited the whole thing, can't get it back.

I'll think about what you folks have said more now that I am feeling more calm.

[Edited 2004-05-06 03:30:00]


The meaning of life is curiosity; we were put on this planet to explore opportunities.
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