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Guys Meeting Other Guys  
User currently offlineDeltaflyertoo From United States of America, joined Nov 2000, 1654 posts, RR: 1
Posted (10 years 4 months 3 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 2234 times:

So,

I was curious to know how the gay guys on here meet other guys for dating, friendship, whatever...esp. other guys who may share common airline/aviation interests? I have some gay friends but it seems like when I go out and about to meet other guys they NEVER have the same interests as I do. They often seem unemployed and prof. circuit queens. Where are the guys that work all day and have real jobs and interests? So I was just curious, since this board has such a huge gay following, how do you guys meet other guys with common interests? Do you tell peeps straight up what you are about? Or just let it evolve over time. Just wondering...

P.S. Please skip the topic if you don't want to contribute and or have a self reaffirming statement of "I'm st8 so I wouldn't know", or, "I only date women so I can't answer that" or whatever. thx

41 replies: All unread, showing first 25:
 
User currently offlineVSLover From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 1897 posts, RR: 22
Reply 1, posted (10 years 4 months 3 weeks 23 hours ago) and read 2210 times:

its depressing to think about but i am out all the time. i have a great job, i'm smart, i'm great, blah blah blah, but i still am one of "those" who is out all the time. i just like being social.

but that being said, the hundreds of guys i have met, well i can count on one hand the number of guys i met while out who were engaging enough to warrant further relationships (friendship or whatever).

then i think, well what is the point of going out, but remember that if someone met me while they were out, they'd be quite lucky.

of course, i met someone wonderful last month, and of course he lives in washington dc, going to law school even further away in the fall. funny how it works like that.

so how to meet those people? i dont know. just luck i guess.


User currently offlineConcordeBoy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 2, posted (10 years 4 months 3 weeks 22 hours ago) and read 2141 times:

*struggles with darker side*


"Must... not... post--

....topic... too... easy to.... shred"
 Crying  Laugh out loud


User currently offlineTranceport From Canada, joined Jul 2003, 282 posts, RR: 1
Reply 3, posted (10 years 4 months 3 weeks 22 hours ago) and read 2067 times:

You certainly raise some interesting questions and bring up some valid points. I think it is often hard to meet the kind of guy that you are describing not because they don't exist but rather because those kinds of guys form a big invisible part of the gay community that is not into the so-called scene. They are hard to run across precisely because they are pursuing everyday lives filled with their careers and interests that often fall outside the umbrella of the stereotypical interests of the gay community. I also think there are a lot of guys who share your frustrations who are a part of the whole scene just because they don't know where else to look. You may have to brush up on your skills of approaching people you find interesting with a smile and a friendly greeting.  Smile

When I met my partner over four years ago, little did we both know that we shared a common interest in civil aviation. That little interest was usually something I considered "geeky" and didn't tell people about at first. I was moving to Vancouver, BC and was looking for information about good places in the city to live. I visited a gay chat room and struck up a conversation with a guy. We communicated via internet for a few months (that was back in the day when chat rooms still served the purpose of fun chat instead of a replacement for a cruise bar or bathhouse) and met up when I moved to Vancouver. When I saw all his model airplanes set up around the house, I was really thrilled. We're working on our 5th year together now.

I don't want to step on anyone's toes with my comments because they are gross generalisations. There are many great guys who happen to be into a circuit scene or who possess a sort of "gay village" type of mentality. However, I think you'll find the sort of guy you are looking for through other avenues. A lot of your employed, down to earth and "real" heterosexual friends may be the best way to meet this type of guys, as strange as that sounds. Often their gay friends are a lot like they are because of shared interests, education levels, etc. I think it's best to play it cool in these situations and let them evolve in the workplace or wherever. I never hide who I am, but since it is just one facet of who I am I let it come out and evolve naturally. This is how I have made some of my friendships and connections.

I can certainly understand your frustrations. It's hard for me to meet guys who can respect the fact that I have a partner and don't try to let me know that "he'll never have to know if we play around." It's either that or they show no interest when they find out I'm monogamously coupled and have been for several years. However, if you wait long enough and are patient enough, you run across a few great guys here and there.


