Geedo From United States of America, joined Feb 2004, 366 posts, RR: 0 Reply 8, posted (9 years 6 months 1 week 5 days 18 hours ago) and read 726 times:
Okay........so this guy goes into a grocery store and says to a clerk in the produce section, "I want to buy a half a head of lettuce".
The clerk replies, "I'm sorry, but you can't buy half a head of lettuce".
The customer becomes angry and demands to speak to the manager, so the clerk goes into the back of the store and says, "Mr. Jones, some jerkoff wants to buy a half a head of lettuce". Suddenly, the clerk turns and realizes the customer has followed him into the back room. Quickly, the clerk says, "And this man wants to buy the other half!"
The manager cuts a head of lettuce in half and they send the customer away happy. He then says to the clerk, "That was pretty quick thinking on your part. We could use a man like you managing our new store in Minnesota."
"MINNESOTA?" exclaims the clerk, "there's nothing there except whores and hockey players!"
The manager, visibly upset, replies, "Son, my wife is from Minnesota."
QIguy24 From , joined Dec 1969, posts, RR: Reply 10, posted (9 years 6 months 1 week 5 days 18 hours ago) and read 723 times:
And this one is for Alpha and the rest of us liberals
George W. Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway
when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing, and landed in the
creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3
kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so
grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland." George W.
said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One".
The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."
George W. said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael
The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built
in TV and stereo headset!" George W. was a little perplexed by
this and said, "But you don't look like you are handicapped."
The kid replied, "I will be, after my dad finds out I saved your
ass from drowning!"
Renton_WA From United States of America, joined May 2002, 95 posts, RR: 0 Reply 15, posted (9 years 6 months 1 week 4 days 8 hours ago) and read 597 times:
Be Happy With What God Has Given You...
A middle aged woman has a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she aked "Is my time up?" God said, No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Face lift, Liposuction and Tummy tuck, since she has so much more time left to live, she figured she might as well look even nicer. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she asked, "I thought you said I had another 40 years to live? Why didnt you pull me out of the path of the ambulance?" God said, "Gurrlllllllllll, I didn't even recongnize you"