Wietse From Netherlands, joined Oct 2001, 3809 posts, RR: 56 Posted (9 years 7 months 1 day 20 hours ago) and read 1366 times:
Just a rant here...
What the hell is it with women?? How on earth can a creature be so ambiguous??
Yes or no? Make up your mind!!
Reason for this: I am completely crazy about a girl. (or woman? how does a 19 year old female want to be named??? Hell they'll even start an argument about that if youre not careful!!).
She takes the same classes I do at my university. Thought she was pretty hot so I emailed her, asking if she wanted to go out with me someday.
Several "dates" later (not really dates since no action has taken place yet), I think that I am actually in love with her... (uh oh)
I made this clear to her in a very clear and obvious way at a party she threw some while ago. She was pretty wasted and I didnt want to take advantage of that... (why the hell not??? ) But the day after she said that she is crazy about me too but: She is not looking for a boyfriend at the moment.
I was devestated, but I survived. At least it was obvious and clear to me. That lasted for 2 days.
Then I spoke to her on MSN instant messenger. She said things that could not mean anything other than: I want you. She was giving hints all the time and this conversation lasted for 6 hours. It was the "best conversation she ever had" and I was "very special" to her.
3 days later I went mountainbiking with her in our local forrest, we had a picknick in a quiet section of the forrest and it was great. But because she said to me that she is not looking for someone, I didnt make a move. Dont want to destroy a potentially superb friendship. I went to her place for a movie and actually stayed the night. At first I had to sleep on the floor, but she said that I could get into her bed, that would be more comfy for me.
Should I just have made a move there? I am not sure what the hell the situation is... confusing to say the least... I am thinking that I need to find out what her take on this thing is, but is it weird to ask something like that?
Thanks for reading this and sorry for taking up your time with such trivial information... Had to get it off my chest...
Jcs17 From United States of America, joined Jun 2001, 8065 posts, RR: 41 Reply 1, posted (9 years 7 months 1 day 19 hours ago) and read 1357 times:
You probably should've made a move there (nothing big though), just to see if the feelings you had were at all mutual. Getting rejected when trying to make a move sucks, but you can usually explain your way out of it. You should just tell her that you do really like her--which is easier said than done. My last girlfriend, who I saw for five months, told me that she liked me as more than a friend for about two months before we started dating, but I was always too afraid to make a move until I got really comfortable. She said she almost lost interest in me because of that. Don't ruin the opportunity, just go for it.
Pl4nekr4zy From United States of America, joined Aug 2003, 465 posts, RR: 3 Reply 2, posted (9 years 7 months 1 day 19 hours ago) and read 1333 times:
Saying she's crazy about you, but doesn't want that kind of relationship with you, and then inviting you into her bed... I don't get it either man. But it seems like she's giving you alot of positive signals i.e. saying she's crazy about you, "best conversation", "very special", inviting you in her bed, etc. It just doesn't make much sense to me either lol. But I would agree with Jcs, just go for it man. Best of luck.
WellHung From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 3, posted (9 years 7 months 1 day 19 hours ago) and read 1330 times:
There really can't be any middle ground. You can't be friends with her now because it's too late. Either go full on or drop it. You're not doing anyone any favors by holding off... you, her and especially us.
Galaxy5 From United States of America, joined Mar 2000, 2034 posts, RR: 26 Reply 6, posted (9 years 7 months 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 1298 times:
The movie at her apartment and the invite to her bed are a definite green, light. She probably doesn't want to seem to easy to you, but its obvious she wants you (in an intimate way) so what you do is have another movie, some wine and a sleep over and go from there.
"damn, I didnt know prince could Ball like that" - Charlie Murphy
NormalSpeed From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 7, posted (9 years 7 months 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 1281 times:
"...a 19 year old female..."
Second problem (which is more than a little related to the first problem):
"...she is crazy about me too but: She is not looking for a boyfriend at the moment."
Come to think of it, why do you want a girlfriend? There really isn't a good reason for 19 year olds to be dating seriously. That's way to young. Take it from someone who spent far to much time getting hung up on girls when he didn't need to; enjoy your youth, it won't last forever. You have plenty of time to meet someone special. Heck, I'm 27 and I still have plenty of time.
Wietse From Netherlands, joined Oct 2001, 3809 posts, RR: 56 Reply 8, posted (9 years 7 months 1 day 18 hours ago) and read 1263 times:
Thanks for the advice.. that is what I thought I should've done there...
Just what I was thinking
Although it sounds kinda harsh what you are saying, you might just be right.. but not to the extent of what you are saying. I definately want to continue hanging out with her, I spent 22 hours with her and we still werent done talking (in bed we talked for 5,5 hrs before we fell asleep).. We share hobbies, passions etc. Our birthdays are even on the same days, exactly 1 month apart! (not that that matters even remotely, just a fun fact ) I just want to get certainty. Yes or No. Thats all...
Not my thing
I'll think about it... I have had some courtship games going on before, but this one takes the absolute cake.. no doubt about that!
Your reply sounds the most rational to me and it is pretty much how I see it, or how I wish to see it.
But there is a problem there. Since we are connecting so perfectly, isnt it possible that she just invited me for those things as good friends? It would be a shitty thing to do considering that she knows that I like her that much, but that is my biggest problem.
I am afraid that I am seeing things meant as purely friendly gestures the wrong way.
But I have talked about this with several of my friends and they cannot see this being just a friendship..
And finally, 'speed:
So very true!! I did not roll into this situation planning to get a steady relationship or whatever. I figured she would be cool to date so I asked her out. It wasnt untill the 2nd or 3rd date (we went to the zoo together) that I found out how incredible she is Cant help falling in love !