User currently offlineDeltaflyertoo From United States of America, joined Nov 2000, 1654 posts, RR: 1
Reply 4, posted (10 years 4 months 3 weeks 21 hours ago) and read 1894 times:

Tranceport:

Thanks for the cool post...I relate to a lot of things you said. That is cool that you found a bf w/ the whole civil aviation interest as well. I too sometimes feel its a "geeky" side to me and isn't something I readily discuss with a whole lot of people. I've definetly figured that there has to be a whole population of guys who are out, comfortable but who never venture into the scene. Along with what VSLover wrote, he likes going out to be social...I feel the same way. A lot of times I enjoy going out just to go out. But it drives me crazy when I exchange #s with someone and the next thing I know they are calling me at work and looking for a hangout right at that moment! You are right, I will have to be more friendly and or "aggressive" to guys that peak my interest when I see them and approach them to see what is up.

I don't feel like my demands are that great on what I look for it just seems like the gay scene is configured differently than the straight social one when it comes to friendships only. Recently one of my friends joined Friendster.com then everyone had to join it and now it seems like one big popularity contest within the West Hollywood/LA gay circles. It seems okay but when I look through the faces, they are the same peeps I see out!

The one thing I do find interesting about that set that doesn't go out and maintain a big career life with fulfilling activities on the side is, how DO they indeed meet people?

VSLover: Yeah I guess it is luck too, and I figure the one time I do meet someone really cool they'll be moving away or just here visiting!


User currently offlineCaptoveur From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 5, posted (10 years 4 months 3 weeks 21 hours ago) and read 1886 times:

Me and Jcs17 just meet up at public parks after dark

Signed,
KROC


User currently offlineKROC From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 6, posted (10 years 4 months 3 weeks 19 hours ago) and read 1843 times:

I would give CaptStartValvue the Whiff right here, for yet another lame "Signed By" post, but its not even worth it. Dude, let it go son. You sucked as StartValvue, and now you still suck as captoveur.

User currently offlineLHMark From United States of America, joined Jan 2000, 7255 posts, RR: 46
Reply 7, posted (10 years 4 months 3 weeks 18 hours ago) and read 1826 times:

KROC, you don't have to worry. Gay dudes only like good-looking guys.


"Sympathy is something that shouldn't be bestowed on the Yankees. Apparently it angers them." - Bob Feller
User currently offlineKROC From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 8, posted (10 years 4 months 3 weeks 18 hours ago) and read 1811 times:

Nice try Mark, but scrape that wack line off your chin and give it back to Captoveur.

User currently offlineUsairwys757 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 9, posted (10 years 4 months 3 weeks 17 hours ago) and read 1800 times:

KROC- I wouldnt give that much credit to Startvalve Errrrrrrrrrr Captoveur.  Big grin

User currently offlineMas777 From United Kingdom, joined Jul 1999, 2935 posts, RR: 6
Reply 10, posted (10 years 4 months 1 week 5 days 23 hours ago) and read 1664 times:

well - there are lots of ways to meet people but I would like to draw a parallel here with my shopping habits - often if I go out looking for something I'm guaranteed to never find quite the right item and then get p'ed off 'cos I hunted for ages...

Anyway - I play sport and have joined a few gay groups to widen my circle of gay friends. I occasionally go out and meet friends at bars/clubs but am far from a circuit queen, etc... the groups have generally been the most fun and stress-free (once you get to know a few others).

I once tried to organise a 'gay' get-together from this forum and got shot down for even suggesting such an event...


User currently offlineSeb146 From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 11660 posts, RR: 15
Reply 11, posted (10 years 4 months 1 week 5 days 3 hours ago) and read 1589 times:

Now that I am with someone, they all seem to be coming out (no pun intended). I work at a restaurant in one of the gay-friendly neighborhoods and live about two blocks from a supermarket in a different gay-friendly neighborhood. I got guys smiling at me all the time and sometimes flirting. I had wondered if there were other places to meet guys. Now, I don't care.

I did not read your profile, but I would think if you shop or simply hang out in the "gay-friendly" neighborhoods, you could meet some great people.

GO CANUCKS!!



Life in the wall is a drag.
User currently offlineAa61hvy From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 13977 posts, RR: 57
Reply 12, posted (10 years 4 months 1 week 5 days 2 hours ago) and read 1571 times:

I can't think of a crackback that wouldn't be considered a whiff, so I'm keeping my trap shut.


Go big or go home
User currently offlineMatt D From United States of America, joined Nov 1999, 9502 posts, RR: 47
Reply 13, posted (10 years 4 months 1 week 4 days 18 hours ago) and read 1494 times:

Well KROC, Miroddie, and BigPhil all met at JFK and LGA last October, even though we are all as straight as arrows. Among other things, we did talk about womens asses and ways to torture JCS17.



User currently offlineCactus739 From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 2448 posts, RR: 31
Reply 14, posted (10 years 4 months 1 week 4 days 17 hours ago) and read 1477 times:

DeltaFlyer....

Although I'm not single now.... I can share in understanding your frustrations. I came out when I was 19, but it wasn't until I was almost 27 that I found someone that I wanted to be with. I would go out from time to time... but all i ever really found was Mr Right Now or Mr No-Freakin-Way. Phoenix doesn't exactly have a great club scene like you have in LA or VSLover has in NYC... so my opportunites to meet someone were rather limited. I had gotten down, was lonely.... never thought I'd find someone. Was tired of the games that men play... Moving on...

I work with the public. I see many of my customers on a daily basis, even on a first name basis with many. This is how I met my current significant other. He came in frequently and we had the normal customer / employee chat. After a few weeks of that he invited me for coffee. I'm still not sure why I said yes.... I try to keep my work life separate from my non-work life... but I said yes. We ended up having a great chat. One thing led to another... we started to go out, and now a year and a half later we live together and have a one year old cat named Neo.


So... I guess what I'm saying is, you never know who you'll meet and when. You could end up falling for someone you see everyday....  Smile





You can't fix stupid.... - Ron White
User currently offlineAIR757200 From United States of America, joined Jul 2000, 1579 posts, RR: 7
Reply 15, posted (10 years 4 months 1 week 4 days 16 hours ago) and read 1471 times:

Where are the guys that work all day and have real jobs and interests?

I've been wanting to add to this thread, but really haven't had a chance to formulate a response, but I'll take a stab at it.

I pulled this sentence because I would have to say, the folks I go to the clubs with are very hard workers (with "real" corporate jobs) and they so look forward to getting together on Friday and Saturday nights. I'm a good work ethics person myself, but my current job is not what I want to do, so I hardly put in more than four hours a day (no business = no commissions = not on hourly pay = not going to stay).

Anyway, it's funny though, we are very close friends and it's so hard for us to get together during the week for a drink or dinner, so when Friday comes along- we pick a place to meet at, have a few drinks, get loud, then head out to the bar. I would say these guys I club with are good quality, have a lot going for them at such a young age (mid-20s), and up until recently, one of them was single-and-available. But, I'm the only one holding that status now, I think (which is A-OKAY!!!).  Big grin

So, let me pick on a very good friend of mine, mid-20's, we normally go out Friday nights together, well, when I was in N.Y.C. just recently, he called me and told me he met someone at a club in Detroit... and it wasn't the "Mr. Right Now" guy (those are reserved for me...J/K!), this guy holds two jobs and constantly works (crazy!) and I finally met him; my friend wanted a "stamp of approval" and he got it. So, yes, there are guys in the "scene" that are good quality.

So that's him- for me personally? I would have to say meetings at the bar are great, I love it. But then you have this which I'm going to explain, which makes you wish people would just tell you their intentions flat out:

Just last night, this guy was "totally crunching on me" (a line from Never been Kissed.) but I didn't make any moves. I started to get frustrated because if your going to look at me, make a move! (I was looking back at him) I went into aggressive mode after a few drinks and grabbed his ass while I walked by him- he then joined me on the dance floor and oh man, was he hot! But, then that was it- we both parted and I danced with another guy who got my attention by grabbing my ass. Then it was time to go, he was talking to the bouncer and I walked by and he was watching me. Back to square one- maybe my friend was cock-blocking me?