EGGD From United Kingdom, joined Feb 2001, 12443 posts, RR: 37 Reply 11, posted (9 years 7 months 1 day 17 hours ago) and read 1254 times:
Ah, interesting predicament... Don't worry I think alot of us have been there, reading signals is extremely hard... I think whats said before is right, you should have made a move, nothing big but just show her that you mean what you say, in the nicest possible way . If things have progressed this quickly, its quite obvious she wants you, just keep at it.
N766UA From United States of America, joined Jul 1999, 8035 posts, RR: 25 Reply 12, posted (9 years 7 months 1 day 14 hours ago) and read 1206 times:
Yeah woman are pretty messed up. My girlfriend literally went from one minute sounding perfectly content to the next calling back and saying "this isn't working at all, i can't do this anymore" then getting all pissed off. After a year and a half of being supportive and devoted to her I get stabbed in the back at 1130 at night thinking I had a good relationship. Eh, whatever.. live and learn.
Speedbird092 From Canada, joined Apr 2000, 169 posts, RR: 0 Reply 15, posted (9 years 7 months 1 day 10 hours ago) and read 1158 times:
well dude... listen..... ur seein puppies and flowers and rainbows and those lil green leprechuans with the funny hats prancing around and such..... aka ur craazzzy about her... and thats good n all.... i've been there too (minus the rainbows)... but word of advice... dont show it like a wuss... cuz girls are done with guys that kiss their feet in a month or two.. if not weeks. first of all.. u gotta man up... and act like a guy. honestly... u may have heard a gillion times that girls want a man that will sweep them off their feet and cover them with lavender roses and read them poetry until the sunrises with its golden ...yipee dee dahh. But one thing i've learned is that grils/women are horrible communicators.... in fact they suck so much they blame us for miscommunication. A girl will NEVER tell u the point. REMEMBER THAT. women are attracted to masculinity.... so dude..the first thing u gotta do .. is let it shine.......DONT EVER DITCH yer buddies.... BELCH ...worship BEER SPORTS & COLD PIZZA .... and dont ever stop thinking about SEX....just be the guy that u are...most of all..dont be easy... be a challenge... otherwise she's havin too much fun..and when she's done she'll flick u away like a dead suckin' mosquito on her skin. Point is.... u gotta change your mentallity.... u be the "catch".
and another thing.... girls never knwo where they wanna go in relationships. u ahve to take initiave.... stop waiting for explanations and reasons and being sure n all... cuz u'll never be sure.>EVER!.... u just gotta go with yer gut feelin.... and dude... u missed out big time... SHE INVITED U TO BED!!!! WUT WERE U (or wernet u) THINKING!!!!!
neways... i wish u best of luck :P... i konw my advice raises a few eyebrows... but jsut think of all those big, loud, obnoxious, insensitive, jerks in high school that had chicks eatin outta their hands while all the "nice guys" were a lil left out. think about it
Rindt From Germany, joined May 2000, 930 posts, RR: 14 Reply 16, posted (9 years 7 months 1 day 10 hours ago) and read 1146 times:
^ although poorly written, I happen to agree with all of his points.
The second you tell a women you like her, you give her all the power. She all of a sudden knows she "has" you, and the challenge is over. The only way to show a women you like her, is by making out with her, touching her, and having sex with her. Show her physically, and not verbally.
Next time you see, giver her the cold shoulder - give her a hard time for her thinking that you were "easy". Dial up the anticipation a little, and then go for a kiss. Then stop... relax, and wait. You have to lead her on.
Your mentality has to be : "I'm the one she's missing out on". Keep thinking with that frame of mind. It's powerful stuff.
What other people think of you is none of your business!
Mark777300 From United States of America, joined Apr 2004, 388 posts, RR: 0 Reply 18, posted (9 years 7 months 1 day 10 hours ago) and read 1138 times:
I've been married for a little over 5 years, and the only thing that I can tell you is, as a man, DON'T try to understand women, it will kill you. Women are very strange creatures, they look great, they feel great, but they make absolutely no sense. They have a different way of thinking, and it's way different than from what we see though our eyes. But your mistake is simply that #1 you're dealing with a 19 yr old woman (excuse me "girl"). Women at that age are even more confusing, so don't even bother. #2 You put too much thought into it, and thats where we allgo wrong. Don't think about it. My experience has taught me to be straight to the point and ask "well, what does this mean for us?" Are we just friends? are we sex buddies? what are we? and then ask yourself, do I really need another friend? even less a woman friend. This is what will eventually happen, you're friends, you're in love with her, but she's not in love with you, she meets someone else down the road, she begins to date him, and she quickly vanishes from your life almost as if you never existed! and then you'll be asking yourself, why did I waste my time hanging around her. It's happended to me before, and I wish I knew then what I know now. Then you'll eventually find the right one, settle down, get married, and end up all happy like myself! ***Notice that I'm on the internet for hours everyday** HINT HINT......
NormalSpeed From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 19, posted (9 years 7 months 1 day 3 hours ago) and read 1111 times:
"After a year and a half of being supportive and devoted to her I get stabbed in the back at 1130 at night..."
Yeah, girls will do that. It has happened to me. It has happened to my friends. Now older and wiser (at least I'd like to think), I usually spend the first month of a relationship trying to figure out whether the girl is "honest." (Meaning reliable, like an engine would be "honest") If she is, I continue with things. If not, then I cut her loose. And I have only been asking girls out that I think are the "honest" type to begin with.
Ever heard that song, "Love is a Battlefield?" It really is. You've got to afford yourself a measure of emotional protection.
"Your mentality has to be : "I'm the one she's missing out on". Keep thinking with that frame of mind. It's powerful stuff."
"DON'T try to understand women, it will kill you."