In any case, I have met a guy who knew about airplanes! Yes! We were talking (he's a friend and a DJ at a popular night club) and I was explaining about non-reving and he was like "Have you been on the new 757-300?"...so I figured out that he dated a NW F/A and he loved to fly, etc. So, my response was "No, but I've been on a Triple-7" (knowing obviously NW doesn't have any).  Big grin

You just have to be patient and guys will come to you like a mosquito lamp out in the back patio. (bad analogy ..LOL).

OK, I'm all typed out.-- Good night!


User currently offlineDiamond From United States of America, joined Apr 2004, 3279 posts, RR: 63
Reply 16, posted (10 years 4 months 1 week 4 days 14 hours ago) and read 1463 times:

It will happen when you stop "looking" for it. Fate needs some room to work.

A personal suggestion: Never EVER go into a gay bar ever again. NEVER.




Blank.
User currently offlineLehpron From United States of America, joined Jul 2001, 7028 posts, RR: 21
Reply 17, posted (10 years 4 months 1 week 4 days 14 hours ago) and read 1444 times:

>> "It will happen when you stop "looking" for it. Fate needs some room to work." <<

I'm suppose this would be true from the gay or straight perspective, just it doesn't make much sense to me. like 1) if you don't 'put yourself out there', fate will just pass you by and 2) with today's society, unless you worth looking at, fate will show up fat, ugly and with a beer and you're expected to get on your knees? Shit that!

My experience is that you have to try hard and you have to be someone else, but do it consistently so it won't show, make it natural. Personally if I do not interact with the person in my crosshairs, there will never be any interaction, let alone more. You would have to look for them, but don't look or act like you looking. That's what I think. Big grin



The meaning of life is curiosity; we were put on this planet to explore opportunities.
User currently offlineDiamond From United States of America, joined Apr 2004, 3279 posts, RR: 63
Reply 18, posted (10 years 4 months 1 week 4 days 14 hours ago) and read 1451 times:

Lephron - I don't agree. "Fate" is not this big Amtrak train loaded with desirable people that is going to keep rolling past you, unless you figure out some crazy way to get on board.

If you are really wrapped up in "looks" (your own AND any potential mate's), then I can understand why you don't want to let a more natural process bring people together.

But I say again - no long-term happiness will be found in the bars - period.



Blank.
User currently offlineConcordeBoy From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR:
Reply 19, posted (10 years 4 months 1 week 4 days 3 hours ago) and read 1398 times:

But I say again - no long-term happiness will be found in the bars - period

2nd!  Yeah sure

[Edited 2004-05-17 18:44:27]

User currently offlineAIR757200 From United States of America, joined Jul 2000, 1579 posts, RR: 7
Reply 20, posted (10 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 22 hours ago) and read 1346 times:


big Amtrak train loaded with desirable people

Actually, that train just departed from my station.  Smile

no long-term happiness will be found in the bars - period.

I don't agree just because you completely discounted the possibility of finding happiness at a bar. We don't know the probability of finding happiness, we can only comment on assumptions that the likelihood is low. I personally think a "perfect match" can be found just about anywhere. ....Even at a straight bar.  Big grin

I can say, this thread has some good conversation.


User currently offlineCactus739 From United States of America, joined Jan 2004, 2448 posts, RR: 31
Reply 21, posted (10 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 21 hours ago) and read 1335 times:

I do know people that have found happiness at a bar.... just, not me. A lot of it, I think, depends on your personality. If you're the kind that can approach someone you'd like to get to know, a bar isn't a bad idea.

I do agree in what others have said... you'll find what you're looking for, when you aren't looking. I had taken a break from looking when I met my man... Also, definately gotta agree with what Seb said, since I've been "taken" people seem to coming out and flirting with me. Maybe its just that I'm noticing it now, dunno. But at least once a week someone gives me their number or something...




You can't fix stupid.... - Ron White
User currently offlineMikesairways From United States of America, joined Oct 2003, 713 posts, RR: 0
Reply 22, posted (10 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 1308 times:
Support Airliners.net - become a First Class Member!

My thought is if you go out expecting something, all you get is disappointment in the end...if you just chill, be yourself, it will come your way.


The red zone is for the immediate loading and unloading of passengers only, there is no stopping in the white zone...(Ai
User currently offlineVSLover From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 1897 posts, RR: 22
Reply 23, posted (10 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 17 hours ago) and read 1295 times:

so true. never expect to find something.

my best friend was just upsetting himself for so many months because all he wanted was a boyfriend. of course he never found one, because who finds a boyfriend when they go out searching? so when he finally resigned himself to the fact that he wouldnt find anytihng there was no point in stressing about it. then one day he did find something...of course that lasted for six months until the other guy turned straight!  Nuts

i've never been one to be concerned about having/not having a bf because really i am a rather independent person. but i have met other guys anywhere from a bar, to a pro-bono seminar, to the kenneth cole store, to the company cafeteria over the carb-free zone. i'm just a social and friendly person, and am able to talk to most anyone.


User currently offlineDiamond From United States of America, joined Apr 2004, 3279 posts, RR: 63
Reply 24, posted (10 years 4 months 1 week 3 days 16 hours ago) and read 1295 times:

I feel just like CBoy did when he said:

*struggles with darker side*

"Must... not... post--

....topic... too... easy to.... shred"

--------------------------------------------------


I am not even sure I am ready for a mate of either gender at this time. So most people think that hitting the clubs should be right up my alley. No strings, no commitments, just FUN FUN FUN. But I tried it two times - and will probably never go back.

I will admit that this was in L.A., which is not exactly a welcoming community. I went into the situation VERY naive and thought it would be a good way to just meet people. Without going into details, I'll just say that I was wrong.

These places are filled with the worst of the worst - most of whom don't have enough commitment to make it through one drink without hitting on the next person.

I am pretty self-sufficient guy, and can protect myself when necessary. But after an hour in an L.A. bar, I didn't feel like I was among friends - I felt groped and assaulted.

Give me a quiet night on the beach with friends, or a 2:00am volleyball game - and I am quite happy, thanks.



Blank.
25 Mikesairways : It's not just LA...it can be intimidating. Really, everone sort of has their own version of what the "scene" is all about. When I go to the bars, its
26 Post contains images MSYtristar : Growing up in a city with such a large club/bar scene like New Orleans, I can assure you that the bar scene is overrated. I rarely (if ever) find myse
27 Post contains images Worldoftui : Diamond, Jeez! After reading that, dont think I'll ever be going to LA then. Sounds like a zoo. Bars, clubs, whatever. Agree with the not looking and
28 LH423 : I wholeheartedly agree with Mikesairways. When I go out to a bar it's to have a few drinks, a few laughs, and some good times with friends. If I go to
29 Mikesairways : "It's been a looooooong time since I've had a date" A date...whats one of those again? Applications are being accepted!
30 Post contains images WidgetBoi : Before you know it, this site will replace planetout jeremy
31 Mikesairways : LOL...then they'd have to start charging to post on here.... God, I swear, some of these personal sites are getting pricey...
32 Post contains images LH423 : Applications are being accepted! Yes. I've got the job offer posted on Monster.com LH423
33 Post contains images WidgetBoi : I've got the job offer posted on Monster.com That's the only job on Monster.com worth applying for jeremy
34 Post contains images Sean-SAN- : I've met one or two from A.net actually ...
35 Cedarjet : Gentlemen, why are you ashamed of being interested in aviation? It's a cool industry, it's basically travel + sex + technology, what more do you want?
36 Johnboy : My testamonial to the bar scene: I met my other half at Harley's Club 155 bar in Phoenix, Arizona about 9 years ago, and we're both perfectly mad abou
37 Post contains images MEA-707 : Hi ! If you like to date someone who likes airplanes as well, why not just meet people from this forum or others? Due to my travelling, this forum and
38 LH423 : That's the only job on Monster.com worth applying for Well, so far most applicants haven't had the proper qualifications, or decided not to take the j
39 ConcordeBoy : then they'd have to start charging to post on here Um, haven't they already started doing that to the new suckers on this thing?
40 Deltaflyertoo : Wow cool replies...I totally got busy since posting last so it was cool to relog on and see some good conversation. I DO go out in the LA scene a lot.
41 ClassicLover : Well, I met my current (and soon to be ex) boyfriend at the BBQ of an acquaintance. My best friend said I should go as the person holding the BBQ ofte
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